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(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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There's a lightWhat a crappy week, this one and the next. Students doing work placement in my office and I'm the supervisor; 6 this week and 6 next week.
I'm so busy I don't even have time to say hello to you lot.
However, not everything is bad:
www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/paul-the-octopus
If you were a mermaid, which animal would you have as a pet?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:47, 157 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Sea horses - best of all the animals.(
Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:52,
Reply)
Do you know those crab sticks that you put in seafood salads?In Spain we call them crab's little legs. Once my grandma asked my mother to buy a few things for Christmas dinner, including sea horse's little legs (by mistake)
My mother drove mad all the fishmongers in the island, trying to find sea horses' legs.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:57, Reply)
My girlfriend strongly agrees with this.But I think it's largely due to the fact that it's the male that gives birth.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
We have a 3rd year uni lass doing work placement.By gawd that girl knows how tight a skirt should be. Makes me forget me vows.
Mermaids only have humans as pets.
(
Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:49,
Reply)
There are a couple of cute boys hereBut it feels so wrong. They're ilegal and everything.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:50, Reply)
Illegal immigrants, or under age?(
Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:51,
Reply)
Under age17 is the oldest, but they start at 14. I don't even look at those, just in case they sue me.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Is it those skinny hard bodies you crave?Don't answer unless you have counsel and a good defence lined up!
(
Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:55,
Reply)
Of course not!I like them well riped. The knowledge and experience is much better than a bunch of desperate hormones!
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:58, Reply)
You don't want to sleep with someone who'll high five you after orgasm.(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)
Unlike you who takes the pillow off their face when you orgasm.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:06,
Reply)
at least they only have to hold their breath for a minute or soso there's no danger of suffocation.
(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:12,
Reply)
I heard a rumour that he once dislocated his eyebrows from sneering and perving at a passing female too hard.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:16,
Reply)
You can't dislocate eyebrows, only joints.Some people may find your lack of anatomical knowledge charming, I do not.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:19, Reply)
But you're from MK, a land of mutants, where you have boney brows, lips and tongues to aid in the forced on sex that you have with women.So, therefore, I stand correct.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:23,
Reply)
how would that aid any sort of sex.Have you seen a human body before?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
I want someone with enough controlto make me orgasm several times before coming himself, then crying and thanking me for the favour (I've had several of those)
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)
I'm fairly certain that if someone were to thank me I'd punch them in the fucking gonads(
Lisette von Falcon, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:15,
Reply)
You'd have to thank me.I'd make you act as a coffee table for 45 minutes before hand too.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:17,
Reply)
You better have an under shelf where I can put my TV guide or SO HELP YOU GOD.(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:20,
Reply)
a high five is better than a thank you, that's for fucking sure(
Lisette von Falcon, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:19,
Reply)
If we meet....I will show you.It's something special.....from me....to you.....from within.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:28,
Reply)
I'm intrigued and terrifiedin equal amounts
(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:45,
Reply)
"did you taste that roofie? hello? *smacks face* helllooooooooooooo...oh...shit"(
Lisette von Falcon, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:25,
Reply)
Wow!That was amazing! I love you so much!
No, thank you, you're the only woman who's been so kind to me.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:23, Reply)
Do you only have sex with men you picked up in Comic Book stores?I hope they threw a pokeball at you afterwards to try and capture you.
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:25,
Reply)
Damn I was only joking then I read your profile :Soooops!
(
Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:26,
Reply)
It would almost be worth making it with youjust so I could say thanks and receive a swift blow to the gonads.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:23, Reply)
They're having a WAGs day at work on Thursday.I have a feeling it'll be an excuse for the cougars to fake tan it up.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Oh, I seeWhat an stupid idea, isn't it? Do male colleagues get to dress up as well?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)
Christ how awful.A bunch of annoying office turds pretending to be some other pointless, vacuous bints?
I would 200% throw a sickie.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:02,
Reply)
Can't I've got a meeting I need to go to.it's only really going on upstairs though so it'll be easy to ignore.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:03, Reply)
I'm so glad my office doesn't bother with any of that 'morale boosting' shit.(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:13,
Reply)
I would have said the same thing,but shit like this has dropped sickness by about 4% since the world cup began.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:06, Reply)
NoPeople can't be so silly.
