Oh darling, sugar, honey
When it was nice and sunny
And when I had some money
We would go and see Echo and the Bunny...

Men.


It's nice and sunny today. What would be your activity of choice if you had some money?

Alt: Do you always wear pants to work?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:14, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's flippin' cold and grey here
Learning to fly an aeroplane would be my passtime of choice if money was no object.

Pants are essential at work. They give support and confidence.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:22, Reply)

Learning to fly sounds cool
and then I remember my crippling fear of heights. I can't help feeling this would be a disadvantage.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:24, Reply)

It's odd.
I am generally crap with heights. I stood on the garage roof the other day to fix something. It wasn't dangerous at all, and I was at most 7' from the ground. But I was shaking like a shitting dog.

Conversely, being in an aeroplane doesn't bother me at all. I've had a go at flying a light aircraft and the height thing wasn't an issue.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:27, Reply)

I find that about the fear of heights.
I have to survey work on customers' roofs, and it takes all my bottle to do the work.

Planes though, no problem.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:30, Reply)

You know, I think you're right
I don't get terribly nervous as a passenger. As long as it wasn't an open cockpit I suspect I'd be ok.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I think I'd be cruising in a small launch
on the Med, or perhaps the Caribbean.

I also wear pants to work, but some folk go commando, and I wondered if they also do so at work.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:25, Reply)

I just imagine the screaming as one pulls one's zip up through one's pubes.
This has never happened to me, its just the thought, or the look of a tuft of pubes in a zip, to the general public.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:33, Reply)

You know,
that's a good point, and one which I have never considered. It's not something that's occurred on the few occasions on which I've gone commando, but it is indeed a real risk.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:34, Reply)

I feel like a wise old sage now.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Well I think you should have one, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Pubes? Pah!
Try trapped foreskin. Now THAT fucking hurts. Lots. And I wasn't even commando.
The sight of the little bit of skin caught in the zip with a small gradual seepage of claret can (and did) bring a person to his knees.
Interesting scars though.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 27 May 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Oh
I must admit to having done something similar. I was having a wee when the relative position of penis and zip shifted, such that the open teeth of the zip caught the underside of my cock.

It's quite a delicate operation to rescue that situation.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:57, Reply)

I actually zipped up and caught foreskin in the zip.
I had pulled the zipper so hard it went straight over the foreskin and caught the little bit of it actually in the zipped up bit.
After much trying to unzip (that FUCKING HURT so much I need to shout even now) I eventually decided to break the zip open.
Oh the relief.
Then the blood.
Yeuk.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 27 May 2010, 9:13, Reply)

How'd you get the beans above the frank?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:29, Reply)

?????
The meat was in it's usual place above the two veg. I caught foreskin not nutsack.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 27 May 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Something about Mary

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:56, Reply)

HaHa.
Now I remember. Perhaps I had blocked that from memory. Too close for comfort.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 27 May 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Chilly, windy and altogether grim in the parish of Finchley today.
My activity of choice would be taking a personal guided tour of some ancient Mexican ruins with all other tourists paid to stay the fuck out of my way whilst I did it.

Alt Q: apart from the terrible incident where I had to use my underpants to clean myself up after a violent attack of fizzy diarrhoea in the bin cupboard of a block of council flats round the back of Old Street tube station, yes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:31, Reply)

Yes, tourism is ruined by other tourists.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:34, Reply)

Especially council flat tours.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Ha!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Noel, Noel
Scored an own goal
When he did his mum
In the wrong hole

His dad was angry
His dad was mad
It was his turn
To be buggered by the lad
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Certainly sounds like you've met my parents.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Met them?
I am them. Noel, I birthed you through my penile urethra. Welcome home, son
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:59, Reply)

That sounds like quite a distressing incident.
I hope they weren't your favourite pants!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:36, Reply)

It wasn't one of my life's high points, for sure.
They can't have been particularly special pants as their loss is very much overshadowed in my mind by the clear-as-day memory of my squatting in agony behind a fly-blown bin, with a stinking fountain of mustard-coloured faeces jetting in jagged spurts from my tortured anus, my baleful face fixed in misery like a Greek tragedian's mask.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:40, Reply)

I like your writing style
Although the story is bit grim.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Just a teensy bit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Did you rip off your monogram first, so they could not be traced?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Luckily
my staff had brought my Victorian bathing machine, so not only was my modesty entirely protected throughout the whole sorry incident, but it also meant I had a handy receptacle for my soiled hand-woven Chinese silk pants, once the deed was done.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:00, Reply)

The poignant tragedy of the event is tempered by the elegance of your prose.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I wouldn't mind being in a beer garden with mates
a nice outdoor cafe in the Med with the significant other.

