when on public transport, i reserve the right to have a nose in your handbag if you plonk it in my lap.
I'll also poke you if you stand too close to me on the tube. Kicking and punching is reserved for a special breed of BUS SHITTER.

What delightful things do you do in public that would make your mother proud?

Alt Q: what's your favourite sandwich?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:30, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

nose dump
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:31, Reply)

that too

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Have you forgotten how to reply?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:35, Reply)

Phone being a cunt
ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 5 May 2010, 19:03, Reply)

I was waiting for the train wa-ay down the far end of the platform last night

headphones on reading the Evening Standerd, thinking I was alone I let rip a volumous fart...I then looked up to see a woman stopped mid step, with one foot in the air, not 10 feet away.

She about turned and walked away.

Stuck up cow it didn't even smelll!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:38, Reply)

You're all class you are.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:14, Reply)

I just met Mental Of The Week.
He ponced a fag off Hot Office Girl, then leaned towards her and slurred "Do you see a psychiatrist?" When she said no, he pointed at her top lip and bellowed "Are you sure? YOU HAVE A MOUSTACHE." Then followed the usual insane blither, featuring prostitutes and casual racism, punctuated by "CHICKEN!" outbursts in the style of the Fifth Element, all rounded off with a marriage proposal. Fucking brilliant.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:40, Reply)

Well dont leave us hanging...
...did she say yes?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:43, Reply)

Who wouldn't?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:01, Reply)

Magic

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:44, Reply)

I always have a song going around my head
and when out in public I have to work really hard at not singing quietly to myself because it makes me look like a muttering mental patient.

As for sandwiches, i'm a sucker for a good bacon & brie baguette.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:42, Reply)

its the jive bunny megamix aint it

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:58, Reply)

I am the very essence of decorum in public
as I cannot abide thoughtlessness in others, and would hate to be thought of as the sort of selfish wanker who, say, plonked my 'bag' in someone's lap, got in the way etc.

Curry next Thurs (13th), Beccles, Wookiee? Ape? Any other cunts?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:44, Reply)

Sandwich:
Hot salt beef, English mustard & pickles on rye, from the Beigel Bake on Brick Lane.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:48, Reply)

Fucking hell that sounds good
I'm stuck at work until 8pm and then I have to cook for a vegetarian.

You bastard.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:52, Reply)

I am indeed a bastard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:55, Reply)

Well that's disappointing
If I'd known you were going to acquiesce so easily I'd have thought of a more imaginative insult.

You shitehawk
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:59, Reply)

I aim not to please.
And with that, I'm off.

Good evening to you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:03, Reply)

Fucking lesbians

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:59, Reply)

for
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 May 2010, 19:42, Reply)

Mr. NakedApe thanks Mr. Monty Boyce for his kind invitation
and it is with great regret that he must decline due to a prior engagement.

Yours faithfully

NakedApe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:03, Reply)

Hmmm, I shall check my calendar.
Off to the pub with Clenders shortly so I'll mention it to her as well.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:04, Reply)

Cant afford it this month, next month fo sho

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 5 May 2010, 19:04, Reply)

I'm another cunt
Count me in, if you hadn't already. Good evening. Who else is onboard so far?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:12, Reply)

I concur on all counts
and as a vegetarian's boyfriend, I love any sandwich that involves lots of meat

Strikethrough away
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:47, Reply)

Steak.

(TheColonel, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:50, Reply)

Argggggggggggggggghhhh
I have a virus
(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:56, Reply)

You didn't sleep with any men in Greenwich Village did you?
They've all got it, didn't you know?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:00, Reply)

crisp sandwich
but with no butter on because a crisp sandwich with butter is for cunts
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 17:56, Reply)

The "Jeremy Kyle"
Skips on Tesco value white
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:00, Reply)

Tesco's own prawn puffs.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:04, Reply)

i had a posh one today, salt n' vinegar motherfucking mccoys

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:06, Reply)

Depends on the crisps
But in principle I agree
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:00, Reply)

of course you do, im rarely wrong

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:07, Reply)

Really
What's your opinion on David Bowie?

*ducks and covers*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:09, Reply)

he was my first ever celebrity crush fact fans
he wore the most incredibly tight strides ever in labyrinth
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:11, Reply)

Points for attention to cock-detail
If your first crush was Bowie in Labyrinth the age-related detail on your profile is obviously bollocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:14, Reply)

yer i MUST'VE seen it in the 80s because that's when it was made, good call sherlock

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:23, Reply)

Absolutely no-one owns Labyrinth on video
It died in the 80's. Yes.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:24, Reply)

lol. video. what are you, 80?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:25, Reply)

do you still call a radio a 'wireless'?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:26, Reply)

and the cinema 'the picture house'?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:26, Reply)

i bet you don't half stink of piss

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:26, Reply)

Sorry for the delay replying
Fucking gout. I'll have you know I only ever smell of other people's piss
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:33, Reply)

Oh Gee Oh Gosh Rosa, fancy a can of fizzy pop after catching a double feature at the picture house?
Oh boy oh me oh my, I hear the local moving picture emporium's organist can now play that swinging new tune by that lovely american boy, elvis. My uncle tom is working on the american base and said he'll let us buy a 5-pack of ciggerettes as long as I don't tell ma'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 May 2010, 19:22, Reply)

I like the way you've moved the question on to favourite sandwich/unusual method of ingestion.
Err, I'll go for three bean wrap up the rectum then.
(Cave Duck, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:06, Reply)

there'll be no cramming of items up arses until payment has cleared ta

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:08, Reply)

Chicken and bacon for me

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:22, Reply)

Pervert
We all know what you mean by "bacon"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:23, Reply)

minge?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:24, Reply)

If only
It's much worse than that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:25, Reply)

I'm hanging my head low in shame
baaacon
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:26, Reply)

How low?
Measurement in centimetres required to measure the extent of your shame please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 May 2010, 18:35, Reply)

My favorite sammich is processed cheese on thick white bread.

( girlinthehole, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:00, Reply)

I sing
I used to tell my mum off for the same thing when I was a kid.
I love sandwiches. I don't like shop-bought ploughman's.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:03, Reply)

Sandwich
Hot-smoked turkey on crusty white bread spread with (on one slice) chocolate hazelnut spread and (on the other slice) Encona chilli sauce.
Heaven!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:22, Reply)

Hello stranger.
How are you and Pooflake?
( girlinthehole, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:23, Reply)

'Ello luvvies!
How are we all this eve?

I swear to much in public.

And I love a nice cheese and salami sandwich.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:30, Reply)