I have just been reading an article on celibacy (BBC News).
One of the contributors is a Father Stephen Wang. Hurf Hurf.

So, what is your favourite name for the male sexual appendage. I like willy. Or cock.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:23, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's a paper on my desk
On which the first two authors have the forenames "Semen" and "Wang." I kid you not.

I call my own member "Victory." That way, VICTORY IS ALWAYS MINE!
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:26, Reply)

So, what is your favourite name for the male sexual appendage. I like willy. Or cock.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Oh grow up.
Bloody kids.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Grumpy knickers.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

: )
Not me. No grumps here, move along.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Conan the destroyer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

ha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Tallywhacker.
Sez it all really.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

What does it say, though?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Not a lot, really.
More prone to spitting.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I don't like porksword
or any ham-related monickers really. It makes me think of the taste of Spam.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Mmmmm.
Spam.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:59, Reply)

ewwwww
Spam. I ate a chunk of it at the weekend because I needed to take some ibuprofen but didn't want to take it on an empty stomach and that was all that was in the house.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:22, Reply)

You've obviously never sampled the delight
that is Spam Curry.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Schlong is good
And I maintain that the plural of 'penis' is 'penii', pronounced 'peen-ee-eee'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 10:54, Reply)

It surely is.
Like a Romano-British tribe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Sorry, did you just say 'I like willy'?
The Glee thread's down there, old boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I refer you to my reply to GD above.
You massive shirter.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Who?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

'Gavros' Danddad.'

You don't know him.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:21, Reply)

He sounds oddly familiar though...
It's gonna bug me all day now.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Fuck off you bastards.
You and your leet typing skills, picking on a poor old cripple.
I hope you are happy now.
I'm crying.
Salty tears of shame.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:37, Reply)

....from your 'eye of Hirohito'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:38, Reply)

*Weeps pus*
And smells of obsolescence
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Skin chimney?
Spam javelin?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Boring fact.
My friend used to be in a band called Spam Javelin. It took me years to work it out.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Even more boring fact:
There used to be a band in the late 60s on the Ladbroke Grove scene called Skin Alley, who played with Hawkwind et al.

So basically they were called 'cunt'. Most progressive.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I saw a Swedish punk band years ago.
The singer came on stage, and announced the first song, "This one's called sheet!" Class man, class.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I like cock.

( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I've heard that said before.
;)
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Probably by me.

( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Yeah.
Probably, you lewd minx you.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:28, Reply)

With the prefixes
'Hard', 'Throbbing' and 'Restrained'?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

undulating
no wait, that one's weird.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Undulating?
How do they do that?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:24, Reply)

wave machine

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Like this
*undulates*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I read this to the tune of
a song whose name I cannot remember but which features the line 'I like big butts'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Baby Got Back, by Sir Mix-a-lot

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Thanks
I can shamefully admit to only having heard that song off Shrek
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Just plain old cock
there are loads of brilliantly descriptive ones and some funny ones, but for actually saying out loud best to go plain and simple
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Oh yes, nothing kills sexeh-talk like her saying "Give me your hard muck-chucking purple-headed love truncheon"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Percy.
Thanksto Monty Python.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:36, Reply)

"Fill me up with your John Thomas"
"That's it, bitch, suck my wife's best friend!"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:38, Reply)

why are you thanking my 'python'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)

that reminds me of
'purple headed yoghurt monster'
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:38, Reply)

My favourite euphemism for jizzing
Is cough your filthy yoghurt, I think.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Unleashing a flurry of rancid birdshit
All credit to Warren Ellis
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)

that one is pretty ace

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Incidentally,
I've just found the article to which you refer. The double entendres about "filling the gaps with Christ" are not at all subtle. And as for some of the comments...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:41, Reply)

He'll fill you up with the Devil's cock
But he'll cum in the name of the Lord!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:42, Reply)

