Bartleby has just reminded me,
I sometimes think about what would happen if I was horribly killed in a random freak accident possibly involving heavy duty farming machinery (this isn't what he reminded me of, don't worry).

I think I should work on my last words to make sure Wiggy doesn't remember them as being "don't forget the damn milk this time dumbass".

I once said "I'm going to the shop. I may be some time" in the hope of leaving them as my last words should the freak accident involving heavy duty farm machinery take place. Wiggy told me that was a cliche, so should the freak accident involving heavy duty farm machinery have taken place on that occasion, my last words to him would have been "fuck you, your face is a cliche".

What do you want your last words to be? What do you think they probably will be?

Alt Q: It's nearly lunch time, what are you having? Is it horribly disappointing now that we've been discussing cheese and steak for an hour?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:28, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"the money is in the..."

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Oh I'm stealing this
and saying it every time I leave the house.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:34, Reply)

"I'm sure it's perfectly safe, give it here"

( Kroney, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)

I think mine will probably be
"oh it's only undercooked chicken, it'll be fine".
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

"Oh, cock..."
Alt Q: Dunno, probably some left over Greek lentil stew and some carrot and pumpkin bread. Nom.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I don't want to have last words, per se
I want to be in a bed, surrounded by all my family. I'll beckon them closer, let loose a window rattler of a fart, giggle, and then die, leaving them to choke on the fumes of a dead man.

Alt Q: Something cheap!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

This!
I like this, cos I do!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

What an awesome question
Although I genuinely hope my last words will be "so I'm actually descended from a TimeLord and will regenerate once these massive drugs overwhelm my wizened 128-year-old frame, which is, if I'm honest, ill-equipped to endure an orgy with the female cast of Firefly who were all cryogenically frozen in 2010 for this precise purpose? Sweet!"

I imagine they'll actually be somewhat less eloquent. "oh, fuck" springs to mind
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

"i bet i can you cheeky fuck..
look, watch this, it's easy!"
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

"you double dare me eh?"

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

DAMN YOU KROPOTKIN!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I don't get this
is it about BSG?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

never watched it
I think it's a punt and dennis thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

It's from Punt and Dennis
An old comedy show
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

fuck, that takes me back

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Sorry, I just can't resist these
back roughly from behind whilst yelling "squeal, piggy, squeal!"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

She wouldn't say that to me
I'm not Vipros
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

You are, however, a master of disguise
for the purposes of this conversation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

I would never assume a disguise so I could trick a girl into sleeping with me
Well, just the once anyway.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Just the once you already did...
or just the once you'd do it for Kitty, BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER?!

See, I'm already confusing you with Chompy. God, you're good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

And you're confusing Kitty with Applebite
Unless Chompy loves Kitty too?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Let's assume he does
Was actually harping on the old meme that I think Larry accidentally started about Kitty and Applebite being the same person, but it's not unreasonable to believe that Chompy wants a bit of O'Hara action
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Ha!
Humour c.1994 FTW!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

"But Grandma, what big teeth you have."

(Cave Duck, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

I'd like my last words to be
"I will fight you to my dying breath, and even if I am defeated, wherever my soul is taken to, I shall find a way to return. Know this as truth, no matter where you go, I shall find you and I will destroy you."

However, they're more likely to be "Sure, I'd love another slice of pizza".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:39, Reply)

How did I remind you?
I expect my last words will either be "stop hitting me officer" or "do you think I can take this corner at 110?"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

By trying to take the corner of Kitty's street at 110mph in that heavy duty farm machinery-type vehicle.

(Cave Duck, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

whilst being hit by a policeman

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Tractors can get up to 110?!
I fucking knew they were just being awkward bastards by driving at 17mph!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Well, not normal ones...
but Wiggy has hired Battered to drive special souped up ones, with extra dangerous farm machinery hitched to the back, up and down your street as he wants your cupcake empire for himself.

Sorry to have to be the one that tells you.
(Cave Duck, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Sshhh. We're not ready yet - still sharpening the blades on the machinery

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

ooh sorry
it wasn't you, it was Bartleby! Whoops.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

well
being the daft old romantic that I am frankly it starts and ends with looking into their eyes, squeezing a hand gently and whispering "I love you"

then easing a knife in between the ribs, carving them up, whipping up a nice roast with the inner thigh, going moaty and dying in a hail of bullets
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

ha ha "going Moaty"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

my last words will be
"less people are out tonight than I expected, how about you Crow?"

