The sun is shining
At this moment if you could be anywhere in the world, where would you be?

And since I like the concept of an Alternative Question, you're having one.

Alt Q: Which famous author (dead or alive) would you most like to have a romantic candlelit dinner with? Sexual preference need not apply (i.e. you can be straight and male and still go for Charles Dickens and not have it end up in a bumming, though why you'd want to is a separate question.)

Alt Alt Q: Recommendations please on how to stay cool in extremely hot conditions
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:35, 110 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A boat in Antigua
would be nice! I'd like to learn to sail. I think that would be fun.
( Kroney, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

The Sidcup branch of DFS.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

it's a near impossible dream

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I like saying the word Sidcup.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:18, Reply)

At the very least
I would prefer to be somewhere nicer than in my bloody office, even if that's only outside on the grass. Ideally somewhere like the Caribbean, or south east Asia although I would probably die a melty heat exhausted death over there. I'd be having fun though.

Alt Q - Oscar Wilde, or possibly the Marquis de Sade, as long as he didn't try and bum me.
(berk, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

nah
he'd just hurt you enough to turn you into a sadist and make you bum other people instead
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Possibly
but I reckon I could probably run faster than him - he was a tubby fucker (at least in his later years) by all accounts. The extreme gratuitousness in his books just baffles me, I don't 'get' that kind of fetishism at all. Hey ho, at least he'd be interesting!
(berk, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I don't get it either
just a bit bewildering. But yes he'd be quite interesting
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Right now
I'd like it to be Friday and I'd like to be at a restaurant with the missues drinking wine and eating steak. I also have next week off which is going to be ace.

Alt Q: Are there any attractive female authors? Joan Collins and J.K. Rowling are not attractive. I'm sorry I can't get my head around "romantic" and cancelling out sexual preference.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Davina McCall wrote a book once.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:24, Reply)

OMG she's goooooooooooooorgeous
Saying that, there are a few unsavoury autobiographies on the go - Jordan, Kerry Katona, etc.

In fact I'd choose Kerry Katona, and stab her in the face with a fork.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I'd like to be up north
Near the Arctic circle. Then I might manage to function better than I can in this heat. Damn summer.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Do they have penguins in the Arctic?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Not to my knowledge
But it would be lovely and cool...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

In my room doing nothing, having packed.
I've got SO MUCH TO DOOOOOOO :(

Oscar Wilde. Witty and pretty and willing to have sex with women, even if not his preference...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

On the river

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

messing about?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Yup

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

You and three men?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Still in the Premier League
Rather than checking the fixtures released today to see when we're playing Scunthorpe.

Author - Sylvia Plath not for romance, but I could just say "Cheer up love, it might never happen" and thus change history slightly.
(Cave Duck, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Mexico
To kill bandits.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Ssshhh. You need to call them bandidos or your accent will give you away
and someone will alert them to your presence.
I don't think you've planned this thoroughly enough.
(Cave Duck, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

And you would need six friends to go with you.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Or two.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I think I would love to be sitting at the top of Hound Tor watching the clouds scud by.
Then for my romantic dinner I would like Jane Austen. We could discuss her tedious books. Then I could fart and burp my version of the star spangled banner, and punch her in the face in a witty manner.
I would then get a cab home.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

"Punch her in the face in a witty manner"
Is there anything witty about throwing a punch?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Loads of witty ways.
1, pretend to be passing her a glass, but forget to stop.
2, ditto with a flower.
3, hop about a bit first.
4, etc etc.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

5. Whilst simultaneously impersonating Groucho Marx

(Cave Duck, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

this amused me.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:25, Reply)

6. say she's got a spot of sauce on her face

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:26, Reply)

You have the idea now.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

This
Deadpool
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I like this

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I think we all like the idea of kitty being uppercutted.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Pride, or O'Hara?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:39, Reply)

how dare you.
Possibly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I love Deadpool.
I tried reading Cable and Deadpool though, and had to stop as I got so pissed off with Cable
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Aitutaki
Google it if you don't know where it is. Then you'll want to go there (unless you're Roota as she doesn't like warm places).

