Staying over at my ex's tonight (she won't be there)
Saturday daytime: larking about with daughter.
Saturday night: possibly going on the rampage
Sunday: possibly Carnival
Sunday night: almost 100% definitely rampage
Monday: either recovery or more Carnival
Tuesday: MISERY
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 8:58, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It almost resembles a 7 step plan that...

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 8:59, Reply)

ahh tearful Tuesdays
when life seems to have no point.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Yay, you get to see the babby all sleepy!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Hopefully
she'll wake me up to excitedly show me her poo like she did last time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:07, Reply)

It's a shame we grow out of such things

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Some of us never do.
*proudly holds up potty for inspection*

She's already out of nappies which is pretty good, I understand. One of my Japanese cousins is a year older than Len and he's still rocking the Pampers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Boys are slow and shitty
My uncle shat on the retractable Hoover cord when he was a toddler. Nobody knew until they pulled the plug out...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:15, Reply)

words escape me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Words don't escape him
He still maintains "I didn't shit on it, I wiped my bum with it!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Ouch...
Did he think it would be like a self-retracting goose's neck or something?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:22, Reply)

they don't retract by themselves
you have to punch them in.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:37, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:49, Reply)

So after you punched the goose,
did you wipe your arse on its neck?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

yeah
then I said "now clean yourself up, you disgust me"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Turds escape him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:22, Reply)

don't mention poo. One of our cats has just shat on the carpet.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:12, Reply)

POO.
Poo, poo poo.

*does tribal poo dance*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Thanks. Cat shit + hangover = the world can get to fuck this morning

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I hate people talking about poo
yesterday I went into the loos to redo my makeup after my poleclass and my teacher came out of the cubicle and said "don't mind me, I was just having a shit".
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Well, I suppose that's slightly more 'to-the-point' than
"I'd give it five minutes if I were you..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:16, Reply)

WHY CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT POOOOOO

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:16, Reply)

BECAUSE GIRLS DON'T POOOOOOO!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Em would have me believe that girls do, but it's tiny cute little rabbit-like poo
And in order for that to happen, I have to close all doors in the flat and play loud music.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I'm given to understand that girls don't fart
but if they did it would smell like kittens and rainbows, so any other smells I detect in the house must have been me.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Oh no, girls do fart
A LOT.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:42, Reply)

no we don't
we puff out little rainbows and poop cinammon rolls.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:58, Reply)

ha ha. I like telling people at work to give it 5 minutes & avoid trap number 2.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Because you clogged up trap number 2 with your own number 2!
*giggles*

It's starting to sound to me like a coprophilic version of "Deal or No Deal."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Stool or no stool

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:28, Reply)

ha ha

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Why, beshrew me, old chap, you're in good fooling this morning!

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

IT'S A TRAP (2).

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I like this

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Why are you telling poo stories then?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I was exampling my revulsion of people talking about poo.
I forgot to put at the end of the story "I was repulsed".
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Eww
Dog shit smells like pot pourri compared to cat shit. My cat shat in his carrier on the way back from the vets, and the smell made me want to hurl.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

It was to teach you a lesson

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

vomiting is highly likely this morning. The next time one of the cats does this it's being sold on eBay - the cat, not the turd.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 9:46, Reply)

you'd probably get more money for the turd

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 10:01, Reply)

My daughter seemed to go through all of the potty training stuff pretty well except for one incident when she was around two..
My girlfriend and step-daughter were away in Canada to attend the wedding of my girlfriend's Dad. I had taken the week off work to look after my daughter and all had gone well. One evening whilst she was playing with her dolls I nipped upstairs to set the bath running for her pre bed bath. When I came back down she had not only done a poo, but had decided to use it to "draw" on the television (this was well before Chris Ofili started using poo in his paintings, the bloody copy-cat.) I kept calm and didn't make a fuss. I just got her in the bath and off to bed. I then set about the task of cleaning the telly. Baby wipes sorted the screen pretty quickly, but she'd managed to shove some into the holes that allow the sound out of the speakers, and into those red, yellow and white AV sockets. This required delicate ear bud and coctail stick work, and to ensure that I didn't simply push the poo into the television, taking the casing off. It took bloody ages, but my overwhelming thought whilst doing was that the most important thing was not to have a heart attack and die as this would mean
1. My daughter would be alone.
and
2. Imagine being found, by someone who wouldn't know what had happened, on plastic sheet in the lounge surrounded by shit-tipped cotton buds and cocktail sticks with a part diassembled television. It would look like whilst my girlfriend was away I was induilging in some bizarre mild electrocution/faeces related auto erotic shenanigans that combined the worst of Michael Hutchence and Chuck Berry's indulgences.
(Cave Duck, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 11:02, Reply)