Now I have time on my hands I think about things more.
Today it has been flavoured condoms.

Now anyone who has tried the Toxic Sour sweeties will know that they make you scrunge your face up and pull the sour lemon face.
My theory is that this should be made available as a flavour for condoms.
It would make a protected blowjob even more fun.
Can you imagine the suction as a result of that first toxic hit?

What strange and wonderful things have you thought about today?
Points will be deducted for simple your mum comments. Make them complex please.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 18:48, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I find the idea of those things odd
I've not tried one so I shouldn't criticise, but I imagine they taste weird and artificial. I bet nobody would buy them by the quarter if they were sweets.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 18:57, Reply)

Sex workers use them. Apparently. So I am told.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:00, Reply)

Oh I can understand that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:06, Reply)

I could imagine it would be dreadfully painful if you accidentally put it on inside out
and if you actually used it for sex.


I haven't really thought about much today.We discussed coincidences, which are strange adn wonderful, but that's about it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 18:59, Reply)

I hadn't thought of that. Could be a market for masochists too, I think I might be onto something here.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:01, Reply)

Vinegar flavour
Cheese grater texture
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:06, Reply)

Possible Hellraiser tie in?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:07, Reply)

Yes!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:10, Reply)

I hear that
putting extremely hot chilli sauce on your cheating girlfriend's dildo results in fun times...

especially on b3ta....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:07, Reply)

I suppose flavoured condoms make being a drug mule more enjoyable
As far as strange and wonderful thoughs today, I have been firing on three cylinders, so have nothing to add at the moment.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:12, Reply)

Fruit flavoured lube is nice.
I get a dry mouth sometimes. Nomnomnom.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:15, Reply)

I thought you were not getting any?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:17, Reply)

I have in the past.
I have my memories that I cling on to.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:18, Reply)

How are celebrating your BD tonight?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:24, Reply)

I have red wine and pizza.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:25, Reply)

Good work that lady
Have you had a good day?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:29, Reply)

Boring day but I had a busy weekend.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:32, Reply)

I've just had a turkey stir fry
with added cashews and mushrooms. No alkyhol though as its a weekday.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:40, Reply)

I'm ok as long as I have a big glass of Vimto before I go to bed.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:41, Reply)

Enjoy.
I'll have some Ribena
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:43, Reply)

I've never had the courage to use it
the thought kind of put my teeth on edge
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:18, Reply)

Better than cock flavour.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:19, Reply)

If it's washed, then no :)

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:29, Reply)

Yes but it's tasteless.
And I have a medical condition that means I get a dry mouth.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:32, Reply)

Ah I see

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:39, Reply)

like
The woman on house
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 20:08, Reply)

Nom
farm2.static.flickr.com/1269/700004024_7cf7c79b59.jpg
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:33, Reply)

It is delicious cock
I must have it!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:35, Reply)

Whereas the thought of a mouthfull of man milk is OK.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:20, Reply)

Better than drinking bubble bath, surely?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:25, Reply)

Some flavours are better than other.
Melon is nice but I don't like real melon. Weird eh!
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:27, Reply)

Thats cos
real melon tastes of slightly sweet water. It's not that nice. Like biting into a warm icecube.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:28, Reply)

This is like a battle of wits
Between a retarded bloke who can't understand why a lady would like cock, and a retarded lady who doesn't understand why the retarded bloke doesn't understand why some ladies might like cock
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:28, Reply)

Am I the retarded bloke Bert?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:45, Reply)

Duh!

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:46, Reply)

I'll take that as a yes then.
:(
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:49, Reply)

That's fine, it's natural
I just imagine flavoured lube to be very chemically and jellylike and urgh
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:28, Reply)

Well unflavoured lube is supposed to taste of nothing
and it tastes all chemical and jelly-like.
So I reckon you're guessing right.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:31, Reply)

The cherry stuff
that durex do is quite passable actually - it's a bit like haribo, only a bit more synthetic and gooey.
Just in case you needed to know.
(berk, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:06, Reply)

I've been thinking
That it's actualy pretty damn weird that not only do we urinate, several litres a day sometimes, but such an activity is considered so normal that we have special rooms pretty much dedicated to the process, technological acheivements such as the flushing toilet, ceramics ect have been created specificaly for this need, and urine can tell us a bunch of things about how our body is working on the inside. Then I thought that if some genius of cybernetics designs an implant that removes the need to urinate, there's gonna be a tonne of pissed off plumbers, ceramic workers, toilet attendants and urologists waiting to crucify them. Then I thought I realy need to start getting more sleep at night.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:26, Reply)

We'd still need toilets
For flushing shit posts like this, I'm trying to drown my laptop as we speak
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:30, Reply)

The scene: the reception of a sports hall
A young Tedium comes out of the bathroom and goes to his mother

"mummy, what's a condom"

Slightly taken aback, and embarrassed, she explains.

