Users of B3ta Calendar
Posting this:
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post771743

and I realised that I vaguely recall some b3tans did actually put one together a few years back. Anyone got a link to it, or am I mistaken?
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:21, 130 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Found it....
here it is
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:27, Reply)

oh my god I actually fell for that
damn my desire to see naked freaks.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:29, Reply)

almost got me too
fortunately I saw your post

you saved the day once again
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Always, ALWAYS Mouseover!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:34, Reply)

it's been a while
I've become complacent
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Never mind. Actually found it
web.archive.org/web/20021221181158/www.crapjuggler.co.uk/calendar/index.html
NSFW. As I'm *at* work I've copied the link and hope it's right.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:36, Reply)

DAT LINK DON'T WORK
*cries*
*screams*
*slaps self in the face*
*screams*
*cries*
*repeat*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:38, Reply)

*looks at him pointedly in the hope he calms down*
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:50, Reply)

This does nothing, NOTHING!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:41, Reply)

how tantalisingly infuriating!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:05, Reply)

This sounds horrific, I doubt we could find 12 B3tans who don't use mobility scooters to fill it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I think a month
with myself, Devil in Tights and althegeordie all sweaty working out in the gym would shift units.
( djtrialprice, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:38, Reply)

units stomachs
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:39, Reply)

stomachs ladies fingers toward their velvety folds
( djtrialprice, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:47, Reply)

+ of flab

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Winner!
I give up.
( djtrialprice, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:50, Reply)

give up love myself, I want you to love me, when I feel down, I want you above me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:56, Reply)

It'd be like the Oliva Newton John video for Lets Get Physical.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:41, Reply)

It would be like a jar of pickled eggs, with sweat for vinegar

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:42, Reply)

it'd be a montage I think

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Even Rocky had a montage!

( djtrialprice, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:45, Reply)

exactly
every b3tan in the gym.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:49, Reply)

I'll do the training in the snow
you can be in the gym and DiT can be punching the pig carcass
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Don't call me that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Sorry
DiT can be punching St Jude
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:52, Reply)

what did St Jude
ever do to him?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:54, Reply)

He had a stick
so DiT felt threatened and attacked first
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Ooooh
and Flim Flam can do a month too. She'll wear anything, strike any pose without objection now she's dead.
( djtrialprice, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:04, Reply)

I think she should dress as Lara Croft again.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:05, Reply)

She was hot as Lara
I had a thing for Lara as a younger man. Plus, my bird was wearing a beard that night...
( djtrialprice, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:11, Reply)

You brought a bird along?
Oh boy, is my face red now, I tried to give him a reach around in the toilets.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I enjoyed it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Now I know your a girl
I'm impressed at the size of your clit, but back then I felt quite sorry for you.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:27, Reply)

It's like a silverback's knuckle

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Lord rest her

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:05, Reply)

she's wiv da angels now

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:12, Reply)

wot r angels?
srly she's wiv da angles?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:14, Reply)

finger rape

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:54, Reply)

*smites thee*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Obviously the way to do this again is to have alternating months
of Vipros and PJM.

Croissants and six packs.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Err excuse me, I'm already naked; I'm ready for my close up
*duck face*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I'm not entirely sure people would want to look at me for 6 months of the year

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I can second this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:46, Reply)

*shakes fist*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:47, Reply)

*inserts tamborine*
hey your band is sounding sweet!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:51, Reply)

is that a genuine compliment or part of the gag?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:52, Reply)

I haven't actually listened in a while, thought it was pretty good when I did
Last.fm has been rocking my world today, and I've been massively productive as a result.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:54, Reply)

we've got our new recordings up on myspace
have a listen. always good to get feedback.

I wish I could listen to music. I've had a frustrating day today, not quite had enough info or finished models to actually complete any tasks. most annoying
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Why can't you listen?
We have a lot of analysts here, and so they need music to keep them sane and it's not really fair to not let anyone listen.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:57, Reply)

a little while back an edict came down from above
apparently it doesn't look professional enough, and management want people to engage more with their colleagues.

the main ones of us who suffer are the modellers because we spend a lot of time working on our own, buggering about with lots of data and hearing everyone else in the large open plan office babbling inanely at each other is quite distracting.

