Cunts.
The skip we've been using for the building work couldn't be picked up for the past 3 days because some bint in a Corsa parked too close to it. She moved her car today so I put out the wheelie bin to get a bit of space. She's just returned, reversed into the wheelie bin, parked, got out, moved the bin onto the pavement and then fucked off, all before I could get downstairs to say "do you mind moving your car forward so the skip can be picked up". FUCKING CUNT. What part of "ACCESS NEEDED FOR SKIP COLLECTION, THANKS" does she not understand?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:37, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Put some iron fillings on her bonnet,
they'll rust into it over night.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Dry cement powder will do a fantastic job of that too.
Alternatively, pour brake fluid onto the paintwork.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:50, Reply)

brick in
the windows of the car??
(brightspark, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I was thinking I could accidentally drop rubble on it.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Tell me what street and her reg
I'll come and do it for you. Don't want you moving heavy rubble in your condition.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Are you Bristol's answer to the A-Team?
You could build a tank out of the bricks and cupboards in the skip.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Damn straight. I'll bring the van and the boys round.
HQ is at the top of Gloucs Rd so we'll be there in a matter of minutes!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Murdoch can land the chopper on Horfield Common.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:53, Reply)

You have to follow us round, shouting the theme tune at the top of your lungs.
That is the only condition of my involvement.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

This seems entirely reasonable.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Get catface to pee in her fuel tank.

( girlinthehole, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:40, Reply)

Definite note-on-windscreen time...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:41, Reply)

She drives a Corsa.
She probably carries a knife or has a boyfriend called Gavin who carries a knife.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

What a complete horror

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

note shite
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

"if you park here again, you will die. DIE DIE DIE."

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

If I anger her she might piss on my spinach.
I knew that growing vegetables in the front yard would leave me vulnerable.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:49, Reply)

this has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever read
so ridiculous I can't help but believe it
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I live in a very passive-aggressive neighbourhood.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:52, Reply)

perhaps you should skip the passive and head straight into the aggressive
dump the skip all over her car
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:57, Reply)

the skip
( broadsword, Thu 6 May 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Well she's already pissed on your chips
Leave the bitch a note and then nobody can say she wasn't warned.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:51, Reply)

This isn't Liverpool, I'm not as hard as you.
My skin is not impervious to knifecrime.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:52, Reply)

I'm a cowardy custard
But I do good notes, man, oh yes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:53, Reply)

If I put a smiley face and an x at the end then she'll find me friendly and unthreatening,
and maybe quote some song lyrics on it too.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:55, Reply)

find me friendly and unthreatening ignore me
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Draw some cats on it too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:01, Reply)

You're going to wash it anyway. So who cares?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:04, Reply)

"Skip being picked up (date and time). No responsibility will be accepted for any damage during moving of skip."
Or just roll the corsa onto it's side on the pavement and roll it back after.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:47, Reply)

I like this option
Sounds passive-agressive enough. But don't roll it back after, just leave it there.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 6 May 2010, 15:55, Reply)

You know, hypotheticly, just sayin', you know, in a fictional sense that in no way relates to anything close to reality.
You could have her taken care of, you know, nothing to strong, nothing heavy or anything, just enough to make sure she never does it again, ever, in her entire life.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Can this be arranged for £4.98 and a puppy?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Never mind the £4.98.
Can you even imagine what Gonz would do for a puppy? A real live cuddly wuddly puppy?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 6 May 2010, 16:26, Reply)

The happiest I've ever been taking a photo, and the saddest.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

OH MY GOD IT WAS YOU!
I got that pic and loved it but didn't have the number stored and didn't want to answer in case it was some prick or other!
Lovely woolly dog. Won't comment on the other :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Hah, only a few replied to that, I thought there was no love for me =(
But I just realised that it would break everyone's phonebook because it would have the +0044 bit.

I saw loads of awesome animals out there, I'd really love to work with animals one day, that fluffy dog is Noodle, the most happiest dog since Tripod (the three legged dog that everyone adopted).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:51, Reply)

What kind of puppy?
Very important, if such a situation was possible.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Do you want me to come over and punch her?
No problem at all. I am not a sexist plus I know I will be in bad mood tomorrow due to the election, so some form of release would be welcome.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:06, Reply)

All Corsa drivers are idiots
My sister has one. And she is proper stupid.

If she keeps parking there - would she be a neighbour maybe? A bit of door-to-door might highlight the owner?

Failing that - I know a man who can steal her car before setting fire to it after crashing it somewhere near Yate.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:08, Reply)

All stolen cars end up in Yate, Greenbank or Barton Hill.
That's out of all the cars in the world.

FACT.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 6 May 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I was in Yate once.
Never again.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Yah-Tay!
I think you'll find it's called...
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I once lived in Sodbury and used Yate station on a regular basis
The number of burnt our cars on the train to Temple Meads grew by the day, oddly there were usually in the same field. Given that this one field became the dumping ground and cars appeared there on a nightly basis, you can't help but wonder why the police never waited there to catch these young hoodies!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 6 May 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Give her a good, firm, kick in the cunt

( broadsword, Thu 6 May 2010, 17:10, Reply)