I changed my name yesterday because I was watching Godzilla and I like pretending I'm a fucking massive dinosaur trashing downtown New York.
What do you like pretending to be? Like being part of a dynamic and popular forum?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:54, 96 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pleased to interact with other people.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Why was your weekend shit old boy?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I took my ex to have her twins aborted
in Maidstone on Friday (horrible use of a day's holiday), woke up to an invoice for the works on the roof of my block on Saturday (£2020 by the fucking end of May, the final £800 by the end of July), then my hot water broke down yesterday.

I also took far, far too many drugs and drink and ended up in tears watching a scene of domestic family bliss on TV yesterday, so far removed was it from my own car-crash life.

I was also contacted by a woman I had hoped never to hear from again, potentially opening a Biblical-scale can of worms that I really had started to believe I might never have to deal with. /scared.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Holy fuck.
My weekend was fucking brilliant compared to that, bad luck.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:12, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post717607
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:17, Reply)

and I saw Four Lions,
it was good.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Worth seeing in the cinema?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Well I don't think it'll lose anything seeing it on a TV
but it is worth it because if it's sucessful it'll mean Chris Morris gets a shot at making more feature films.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:24, Reply)

That can only be a good thing.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I want more Jam

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Shit
Sounds fucking heavy duty, have a pixel based manly hug.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Gerroff you bender!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:42, Reply)

It's only gay if you keep your eyes open.
Seriously though, that is one shitty weekend. In fact there is enough negative material there for a whole year.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I'm all but inured to bad shit happening to me.
But not quite, it seems - the idea that you can only have so much misfortune is demonstrably wrong. At least the abortion wasn't my responsibility - the only positive I can get from it is the hope that SURELY if I've been prepared to take a day off to accompany her on what truly is none of my business (save any potential knock-on effect with my daughter's care) my ex should stop being such an unmitigated cunt to me?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:02, Reply)

It was a magnanimous gesture, no doubt.
Hopefully something positive will come out of the bleakness and your ex will not fall into a vortex of depression and hormone based insanity.

Your story about the roof brought back harrowing reminders of when I was living in a tenement and the constant demands of money for this, that and the next fucking thing. The human shit on the stairwell was a ray of sunshine in comparison.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I think you're kidding yourself there, Monty.
Sorry to be blunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Wanted.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Human

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:56, Reply)

That's no fun.
What about a fucking massive human?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 9:59, Reply)

That's a bit advanced for me.
I'll try my best though.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:02, Reply)

The imagination is a powerful thing.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Busy.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 10 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)

The new godzilla with my close personal friend matthew broderick?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Yes indeed.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Worst film with Jean Reno in ever

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:12, Reply)

He was the star of the show.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Yeah, I liked his apology for france letting of its A bombs in the pacific.
No real frenchman would say that.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Couples Retreat was pretty bad

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Oh I haven't seen that,
he's been in some rubbish films, but I think godzilla is the worst.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:25, Reply)

he wears a thong in Couples Retreat.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:33, Reply)

He'll never beat War Games.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Right now, I pretend I enjoy my work
I'd like not having to pretend it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I'm very good at that.
I've had years of practice.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I started a few months ago
I used to love it. These days it seems my boss thinks I'm stupid and unable to handle any responsability, when a few months ago I was a star and the best of the company.

I need a change. When will this crisis finish so there are more jobs available and I can go??
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Stereotypefest
I watched the film yesterday on C5 and it struck me as being a wild stereotype fest.

Jean Reno - token Frenchman - most interested in the coffee and lack of croissant
Japanese sailor at the beginning - who could only say "Godziya, Godziya"
American generals - shooting anything that moves
Geek - wins the day, gets the girl

How much more formulaic can it be? Good CGI though.
(JohntheDane, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Oh, it's a terrible film.
But stomping around my living room going RAWR and crashing into the computer was great fun.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:14, Reply)

What actions would you take to "Beneath the valley of the ultra vixens" ?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:17, Reply)

what you need is some sort of dinosaur hat.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:17, Reply)

It would be incredible if such a brilliant thing existed.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Britain's top scientists are on it.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I did SEWING yesterday
I smashed gender stereotypes with a thimble.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:30, Reply)