To be honest though, my boss isn't in a lot and I'm sat in a dark corner so I could probably get away with it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:03, Reply)

I listened to your band
ask me what I think of them
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:01, Reply)

what do you think?
bearing in mind that incredibly negative comments won't bother me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:06, Reply)

Why assume that it would be negative?
I was going to say that although it pained me to admit it, you're an exceptional bunch of musicians, and that 'Morning Ecstacy' (spelled incorrectly for a girl's name, I presume?) was a particular favourite.
There was another song I really liked too (not Megatron, which was alright, but not ball-grabbingly good), and your video was rather enjoyable too.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I wouldn't put it past you to give comedy feedback
as it is though, thanks and I appreciate it.

Ecstasy and Breakfast should be spelt right, and chances are it's not on there because our drummer can't spell, although, his wife is called stacey....

it was named such because we are really shit at naming songs and the chords are mainly E and B.

megatron generally works a bit better live really. bit more dynamic.

which video was it? the one with the bear, or the one with the dancing girl?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Dancing girl
Who I fell in love with a bit, despite the fact that her dancing is shit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:15, Reply)

she is a really nice girl.
our singer's ex.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I'm sure she is
and that's why I fell in love with her a little bit.

Seriously though, I was going to say that dumber than the average bear were going to be my new favourite band, but that would be all gay and stuff.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:19, Reply)

understandable
she has a very pleasant voice as well, which would only compound matters were you to meet her.

that would be gay. also, I don't really think we are good enough to be anyone's favourite band.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:21, Reply)

You don't think so?
I think you're a pretty talented, well-polished outfit. Other friends of mine in bands have either sounded shit live, or really bad when they've tried to record their music.

Saying that, I haven't heard you live, you may be shit.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:23, Reply)

we are tight when we play live, and generally much better suited to live than recording
we cock up some, but are good at covering it, and improvising.

I think it's the songs themselves that aren't so good. the ones on myspace are among the best, but some of them tend to be a little samey in places. That might just be my perspective though, because of the sort of music I listen to.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:25, Reply)

You might be right
but I really liked 2 of your songs, that's significantly more than anything I've heard on the radio in years
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:28, Reply)

glad to hear it!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Okay, who are you and what have you done with Bert?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:21, Reply)

I'm still Bert
I have to balance out the hate sometimes
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Blind is really rather good, well done you
I would like to see more legs apart metal guitar style playing though!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:24, Reply)

blind is a really old one
I'm working on the look. I have a habit of being almost motionless, but as I get better at guitar solos I feel obliged to move more.

one day I'm going to open my eyes and find I've been playing a solo for 5 minutes with a foot on a monitor
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:26, Reply)

FUCK YEAH
It's what Guitars are for
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I'm getting there :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:28, Reply)

This^ a little bit
I was only going to suggest cranking up the bass and distortion just a fraction though
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I've got a different amp since that recording was done, so things sound a bit different.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:27, Reply)

There would have to be a month devoted to poles.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:52, Reply)

The item of sexy dance equipment, or the nationality?
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Sexy racismlolz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:54, Reply)

item number one.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:54, Reply)

You and Kitty can empower all those women forced to work in the demeaning sex industry
YOU GO SISTAH!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Clamslam!
A new festival of music and dance dedicated to advancing the role of woman in world.

