My pregnant wife has decided to pick a fight with her brothers ex fiancé
who is a nutcase and lives next door to us. The ex also doesn't know my wife is pregnant so would probably have no qualms in getting punchy. My wife is mad at me for telling her to leave it as she feels justified in picking said fight. I just care about the health of my wife and unborn child.

How have your other halves driven you crazy lately?
( Peej, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:18, 90 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I don't even own a mental other half.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

That you'd consider it 'owning' is probably a factor in that

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

it's a /talk meme stupid face
www.b3ta.com/search/talk?q=%22I+don%27t+even+own%22
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I don't go on /talk
I waste enough time on here.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

You should do, it's often better than here
and they'll probably make you cry.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I cry enough here
From my penis
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

How do you do that thing where you search for your own posts in order of popularity?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

I posted a pic of you earlier and you didn't even comment
You're such a cunt al.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I've been a little busy Lab
you know I wouldn't ignore you, I enjoy spending time with you, let's just say, I'm not sure whether I'll get to spend much time with you in the future.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I understand
It's probably my fault, y'know? One loose comment, and the seeds of my destruction are sewn.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

just click this
b3ta.com/search/posts/me/best
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Thank you

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

See I'm not such a massive cunt am I?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

the fact that noone has agreed with this
is making me smile
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

There's a kind of hush.

(Cave Duck, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

It's probably because you've turned up

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Try to at least understand the joke before wading in.
You bollock-breathed belmer.
(Cave Duck, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

*facepalm*

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:10, Reply)

I don't know why, but I find these Peter Noone jokes hilarious

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Something tells me
you're into something good.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)

yes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)

argh
why am i not getting any jokes today, explain yourselves!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:26, Reply)

'noone has agreed with this'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:27, Reply)

What is the fight about?
Also, is said unborn child all healthy so far?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

My wife found out ex fiance cheated on her brother with my wifes ex boyfriend
had a go at them both. Its still going on and escalating.

Baby so far is so good :)
( Peej, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I don't think you should let Mrs Al hear you calling him 'baby'.
It's a little inapproriate, don't you think?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

It is a bit like that isn't it
Also her cousin on her mums side is her cousin once removed on her dads side.

No webbed feet though
( Peej, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Woooah
Be careful...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

You need to see this bloke.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

What are they arguing about?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

They're arguing about YOU, Jeff.
One says dob you in to the RSPCA, the other is intrigued...and more than a little turned on.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I hope so.
Then I'll be able to pull out the paddling pool of wet mud and they can fight to the death in it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Your life is one long soap opera
At the end of your post I heard the "DUM DUM da da DUM" that marks the end of Eastenders.

Write it all down and send it to the BBC, they have been using the same script since 1986 and could do with a new one.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

My life isn't as superawesome as Spankys though

( Peej, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Does he even post anymore?
He probably ran out of sexy lies about sex that were lies.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

LOOK IF HE WANTS TO POST STORIES HE CAN
OH LOOK IT'S THE USUAL SUSPECTS BEING RUDE ABOUT MY HERO HAVEN'T YOU EVER CONTRIBUTED ANYTHING YOU USELESS CUNTS I LOVE SPANKY AND WANT HIS PENIS TO TOUCH MY MOUTH.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

That sounds a bit gay.

(Cave Duck, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

LEAVE ME ALONE YOU MASSIVE BULLY
OR I'LL TELL ON YOU TO THE MODS AND THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)

'Awesomely brilliantly amazing story as usual Spank:
*clicks as hard as a BIG COCK in a FANNY*'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

So I was sitting in my office chair
when I could feel my testicles swelling like pressure within the Kursk submarine as the hull cracked when my boss walked in and was just about to say something to me when all of a sudden my cock went off like a firehose and hit her right in the vagina and got her pregnant but my spunk was so potent the baby grew and was born within ten seconds and the baby shot out of her tightly stretched quim and hit me RIGHT in the eye so I had a squint for the rest of the day.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I LITERALLY HAVE TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE ABOUT THAT BIT WHERE YOU USED FIFTEEN WORDS TO DESCRIBE EJACULATION.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

those aren't tears

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)

It's rare that you make me lol al
but I did then.
( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Content Removed due to terrible racist objecting to being a terrible racist.


(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I'd rather not have an (albeit photoshopped) image of me with the word 'racist' on it on the internet if that's alright with you Al.

( WormuIus, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)

How's that?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I didn't know you'd got her up the spout again!
Congratulations.
How far gone is she?
Tell her to wait until she's massive, then batter the woman, and if she so much as aims at her to run away screaming "NO! DON'T HIT ME, I'M PREGNANT!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

12 weeks so not really showing yet
but far enough on to get excited :)
( Peej, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

oh my god my left arm always goes numb at night when i'm sleeping but the right feels fine
fucking mental other half innit
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Kay the Swizzle !
I'm having japanese tonight, 'cus I ain't had any this week yet, and all I've had this week to eat is soup, and my guts are no longer as baddly OH WOE IS MEing at the moment.

I can't wait, I've been studying the menu for a good hour now, I think I'm going to have...
- 2x Prawn Tempora Tamaki
- 1x Calafornia Tamaki
- 2x Ebi Goyza
- Teryakki Sauce
- Salmon Skin Maki.

OH BOY
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

OH MAN, That all sounds WELL NASTY
I think I'm going to have some steak, baked potato, salad
oh fuck yes
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Oh Kay, you know not of which you speak.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:10, Reply)

I have eaten steak three out of the past four nights.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)

bet your stomach feels great

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)

It's tip-top actually.
All the more remarkable as I have also had a bottle of red wine each night - apart from last night when I had six beers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Chuck her in a bin

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

SEND HER SOME POO

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

POO IN HER BIN

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

And put a cat in her bin too.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

(YOU'VE) BIN IN HER POO

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

BINT POO..

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Cat in bin for 15 hours: FRONT PAGE NEWS
33 men in mine for 4 months: an afterthought mention in the papers.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

true
sad but true
( zulu eh?, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

But ickle kitty went meow-meows all on own and scared in dark place

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

*is outraged*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I punched the first old woman I saw when I found out

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

They're all the same.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)

why did I LOL so hard at this

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)

lolz
twitter.com/catbinlady
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Ha!
love it
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Fantastic.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Best one i've seen since CherylKerl

( Peej, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Chillian mine was the most shared news story on bbc this morning.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

They've managed to get a better camera down there
it's a bit like Big Brother, except people are watching it
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

And blame it on a momentary mental lapse.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

mentalpro
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I don't even have another half
however I do have a potential apparantly
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

"You have 1 unread message".

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

how did you know?!
edit : as it happens it's a non-starter. But it's still nice
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

My attempts at humour are usually a bit to obscure to be funny
but I'm not allowed to explain them any more so people just think I'm shit.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I think you were implying
the only people interested in me had not seen my face.

Or else those stupid adverts on facebook 'you have one unread message, click to see'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

No I was saying that you were getting unsolicited "your V. V. pretty" type gazes
and you consider those "potential"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I'm not desperate Chompy

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

That's your problem.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:56, Reply)

it's why I'll never find anyone

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Of course she's not desperate, but she is a liar on the internet.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Look I already confessed
a couple of QOTWs ago

b3ta.com/questions/pantsonfire/post825533
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

No, that's _my_ problem.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)