Do you go to work like that or is it after work?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:10, Reply)
I don't really want to get into the detailsbut there's been a whole load of events at work during the world cup, everyone's been put in teams of 23 and score points and stuff, and lots of other bits and pieces with prizes to be won and things.
I was very dubious when it was put forward, but it's worked.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:13, Reply)
The World Cup is a football tournament that takes place every four yearsUnlike most of us, you're still allowed to be interested
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
There must be a sea-crowor something like that, that you'd prefer.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:51, Reply)
No sea-crow I'm aware of, though there are sea-cows (manatees)But I like walruses. And they remind me of my father.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:08, Reply)
He's a large gentleman and has an impressive moustache that even Robert Winston would look at in admirationI think it's a good thing.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:13, Reply)
Good, goodIf you ever compare me with a walrus or a sea lion or anything like that, you're dead. No mater how good you try to make it sound. Dead. DEAD.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:15, Reply)
Why would I compare you to a walrus?You didn't have a moustache when I met you.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:17, Reply)
And I don't have it yetJust saying, you don't know how things will change.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
If I was a mermaidI would play with my boobies. Their little blue feet would brighten my day.
(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:54,
Reply)
You'd be a male mermaidYou wouldn't have boobies or little colonel to play with.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:59, Reply)
You have a filthy mind young ladyI was of course referring to the blue-footed booby, a native bird of the Galapagos Islands and a close relative of the albatross.
(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:01,
Reply)
YOU have a dirty mindSea birds don't like male mermaids, didn't you know?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:05, Reply)
That's a merman.The 'maid' part of mermaid meaning girl. You've 'maid' an error.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:07,
Reply)
Me personally, or the nation as a whole?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:18,
Reply)
The phrase Boobie trap comes from the snares taht sailors would use to catch Boobieson their boats. FACT
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:06,
Reply)
You can't spell 'booby'ALSO FACT.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:19,
Reply)
To be on the safe sideget a clownfish and paint it black & white
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:55,
Reply)
After all the lovely goodbyes and FB friend requests...how annoyed would you be if I told you my new work's firewall is shithouse?
Also; a lobster which spoke with a dicey caribbean accent
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:58, Reply)
Hello!!How are you doing? How is the new job? Interesting? Challenging? Exciting?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)
DisappointingTurns out they're downsizing the department and only want me until September 30th. I found this out this morning. On my first day in the office
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)
This morning I did feel a slight twinge of sadness when I realised you hadn't postedthus meaning your job probably had a wall of fire.
(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:27,
Reply)
What?That's crap? They should have told you before you resigned from the other job!
What are you going to do?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:06, Reply)
Work hard and apply for one of the new jobs being createdwhilst also consulting the Citizens' Advice Bureau about whether or not I should be entitled to get paid the full length of my contract (6 months).
And abuse the internet facilities in a guilt-free fashion
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:08, Reply)
It all sounds goodI think you should claim all the salary, yes. They should have told you in advance.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)
Damn straightIf I get any of it without having to work for it I'm going to hire myself some prostitutes to help me celebrate
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:19, Reply)
Define cheapclean is less of a concern, you won't be by the end of it
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
Stick with it.Be the best you can be, impress the hell out of them and you never know.
Perhaps the downsizing won't be quite so bad.
Keep your pecker up and smile.
Love
Pollyanna.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)
That is more or less the planand if my work ethic fails to impress them, you make a good point about my pecker.
Thanks for the encouragement mate
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:13, Reply)
Oh, don't get me started on Billbut seriously, The Little Mermaid is one of my favourite films of all time. Sebastian is a Crab, definitely not a lobster.
I had an argument with an ex a few years back about this, I very much proved her wrong
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:05,
Reply)
Good for you sirand I apologise for being wrong about Disney. It is punishable by death in some countries
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:06, Reply)
You know how much I like youBut I'd give you that punishment if it was on my hand. The Little Mermaid. It should be studied at school!
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:07, Reply)
This^I know every word to every song, and may or may not have danced around in my pants while singing 'Under the Sea' on the Disney Singstar game
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:10,
Reply)
I have an 8 year old daughterthat's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:29,
Reply)
sleeping beauty is my favoriteI was once an 8 year old girl, that's my excuse
(
Lisette von Falcon, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:37,
Reply)
It's shitAurora is one of the crappest disney princesses ever
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:54,
Reply)
Pfffftwhat sort of a name for a prince is 'Phillip' anyway?
