I'd be famous for being Jeff's mistress.
I mean his wife is hot and all but I bet there's some things she won't do.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:11, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Such as...?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:13, Reply)

The laundry
Chances are they have a maid to do that.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Whinge on internet message boards?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Pfft!
How long do I have to stop whinging on here before everyone stops referring to me as the whingy one, albeit deserved?
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

You're too good for the likes of Jeff, Ms Blouse
He wouldn't know what to do with you!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I could draw him a diagram : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Dammit
i'm no good at baiting people on tinterweb
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:21, Reply)

True.
You're no Chompy.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

How long will it take before people stop thinking
I'm some kind of horrific bully?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Or really, really fat?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Well, they'll never stop thinking that
since I am really, really fat.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

You make me look like a waif.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

If I sat down next to you
you would blow away in the breeze created by my stomach rolls oscillating
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

And on the other side of the world, several islands would be engulfed in tidal waves.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Yeah, but nobody really cares about Australia

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

They're all terrible racists too
Even my relations over there.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:40, Reply)

And they talk funny
Ghastly accent. I can't be doing with it. I really do think you should sit down, Mr Al.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

But you're from there!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

*facepalms*
Yup. According to one Algerian, one guy who came from a town near mine and has had the same thing happen to him, and, most confusingly, a real Australian. I suppose it doesn't make me cringe as much as being mistaken for some ghastly public school oik, but it does leave me befuddled in a befuddling sort of way...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Oh public school oiks
There were lots of them in France. You do sound like many of the ones I've met, but I have to say, disregarding my ex, all of them have been straight. So you're free there.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I swear I visibly shudder
Every time I go abroad and overhear, cutting through all and any background noise like a fucking foghorn,
"Oh, par-lay voo on-glay, gar-sonn?"
And then, even though my own atrocious French accent has had me mistaken for a Belgian (less confusing than Aussie), I try my best to blend in and not be recognised as English, lest they come and talk to me or, worse, ask me what fucking school I went to.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Oh no, we were in a little pocket of Surbiton-en-France
it was entertaining. And they made me feel very common by declaring I was very obviously Northern. I'm only SLIGHTLY obviously Northern.

My French accent always was horrific, as I could never be bothered. It picked up for my GCSEs (I did my presentation involving the ocular state of the frontman of Sigur Ros and his guitar playing techniques, among other things) but was still shoddy. Still got me an A* though. Lol.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I overheard an american woman asking a waiter at a cafe
if they had a "MACK-A-ROOOOOON! DO YOU HAVE A MACK-A-ROOOOOOON?" and obviously he had no idea what she was blathering on about so he just stared blankly at her.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Of course, you'd eaten them all.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

You are probably one of the least Northern-sounding Northerners I know
So I guess you must have been somewhere round Provence? Or the Dordogne? Actually, I don't know where they flock these days...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I had no idea you were an Aussie
Cricket, anyone?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I've met him and I didn't know that either.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Just in case there's any confusion:
I'm not. I'm so dreadfully English that my family shares a name with a pokey little village in the East Midlands. But for some reason I have had three people in recent years ask me whether I was Aussie, which...well, you've heard my accent, becky.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Damn
On the day of the fourth ODI I'd like an Aussie to mock. Not Poppet, she's lovely. No offence. I'm from the East Midlands, is your surname Gunthorpe?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Nope.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Grantham?
Help me out here
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:16, Reply)

A bit further South
And - ironically enough - less English-sounding. (Quite a silly-sounding name, if that helps)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Dang
If it's further north than Grantham I probably don't know it, being from Nottingham. Based on your last post I shall hazard a guess that your surname is Ashby de la Zouch
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Sorry, edited it after a look at Google maps, it's actually further South
Edit: Though Ashby-de-la-Zouche would be an awesome surname...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Let's just save ourselves some time here
Is it anywhere near Nottingham?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:24, Reply)

You might have more luck
if you try Leicestershire
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Gah
Frankly, I won't lower myself to such levels. Yes I know Ashby is in Leicestershire, one of my best friends is from there. I shall simply assume your surname is "desperation"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