I also want the guy who reads out my will to be John Anderson and I will make everyone fight Gladiators style to win prizes/sentimental crap I have left.

My funeral will be a Hawaiian style shindig with lots of cocktails and a steel band playing the Hawaii Five-O theme. AFterwards there will be Mario Kart and walnut whips
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Ah man, that sounds good.
Makes me want to kill you sooner!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I want the old spice guy to read my eulogy
god I love him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

"Hi there
Kitty is dead, look at my pecs, she died in a horrific way, bench-pressing closed casket one handed!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

look at me, now look at kitty's corpse
now back to me, now back to the corpse.

Expensive magnifying glass.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Also,
excellent funeral plans. I may steal that for my wedding.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

"My god, that's barely enough arrows to take down just one volocorapter. May god help us.".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

"I'M SORRY MISTER [nancy from hollyoaks] ! PLEASE, PUT THAT DOWN, WE CAN LOOK PAST THIS".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

:D

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

hahah
now I want mine to be "clever girl!"

That's definitely up there with "I may be some time"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I say that a lot
So I hope it's not my last words.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

unless you're going to die on the toilet
it probably won't be.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

My friend's brother said to his wife
"See you around" and she said it back, and then he slipped off.
If you think that's cheesy you're all bastards because I think it's funny and sweet.

EDIT: and for lunch I had a can of beans and a banana. Fuck off.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

awww that's dead sweet
*tears*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

it's because
it isn't a goodbye that makes it poingant
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Innit :(

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Your lunch is that of a pregnant woman.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

it would be if that's what I'm craving
But I'm actually craving normal things like brie and a baguette
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You can't eat brie when you're pregnant.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Well you could, but your baby would be born French and immediately go on strike.
And then where would the economy be, eh?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I had a ton of it at the picnic on Saturday
so the kid will be well monged
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

b3tan material then

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

it would have no choice

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

The lunch of kings, Gary.
The lunch of kings.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Cheers, Guv

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:55, Reply)

*Nods*
Mind you, I don't like bananas.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I don't trust them, I have to say

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I also feel vindicated in my dislike of bananas because Vipros doesn't like them either and he has a beard.
I don't like bananas and also have a beard, which makes us both right and everyone else wrong. Although croissants don't do anything for me either.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I don't have a massive love of croissants either
they are quite nice at times, but not frequently

bananas are fucking revolting though.

Also, where did you get your frock coat?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Company called Fantasy Waistcoats.
Google them.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I believe I have already seen their site, cheers

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Beans too
bananas are gross
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

"My...only regret is...having boneitis"

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

pahahahaha
I was trying to remember that disease the other day. And that sodding song.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

You remember that song "safety dance"?
"Sure do...DO DO DOOO DA DO DO DOOO"

Y'know, it wasn't as safet as they made it out to be.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

very nice

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

One of my favourite episodes
HIT THE RETALIATE BUTTON!

"Which one mommy?"

ANY ONE, THEY ALL RETALIATE!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

this has reminded me of an episode of the simpsons where for some reason Mr Burns actions are controlled by (possibly) Smithers
"Slap him for me"
*slaps homer*
"now you"
*slaps smithers*
"now him again"
*slaps homer*
"now give me a taste"
*slaps burns*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

"ahhh, so that's how it happens..... the story of my life".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

"hey guys watch this!"
/rednecks last words

alt: i dunno, it's still breakfast, i'm having strawberry banana gum
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

"I'll take you all on"
before being beaten to death
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

There was a study done, several years ago
where thousands of cars around the world had microphones linked to black box recorders secretly installed. After fatal crashes, the black boxes were recovered, to find out what were the final words of the driver.

In every English speaking country, and indeed some others, by car the most common was "Shit!".

Except in Australia, where it was, "Hey Sheila, hold my beer and watch this!"
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Another study
looked into why the end of a penis was shaped the way it was. The French study concluded that it was to give more pleasure to the woman. The British study concluded that it was so the man experienced more pleasure during lovemaking.

The Australian study concluded that it was to stop the blokes hand flying off the end and smacking him in the head.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

When I did a 180 turn in the snow earlier this year
as the car gracefully slid closer and closer to a bollard I apparently shouted out both 'Shit!' and 'Fuck!'
So my 12 year old son says.
I suspect he may be right.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Bloody hell, I go down the shops, and I end up as a thread title.
My last words on earth will probably be "bugger, I forgot to throw the porn away."

I would like them to be "I was just doing my duty, saving the world."
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:35, Reply)