most things just make me laugh
but when i get reeeally stressed, which is only ever at work, it is best to be at least 15 feet away. as my trainee could testify, if he still had a head on his shoulders after this morning.

meanwhile my client has just rung me. "someone has dumped a load of cows and horses in my field, can you get possession back".

wtf... how the hell do you trace the owner of that lot, where's mr ed when you need him??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:30, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

cows have ear tags. Get the # of one & contact DEFRA to get the contact details for the owner

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:31, Reply)

interesting
thank you.

personally i suspect theft from an abattoir or something, in which case the LAST THING i want to do is send them back there... eek.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Sending bovines back to impending doom - not many of us get to do that at work. Impressive.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

oh don't don't don't don't don't, you'll make me cry
i really hope i'm wrong. but who else other than misguided animal lovers would just dump a load of livestock into a random field??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

arm the cows
Cows with guns
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

and horses
i like cows well enough, but i wouldn't cry over them i don't think. but horses.... who could kill/eat horses?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

me
and the French
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

And me. No fucking problem.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:56, Reply)

me. Had horse meat a few times. Delicious. Particularly rare. Yum yum.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

now that's some
unbridled opinion
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:38, Reply)

reign it in

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

hell no. This is a forum for the unfetttered

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Neigh it isn't

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:40, Reply)

it is saddled with that image

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:43, Reply)

that's a bit over the top

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:43, Reply)

don't be so blinkered

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I think you're missing the mane point here

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

mindpiss

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

it covered my mane point

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

look at you all jockeying to post on this tangent.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

it's like we're all emotionally un-stable

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

you've got to hand it to us...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

These puns are withering my soul.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

that comes as quite a (s)hock

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

what a sorry tail

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

hay now. stop that.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

or what? We'll get hoofed out?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

they'll have to get over some hurdles to get rid of me.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

they'll have you on the first equestrain
out of here
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

tenuous but allowed on this occasion, one more like that could be the last straw

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

I could dressage it up
as something better
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

do you have to saddle me with that?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

repetition

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Correct. I failed at the final jump.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I think cougar is outflanking us

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

You all need to stop flogging this dead horse

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I've been chomping at the bit for this for ages.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I don't think
it will last furlong
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

it will if we whip you in to shape

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

sounds like a bit of a 'mare

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

will nothing keep you at bay?

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I pity the foal
who tries to stop me
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

she's taking us for a ride.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

we'd better be bucking the trend, then.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

it's like I've stud-ied for this

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I can't(er)!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Right, stop horsing around, the lot of you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

it is getting a little tack-y

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

oof. I'd have ba(i)led ...

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Has this thread stalled? Are you all just mule-ing over more horse puns?

(Cave Duck, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

trying to find the (don)key for a new joke
but may risk looking an ass
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:04, Reply)

what ever you do
tread care-filly
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I'll sire no more puns then
we've got a fair crop already
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

the last few
were a bit pony
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I'm sure we can hack a few more in
before galloping off to the pub
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Which pub? One in Shetland?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

The Jolly Ostler, maybe.
Plenty of pure-bre(we)d ales there
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

the beer there tastes of sugar(lumps)

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:13, Reply)

perhaps I couple more lame ones
before people eqwhine about the narrow posts
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

You might get a shoe-ing for that

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Shire-ly not

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I agree, proceed Ginger (McCain) ly

(Cave Duck, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Yes it has started to Detorri-orate

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:11, Reply)

You could sell some of your puns to professional comedians
That would be a whole Newmarket for you to move into.
(Cave Duck, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Better make you get off a-scot free if you nick any from here though.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

they ain't-ree
that good
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

time for a glass of (red) rum i think

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:20, Reply)

you can't have it each way
though
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:21, Reply)

expertly placed, there

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:22, Reply)

exacta-ly

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:23, Reply)

I'm not tote-aly sure what you mean?

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:24, Reply)

what were the odds of that happening?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:24, Reply)

well, there was a lot
at stake
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:24, Reply)

depends upon what's on the St Le(d)ger really.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:25, Reply)

want a bet?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:25, Reply)

that pun was always on the book(ie)s

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:26, Reply)

it was a sure thing

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:28, Reply)

you could have easily forecast it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:31, Reply)

I wouldn't want to
stirrup more trouble
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

I might have to hunt you down for that one

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

that would be a drag

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

You paddock

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Aintrees lovely, particularly oaks.

(Cave Duck, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:18, Reply)

not many (dessert) orchids growing there though

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I would
But I've never been given the chance.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Most the civilised world.
Pigs are more intelligent, you don't cry over them.

/you probably do.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:38, Reply)

yes i do
i am hopelessly soft about animals.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

I like this!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Gypsies may have - particularly horses.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

BBQ!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

this is why nobody ever wants to play with you
actually, it's not the only reason
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I think this is the best suggestion by far.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

what, as to why nobody will ever play with you
and you will die a frustrated virgin??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Wait a sec, first you claim that chompy uses israeli sea salt body exfoliator and creme brulay body butter... but now you claim he's a virgin.
C'mon 'swipe, sort him out with one of your slutty mates, you must have loads of them, I donno if Chompy wants a 'he', 'she', 'he/she' or 'she/he', I donno, he might want something different, but surely you've got some slag of a mate who'll teach him the ways of the harlot.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

What the hell do you do
If it was farming related that would be ironic considering our conversation this morning.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

property litigation...
... hence the possession element
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

awww :(
I read possession and thought demons
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Dammit woman
What kind of jokes do you like?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

er, any jokes
why??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Was alluding to the fact that you were a (farming) Northerner
whilst fully aware that you consider it partial racism.

I won't try and be funny again.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)

oh
i think you are just too clever for me, that was where it went wrong!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Not likely
you work in Property Litigation and I sell stuff, online.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

True story, we just got about 1000 different plants in our field, all sorts of stuff, pomigranit, citrus, bugonvilias or whatever they're called.
It's about 1/3 of an aker (1 donom, for your turkish people), and was lined with the plants and had plants in different spots in the middle.

A week afterwards, a farmer came through with an entire herd (must have been a good 100 or soo) goats, and they killed half the plants.

We probably could have sued him, but at most we would have gotten was the goats and his house, which is not much more than a brick shed with no electricity, and we wouldn't know what to do with the goats.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

cook the goats. Tastes lovely.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:43, Reply)

..."wouldn't know what to do with goats..."
satanic rites

profit
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Curry the motherfuckers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Curry
Let them fuck your mother
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)