The child thinks on this for a moment

"yes, but why are they chocolate flavoured?"
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:41, Reply)

condoms taste fucking horrible, I can't imagine flavored ones taste much better
I can't decide if I want to revert to drunken slag or get back on the celibacy wagon.
These aren't strange or wonderful thoughts, but it's better than what I could be thinking about.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:44, Reply)

Come and join me in celibacy.
We can be born again virgins.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:45, Reply)

sometimes not giving a fuck feels wonderful

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:46, Reply)

Sometimes not getting a fuck is good too.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:47, Reply)

I'm more focused on the drunken bit than the slag bit, tbh

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:49, Reply)

Haha! me too.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:50, Reply)

I can have better sex by myself.
However, after 6 months of celibacy I had a fucking brilliant one night stand at the beach. Which was more of what I meant by my post up there.
I guess it was worth the wait.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:52, Reply)

Ah youth!
And meaningless sex.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:55, Reply)

well, it was better than having meaningful sex with someone that isn't having meaningful sex with you
It was great. No expectations. Free to be. The best I've ever had.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:57, Reply)

You have a very good point there.
I just can't do one night stands anymore.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 20:00, Reply)

it's cause you're omgoldlol

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 20:07, Reply)

lol

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 20:17, Reply)

The wrong side of the condom is even worse

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 19:52, Reply)

I've been thinking
that on Sunday nights I might as well not fucking bother going to bed, for all the good it does me. I think I eventually nodded off around 5am. This has made me uncharacteristically grumpy all day, and the shitty day at work has meant that thoughts have turned to the oft-mentioned public sector cuts and made me think, "Yeah, and £82k redundancy package does sound extremely enticing right at this moment, thank you very much".

I doubt it will happen though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 20:33, Reply)

Come on, Davros, give us more bile
I know you've got it in you.

Me? All I've got in me right now is motherfrumping Devon's creamy custard
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 20:48, Reply)

I'm so knackered that I really can't be arsed.
I disappoint myself.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:04, Reply)

I would like to buy a small dog, perhaps a Chihuahua or similar
and shave it and have it tattooed green.

People would comment on my curious dog and I'd tell them:

'It's not a dog, its a goblin'
( WormuIus, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 20:56, Reply)

A friend of mine is dogsitting a chug
best dog-breed name ever.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:19, Reply)

Common name: Mongrel

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:31, Reply)

A cheese and onion flavoured tickler it is!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:01, Reply)

e^(ym) + e^i(ym) / 2
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:04, Reply)

Clever bastard.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:10, Reply)

(RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)²

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:24, Reply)

Oh what would you know I'm listening to Just Dance
I do enjoy that formula though
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:29, Reply)

Currently
I am wondering whether it's worth getting out of bed and dressed to go down the co-op for pudding. But mostly today I have been thinking about this. Is that weird and wonderful enough for you? 'Cause optimising the protocol for it is making my head ache.
(berk, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:11, Reply)

but getting past the debate
on flavoured condoms at all, has no-one commented that Toxic Sour sweets taste utterly disgusting, and are far more likely to result in the person giving head pulling away in shock and disgust?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:14, Reply)

Mother bought me back Sour Patch Kids
not too bad aktuarly.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:18, Reply)

I am perhaps
generalising my own dislike of 'tangy' and 'sour' sweets onto the whole population.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:19, Reply)

But yes, sour is not a good look
And sour condoms? You don't want your partner to look utterly disgusted, do you?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:21, Reply)

exactly
a disgusted face is generally not what you are aiming for.