Alt Q - no idea

Alt alt Q - nakedness and a garden hose is a good start
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

warm places suck, I agree with Roota.
you get all hot and sweaty and you can only take so many layers off before you have none left and you're STILL too hot. And you can't be close to people unless you like extra sweaty stuff and you get all sticky and it's just gross.

give me a cold climate and thermals any day.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I like them in winter

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

But in winter
they'd be cold places!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I'm going there for my honeymoon mutha fucka!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:29, Reply)

I'm going to Llandudno for mine

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I'll tell Djtrailprice to pack his best scottish accent

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Old people love him

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Is that why you're going out?
OH NO I DIDN'T GO THERE DID I?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I totally knew you'd say that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Llandudno's full of old people
Not joking. Has more mobility scooter shops than fast food restaurants.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I know.
I'm going to have my honeymoon at the Grand.
I have a picture of me there when I was a little girl.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I don't think
the nakedness and garden hose will work in foreign countries
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:33, Reply)

It would in France
And probably Germany. And most likely the Scandinavian countries, although they don't get much hot weather there, so it isn't really necessary.

Wouldn't try it in the Middle East, mind you.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Aberracion and BGB and I are going to the Bahamas
Aberracion is manning the coconut milk bar, BGB is on salad duty and I'm the boat skipper.

Apparently drinking tea cools you down because it warms the inside of your body so your body works harder at trying to cool it down. I don't think you feel the actual benefit of this though, you'll just feel warm.

A/C is the way to go.

Am I supposed to answer the alternative question if I answer the original question? I'll do it anyway. I would want to have dinner with Terry Pratchett because I love him. I would not want to have dinner with Andy McNabb, he's a douche.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:18, Reply)

This thing about drinking tea cooling you down
is bollocks, in my opinion.

It makes you hotter, as your internal energy has increased. So you sweat more, as a cooling mechanism. Now, given optimum conditions, evaporative cooling does indeed cool you down. But if you're already sweating anyway, and are still too warm, drinking hot tea isn't going to help.

If it's really humid, sweat doesn't evaporate much. So not only do you become hotter, you become sweatier and more uncomfortable.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Who sung this?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Ian Dury

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:27, Reply)

How was download?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Better than your mum

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

And less crowded.
What time are you meeting people on Friday?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:31, Reply)

That's what I thought, even if it does cool you down in the long run
you have to suffer for it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:27, Reply)

It's totally illogical
One of those myths such as tapping the top of a can to stop it frothing over.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Whereas tapping you makes you froth over

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I fucking love a good tapping I do
You know what upset me recently Lab? I met Applebite, and despite her going on about how much she likes to get naked I barely saw a bit of thigh as she had long socks on. And, what made it worse is that when you actually meet a nubile 19 year old in real life any sort of leching on them is actually creepy and disgusting.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I figured that might be the case
And whilst 19 is comfortably legal, it's still a bit creepy at our age :/
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I made a point of leering at all the young girls in skimpy tops that I didn't know
just to make myself feel better.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Bravo! *claps*
Is Applebite a nice lass though? Don't want our Chompy marrying just any old bint.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:38, Reply)

She's lovely
We made her drink a lot of SoCo and lemonade while playing cards.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Excellent!
Ah, it's going to be a beautiful ceremony!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Thanks for that facebook abuse,
it reminds me of the time donkey gums called me a rapist.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I can imagine that was probably justified

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I had new glasses,
he said they looked like rape scopes.
I've had to remove my like now. I hope you're happy.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I'm ecstatic

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:50, Reply)

"rape scopes"
fucking brilliant
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Fuck have you been?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:54, Reply)

I was here earlier
then i was working, then having some lunch

is that ok?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Fine by me
but you might want to clear it with the Scouse
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:58, Reply)

how was download?
I mean in the musical sense, not the lechery
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:59, Reply)

