Would you...

change your name to Horatio Fudgemountain for 23,000ukp?
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:38, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Are you sure?

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Entirely sure.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Super sure with icecream, sugar, and fluffy kitties on the side?

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Of course.
I'd do anything for the UKIP.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I HATE BLACKS!
I HATE BLACKS

Excuse me, I've got no idea where that came from.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Stop typing with your cock.

( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:42, Reply)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:47, Reply)

It's very black.

( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

thank you.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

well it knows how to spell.
a terribly important quality in cocks
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

you should see it blow raspberries at people

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

i cant, ive got a bad leg

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Don't worry, I'll poke it trough the window whilst you're watching Eastenders.
Might have a lap at your tea though.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)

i tell you what, id pay good fucking money to see that.
i live in a flat.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I've got a tramoline and a choice bit of drain pipe.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:02, Reply)

IM WAITING.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Er fackin 'ell, put your clothes on! looks like a right racket in ya bracket.
My eyes hurt from the crotch sun.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:07, Reply)

It doesn't matter where it came from.
What matters is that it came over here and took our jobs.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

bloody irish, coming over here, buying me beer.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

They x rayed my bag at the port when I was leaving.
As if I'd bring bombs OUT of Britain.
I was mightily offended.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

they were searching for pots of gold used in money laundering

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Sure and aren't they buried under a rainbow at all at all.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)

my mind
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

No
because by complete coincidence my name IS Horatio whateveryoutyped
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I actually do want to change my name
right now my surname is that of my step dad, but I don't want to change it to my real father's surname, because that's gay. I want to change it to my grandparent's surname, out of respect to them, but it involves a lot of hassle with passsports, banks and birth certificates etc.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Would it be easier to change it to Fudgemountain?

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

changing it at all is the problem
I don't want to be Bert *****, I want to be Bert *******
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Super-gay

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:51, Reply)

yer.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I reckon I would

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Oh bugger off.
You'd do it for half a croissant and smack on the arse.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

depends on who it was from
and who'd had the other half of the croissant
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)

No
But I may end up changing my name legally, or at least adding a middle name.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

My middle name is kind of boring
I could be tempted to legally change it to Crowsephine if I got the £23k up front.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:54, Reply)

It seems to me that you're tempted by lots of things these days.

( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

totally waiting patiently for offtopic gossip here

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)

I think this has more to do with clenders' shrewd observation of my overuse of the phrase
"I could be tempted."

_{At least, I hope it's that...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)

It's because you're an even bigger whore than I am
when it comes to b3ta men.*



*lies and speculation
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)

I don't know about him being
a) a bigger whore than you or
b) whether he's after b3ta men.
However, I don't think he's the sweet and innocent character I imgined he was.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:03, Reply)

You are entirely correct, both of those are slander
"Bumbling" is how I'd describe him, though. Partly because it's an old fashioned word, it's accurate and it has "bum" in it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I will accept that I am really quite bumbling in nature.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Snap judgement totally here
but you did strike me as the kind of chap who will become James May.
(berk, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)

You'll never guess who I had sex with

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Oh god, it wasn't me, was it?

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:02, Reply)

tell us, tell us the tale

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:02, Reply)

it was just my right hand I again
but I'm beginning to suspect he may be cheating on me
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)

fuck me what an anti climax
id like my 50 pence back please
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:07, Reply)

I've put it up my anal canal
you'll have to go in and get it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:19, Reply)

dont make out that rotten fucking crevice has any hold left in it at all
that things baggier than gail tilsleys tits
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:23, Reply)

things that made me go :( today #1
nsfa
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Her tits look like a Henson's charicter's eyes.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:40, Reply)

MY EYES! MY EYES!!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 19:48, Reply)

WITH MRS BUUUUUMHOLE...... IN THE LIBRARY.....WITH THE CANDLESTICK!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:09, Reply)

you're SO wacky
I remember when you used to be funny, it was really good, but now you seem like a poor man's Gonzo
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:20, Reply)

I'm getting shit from you..... a right unfunny mega spastic. riiiiiight.
You judging my humour is like a Down's Syndrome telling Michael Schumacher he's not a good driver.

as I've said before, I'm just being silly, not funny, I'm not here for your entertainment.

