There's not a great deal going on here, so I've been reading the vet's copy of 'He's just not that into you' and finding it hilarious and insightful at the same time.
It's basically a self help book with jokey undertones for girls with little to no self esteem and a doormat complex. I don't know why she has a copy of it since she's gorgeous, but that's her choice.

So anyway, it's written by a man and a woman and is comprised of letters from women excusing their boyfriend's shit behaviour with hollow excuses and then the man editor saying how if the guy was interested he'd do x, y and z with cherries on top.

So my questions for you based upon this literary tome of greatness:
If you were into a woman and you'd had a succesful first date with her, how long until you'd call her?

Lets say you have to go travelling for work, would you call or text her while you were there if it was just for a few days?

Dating going well, how often would you like to sleep with her and go on dates, or would you rather be staying in more often - within 3 months - to watch a film or play some backgammon or trivial pursuits?

Still going well, 3-6 months - how often would you be calling, emailing or texting her per week?

How much do you drink when you're out together? Enough to be good company or enough to sink the bismarck?

How long until you invite her out to meet your friends and your family? When would you expect to meet hers?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:22, 115 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

have you seen the film version of it?
it is one of the most painful movies I have ever had the misfortune of sitting through. The whole cast are way too pleased with themselves, and the smuggery made me want to go postal on the two single friends who dragged me to the cinema to see it.
I am afraid I have no answers for your questions though!
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Christ no, it looked shit. The book's really good though. It's got just the right tone of sympathy and scathing to make you realise that you're being an idiot if you're doing the things these women are speaking of.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:28, Reply)

it was actually more shit than it looked
and Drew Barrymore's chin should have been credited as a seperate entity.
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Drew Barrymore is teh sex.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

really?
her chin is quite frankly astonishing in this film.
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I love her, she's wonderful. Even in Riding in cars with boys which was dull to the extreme

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Wasn't lil' Adam in that?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Who's lil adam?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

the one in that film with drew barrymore
what's it called again?
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Garcia
I haz soft spot for him
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Dunno, I can't remember

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

My mate made me go and see it.
I poured a load of booze into my bucket of Pepsi and cringed a lot.
She kept looking at me every time one of the characters said anything remotely like something I have ever said in the last ten years. Yeah, let's laugh at the catspinster.
Smug bitch got dumped a few weeks ago and she's agreed to sleep with him but not yet get back with him until she's sure she can trust him again letting him fuck her because she thinks anything's better than nothing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:30, Reply)

silly woman
my sister does this sort of thing, then watches chick flicks and wonders why her life isn't like that.
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I've never done that crying into my ice-cream wondering why I was single
whereas she hasn't been single since she was about 17. She's incapable.
And is sanctimonious, claiming that she's never been single because despite her intentions, men just pester her and she ends up in relationships.
Yeah, shit ones with men who look like Fabio Capello.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

If I ever get tired of being single, I do two things.
Listen to one of my friends moan/go on about their boyfriend, which reminds me why I don't like relationships
And then go out for a wild night of alcohol and pulling randomers to remind me why I love being free.
Works everytime.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Oh Becky
This one is a sore point......I 'm off to cry into my egg sandwich and then MTFU.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Egg sandwich? Gross. Go get a bacon roll, much easier to MTFU with :)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:28, Reply)

in my defence m'lady
it did have a slice of ham on it too - I even went and bought some salad cress.......
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:30, Reply)

That's something at least ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Wait up.
Did you say she is gorgeous but potentially has no self esteem and a doormat complex.
Excellent. *rubs hands*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

hands glans
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 16:03, Reply)

That's too much text for me to cope with
and too many neurotic female questions, so instead, have this:

My name's Coco, I live in a tree,
I sell condoms for 25p,
Sometimes 50, sometimes a bob,
It all depends on the size of your nob
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Oh, and also
there are no rules.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I hate The Rules

