Hello slackjaws
tell me your crazy dreams.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:45, 136 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You, me and a strap on so big that you can see it from space.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I should have checked OT before posting
I didn't realise I was interrupting a food conversation below :(

That's a fantasy rather than a dream.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Posting so close to lunchtime could have terrible consequences

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Maybe I should put in an alt question about biscuits?

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:56, Reply)

i like biscuits

( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:15, Reply)

And it still wobbled around aimlessly.
Arse like TGB's vag.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I bet your arse sees so much action
that the muscle that closes your bumhole is so pumped it looks like a steak forced into a napkin holder.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:50, Reply)

No.
You know that Goatse? That's you tightened up that is.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Your arse is like a clown's pocket.

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Your face is like you arse.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Thank you for that visualisation.
*googles kittens*
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I dreamt Angelina Joli set up mumsnet.com

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)

YES
I had a dream the other night that I was getting some cash from an ATM and the bloke behind me kept slapping my arse.
When I turned round to confront him he slashed my throat with a knife and I died, whilst he stole all my money.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)

That's a metaphore for my last housing situation.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I wasn't going to correct this
but it's not the first time you've done it.

Metaphor
Metaphor
Semaphore
Semaphore
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)

It's a valid regional variant.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Hahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)

not a recent one
but I dreamt aliens had killed everyone by means of a poison gas. I escaped but when they caught me, instead of killing me properly they just killed my body and stuck my mind inside a computer
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Classic narcissism right there.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 12:58, Reply)

absolutely
As TGB/Lab is shit knows it's all about me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Everytime you say that I get McFly stuck in my head
Bad LAAK
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)

But it is...
all about me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)

you love McFly

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:10, Reply)

that's your future wife
you're maligning, BobbytheBadger
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:12, Reply)

She loves them more than me
I think I might settle for Darth.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I dreamt about that guy from Gray's Anatomy
and I can't remember his name so it's doing my head in. I usually dream about Michael Buble or Sharks though so this was a pleasant change.

What are your dreams Wormulus?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Mention that time you dreamt about jaws so I can say my hilarious joke again.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Oh just tell it you tease.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:17, Reply)

She's shit so I'll do a dramatic reconstruction.
Kitty: blah blah blah me me me, I keep dreaming about jaws.

Psychochomp:You're going to need a bigger bed.

everyone else:LOL!
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Classic.
A gag like that must be worth a few quid.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Donkey gums will steal it and probably ruin it.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I've banned you from my event

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

:(

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I thought you'd be happy!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I've had a cold this week so all my dreams have been feverish and involved being suffocated.

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)

not pleasant in the least
from experience with asthma induced dreams
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)

First one in a while I've remembered
I was one of the spartans from Halo, and I was running round on the mad planet but I didn;t have a helmet but kept shooting til I remembered I didn't have a helmet and kept panicking. This went on for ages until I woke up.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Brie and Wiltshire ham, granary baguette.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Fuck off Bert.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:14, Reply)

You know he's off to the theatre tonight to see that musical with Whoopi Goldberg in it?
What's the name of it...?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Sister anal rapist on the sex offenders register

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Seven gays for seven gays?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)

There's a bloke round here we call Hector the Anal Rapist

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Why?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Ronseal :)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)

And you're going out with him right?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Yeah and you're pure jell!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:21, Reply)

'strue
So when you are you and my favourite hunk of man spunk (apart from DiT) gonna move down to the big smoke and come out and see us more often?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Next summer
Having driven right through London on Saturday I'm starting to think I'd be better off in Scotland after all.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I wonder if it is less traumatic to be raped anally
rather than vaginally or orally?

I wonder if fewer anal rapes are reported to the police.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:21, Reply)

why would it be less traumatic?
More so surely?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:22, Reply)

yeah maybe, I don't know

Perhaps it would feel less like a sex act than the other kinds or maybe it would be more humiliating, I don't know, not sure why I asked.
( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I thought you were plotting your next raping session

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)

his next raping session?
How many has he had in the past?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Maybe he's a Viking

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I think you'd rather enjoy it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)

LESS traumatic?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:22, Reply)

"just like you swore to me that you'd be true"
From Kirsty MacColl's "edgy" period.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Oh man that is genius
I'm singing it right now
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

This one?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH48FM-8P9I
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:48, Reply)

haha alright Gonzarelli?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Not bad thanks, doing Serious Buisness now, time to make my millions !
I have competitors now, they're shit, 'cus I'm the bollocks.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

One of them gave me the GPS co'ords of every airport, seaport and main train stations in all the major cities in the UK.
Woo ! GO GO View-Source !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I dreamt
I could fly so I made some awesome wings and soared up into the sky! I few higher and higher and soon it got hot from the sun so I punched the sun and it went away. Then I shit on labs car from 16000 feet and destroyed it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)

You shit on your own car?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)

No. Read properly Al

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Oh I see, sorry I thought Lab had changed his own name to point out that he is a shithead

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Why would I do that?
My head does that job.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Your shit head.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Point proven

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I'm going to whiteknight for you Lab

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Right well you haven't paid any attention to my knighting so I'm stopping before someone steals my name,