The human race could do with a guy like you.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:32, Reply)

he can stitch up our zombie related wounds

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I'm impressed
I hope you were sewing masculine fabrics such as leather or denim and not delicate girly fabrics like tulle and chiffon, which is what I sewed yesterday.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Three buttons on my leather jacket were hanging a bit
so I sewed them back on.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:34, Reply)

and I repaired a bit of a hole in one of it's pockets.
*makes rock horns*
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I salute you, you big metrosexual.
My dad taught me how to darn, but he's a sailor so he's got extra masculinity reserves.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:41, Reply)

surely
being a sailor that wouldn't be the case?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:00, Reply)

my dad's well 'ard.
Not like a big gay singing sailor, like a heaving anchors, weathering hurricanes kind of sailor. He was a captain of 14,000 tonne container ships
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:14, Reply)

There's nowt wrong with sea shanties.
Unless, of course, they're sang to a bumming beat rather than a proper hauling ropes rhythm.
(Cave Duck, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I thinks you're underselling him a little..
I vaguely remember him saying some of them were in the 55k tonne region!! The Titanic was only 46k Tonne compared.
(Kip, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Its.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I was going to say that
but I didn't want to wee on his chips.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I bet that's cheered you up after your weekend.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Only by making the baddie a british guy with strange european accent.
Then it would tick all the boxes.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:15, Reply)

When I'm walking through the streets and it's really quiet
I like to pretend that it's post-apocalypse and I'm hunting for food and supplies. I then decide if the people I come across are zombies or fellow survivors. If they're zombies, I take evasive action.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I like this.
Now all we need is for people to start pretending to be zombies and life would be that little bit more exciting.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Zombies?
So long as it doesn't turn into Shaun of the Dead
(JohntheDane, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:24, Reply)

That's the most likely zombie scenario.
That and Zombieland.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:25, Reply)

They already do.
It's called "Staggering while very very drunk."

Lurch around - tick
Unable to make any sensible noises - tick
Try to grab passersby and paw wildly as they miss - tick.

There you go.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 10 May 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I like to pretend I'm a spy.
A proper, cloak and dagger type spy person. I pick out a 'target', and I tail them. If they go in a different direction to me, I just decide that they weren't a baddie anyway and let them about their business.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:30, Reply)

that's how Barry George started

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:42, Reply)

It's Barry Bulsara
Show some respect.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Barry George / Barry Bulsara / Steve Majors / Paul Gadd / Tom Palmer ...
I just looked up Barry George on Wikipedia. Not a nice chap, it appears.
(JohntheDane, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Leave it out.
He's a legend.
I think his next name should be Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:02, Reply)

YEAH BOYEEEEE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Where is this popular and dynamic forum?
I wouldn't mind joining.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:33, Reply)

4chan

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Will I fit in?

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Do you like borderline peadophillia, transvestites, sexism and animal cruelty?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Where do I sign up?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:40, Reply)

You don't sign up it's all anonymous
that's part of it's "charm"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I lurk at /b/ every few days.
It's not that amusing and is thick with in-jokes and cliques. Reminds me of somewhere I once knew.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I read it every so often, it can be hilarious, most the time it's rubbish or spammy.
A friend of mine is often posted up as their wet dream, that's always funny.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Will one out of four be okay?

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Guys post pictures of their cocks all the time?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:45, Reply)

As long as there are some quality cocks then I'm sold.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:56, Reply)

They all look the same to me.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Cock Racist!

(Cave Duck, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I like to pretend that I take loads of drugs, sleep with models and beat up skag heads with quality Japanese automobiles.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Not hungover
I discovered Arak last night, now it feels like I've been gargling razor blades.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 May 2010, 10:44, Reply)

what is this Arak you speak of?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Have you been in a cave?
There's been 2 wars there in your lifetime.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:18, Reply)

There's a woman in Somerset who gets paid £50k a year to live in a cave
she's their resident witch. I wouldn't mind that job.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I think you missed my hilarious joke
HILARIOUS
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I chose to ignore it
mostly because it took me ages to work out if that was the joke you were making or if it really was a country I'd never heard of and should have. One that AA apparently discovered at the weekend.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:36, Reply)

It's evil
Pure Unmitigated Evil
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

"the word comes from Arabic, meaning 'sweat'"
oh, just eurgh.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

The Raki I got from Crete was quite nice.
It used to come over in 2 litre coke bottles, buried in the luggage.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I'd quite like to be the singer SLASH guitarest from popular 90s musical band; Third Eye Blind.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 May 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I like to pretend I'm normal

( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 10 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)