And lo, from his fishy 2' by 5' meaty loaf
shall pour enough little fishies to douse even the five thousand that stand before him.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Blasphemous innuendo aside
Why do the priests quoted in this article all sound so fucking sanctimonious? The whole article reads like Thought for the Fucking Day's Greatest Hits - and as for this Friar Wang chap, he's clearly managed to perfect that ingratiatingly pious raised-eyebrows look that these high-and-mighty god-botherers strut around the place with. GRRRR.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I've just read some of the comments. Oh dear.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Some of them clearly only read The Bible and The Daily Mail
Edit: At least Lyndsey from Sheffield seems to be talking some sense on that list of comments. The only thing she's forgotten is the asperger's-riddled interweb lurkers gazzing photos of their pork swords to anyone they suspect of having breasts.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I can't find it
Linky?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:51, Reply)

For the main article
head over here, and if that doesn't get your back up enough, try the extended verbal diarrhoea of purest piety from the hilariously named Friar Wang.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

"the idea of a celibate lifestyle, as practised by the clergy of the Catholic Church"
...should be followed with "when they're not buggering choirboys", really.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I thought it was quite sweet
didn't put my back up, can't see why it would. Personal choices
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)

It's little bits like
"People want a priest because he will show them the love of Christ, and not because he has lived through all ups and downs that they live through." - sorry, but if I'm in need of a bit of moral support, I'd rather hear some comforting words that are grounded in reality.

"I promised to remain unmarried 'for the sake of the kingdom and in lifelong service to God and mankind'." - come on, you've got to admit that sounds holier-than-thou. And makes the assumption that 'mankind' wants him in its 'service' in the first place.

Maybe it's just me. I should add the disclaimer that if I catch Thought for the Day in the morning then buy about halfway through it I want to hit the speaker in the genitalia with a shovel.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I think my opinion is probably tempered
due to the fact that I have met some lovely priests in my time (as well as some awful ones) so I find it hard to join in with the Catholic Church hate-fest.

Though you're right those bits are cringeworthy, most priests would never say such things
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Oh, it's not restricted to the Catholic Church
I really want to give a thorough marrow-rogering to that Iranian cleric who blamed the recent earthquake on immodestly dressed women. (And don't get me started on the Westboro Baptists.)

I've met some perfectly lovely priests as well, and I've also met some utter twats. (Grew up next door to one of the latter, in fact...) There's just something about the way some of them give you *that* look and give you some glib-yet-supposedly-profound-sounding horse-shit like "Well, the Lord moves in mysterious ways..." that makes me turn into a frothing, rabid form of Richard Dawkins...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:18, Reply)

A marrow-rogering for that Iranian cleric
sounds just about right. What a complete tosser. Did you see the Louis Theroux documentary on the Westboro Baptists?

Yeah some priests are twats definitely, but others are fairly brilliant and mostly alcoholic
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Can't say I did. Who comes off as the bigger pillock?

As for the twattish vs lovely priests, unfortunately the majority of my encounters have been on the twattish side. Mainly because I try to go by the maxim that "Religion should be treated like your genitalia: don't wave it about in public and don't shove it down children's throats."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Well
Louis Theroux was so incredibly nonconfrontational that he didn't really get down to the nitty-gritty at all, yet the WBC still came off as cunts.
It's a good maxim to have. I've been lucky enough to meet some of the decent ones.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:33, Reply)

God hates fags
He much prefers spliffs
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Theroux
always
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Of course, the real question to be answered is this.
A life of celibacy does not stop your tadpole factory manufacturing the little buggers so something has to give. So it’s either the ignomy of an unscheduled night time bollock explosion followed by a quick change of bed sheets, or a quick one off the wrist every now and again behind the font to stop your knackers from looking and feeling like a couple of tins of Fussell’s milk.

Which is it? The public needs to know. And if it’s the latter then it’s effectively murder, you know.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Which, if it's the former
leads to the question of what a celibate priests wet dream involves - does it feature steamy, sordid encounters with some naked, buxom beauty sneaking into their cloister? Or is it the cast of Oliver?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

They dream of God
He has the most glorious fanny
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:21, Reply)

and 6 tits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:23, Reply)

an old school friend of mine
says they are allowed the occasional ham-shank, as long as they take no enjoyment out of it.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:39, Reply)

How the fuck do they do that then?
Do they knock one out while wearing wire wool gloves?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:44, Reply)

damned if i know
though I'm sure some would enjoy the wire-wool gloves.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:51, Reply)