You should still mock Poppet
ask her what she intends to contribute to the economy during these times of economic austerity.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Cafes and restaurants will always need waitresses.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Only good ones though
ones with suitable qualifications.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Let's not kid ourselves
qualifications breasts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:25, Reply)

You mean to say a high school graduation isn't enough these days?
Well OH EM GEE. What will she do?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:26, Reply)

she was only able to get a tourist visa
so I imagine she will be doing touristy things
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I'm also worried about the migrant cap which has just been imposed

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Ahhhhhhhhh, I see. I feel blonde now. You are afterall terribly terribly british

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Depends how long it takes you
to stop being a horrific bully
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I was going to say exactly the same thing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I think Bert is working on stealing the title

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

The difference is
I'm not also a massive spastic cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I never thought you were a cunt in the first place
although I've never suffered at the hands of your wrath.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Wrath her Al, wrath her HARD.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Bert is more generally abusive
Al concentrates his bullying in streams of viciousness designed to overlook his pathetic jealousy and need for attention
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

ooh meow!
has Al upset you?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Well, every exchange of opinions I've ever had with Al has begun with
him telling me what a phenomenally ugly cunt I am and how I'm unbelievably lucky to have a girlfriend like mine

It's a good job I don't have huge self-esteem problems and spend every day wondering why on earth a woman as beautiful as Ms Foxtrot would give me a second look, eh? Oh...

Plus, he SO wants me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:50, Reply)

If you were the sort of person who woke up every morning
wondering why the woman next to you hadn't snuck off in the middle of the night to find someone who could satisfy her and who she could look in the face without a feeling of intense nausea, then you wouldn't be the Darth Foxtrot we all know and, well, post replies too.

Also, you would have gone to KFC by now. But if you're lucky a b3tan might have called the police on your behalf.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I have two theories about you
One is that you so want me.

The other is that, like everyone else who calls me gay, you're consumed by outrageous jealousy that my girlfriend is massively more attractive than anyone you've ever been anywhere near, and you can't work out how I pulled her.

Frankly, I think the first is more likely.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Ahh, but to blow your second theory out of the water, I've seen Mrs to be Al and she's totally hot. I would.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

That brings us back to theory number one
I can't I'm surprised
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I'm surprised that you can't string a sentence together. No wait, I'm not.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Oh, I really wish I could defend myself against that
I can't even be bothered to ninja it. Am suitably embarrassed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

spastic

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Guilty as charged
*mongs*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:10, Reply)

But he's right, so what's the problem

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Fucking hell, you're hilarious
I absolutely have not heard that before *claps*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

slow















































































































































clap
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

world's most annoying post?
could be
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

This is me caring
So so much.

Hello croissantchops, how goes it?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

not bad
aside from the horrible personal attacks that have been made against me

if only I understood where Ian Dury was coming from my life would be so much better.

how are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Who's making personal attacks? Want me to fuck their shit up? I'm only about for a limited time today as I have naps to fit in since bastard cat woke me at 4:30am today.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:13, Reply)

naa it's cool
cave duck was just being emo and sensitive. I'll forgive him, otherwise he might cut himself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Cave Duck is a cunt

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I think it should be on teh popular page

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I concur
Damn, I thought it was going to fuck up the whole popular page, but it didn't :(
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Just ignore him
she's not that hot.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Al does seem to have some idea of where the line is
Bert is so far over the line, he can't even se the line, the line is a dot to him.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Oh nakedape
You had to go and quote friends didn't you.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Fuck I knew I knew that from somewhere
I'll go and stand in the corner and think about what I've done
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Good point, Mr Tribbiani

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Funny
I was about to say something about croissants. Maybe we've swapped brains without realising?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I though Vipros had started mincing more than usual.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Hmmmmm
Vipros does have a hot fiancee. And I've never seen Vipros and Darth in the same room together.

I have a conspiracy theory!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

it's wrong
I can't dance for shit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

And my efforts to grow facial hair are laughable

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:11, Reply)

That sentence makes no sense
If you're going to mock me, O'Hara, at least get the grammar right
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

ooh I missed a t off, throw me to the lions!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

*releases lions*
*throws*

There you go
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)