I'm having such a fucker of a day so far.
It started with a small child clambering over my head at 5 am, and refusing to go back to sleep until 5 minutes before the alarm went off (6.30 am). I then dropped aforementioned sprog whilst dressing him, so he's got yet another bruise to go with the myriad purple patches on his face from where he keeps crawling into door frames and bookcases.

He had a long scream when I dropped him off at the childminders, prompting massive feelings of guilt to seep through my soul, but I managed to drive up the mototrway to work, got into the car park, and went to take my glasses off - the glasses that I HAVE to wear to drive - only to find I wasn't wearing them. Thank god the motorway was quiet.

Then I walked down the hill towards my office and thought 'hmm, my nipples feel cold. and wet. oh buggering hell'. Yes, not only had I forgotten to put any breast pads on this morning, I'd also managed to forget to put my bra on. I am not small-norked. And I am leaking milk like a dairy cow who the farmer has forgotten about for a week. I'm sitting here with copious quantities of paper napkins wedged into my top, and my coat still on so my colleagues don't notice the massive wet stains on my top.

What should I have for lunch that can possibly make the day better? And what stupid fucking things have you done after severe sleep deprivation?
( ascorbate, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:11, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

cereal

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:13, Reply)

gah!
I just spat diet coke over my keyboard reading that :D
( ascorbate, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Now you can make a coke milkshake

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:16, Reply)

ew

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

And people wonder why I don't want kids.

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:15, Reply)

SUBWAY!
BMT is sub of the day today.

/Gonz
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:15, Reply)

BMT is the best! Also quite possibly the fattiest
i have half chipolte sauce and have Sweet onion, that's right i went there.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Hot chili sauce
Or honey-mustard if I fancy a change.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:17, Reply)

BMT is the bestest of all the Subway choices

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I know.
I am looking forward to lunchtime.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

error
meatball sub is the best by far
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Only in certain situations - ergo BMT is the most rounded sub

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:21, Reply)

ok, I'll give you that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Oh man the meatball one
I was eating one and it rolled down then up my arm like Eddie the Eagle, then splatted the wall, and my pale blue lovely shirt was all ruined.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

it was worth it for the deliciousness though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

It was worth it
I don't buy fast food very often, but if I were to get a Subway Meatball I would make sure I was taking it home and eating it over the table.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Bleurgh they are so stodgy,
rough stuff.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

And this is why the BMT is superior
Meatball subs can prove awkward to eat, and you can lose overall taste if a meatball escapes out the side.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

This is true.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Going to a decent sandwich shop is the best way of dealing with subway.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

There's money to made you know

www.metro.co.uk/weird/830232-mothers-online-breast-milk-service-popular-with-men
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:18, Reply)

in Exeter as well
the shame....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Just done a quick google for "I breast-feed my dad"
because I saw that story last week. But came across:
www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/real_lives/I_breastfeed_my_dog_article_293284.html
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

What is wrong with these people?!

( jenpots, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I drink my dog's milk
but he doesn't mind so much.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

That's not milk
That's lipstick love juice
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I hate you.
I wish I didn't have eyes.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Awww man!
That is a bad start to the day. If I was you, I'd write it off. Tell the boss you've heaved your guts up in the loos and you need to go home. Go home. Get your head down for a nap then go pick up sproglet at normal picking up time.
( jenpots, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

You know how to skive
I like it
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Hheheeh
been there with the tiny sproglets. Thankfully mine are 10 and 6 now, so I very rarely get a sleepless night.
( jenpots, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Unless they bring home some crack

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

pfft!

( jenpots, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

So much easier for the ladies to skive
My colleague does it all the time.

I'm so poor at acting (and so spineless) that I've not had any time off sick in 3 years.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Time off sick is for wimps as is lunch
Unless you are highly contagious or bleeding profusely you should go to work.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

^^ This
If I'm physically able to get in, and am not going to be a danger to others, I'll go in.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:40, Reply)

This kind of attitude to work is the cancer that's killing Britain
and more importantly makes me look bad.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Good, I want to kill Britain

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

But we have to fix Bwwoken Bwwitain*!
'Dave' said so!

*_{It's hard to spell that flappy-lipped not-quite-an-r-not-quite-a-w sound that those spotty oik Etoncunts make; any suggestions are welcome.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Brwoken?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Probably.
It's just difficult to put into phonetics the way their lips clap together as they speak.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Fuck that
I'm a workshy cunt.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I'm the same, I have about one sick day a year
and that's usually down to migraines, which make me unable to see and so I couldn't get to work if I wanted to.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I occasionally have a day off due to migraines,
I don't get migraines.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Tut tut
you're giving we genuine sufferers a bad name!

To be fair, I rarely get them, maybe one or two a year, but they really fucking hurt when they do come to town.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

An ex of mine used to get severe ones
which meant she could barely speak or remember things, weird stuff.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I occasionally experience the same symptoms
of sore head, lack of memory and inability to speak. But it's usually caused by drink.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Migraines don't necessarily mean a headache
that's a rookie mistake in skiving, as is putting on an ill voice when you call in.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I have a different technique
I make every effort to go into work if I'm ill, and on several occasions have been sent home. That way, everyone knows I'm not skiving. If I'm really ill, I take time off. That sometimes happens.

But it also means that if I do skive for a bit, everyone assumes I'm really ill...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

This is true.
I usually get a 30 minute headache warning when my sight starts to go. It'll start like when someone takes a picture and the flash stays in your sight for a few seconds. I'll realise that I'm reading something but I can't see the actual word in front of me, just the ones either side of it. Then I lose my peripheral vision, I can wave a hand at the side of my head and not see it. That's when I know I need to go and find a dark room and try and get to sleep before the headache arrives. Although having said that, sometimes it's a false alarm and I just lose my sight for a few hours. It always surprises me how bad I am at navigating around my flat when I can't see, you'd think I would know it well enough by now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

For lunch, you should finish off his bottle of Calpol.
Should make you more relaxed.

After sleep deprivation, I know not to open my mouth, as it has a mind of its own when I'm brain dead.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I can't find my valid railcard
This might mean a fine unless I start bawling at the train station.

Plus I just had a "brain zap", which isn't pleasant.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

What's a "brain zap"?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

It feels, to me, like someone turned a tap on and off quickly in my head, or a flashbulb
makes me dizzy and woozy for about 10 seconds.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

That would worry me
enough to get me down to the doc's to have it checked out.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Seeing her tonight
it's part of withdrawl though
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:10, Reply)

My favourite technique

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Me too - this idoesn't sound like the usual headrush thing from standing up too fast.
EDIT: Ahh - 'withdrawal'. There is more to this story.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Yeah I'm fine, really. It just didn't make my day any better.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Glad to hear it's not as bad as I thought.
Although it's bad enough.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:13, Reply)

They're not unpleasant, just not very nice
Well, at least I found my railcard :D that makes things a lot better.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:23, Reply)

NIPPLES

( broadsword, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I like breasts.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:21, Reply)

i'm ambivalent towards breasts

( broadsword, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:22, Reply)

you should have
a delicious roast chicken baguette from the best sandwich shop I've found in Oxford. Sadly I can't actually eat it thanks to being ill, but it might be worth throwing up to eat one
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:30, Reply)

someone is cooking garlic chicken in my office
It's making me so fucking hungry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:37, Reply)

not time for your lunchbreak yet then?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:42, Reply)

It's at 1 of the clock
one minute to go. I might rebel and go early.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Nor concentrating
I drove straight through a red light on my way to work this morning, luckily there aren't that many cars around at 6AM or that could have been nasty!
(bill, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 14:15, Reply)