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I never read it
Was that the one the Appleton sisters and patsy Kensit used in the 90s?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I dunno. Wait, I'll find them:
01: Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other
02: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
03: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
04: Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
05: Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
06: Always End Phone Calls and dates First
07: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
08: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
09: How to Act on Dates 1,2, & 3 End the date first especially if you like him.
10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
11: Always end the date first
12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
15: Don't Rush into Sex & Other Rules for Intimacy
16: Don't Tell Him What to Do
17: Let Him Take the Lead
18: Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
19: Don’t Open Up Too Fast
20: Be Honest but Mysterious
21: Accentuate the Positive & Other Rules for Personal Ads
22: Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
23: Don't Date a Married Man
24: Slowly Involve Him in Your Family & Other Rules for Women with Children
25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
26: Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
27: Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It's Nuts
28: Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
29: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
30: NEXT! & Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.
32: Don't Break The Rules!
33: Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After!
34: Love Only Those Who Love You
35: Be Easy to Live With
36: If the Rules Don't Work, Put Out.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

a couple of those are sensible
mostly shit though

numbers 4 and 5 would piss me right off and make me think "well fuck you then"

13 is odd too. as is the one about living with a man. do these rules apply up to a certain point, or is that a lifetime thing?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Some are ok, I do consciously follow 7. I dislike 13

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Thank you Vip
for validating my theory that it is not me who has the feckin' emotional intelligence of a jam sandwich.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I don't like number 19 at all.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

What the fuck is all that about
Don't date a married man though, that's sensible.

I have a mate who only ever seems to get asked out by attached men. Fair enough, but she shouldn't take them up on it. She always does, and now she's mental and unhappy. Or chicken and egg, I dunno.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I think
you made no.36 up.

On another note - my own MOTHER bought me a copy of The fucking Rules. As my Christmas Present. When I was 19.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Nope, it was on wiki
God that's depressing
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Christ.
Yes, that is depressing.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:21, Reply)

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I think I've deliberately gone against at least half.
12 is stupid. As are 4 and 2.
3: I don't stare, granted, but I talk far too much.
13 is good for me cos I get bored so fast, the less I see them, the longer it takes me to get bored of them.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:59, Reply)

your point about number 13 is odd to me
I've never been out with someone who wasn't a friend as well, and I generally have friends who I don't get bored with.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:03, Reply)

And also, if you know you're going to get bored with someone, they're not right for you
So get rid now and save the bother or them falling for you.
I always did that.
Unless they were the bored one and I was the falling one.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:05, Reply)

yeah, there's no point being with someone with whom you can't share your passions, your absurd hatreds and a fucking good laugh
as well as the awesome sexing naturally.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I've just not yet met the person who manages to tick all these boxes for me.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:09, Reply)

that's fair enough
(I'm sure I say that too much)

my last couple of gfs have been mates first, and then we got together after some kind of mutual realisation of something. Been lucky I guess
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I have an incredibly fast turnover rate.
And a short attention span. I don't get bored of my friends, no matter how much I see them, but guys... as soon as they start wanting to see me more than three times a week, I get really panicky and uncomfortable, and I need to get out.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:08, Reply)

that's exactly me
But when you feel like that just dump. It means he's not really what you want.
It's kinder all round.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:13, Reply)

That's what I do.
Sometimes I get that rise of panic a few weeks in, sometimes after the first date. I've never not had it though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:19, Reply)

without wanting to (badly) psychoanalyse
why the panic?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I have a terrible, terrible fear of commitment.
Even the tiniest little bit, like committing to go on a date with someone more than a week in advance makes me panic. It's not as bad as it used to be, I used to bail on someone I liked as soon as they suggested a date, no matter how much I liked them.
I think I take the phrase "there's plenty more fish in the sea" too literally. I want to catch as many of them as I can. I always think: "What if I become his girlfriend today, then meet someone better tomorrow?"

