I just heard my brother’s review of Sonisphere
A highly amusing account that had me in stitches over a number of his observations: it sounds like a belm-fest of titanic proportions.

BELM 1: About five in the morning on the first night he met a young chap who’d come all the way from Berwick upon Tweed to see his favourite band, a Finnish ‘folk metal’ act who performed in stupid panto GWAR type outfits. This lad proclaimed that he ‘wished he’d worn his chain mail’ and that at the last show he’d been crowd surfing in chain mail, brandishing a plastic axe. The mind truly boggles.

BELM 2: Iron Maiden: so totally shit my brother walked off after just a few tunes. First Dickinson announced that they had increased attendance by some percentage by not playing the old tunes (at which point my brother’s interest waned severely) – my bro said if he’d have produced a pie chart or spreadsheets he would not have been surprised. Beanie hat and lycra apparently, the fucking turd – surprise lack of Simpsons tie though. My bro said he took refuge in the cider tent where they were playing drum n bass – ‘a bit better?’ I asked. ‘Not really, I had to keep going outside to get drinks, but at least I was away from ‘Maiden’.

Alice in Chains: ‘so shit I didn’t make it to the end of the first song'
The Cult: ‘great but Astbury’s been at the pies’
Slayer: ‘as good as The Cult’
Motley Crue: ‘shit but funny-shit. Sixx has also been at the pies’
Rammstein: head and shoulders the best of anyone seen.

He took six litres of Shiraz Pinotage and his own plastic wine glasses, the great queer, and a large lump of hashish that I procured for him. He saw a bloke carrying a bong and asked to borrow it, giving the chap one to say thank you. The chap (Welsh) nearly cried and said it was the strongest dope he’d ever smoked, my brother was laughing to himself ‘I’ve fucking done him!’, and then realised he also ‘done’ himself and needed a lie down. Hubris in action right there.

So there you go.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:24, 77 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Probably Turisas
They're pretty ace
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I was thinking it might have been them
Not heard much, not a fan of what I have heard though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Great fun to watch
Got an entire Sunday morning crowd dancing at Download
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

they were entertaining
if only for their outfits
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Did you like their cover of Rasputin?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

it was interesting

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:18, Reply)

I went to glastonbury.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I'm going to Bloodstock

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Is Glasto on next year or is it the break? I am def going to the next one.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I think it's on next year then breaking after that.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

good
still haven't been.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Nice review!
I want to know what Vipros, Darth and AmberI thought of it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I just want Amberl.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Haven't you already had her?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Ah, yes
-eyes glaze over-
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I didn't go sadly
My whole guestlist offer fell through like a prolapse. Been texting Amberl about it today, sounds like she had a great time. Loses so, so many points for leaving halfway through Pendulum's set to go watch fucking Fightstar though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Ah gutted dude
That sucks :(
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Never mind
InFest in 25 days. Can't fucking wait
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Fightstar are shite live
I was pretty disappointed. I remember when they first appeared, their first 2 tracks were pretty good. Then everything went shite.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Fightstar are shite on record too
which is why I'm so appalled at Amberl
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

True
As I say though, Lost in The Flood (or whatever the fuck it was called) and Paint Your Target were pretty solid tracks, then it all went wrong
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

They've done well to distance themselves from that horrific abortion of a group that their singer left to form them
but that's it. And really, given the crimes against music they perpetrated, Mr Eyebrows (don't know his actual name) should have atoned further by killing McFly and any other band that tried to fill the void (hehe)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

I liked Busted
There's a joy in listening to music that is exactly as silly as it's meant to be, as well as it being fun(!)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

You missed the (!)

(TheColonel, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Don't know what you're talking about
Thank you
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

bad luck fella
Pendulum for fight star? isn't that punishable by death?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Nope
If she'd left a GOOD band, it'd be that. An average band is punished simply by disapproving looks.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

FUCK RIGHT OFF
Yes, Flinchy, it is. Unless the girl in question is hot enough to be excused. Which Amberl is.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Pendulum aren't very good
Yes, I've heard about their reputation live, and they do sound impressive. But live performances don't make up for sub-par tracks in the first place, nor do they vice versa.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I really really like Pendulum and its not my usual music
Hotness is also good.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Only Lacuna Coil level hotness
Below that just isn't enough
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Lacuna Coil, pfffffft
Konnie Huq mother fucker!!! Konnie Huq!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)

So, you think that
This is hotter than This?

Weird boy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

They are both hot but I have a thing for Konnie Huq.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Vipros was there and I don't think he's surfaced today
must have been good
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

He's enjoying an extra large Croissant methinks

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

MASSIVE DRUGS!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Hardly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

MASSIVE DRUGS

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

The smallest available, surely?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

MASSIVE JUGS!

