Yay and hurrah! A fireman is coming to sort out the smoke alarm with 2 hours.
I asked for a pretty one and the woman giggled, so I'll probably get a 20 stone scary cunt called Bob who'll ask me if I've tried turning it off and on again.

What visitors are you expecting in the near future?

Alt Q: what colour are your pants today and can they be seen if you stand on a chair?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:32, 103 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My dear ol' Ma
will be my first visitor in the new flat.

Alt: Black and red, and always.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)

You got a move date yet or are people still shimmying into your room and turning their noses up because it smells of bleach and lye?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Someone's very kindly kicking me out
the day before I move, which is the 26th. I have to spend my last night in my current place on the floor in the lounge. Room smells like funk and flash now :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Aww that's good of them. Don't you have friends you could stay with or do you not trust your flatmates with your stuff if its not in your room?
Can't strikethrough on here, but I'm laughing at your room smell
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Like fuck I trust anyone with all the kit
in the boxes :)

Oh I know you would, feelth.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I'm wearing green boxers
quite possibly the least attractive colour of underwear there is.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Brown boxers
are pretty unattractive.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)

But useful...
in that they don't show shit skids.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

brown on the back
beige on the front
( weaver., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I'm resplendant today
in black boxers
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Oooh snap!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Grey boxers. Not expecting visitors, except maybe the neighbour's cat coming to terrorise mine.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Get a waterpistol

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Good idea. Wish I had thought of that before.
All the cats (4 of them) are microchipped so just spent 105 quid on an electronic cat flap that only opens if it recognises the microchip number. This is an expensive way to prevent another cat pissing on the carpet.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I hate those catflaps. If the chip migrates which they often do then a lot of them won't work.
Cue lots of pissed off clients demanding their money back. They don't sell them where I work now :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

That is good to know. Cheers.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)

The word 'catflaps'
appears quite close to the word 'pissed' on my screen.

My brain did the rest.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

the word you're thinking of is one of my all time favourite expletives.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

red
and nope because I'm wearing a big t-shirt
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

no trousers ?!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

leggings today
because I don't plan on going anywhere. Wouldn't inflict me in leggings on the general populace, but they're alright in the house
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I bought my first pair of leggings earlier this year
but strictly for underneath things to keep me warm. I have ordered people to shoot me if I start thinking it's OK to wear them normally.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I'm terrified that I'll turn into
the sort of fat person who doesn't realise she is cramming herself into things that are far too small and outline what should not be outlined
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Are we talking flabby cameltoe here?
I hope not. That thought alone would be enough to make me go on a crash diet if I were female!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I'm not that bad
but I'm not svelte enough for skinny jeans and leggings etc.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)

That's OK then
A bit of meat on the bones isn't a bad thing.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

to be fair
I suspect very few people can get away with leggings. Which makes me wonder why they are so popular
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Probably because
chavs can buy them for £1 a pair from Primark.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

damn, mine were £1.50
I was ripped off
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I was just guessing
I've never actually been in Primark.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)

lucky you
grimmest place on the planet
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I like how it resembles a jumble sale
but I will admit to having bought socks from there. and a scarf once. I am scum, though
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I buy black tights from there
and I once bought a top. The guilt and the poor quality is not compensated for by the prices
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

all of my socks are from there
the high quality of the mens socks more than makes up for how shit everything else is, and the guilt
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I stick to the mantra
of pay more for quality, rather than buy a lot of stuff. Never had occasion to buy men's socks
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)

they're very difficult to wear well
I wore them a lot in Malta, but only with linen shirts and stuff to keep cool
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

i'd like to think a person with an armchair will come
but I doubt it :(

black
no
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)

None, really
But one of my best friends hasn't seen the house yet, so she'll coem over soon enough I hope.

Black with polka dots, and no as I'm wearing lounge pants (what have I come to)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

what are lounge pants?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Trousers for lounging around in
a bit like yoga pants or trackie bums, but I have no intention of doing either in them.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

oh, I thought they were a special type
like a smoking jacket, only in trouser form
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Oh wow that'd be beautiful

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

also "smoking trousers"
could be a good phrase for a cataclysm following the arrival hot guys. As in:

"As the firemen walked past the office, all that was left of the office women was smoking trousers"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

"She knelt before him, caressing his throbbing manhood through the firm material of his smoking trousers.
It felt like he had stowed a fine Cuban cigar there, almost like a gift for her. Her moist core ached as she thought about smoking him."
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)

tiny bit of sick in the mouth
think it was the usage of core
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)

;)
Would "moist clunge" be better?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

:(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

"She delved into her dripping slit like one possessed, her fingers sticky with juices"

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)

*boke*
though it does strike me there is easy money in romantic fiction
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I think I'd get too depressed.
I'd be in the middle of writing a passage where they get together and end up writing:

"He took his hands in hers, gazing into her beautiful eyes as the soft breeze caressed them, and whispered "I will be with you for all of time OH WAIT NO I WON'T BECAUSE I'M A MAN AND ALL MEN LIE I JUST WANT TO PLUNGE INTo YOUR WARM TIGHTNESS AND THEN I WILL LEAVE IN THE MoRNING AND NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR"

and then I'll lose my advance.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

there has to be a market for Mills and Boon aimed at bitter old harridans
it's got the badly written, metaphor-laden sex, but also will support their views that all men are shit and just after one thing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I'll see what I can do.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I reckon I could write that
but then whenever I read James Herbert I reckon I could write shit horror novels
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