Yes! My puppy is home :D
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:28, Reply)

that's pretty weird
and by 'that's' I mean 'women are'
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:35, Reply)

This isn't the standard thinking of mot of my friends though.
The all want, and some even need relationships, as in can't function single.

And that was really shit psychoanalysing by the way.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I wasn't actually attempting to analyse
just curious

both ends of the spectrum are quite odd, particularly from a bloke's point of view. very confusing as well, having been on the receiving end of both.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:40, Reply)

If anyone would like to psychoanalyse, please go ahead.
It's nothing to do with being afraid to open up to people, because I'm about as open as you get.

I confuse myself to be honest. And I really don't understand why people don't enjoy being free more.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I can't begin to offer an explanation
and I haven't been single for about 8 and a half years, and at that time being free involved having basically no success with women.

I would have enjoyed a period of singledom years ago when I upgraded gfs, just to see what it was like and how I got on, but I would've missed out on being with my mrs.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:51, Reply)

You just think "Argh fuck off!!"
and you bawk when the phone lights up.
it means you've decided you don't like him enough to keep dating him but you don't know how to tell him.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:30, Reply)

or OH MY GOD, STOP FUCKING TALKING TO ME.
Give me five minutes to myself, please!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Wouldn't it be preferable to be oneself rather than follow these rules?
If you are trying to fool someone into thinking you are 'someone else' you will eventually be found out.
If they don't like you for who you are, they are no loss. (Unless you are just trying to get laid by someone hot.)
Or am I just missing something here?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I think you've summed it up nicely Tuggers

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Hear hear

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:15, Reply)

But if being yourself doesn't work then that means that you're following the same mistakes over and over. I think if I wanted to change my situation I'd give it a go, but not these rules
I'd try what they advocate in the book and not take silly excuses, wait by the phone for a call that wont happen or accept his behaviour as a given. Not that I do, but if I was in that situation I mean.

I know what I mean dammit.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I get what you mean
but it might just mean you've met a string of wankers. it's not like there's a shortage of them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:18, Reply)

This is true. I think this is why she's bought the book and is extolling it to anyone who'll listen.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:19, Reply)

What she needs is a chocolate cock.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Doesn't everyone?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I'd prefer a marijuana vagina.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:47, Reply)

it's not that being yourself isn't working
It's that THEMSELVES haven't been right, innit?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Exactly.
NEXT!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Hyar hyar

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Jah and his family will be very sad to hear that

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:47, Reply)

funniest thing I've seen on here today

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Stop it, V
I don't want your pity clicks
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

you're fucking having them!
look, now you're top of the popular page.

how d'you like them apples?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I feel dirty
Any association with me will make you unpopular, V.

White Lines, Don't Do It
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I didn't get it.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:12, Reply)

me neither. Possible a band-related quiplet?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:50, Reply)

OK Vips - spell it out for me.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:54, Reply)

are you aware of the existence of the recording artiste Jah Rule?
if not then it won't have made much sense.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:55, Reply)

I wasn't: it didn't. Thanks.
Edit

Buggar, now I have to click a Bert post.

Click post. Now I have to buggar Bert.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Oh no you don't, sunshine
back of the queue for you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I could go for a bit of buggEry, actually
just say where and when
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:29, Reply)

You only get the buggery - there's no reacharound for you.
I'm busy tonight.
Some rapey-thing with Kitty. Or possibly Skinnybint Under Construction. Who knows?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I'll consider myself honoured
and lucky if I can feel the hilt
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:46, Reply)

I'll be in up to the back wheels. You'll feel it.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I tend to speak to the mrs pretty often if one or the other of us is away
not for long though because I hate talking on the phone

her parents are down this way soon, and for some reason thought it might be nice if we got together with my parents and we all went out for dinner.