( girlinthehole, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

MASSIVE PUGS!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

my boss just saw my screen at the wrong time
she now thinks I'm thinking of getting a dog!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Oh god, I saw a pug on gumtree in enfield and I was all like "WANT WANT WANT WANT"
but then real life got in the way of my dreams, again.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Gonz's dream-list festival line up.
Semisonic, Speedway, Dan Le Sac vs Scroobilous Pip, Will Smith, Plan B (raping not singing), Eminem, Goo Goo Dolls, Colin hay and ...ermm.... that's what I think up right now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Raping not singing?
I love you Gonz, but I won't go to that festival.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I would watch Plan B rape Eminem

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Josh Radin in there too methinks

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

MASSIVE MUGS!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Rammstein
are the best live act I've ever seen.
( WormuIus, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Better than Asia?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

mine is a toss up
between Modest Mouse and The Shins, Queen were awesome too but I was 4 and cannot really remember being there.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I'm going to the football on Saturday
a friendly against Osasuna. Haven't been to a festival in aaaaages as I am old and decrepit.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Your bro is wrong
Alice in Chains were fucking awesome, as were Slayer and Maiden and Bigelf and Rammstein and Karnivool and Apocalyptica

The Cult were fucking dreadful. Shit guitar sound, Astbury can't get enough breath to even deliver half the words.

All that said, Dickinson did gush somewhat and I wouldn't have been surprised to see the charts you refer to. Still great though. (He wasn't wearing lycra)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Hiyaaaa

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

alright pet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

You tired but happy?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

yeah, music was fucking ace
despite what Monty's brother mistakenly says.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Never trust a man who'd eat from a skip

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

a good rule to live by
additional: met Amberl which was nice, gave her a brief course in how to roll a joint. You came right at the top of the list of truly lovely people from b3ta ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

How were her breasts?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

mere words cannot do them justice

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

They are glorious, aren't they?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

One that comes close is 'ample'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

You need fisherman style hand signals
"they're this big"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

all of the above

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Shocking
Corrupting the youth, but forgiven all the same ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

None of them
are a patch on The Corrs.
( Kroney, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Biggest disappointment was Pendulum
if I wanted to hear the same shit banging dance track and be shouted at by a moron with a microphone then I'd got to a fucking fairground run by pikeys
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

THE LOUDER YOU SCREAM THE FASTER THE RIDE
AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I enjoy Pendulum
A friend of mine stole a lifejacket from EasyJet (yes, despicable), put it on, and inflated in the middle of the pit at Leeds 09. Excellent.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

I like them
but on the whole prefer their slower less banging and samey tracks.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

They do have one song,
the one song is alright, fairly good, but too much is a bit O_o

Their remix of Voodoo People is brilliant though.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

that was good, was surprised they did it
that one and Tarantula were definitely the best bits of their set by a mile.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Tarantula reminds me of a bad night
where I mixed red wine, white wine, Coke (cola), vodka and cider :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

That was silly of you

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I was only 17, and hadn't drank much before
I remember sobbing and telling people to roll me onto my back so I could die.

This was a few months BEFORE I was diagnosed with depression.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Yes, that is a stellar remix
They played it when I saw them, and it was the best track of the night.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)

were you a fan of pendulum before you saw them this weekend? or had you seen them before?
I really want to see them live.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I was a bit of a fan
kind of been put off a bit though, music was great and all, but the bellowing idiot MC guy irritated me a lot
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Yes, he is a pain

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Is it right
that Dickinson addressed God, asking why he took Ronnie James Dio?

Please let this be true.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

it was very tongue in cheek
I suspect you will ignore that and just take from it your desired conformation.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

He is still a prime knob-jockey.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

he's enthusiastic and more than a little nerdy with it
but I still enjoy the music.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

So in reality
he was taking the piss out of the death of RJD? Really?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

no, the questioning of god about it was
he dedicated a song to RJD, and said something along the lines of "god knows why it was him who died, actually, God probably does know" *tongue-in-cheek look to the sky with a questioning look*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

did you see The Stooges?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:06, Reply)

I saw some of their set
my companions weren't overly enamoured so we headed back for food and spliffs during it. They sounded great though, which further highlighted how rubbish Ian Astbury now is.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I hear
that there was rampant fornication happening during the Stooges set.....................unless the BF imagined it........
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:38, Reply)

He did say most people weren't into it.
Shame you didn't get the full experience.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Too many metallers to get a really great crowd for The Stooges I suspect!
Bigelf didn't disappoint though. They were absolutely superb.

I'm glad I refreshed my memory of Slayer a couple of weeks ago, otherwise might have missed them. My mrs and my mate were rather surprised at how much they enjoyed Slayer. Best thing about them was that they looked like they were enjoying it so much. Massive crowd response, which was great.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Your brother's taste in music is obviously...
...much better than his taste in Festivals. What an absolutely shit line up.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)