It was good
Them Crooked Vultures - Massive ego wank project that didn't deserve to be on the main stage, or even the second stage IMO.
AC/DC - Brilliant as always
Lamb of God - Heavy as always
Megadeth - Awesome, played most of Rust in Peace
HIM - pretty good, Ville isn't a fat smackhead any more so they sounded better than the last time I saw them
RATM - Bloody fantastic
Saxon - Amazing, played the whole of Wheels of Steel
Slash - Fucking incredible, Myles Kennedy is a fantastic singer, I said at one point I thought it was almost as good as seeing GnR at their peak, but actually it was better as you didn't have that whiny ginger cunt spouting bollocks.
Billy Idol - Great fun, but it started raining really hard
Motorhead - watched half of the set which was really good, but I was really cold and wet so I marked it at that point and drove home.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Nice review, cheers!
Would have loved to see RATM, so quite jealous.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:07, Reply)

yeah, RATM and AC/DC are the ones I'm really envious of

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:11, Reply)

did you think that about Them Crooked Vultures before seeing them?
aside from that, it sounds awesome.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I thought TCV sounded like
every other project which Josh Homme is involved in, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the amount of press TCV have got is ridiculous given how much they are basically just a jam session between a bunch of people who obviously get on well.

The music doesn't have any significant merit and certainly isn't worthy of second on the main stage. I thought QOTSA have got less interesting with each album, I saw them at Reading after Rated R came out and they were great, but I've seem them since and they've got progressively more boring.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I'm going to have to disagree with you slightly
because some of the stuff on the TCV album is musically really quite special, but I'm certain that is down to John Paul Jones being the most incredible bassplayer and an amazing musician in general.

I was blown away by the album at first, but I haven't listened to it in months.

They have had too much publicity it's true, but hardly surprising given how much the music press love Dave Grohl alone, regardless of the other two being popular.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I'm going to have to call you a cunt for disagreeing with me on the internet
Sorry but thems the rules.

You Cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Call him a beardy twat too,
and question his contributions to the internet.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

shut it rapey

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

perfectly acceptable
not sure I merit the capital C though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:24, Reply)

It's alright Al
He's cleared
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:59, Reply)

thanks :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Tapping the can works

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:40, Reply)

You like to "tap" the cans eh?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Not me sir

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:48, Reply)

If you were TGB it would take no effort
to suck a whole slab up your fanny. But since it's you I imagine you would need to do it one at a time.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Thanks, Al

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I guess you could then fire them out one at a time
Not sure I'd like a slightly warm beer though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:53, Reply)

FNAR!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I thought
that the best temperature, for a drink to cool you down, is tepid. So the body doesn't have to work as hard to make it digestible. Or something. I'm fairly sure there's a reason I was told that cold water doesn't refresh you on a hot day.

Or maybe I'm getting it completely wrong and merely rambling inanely.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:45, Reply)

If you drink a lot of cold water quickly
you'll get stomach cramps. But if you drink it slowly it's alright
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:47, Reply)

ah.
thanks, Dr Al!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:49, Reply)

No worries!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I read this as:
"....BGB is a salad dodger..."

Not very kind of you.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:33, Reply)

I love a good salad me.
I'm having one tonight.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I'd quite like to be in Staines, Middx
sadly though, I am currently in Egham, Surrey so this is an impossible dream.
( broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:29, Reply)

So near, but so far.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:34, Reply)

My mummy says that if I work hard at school, and eat my greens, then one day my dreams will come true

( broadsword, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I want to be in bed.
With a good book and a large glass of Vimto.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:34, Reply)

any ideas what this good book could be?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:39, Reply)

"The Illustrated Jeff"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:40, Reply)

pop up edition.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:40, Reply)

And in braille.

( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Hmmm
Where would I be? In New York, 50 storys high working from my office that overlooks central park.
Author: Micheal Chricton, maybe, or Dean Koontz, or Martina Cole.
Stay Cool: Rince a cloth in cold water, then ring it out, then lay on it. Or those headache-cool strips.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:58, Reply)

cooling down
run cold water over the inside of your wrists, or the back of your neck

works a treat
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:58, Reply)

^This

( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I really feel the heat, and the cold water on the wrists thing has been a massive blessing since I found out about it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:09, Reply)

at home in bed...I drank some shit called bootleggers last night, and I feel like I'm dying.
Megan Hart or Kate Pearce

drink lots of water, or pour it on you
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:05, Reply)

What you need is a cute dog to make you feel better

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I have one but the bitch hogs the whole bed and is like trying to move a dead body when you need room

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:16, Reply)

At the beach or in the mountains (although I'm heading up to the mountains later).
Alt: James Michener
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:42, Reply)