I fully expect this event to be one of the worst of my life.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Why do you expect it to be the worst event of your life?
So long as you don't do a spanky and regale them with tales of how you bumfucked her the night before then you should be fine shirly?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Don't you ever worry about two worlds colliding?
BOTH sets of parents and all their neuroses, but you and your mister sat in the middle guffawing like loons and trying not to be scared?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Nah. If they hate each other then they have their own houses to shout about their inlaws in and they never need to meet again unless we get married.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:50, Reply)

i'd make it once for the wedding and then never again
Buttock-clenching.
Mind you, what if they got on like a house on fire...
No, still not worth the pain.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I think them getting on really well would be even worse!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

yeah, they might start socialisng independently...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

which would be dreadful
particularly as the other half's parents are seriously considering moving down this way, to within about 5 miles of my parents....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Oh lord
"Let's have Pam and Phil over again!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:00, Reply)

This reply
sums it up perfectly.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

obviously I wouldn't do that
I just get the impression that it's going to be awkward.

the parents have bugger all in common, no similar interests, and frankly, great as her parents are, they have some odd ideas and views.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:48, Reply)

we had mr vitCs dad over for christmas
at my parents house. He speaks no english, they speak no czech. 4 long long days...
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I will swap you your non English speaking in law....
...for my insane 24/7 chattering mother.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I already have one of them
and I am one too (a chattering mother that is)
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Erm...
Mum?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:03, Reply)

are there standard answers to these questions?
I applied number 5 this week and recieved this text last night "if I ever made you mad or ever got mad at you I'm very sorry please forgive me kristine please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I think I'll continue to practice number five :/
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Haha nice one. I think I might try number 5 too.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:24, Reply)

But if you follow 5, you might be being mean to a nice person

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Maybe that's the point? If they don't care about not talking to you they'll stop calling
or start stalking...sexy sexy stalking
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Huh?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:41, Reply)

hmm...........if they just want a fuck they're not going to continue to pursue you for long

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Well you'll soon suss that out
But I wouldn't cut off my nose to spite my face.
I would think someone not replying meant they weren't arsed and I'd write it off.
I don't think a man has to stalk you and desperately chase you up while you're being rude to the max just to prove that he's nice. Heaven forbid someone think your actions reflect how you feel and not have to suss around games. It's made everything messy for everyone all this games and tactics nonsense.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:46, Reply)

the stalking bit was a joke
besides, I didn't write the book or read it so I can't really say what any person is supposed to do.
I have my reasons for practicing number 5, he is a loser, therefore I don't answer when he calls or return his calls or texts, I'm not trying to see if he's a good guy because I know he isn't, I just want him to leave me alone.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:57, Reply)

That's the truth.
I could never be arsed to play those games.
First date the guy might be wondering if he's going to get any. The girl already knows.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:58, Reply)

What if you just want a fuck too?
My mum always says "Be careful of boys, they only want you for one thing"
I think she's got it the wrong way round.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:48, Reply)

then do the damn thing

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Yep- it really is that simple. Unless you live in a small town.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Don't ask me about relationship stuff.
I'm currently watching a film noir about a women who kills her husband so he doesn't leave and I'm rooting for her.
( girlinthehole, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Ah yes, the Nilsen Technique
Good for a while, but you'll either need a hell of alot of embalming fluid, or a clothes peg for your nose
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:16, Reply)

You may need to explain some of the words to me, namely...
Woman
Successful
Date
Sleep
Company
Friends
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Okay
Woman: Like a man more more useless. Has no cock, but boobs and a vagina instead.
Successful: What you are if you own a Honda Accord.
Date: The bit before the raping.
Sleep: The bit after the raping.
Company: When you're with other people. Wanking is generally frowned upon whilst in company.
Friends: People you like who like you. Don't rape them.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Rape isn't funny young lady
it's hilarious
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I wish I'd seen this yesterday.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:07, Reply)

I wish it had been taught in school

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:09, Reply)

There I go again, killing all the threads.
..........

..........

.......

....I wish I had a bigger penis
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:24, Reply)