Take that as you will frotters
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:23, Reply)

F(ω) = ∑_{n=[0, N-1]} f(x)e^2πiωn/N

Bollocks, beaten to it.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:16, Reply)

still good

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:20, Reply)

Can you understand it?
It's just letters to me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:21, Reply)

it's floating on my subconscious
I half get it, and even that half makes me giggle
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:22, Reply)

I think the Sigma as something to do with averages, or sums?
No idea what the other letters are.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:23, Reply)

I stole your
'I experienced absolute zero but I was 0k' by the way. Thanks for that. Told it to some chemists at a finalists finishing party
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:25, Reply)

I know that if I tried it out on R___ he'd pick a hole in it :(
Something about 0K being impossible to achieve. God damn chemists.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:27, Reply)

It's possible
You just need to stretch the definition of temperature a bit (same as for negative temperatures)

EDIT: ignore this, -ve temperatures are not colder than 0, they're actually hotter than infinity.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:34, Reply)

What are you drivelling on about?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:41, Reply)

Physics
This is what happens when I'm made to revise and actually know stuff.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_temperature
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:43, Reply)

So it's an actual real concept, and not like this.
www.b3ta.com/talk/1512454
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:50, Reply)

This is why I stick with literature.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:56, Reply)

I know the feeling

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 22:31, Reply)

Science and mathematics have a beautifully inhuman rationality to them.
No matter what language you speak, no matter who you are, no matter where you are in the universe, 1 + 1 will always equal 2, 2 x 2 will always equal 4, and any action will always produce an equal and opposite reaction.

In any case, I find it a lot easier than trying to work out what Shakespeare might have been thinking while he was having a cack on the afternoon of March 9, 1602.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 22:48, Reply)

Oh I agree
I think maths is incredibly beautiful. I only did it to a low level but still felt the satisfaction of producing an answer to a question- having all the parts and putting them together in the right way.

But I wasn't very good at it. I was alright, but I was much better at making sense of a jumble of letters than a jumble of words. And there's something very logical in working out what word does what and ending up with poetry at the end.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 22:53, Reply)

I'd say calculus is to mathematics what poetry is to language.
It's all about the way things change, and depending on how you apply it, it can be used to explain everything from the most trivial results to the fundamental way the universe works.

Sadly, it's not even dipped into till A-level, which is when most people frustrated with mathematics will give it up.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 23:05, Reply)

I liked maths
I did my maths GCSE in a year, so the second year was based on pre-A-level course which dipped a bit into more complex maths. I really enjoyed it, but had to accept that I wasn't a natural, and I was never going to properly comprehend it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 23:10, Reply)

I attempted Maths at AS
but was unwilling to work. I instead chose an easier subject- easier to me, and not easy really in the slightest. I don't know if I'd have been better off sticking with Maths and working hard, but that's the way things were.

Aspects of poetry are quite mathematical, such as scansion- there are certain rules, words that can't be used in places, and definite patterns. Very relaxing to do, as well, provided it's not in an exam situation :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 23:46, Reply)

Maybe I'm strange but
I don't really like poetry. I like poets, and I like some poetry, but it's not something I'd choose to read. And if I ever meet Carol Ann Duffy I shall have to be restrained
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 23:50, Reply)

I've met her.
I don't read modern poetry- my favourite English poet is probably Hilaire Belloc. But that's because I don't really read for pleasure any more. I'v got my favourite book down with me at the moment but I can't bring myself to read. Instead I'm pressing F5 on a dead messageboard :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 23:59, Reply)

well talk to me
it's been a shit evening, thanks to a combination of factors.

You met Carol Ann Duffy and managed not to smack her?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 0:08, Reply)

The OP said "make it complex", and I obliged.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_number
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:26, Reply)

Ow. That hurt.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:28, Reply)

always :(
I just got back from the gym. That hurt more
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:43, Reply)

Isn't that a discretised Fourier transform
Rather than a complex number per se? (Yes, I know it's complex as well, but I notice a distinct lack of "ym.")
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I tried using a flavoured condom for a blowjob once. I think I did it wrong
It was cherry vanilla flavour and tasted pretty good, but I applied too much suction, a small air bubble appeared at the back of my throat and the sodding thing burst.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:23, Reply)

crikey

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:27, Reply)

sadfacing
Never again
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 21:30, Reply)

You had 99 replies but this bitch is 1
(hundred)
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Aw thanks chompy. Such kindness shall not go unrewarded.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 9:45, Reply)