About 80% of the fantasy novels I've read
suggest that all I need to make my fortune is some not-very-good D&D players and a willingness to demean myself.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:55, Reply)

do you work for mills and boon?
that is incredible
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I really would love to
but no, I just enjoy the occasional bit of erotic fiction, and I've picked up enough of the words and styling from it, and parodies
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I am expecting a visit from the Cat Police
and I am wearing wite cotton panties
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

oh, Bert!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I can feel an anger coming on

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

They're definitely the wrong
cotton panties.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)

White boxers which may or may not be viewable from atop a chair,
I'll be fucked if I'm going to stand on it to find out. And no more visitors for a while, please no more visitors.
( Ping_Pang_Piddley_Dee couldn't give a big shiny fuck., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I hate white underwear on men
They look like grandpa's underwear. Brrr
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Sorry, I'll try harder tomorrow.

( Ping_Pang_Piddley_Dee couldn't give a big shiny fuck., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)

I'm at work
so the only visitors I'm going to get are the kind I don't want to entertain.

My pants are grey. They were very nearly blue, but the blue ones were still damp from the wash. You can't see them if I stand on a ladder, but I dry them on the line outside, so you could if you did.

I need new pants, btw.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I'm wearing boxers
in a rather fetching ugly burgundy/blue checked colour. Kind of pseudo tartan. They've got a little tear next to the front opening, so I've to be careful when I go for a pee not to try to pull my willy through the wrong hole.

Fortunately they can't be seen if I stand on a chair, unless for some reason the act of so doing causes catastrophic failure of my jeans.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Black and red undercrackers.
Re: The fireman coming to replace your smoke alarm... I've got a mate in the fire service and they spend the majority of their time fitting smoke alarms - so don't be surprised if you get a fire engine and half a dozen fire fighters at your door.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

SCORE!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Lucky you

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I walk past Old St fire station twice a day.
Their staff look to me like a motley bunch of peasants, middle-aged rapists and mentally challenged halfwits.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

You know my mate!!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Don't get too moist
You might just get some old bloke who drives a red Ford Fiesta and has a boot full of smoke alarms.

The mate of mine who is in the fire service reckons there is nothing better than fitting a smoke alarm for some young lady only for a shout to come in, meaning he gets to leg it out of the house with a promise of returning later. He says that the hero points you get on your return, makes the ladies putty in his hands.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I'm being expected as a visitor
Going to visit my parents on Thursday and Mark will join on Friday.

Black, with a pink border and no, I'm wearing a long, long skirt.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)

So, given a high enough chair...?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Yeah, maybe
and a stair to go up, and a telescope for the guy looking from the bottom.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Day off = no pants
just tracky b shorts and t shirt comfiness.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)

That sounds proper council

( broadsword, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I'm not drinking yet if that helps
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I am expecting a shady pal to visit
in the next day or two, who wants me to use my credit card to buy a load of fans from Maplin, for the purposes of marijuana cultivation.

Alt Q: blue striped boxers, they're not too bad. The jeans I am wearing today, you could not even see my fucking socks if I stood on a chair.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

slim shady?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Haha 'really fat, ginger shady' actually.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Why doesn't he just pay cash?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

He's utterly paranoid, and also doesn't drive and therefore wants delivery.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:21, Reply)

So a traceable transaction is better than cash?
What a divmo.
( broadsword, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Ah yes but it's MY card and thus not a problem....
I will not be doing it, by the way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

on a related note
I sampled some very tasty gear on saturday night. homegrown by a friend of a friend, he's bred a variety that flowers quicker or somesuch, resulting in increased yield, and it's also a mix of white widow and something else, so is very pokey.

I gave it two thumbs up. Would smoke again.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Sounds nice.
I'm smoking Thai at the moment, waiting for Kashmiri hashish to materialise, sadly via one of the most unreliable idiots of all time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I smoke run of the mill skunk most of the time
there is some lovely stuff about right now though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

no visitors
I hate visitors

black with white stitching, blue waistband with red writing. probably not.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)

My ex-housemate is up next weekend, that'll be a laugh
Alt Q: Orange, White, Blue, and Green. Nope!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Orange, white, blue and green pants?
They sound positively delightful. Are they made from scraps of old pants as they disintegrate?
( broadsword, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)

'Aggy and his Amazing Technicolour Dreampants'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

pfft

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Harlequin pants?
Like that VW Polo special edition a few years back, which looked like it had been repaired with panels from a scrap merchant.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I'm visiting a couple of b3tans, lolb4sh etc
grey and no
( broadsword, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)

I'm expecting a visitor in two weeks time, for, erm, yeah.
Think I'm going to cancel that one.
Try to get back in good graces with Karma.

They're white. And no.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Nope, I'm off for a driving lesson soon.
See through red lace, as per usual. And no, unless someone stuck a periscope up the leg of my jeans.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Alright lovely?
What did you think of Modernaire? Ripped a wheel off yet? If not, you're driving better than I ever did!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

red underwear ftw
I reckon about half the underwear I own is red
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

you brazen hussy

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

absolutely*
and proud.

*may contain traces of lie
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

good girl ;-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Did you not know that's what driving instructors are well known for?
Have you managed to have any crashes or police-related incidents yet?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Black, with grey stitching
And nope, unless someone yanked my trousers done.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)