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Hiyaaaa

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Hiya!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

HaHa.
Sounds like you are attacking each other a la Cato.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

whatever LAAK

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)

oh you missed my knighting
I changed my name for it and everyfink!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I saw it.
No staying power. And you will now probably be the subject of my name change monday
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

ooh I'm well scared!
bring it on you Terrible Gargantuan Beaker
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

He is a shithead, though, isn't he?
The bloody shithead.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)

DOT COM.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)

ARF!
By the way Mont, I'm glad someone has restored your faith in womankind and that she didn't break any of your glassware.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)

It was really my sister.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Well at least you have things in common.
Like parents and that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Extra toes and fingers...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Their children will have less eyes
Cheaper for contact lenses.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:36, Reply)

More Boyce's with monocles?
Just what the world needs.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:37, Reply)

fewer

( WormuIus, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

yeah

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Wait a sec Roots.....
Are you implying that someone here actually had sexual intercourse with their own sibling? That's a bit weird, having sex with your own sibling, don't you think?

I'm not sure if I had a sister, I would fuck her. I think I would feel dirty afterwards, not good dirty, like horrible. That's the sort of thing that would fuck up someone for life, imagine if that sort of person had a kid ! I think that guy who did that would probably be so fucked up that it would fuck up his kid and every relationship he ever has.

But I don't think anyone really would be so disgusting, as in, actual offline gross disgusting, that they would fuck their own sister.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Woah, I never implied SHEEEIT, dude!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

But, hypotheticly, having sexual intercourse with your own sister is only 'frowned upon' by biology and society? Rather than it being actually 'wrong' ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Especially if they are only a half sister
so that theoretically means they probably only share about 50% of their genetic stuff with you, not like a full sister.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I heard that it's fine as long as you haven't known them all your life
if they are a long-lost half sister then rut away
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I've heard that will only get you a minor mention on the sex offenders register
not like a real sex offender.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I heard you just get a caution, but then everybody concerned hates you
but you're still a good father. That's only what I heard, mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

What way round is worst? Because I don't know....
1) Your mother having two kids, one of them you, one of them your sister, when the father is two different people. And then inserting your penis into the fanny of your sister.
2) Your father having two kids, one of them you, one of them your sister, when the mother is two different people. And then inserting your penis into the fanny of your sister.

I'm not sure what sinario would be more "frowned upon" when you insert your penis into the fanny of your sister.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I think they are equally frowned upon
but my instincts say that scenario 1 is the worst, don't know why.

fortunately for me I have no sisters, long lost or otherwise, so I won't have to face that particular moral dilemma.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

So what you're saying is, you wouldn't insert your penis into the fanny of your sister?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

if I were pressed on the subject
I would say that no, you should not insert your penis into the fanny of your sister.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Pffft. Weaklings.
You would if there was nowt else. Probably have to be rape though.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

"I will have you, even if it must be burglary!"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Actually, I seem to remember reading that it isn't wholly uncommon for siblings (not just half siblings)
who have grown up seperately to feel a sexual attraction to each other when they eventually meet.

I think it might have been in Urgh - Weirdo Weekly, that being my reading material of choice.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I really, really like this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Thanks Rootles.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Yay roota.
*sings*

Montys got a girlfriend
Montys got a girlfriend
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Shush!
Don't call her that yet in case it jinxes it.
Wait until Sunday afternoon when he's gone the shop for the papers and some croissants.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Oops sorry!
I'll wait till she starts rifling through his emails before I count the relationship as solid.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Or at least until his first trip to casualty
No, surely this one will go well.
I met dj when I was sworn off men, and he met this one when he was sworn off women. It's when you're DONE that one turns up.
Eh, Blousie ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Yeah but I mean it. *laughs*

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Calm down love.
I haven't turked TGB yet - that's my masterplan.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Turked?
As in 'robbed' or 'bummed'?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Or 'Slaughtered, butchered and turned into mezze'?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Anymassanysizeanyheight
from fifty feet to a hundred miiiiles
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Is that R Kelly lyrics?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Or R Rita
from Johnny Briggs?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:36, Reply)

R Mam

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:37, Reply)

R Sole.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)

R A!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)

R Tattack

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)

R Father...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)

R Furdaley

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)

R Thernegus has held Bristols
That's not a result, just a bit of gossip.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

My godmother calls him Arthur Neegeez

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)

R get off - you're my brother for fuck's sake

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

R chimedes screw.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

R Kroyal

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

*nods to the b3tan*
R Jimlad!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I dreamed about try to get an old school friend to go with me to a pub quiz in North Korea.
Must have been some good cheese last night.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:06, Reply)

i dreamt i was in the world's largest train, in first class
and swanning around in a tux like james bond on the orient express

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Hopefully it means your child will be a super-spy

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

ooh
i like it
( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

This is well weird, right.
I had a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers - and then fuck them.


When I woke up I found I'd spunked in my jim-jams.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

It only works for the sisters and brothers though.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

By 'sisters and brothers' are we talking...
...'folks of the non-caucasian persuasion' or siblings?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Lightweight.
One excursion into a lady and you turn into a softy.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)