You go girls!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Empowered women from all walks of life will be showing their vaginas to men to demonstrate just how much power they have as women.
For this they will be paid MORE than men in the same position. YOU GO SISTAS! Men of all ages will be forced to look at the womens vaginas and breasts whether they want to or not. GO GIRLS!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Can I just point out,
I never specified who would be on the poles.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:08, Reply)

I think womens vaginas should be on the poles.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:10, Reply)

This

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Well it's an OT calendar,
I've already got dibs on May and Kitty on October, and it would be greedy of us to have more than one month.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Kitty was September I think
I remember she wanted to look asleep
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Oh yeah sorry, September.
You're october, aren't you?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Can't I be October?
My birthday is Hallowe'en
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Why am I not surprised?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:21, Reply)

because you're one of those hilolarious people who thinks that actually means something
and doesn't realise that it's quite a common birthday actually, because it is almost exactly nine months after valentine's day
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:24, Reply)

She's a pagan
so she thinks it's a totally significant date for her lolwitch friends and her to get all naked and dance around in a circle.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:25, Reply)

to empower their female side
of course
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Circlewank!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I don't know anyone else who is Wiccan.
I dance naked on my own :(
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Me too
but I'm not Wiccan, I just like the attention
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Shame

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I accuse goody Applebite

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:33, Reply)

So were you a fortnight premature?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I said almost
but no, I was only a week premature, I was originally due on Bonfire night
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Actually, you said "almost exactly"
The error is about 5%. That's not too bad. I'll let you off!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Pfffft
you pedantic git.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:39, Reply)

No, but I am hilarious.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I know you are, sugartits
I got all that from the picture of your pants in your profile
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:35, Reply)

only if you wear a pumpkin on your head
both heads in fact
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:21, Reply)

And use a pole to empower your female side

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I will do both these things

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:25, Reply)

you have to pose with Gonz tho, his birthday is halloween too

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I know
sickening, isn't it?

I'd happily pose with Gonz, he can be Rocky Balboa, and I'll be Apollo Creed
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:30, Reply)

is that some sort of sexy gay film?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:32, Reply)

It sure is

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:32, Reply)

A friend of mine who is mildly irritating
has made her profile picture on facebook one which shows off her cleavage because she likes to do that a lot. The picture she's chosen makes it look like she has a monobrow. Do I tell her or giggle quietly to myself?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:50, Reply)

tell her
somewhere she can't delete it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Like tagging her in a note on my own wall?
the idea of that amuses me but she'd get well upset and she's the girlfriend of one of my best friends so I'd get in trouble. She is well up her own arse though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:53, Reply)

You link it to perverts like me
so that we can fwap over it, video ourselves doing so and then email her the sexy results
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:52, Reply)

You should post a link

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I'll gaz you her name so you can see yourself
I don't want to risk posting it all over the interwebs, just in case.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:54, Reply)

You gave enough info to find her
It's quite comical!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:55, Reply)

It's not just me is it?
She's always wearing tops like that and getting them out when they're no bigger than mine. She talks about how amazing she is at everything all the time, it does my head in. But my friend is in love with her so I can't say anything.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I've nothing against a woman flaunting her body if she's proud
(unless they're porkers)
But she sounds irritatingly arrogant, which is a stark contrast to Vipros' charming smugness.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:58, Reply)

exactly, the smugness is abrasive.
And unwarranted.

She talks down to everyone and whatever you're talking about, she knows more on the subject. But her bloke told me a bit ago that she's really insecure, so I guess it's just a defence mechanism, which makes me feel bad about saying anything. I just wish we'd get some of that self-deprecation that she lavishes on her boyfriend.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I like how your surname sounds like somebody trying to tell you they have a speech impediment

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Is she the one in the polka dot top?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:01, Reply)

No
who has a polka dot top?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:04, Reply)

she also has a lip ring
and a fullsome pair of funbags

and a name with a silly bit in it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Agreed
Very pretty
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:07, Reply)

the difference is I don't talk about how amazing I am at everything
my smugness comes from being happy with my lot.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:03, Reply)

black top with white spots?
or next to guy passed out on table?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:01, Reply)

next to guy passed out at table.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:04, Reply)

good because the other one should be encouraged to show cleavage

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Oh someone gaz me the name I haven't got time!

(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Passed out dude

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:05, Reply)

steal the picture, put it in your profile, tag her, tag her tits, and then tag her monobrow

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Tag an epilator/waxing strips to her monobrow

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 16:58, Reply)

massive officelol
luckily everyone else has gone home.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 17:01, Reply)