Work on your own 'humour' before judging others. you dentybrain.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:39, Reply)

complete fail again, DG
Not even so much as a smirk that time
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I read that as a waa waa a boo de hoohoo.
it's not funny to you because it's true. and the truth hurts.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Pfffffffft
You've never seemed this serious on /talk, is there something about Off Topic that turns people into pathetic, over-sensitive, piss-pants girls?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)

nah dude, just people being dicks to me for no reason will get told what I think
exactly the same on /talk.

you tell me, you seem to be very bi-polar and beakerish on here, I'm just saying it the way I see it dude when someone tries to be a failcripple towards me.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:05, Reply)

That one wasn't even remotely funny
Can't you go back to when you used to talk about kicking dogs til they sicked rainbows please?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:06, Reply)

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Back when you were funny, that would have been hilarious

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:10, Reply)

It may not equal twenty three grand, but we'd definitely organise a whip around if you chose Gonzoinawig as your middle name.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Ok, that made me laugh.
A lot.

I'd forgotten I looked like Gonzo in a wig.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:59, Reply)

It's precisely half of the facts about you that I know.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)

The other is that I slept with SexFace?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)

You know, I wasn't going to mention that.
But while we're on the subject, I met SexFace last week.
And I didn't have sex with him.
It's actually quite easy to do.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Do you have ANY self esteem?
It's alright for some.

I'm surprised you came away from that meeting unviolated, the amount of raw sexuality (DG) and sidling that would have occurred...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:11, Reply)

id like to teach you self esteem
beat it into you if i have to. i was trying to teach pauly to be mean for a while but he's a lost fucking cause
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:21, Reply)

I'm going to try and lose weight
and keep my double chin up for the time being.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:24, Reply)

it could be worse.
you could be ginger.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I was orange for a short while.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:28, Reply)

i was born red.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Better than I used to be, at least.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:26, Reply)

thats the combined effort of mam & rose that is

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Hahahahaha, Horatio Fudgemountain ! Hahahaha, that is the funniest thing I've heard in all my days.
Oh man, imagine being called that, you would pick up the phone and be all like "Hello, my name is Horatio Fudgemountain, how can I help you?" And they'll all be like "Horatio? Like the dude in CSI and from that shakespear play?" and you'll be all like "Yeah' ! And fudgemountain too ! It's like a mountain of fudge ! which could mean poo ! Imagine that, a poo the size of a mountain !" and they'll be like "Fuck off you dull shut-in, nobody likes you, stop being so fucking hard and trying on your parents, no wonder your fucking brother disowned you, christ all mighty", and then you'll be like "NIII ! NIII! DO YOU REMEMBER MONTY PYTHON ? THE NIGHTS WHO SAY NI !!!!".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:59, Reply)

That's very unlikely I would say.

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Donno, don't care.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:21, Reply)

You should care

we want to keep the standards of the Internet high don't we?
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Don't you have some studying to do or something?
I ressent my tax-payer's money going towards your 'higher education'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:26, Reply)

My initials are A.D.C. and I am seriously considering
adding another middle name beginning with C just to have A.C.D.C. quite gay but it would give me a little thrill everyday.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)

And what's wrong with sharing your initials with an
Analogue-to-Digital Converter?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:02, Reply)

because I don't know what one is?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:03, Reply)

you could add a surname starting with P
and then you'd be an Acoustic Doppler Current Profiler
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:06, Reply)

ok for the third time, I don't know what this is either? sure I know what the indiviual words mean but in that order? pah !!!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Adult Day Centre
seems more appropriate
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I don't know what that is either?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:06, Reply)

It's where care in the community types go
when they're not wanking in shopping centres
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Lidl?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I didn't look that closely

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:13, Reply)

comedy gold

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Eye fank ewe!
I'm here all week etc
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I was going to say
Aide De Camp was pretty cool, but you sad bastard!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:11, Reply)

I haven't done it yet purely for that reason
it's sad
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I was calling Crow sad because of the techie stuff
Aide De Camp is badass :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Still not used to this reply thing yet
The more time I spend on here the more of a spastic I feel.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Sure why not
then with the money, i'd change it back the next day
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:22, Reply)

I think you have to wait, like 6 months or something before you can change it again. It might even be longer.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:26, Reply)

I still say it'd be an easy £23,000
Plus money from the papers for being lolwaki.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:28, Reply)

The perma-loser made the offer now, has to make good on it, he would have wasted his student loan anyway, bribing the staff at Blockbusters for the cardboard displays for the latest Doctor Who or comic book film.
He'd cut out a hole in Catwomen's crotch and attach his fleshlight, if his mum wouldn't question his bank statements every week.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Students don't get that much
Not in my day anyway and certainly not in one lump sum.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)

my grant for next year is pretty pap but I also get the adult learners grant so works out as not too shabby but its 3 seperate payments

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:02, Reply)

GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY THEN

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)