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:23,
Reply)
Me too, me too!But in Spanish, obviously, and with a very strong mexican accent, as in the age of The Little Mermaid we got all our Hollywood films translated into Spanish by the Mexicans.
Bajo del mar, bajo del mar...
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:19, Reply)
That sounds awesome!I may have to learn the spanish version, and totally salsa it up
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:30,
Reply)
HarshYou could at least grant me a last request. Warning; you won't like it
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:11, Reply)
I'm unlikely to agree to being killed if there's no pre-execution bang-bang(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)
Who would discuss about it?He's clearly a crab. He looks like a crab. And the cheff keeps calling him crab all the time.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:07, Reply)
You have greatly over-estimated the intelligence of my former partnersthey think that because he's red he must be a Lobster.
Idiots.
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:09,
Reply)
Plus, he does make references to the evil Mobster Lobster.So the word and the voice become associated whereas he probably doesn't say much about crabs. Or summat.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)
I'd forgotten about Mobster Lobster!I'm taking over this rock, see?
(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:29,
Reply)
Yeah, I can't decide whether to start a "Cartoon Characters You Fancy" or a "Great Cartoon Villians " thread.What do you think?
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
OOOH, look who's back*clears throat*
*hoists horse out of formaldehyde*
++BUMDER ALERT. BUMDER ALERT. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GET OUT OF YOUR ARMOURED UNDERPANTS, THE BUMDER IS BACK, REPEAT: THE BUMDER IS BACK. BE DOUBLY VIGILANT AS HIS CAREFULLY STAGED FAUX-DEPARTURE MAY HAVE LULLED YOUR CATFLAPS INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY. YES, IT WAS NICE TO LIVE WITHOUT FEAR OF THE BUMDER FOR A FEW DAYS, BUT HE IS BACK. HE HAS BEEN SIGHTED BUMDERING AROUND THIS THREAD LIKE THE GREAT BIG MINCING BUM-PLUNDERER HE IS. BUMDER ALERT, BUMDER ALERT. BACKS BACK AGAINST THE WALL. BUMDER ALERT.++
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)
*sighs theatrically*I wish I didn't find this quite so bloody funny. But I do. Damn you, Crowsephine!
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:18, Reply)
You'd miss it if it wasn't there.In the same way that I've missed having someone to abuse on a regular basis. Welcome back, you big bumder!
*hugs*
*backs away to press rear end against heavy-duty optical bench*
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:20, Reply)
*hugs**attempts to grope*
*discovers electrocuted trousers*
Well played, sir
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)
STINGRAY...STINGRAY...da da da da, DA DA!and to a lesser extent, "Marina...Aqua Marina..."
(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:08,
Reply)
F.A.B. Virgil!no wait..."THIS...IS THE VOICE...OF THE MYSTERONS..."
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:18,
Reply)
very much confusedall of the time
(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:21,
Reply)
He's Colin Stagg IRL.Do you really want to fuck with the Stagg-meister?
Fuck THAT shit, I say.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:23,
Reply)
They're gonna give me my own TV showIt's either going to be called "Snog, Marry or Stab 49 times" or "How to look good naked and dead on Wimbledon common"
(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:28,
Reply)
Yeah,keep those annoyingly-effervescent Aussie fucking so-called 'nature experts' at bay.
Crikey!
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:25,
Reply)
I'm fucking terrible, old boy.You?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:36,
Reply)
Dear oh dearPassable this week, with a view to things getting worse as the week wears on, but we'll see how it pans out.
(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:38, Reply)
how dare you speak ill of Steve Irwin!He was awesome.
(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:30,
Reply)
With consummate ease.The man was an oaf - and, ultimately, incompetent.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:37,
Reply)
oh leave him alone, he got people interested in nature and shitand his enthusiasm was contagious.
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:52,
Reply)
If onlyhe'd left that angry stingray alone, his daughter might still have a dad.
He was boor and an idiot.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:20,
Reply)
But worse than that, he had a really bad haircut. I'm quite a forgiving fellow, but he went beyond all reasonable tonsorial boundaries.(, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:41, Reply)
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