Right, it's silly season.
Alternative election pledges: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/election_2010/8631815.stm

What would you pledge if you were standing as an MP?

Personally, I would seek to abolish the annoying habit of putting salad into ready made sandwiches on the basis that I don't like tomato. Salad stuff should be available in a seperate, sealed container so you can add it if you want it, or leave it out if you don't.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:09, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I would make all immigrant families live with a paedophile.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:11, Reply)

They are all paedos already
No need to encourage them.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Paedos and terrorists.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Yes, we are.
Beware.

Again, where do you live? It's just for statistics, nothing personal.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I would insist that Doctor Who carried a permanent animated banner advertising Graham Norton

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I watched saturdays Dr Who last night,
I thought it was pretty darn good.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:19, Reply)

First properly excellent episode of the new series, I thought.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I haven't watched it yet
I'm waiting until Sat, as I can't watch only one part of a two part chapter. I'd be jumping on excitement all week.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I'm expecting great things from this series
The massive Welsh shirter who made the previous series a bit crap has been replaced with the guy who wrote Coupling and is also responsible for some of the best episodes from the earlier series.

And the objectionable redhead sidekick from the last series has been replaced with one to whom I would happily* gaz cock pictures.

*_{Read: frequently and obsessively whilst cracking (another) one out}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I don't think your salad policy goes far enough
I would like to see the banning of all side-salads
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Side salad are fine
But picking soggy tomato out of a pre-packed sandwich just leaves you with soggy bread and stray tomato seeds. Which are evil.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:24, Reply)

You are soft on side-salads...soft on the causes of side-salads

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I have to remain seen as balanced.
Therefore, where salads can be clearly visible they are tolerable within this society, but when they sneak unseen into our sandwiches, then they should be given a good shoeing and banished from the land unless they can justify why they should stay.

A sensible policy for a sensible Britain, I feel.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:40, Reply)

What about the blind people
You're not counting them
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:44, Reply)

They can't see us
We can't see them.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:57, Reply)

As we say
Eyes that don't see, heart that doesn't feel.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:04, Reply)

You say it's a sensible policy, I say it's just another example of broken Britain *Hand Gesticulation*
We need change
*Hand Gesticulation*
And we need change that we can believe in
*More sodding hand gesticulation*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Less hand gesticulation - more power fisting!

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Aaayyyy....

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Voltaires Angry Glove FTW!

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:59, Reply)

5 days weekends?
That'd be good. Or get paid for staying at home.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Do you think more Young People would take an interest in politics
If there was a 50% tax on texting?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)

That's a good point.
I'd confiscate the computers of anyone caught posting messages on facebook and the like using either text speak or the dialect of where they live. Fucking cretins.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

ban all buskers

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Busk all banners.
unless star spangled.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Hrm
1) Bring back smoking in some pubs, with a sort of sliding license scale - so that pubs with no smoking pay slightly less rates/rent to counteract the lost buisness

2) Devote considerable resources to designing tupperware boxes where the lids aren't so loose they fall off in your bag or so tight that you need a screwdriver to get them off.

3) Create a committie of vaugely sane people. Any advert that wants to be shown has to be veiwed by them three times. If the committie decide that it's overly smug or just fucking annoying it's not shown.

4) Have the shareholders and CEO's responsible for Talktalk broadband publicly shot in trafalgar square.

5) To counteract any future peerages for cash scandals, make everyone over the age of 16 a lord or lady.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:33, Reply)

I smoked
A lot. Its a filthy addiction that costs a fortune, costs the taxpayer a fortune and kills you. I really liked smoking but after you have been smoking a while all it does is make you feel "normal" I am so glad they banned it in pubs because it really helped me to quit. The next stage is to ban drinking in pubs to combat alcoholism.
( Peej, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Yeah I do understand the health implications and such
But pubs realy aren't supposed to be healthy. And unless they're going to go right out and ban tobacco - which in some ways I'd be behind I don't exactly see why banning smoking in pubs had to happen. Like you said, banning alcohol in pubs would certainly make pubs healthier places to be.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:46, Reply)

All excellent ideas, but policy 3 -
wouldn't a committee of total whackos be better? The idea of wildly trippy adverts completely unrelated to the product would be great fun. Ah, hang on, yes I see what you mean now.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Ahh but you see, you'd get weird unrelated ads that where realy trippy
Because the commitie would just watch it three times, think - okay that's fucking weird, but it's certainly not smug and not fucking annoying, so I guess we'd better green light it.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:45, Reply)

But they would all end up like car adverts.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:51, Reply)

But then there would be so many fucking weird trippy ads
that weird trippy ads in themselves would become fucking annoying, and the balance would be restored.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I received a leaflet
from these people:
yourrighttodemocracy.org/

Utter, utter mentals.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:33, Reply)

How ridiculous
If I wanted to run the country I would, but I don't have the time to do that and my job.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Unless your job was running the country.
Which, you know, would probably be a bit of a shit job realy.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:48, Reply)

One of their policies
is to just print more money, as apparently it will stabilise the financial situation worldwide.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Compulsary orgasms for the over 40s.
Prime ministers to be judged on their looks as well as policies.

Free computer help when needed.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Would you vote for Gordon Brown if he promised you an orgasm?
- and delivered in person?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Probably.
You do realise who you are typing to?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Similar to something in the news lately
I'd like to neuter all violent criminals. Also unemployed households should get that temporary contraceptive injection before they get any benefits at all.

Also not really country related, any Premiership team should only be allowed to field 3 foreigners.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Righty...
1) Classic cartoons (Tom & Jerry, Bugs bunny, all Tex Avery etc) to be shown on TV again, especially on saturday mornings.

2) "Left 4 Dead" on the xbox 360 to become an Olympic sport.

3) Cats to be investigated immediatly.

4) A dialogue to be opened up with wasps to discover what it is that they want.

5) Quiet sunny gardens for everyone.

6) Books to be given human rights (but not Katie Price books).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Agree on the wasp thing.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:36, Reply)

i'll bet
the guy promising "Bono for Pope" doesn't get too many votes - especially from b3tans.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Steady on
At least if he were busy bothering god and buggering choirboys whilst denouncing condoms as the AIDS-spreading work of Beelzebub, he wouldn't have time to make any more records.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

BONO FOR POPE!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:18, Reply)

true
but he'd be there, in your face, ALL THE TIME.

At least while he makes records he's out of the way...
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:18, Reply)

But is the pope in your face all the time?
(If you're a choirboy then don't answer that one)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:24, Reply)

no he's not
and I've never been a choirboy, thank God (?).

And Bono would make sure he was always in your face, and he would release MOAR ALBUMS!!!!1!!1!!!!
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Vote for Gordan and he will ban all bigotry.
thusly
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

That is brilliant.
He's just monumentally cunted his entire campaign in the fuck, right there. The wall-eyed porridge wog (to quote Legless).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)

i'd still rather him
than that mong Cameron, that's for sure.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 14:03, Reply)

True.
Just.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 14:05, Reply)