Or simply lying on a lovely beach somewhere. Hell we've got decent beaches here in Scotland I wouldn't mind being on right now.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:06, Reply)

It's miserable and grey here, gearing up for a shitty bank holiday weekend
if I had some money right now at this second I'd go and see the world, mixing plush luxury hotels with rough local guesthouses so that I got the best of both worlds.

Funnily enough I did consider not wearing any pants today, but I let that madness pass.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)

I would be on holiday
learning to scuba dive if I had teh monies.

As it stands I'm skint so I'm in work.

I don't always wear pants to work, sometimes I wear a skirt. Today I'm wearing pants though. And thigh high stripey socks for the win
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Aren't thigh high socks just tights?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:34, Reply)

No that would be tights
Thigh high socks, if I'm not mistaken, are long socks that stop mid thigh. Clue's in the question.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:43, Reply)

You can have tights that stop mid thigh.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:47, Reply)

You can't
They would be stockings or hold-ups or socks.
Tights are full.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:47, Reply)

I hate tights
they're just so uncomfortable. And they grip you in the middle of the squishy bit of your waist so you look like you've got a big belly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:57, Reply)

They do create a tyre.
But a lot of my dresses are just too short for stockings.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:00, Reply)

filthy harlot.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Do you mean stockings?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:51, Reply)

No you can't, you spanner.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Yes, but then you have to waddle about like a penguin

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Like Dick van Dyke!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:18, Reply)

How good's your cockney accent?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Boss la

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:23, Reply)

No they're sock thickness.
They're proper socks, made of wool and stuff rather than stocking material.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I would be at the fairground
On the waltzers with my loveable yet slightly dangerous boyfriend as that new Rock 'n' Roll music blared out from the stereo.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)

A wella wella wella well
tell me more
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I was thinking more Margate than Rydell High

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Dog U Got Tha Same Name As Us
Y U Hypin For Thas A Coincidence
Can Ya Picture This
Picture What
Me Sittin On Ya Head Piece Makin U Beg Plz
WAH..If Ya Wanna Pick On Him U Ave 2 Go Thru Me
Slit Slit Thug You G
Huh Huh
Stay Outta This Keep Ya Arseholes Far Like Way Outta This
Oi Oi Oi...Look Mind How Ya Talkin
SHUTUP...Stop Tlkin WASTEMAN A BRUSHMAN
~I Swear~ Blud Ill Brush Man Bk
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Is that Michael Buble?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Good ol' Mickey Bubbles
Wrotes from the heart he does.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)

This is the genius that is N-Dubz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Emo.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)

'Omo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

The 'mono', surely?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:29, Reply)

hahah, of course!
The portable radiogram.
So long as it wasn't the Bono.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:30, Reply)

The good old days
when going to 'Margit' to spend a day on the beach with a tranny pressed to your ear would have raised nary an eyebrow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I was born too late

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:36, Reply)

*sighs* me too.
About 150 years.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Yeah, you'd be no good at the hop

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I was raised on that shit.
I was on first name terms with The Big Bopper before I was 3.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:45, Reply)

With a wiggle and a walk and giggle and talk
oooh baby that's a what I like

Thursday's earworm
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Far greater loss that Buddy fucking Holly in that plane crash.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I have a soft spot for Buddy holly, as my parents listened to him when I was growing up

Although by this reasoning I should also like the Carpenters.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I'm on about if you were born 150 years ago!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Surely this would be Bangkok not Margit?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 27 May 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Enquirydesklol

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:59, Reply)

one night in Bangkok makes a strong man humble
earworm counterattack!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I just heard that on the radio!
Albeit an 80s internet channel...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I would buy
an old split screen VW camper, make sure it wasn't hideously dangerous to drive, and then bum round Europe in it. Possibly even ship it to the US and bum around in it there, too.

Alt Q: No, I cycle in to work - the chafing that would ensue if pantless would be unbearable...
(berk, Thu 27 May 2010, 9:59, Reply)

All that bumming, berk...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Yup
I'm going to anal rape my way around the world...
(berk, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:08, Reply)

You should sell that concept to Michael Palin.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Full Circle?
*shudders*
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Don't shudder! The vibrations only increase his pleasure

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:31, Reply)

ooh I want to change mine
I would do this too.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:42, Reply)