I am on quite unprecedented form
however all this wittering on about football has deflated my joy somewhat.

1) it's only a game and an extremely shit one at that
2) people who say 'we' (excluding actual salaried players) should have their eyes put out
3) it's frightfully common
4) AAAARHGH SHUT UP ABOUT FUCKING FOOTBALL
5) same as 4, repeat ad infinitum
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:16, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Football
is the "sporting" equivalent of Big Brother. They are on the same intellectual plane.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Unfortunately not on the same physical plane
that was flown into the World Trade 'Center'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

football is ace
Sure it gets talked about far too much but it's still a brilliant game. And no it doesn't matter but it makes saturday afternoon's more interesting.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I'm with you Bob.
I mean, it's not like there are dedicated websites and forums specifically for football. So it's only right it gets discussed here.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

"Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend."

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

"warning, if you are of a sensitive disposition
and dislike being called a FUCKING CUNT by Monty Boyce, you may wish to consider not posting about football. Of course, it's your life..."
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Football is shit.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

And also there's just SO MUCH to talk about!
Who 'we' are or are not 'buying', 'selling' or 'playing'; which places these simians will be placed on the field next time - and last time; the new PE kit these cunts are wearing - and the prices for which even thicker members of the public are charged for copies of them....

THE LIST IS ENDLESS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

So....
Are you going to the match on Saturday?
(Cave Duck, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Well - it all depends
whether 'we're' playing Foreignbenderoso or not. I really like his alice band. He's really cool.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Don't see the point in going that far into it
Did Liverpool win? Yes/No

For the hour after the match, that will mildly affect my mood. After that, I don't give one. It's just a game at the end of the day.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Not really
But should I assume you've made your mind up that only idiots would dare to watch and enjoy football?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Not necessarily
It's possible that there are some intellectual giants out there that enjoy watching Big Brother. I'm yet to meet any, but I remain open-minded. Hopeful, even. The programme, however, is idiotic.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Big Brother is shite, I agree
But I'm still unsure why everyone here has such a low opinion of football.

With Monty, it's understandable, he hates everything. But it seems that the mass majority seem utterly against it's discussion, and I'm just not sure why.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Some people don't like some stuff that other people like.
It's almost as though it's the same as everything else.

I quite like rugby, incidentally. I'm quite sure that people that enjoy other forms of sport will mock me for being a posh buggery enthusiast. I'm not posh, by the way.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

It's because it's boring
It's more interesting to men than women (in general) and sad to say the stereotype is well earned. I know intelligent people who like football but they're generally on 'casual like' end rather than the 'discuss it all the time' end.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

this may garner me no end of abuse
but I watched almost all of the recent series of Big Brother. I find it fascinating watching the cretins get themselves worked up and paranoid over ridiculous things.

Also, occasional breasts.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I saw the housemates being picked

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

A few seasons ago
a fatty put a wine bottle up her chuff.

This is the extent of my exposure to Endemol's magnum opus.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I was unaware of that
the crop of people on the recent one were far less freakish than in previous years.

I really did find it fascinating. I'm embarrassed about it though, don't worry.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

I saw some of the earlier bits
because I was awake all night and often worked in the common room with the TV on

A quick search yields this b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post750840
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

you should have placed a bet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Probably should've
she was just too 'nice' not to win. And I agree with your point above. Far fewer freaks this year
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

A social experiment of putting random strangers in the position of having to live together, cut off from the outside world and observing their behaviour is quite interesting.
Unfortunately people who are desperate to be on telly are precisely the type that should not be allowed on.
(Cave Duck, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

If they could have been turned to cannibalism
and the whole thing was more 'Lord of the Flies' rather than 'Lord of the Gays' I might be interested.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

On the other hand
Big Brother is very useful for conversation with people who are the type of people who watch it. I once lasted two hours in the company of someone like that on the strength of one idly read article on msn (back when there were twins on it)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I have an alternative conversation idea
for the type of people who watch it. More a Q&A kind of thing:

'Why don't you fuck off?', that sort of 'vibe'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I used to live with a woman too, Vippers
*sympathises*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

I've made my mind up
that pretty much every person on earth is an idiot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I don't know whether you're a ruder version of myself
or if I'm a more polite version of you. My ego says the former.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

You're wise.
Wise, and correct.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Socratic, aren't I?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

People are very surprised when they realise how misanthropic I am.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Oddly enough, my driving instructor taught me the same thing.
"Treat everybody else on the road as though they're an idiot," he told me. I presumed this was supposed to be in reference to reacting to whatever they might do whilst driving in the same vicinity as you, but I've adopted as a general rule for life.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I'm not an idiot
There you are, being rude again. AGAIN making me cry. Oh, I don't know how to deal with it, you should buy me a drink now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Steady on, you'll be absolutely smashed by 5 o'clock.
_{Please don't cry people will start staring...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

That gives me 10 min to get drunk
Counting with the lack of sleep, I think that's 5 too many.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I'm really upset too.
Large cognac, old boy. You know it's only right.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Does this mean I'm going to have to buy you a drink every time some sod mentions football?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

You just mentioned it yourself.
I'll have a pint with that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Arse.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

No, not a pint of arse.
You're not in one of your 'special' nightclubs now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Are you sure?
I can get each cheek into a pint glass, it's quite impressive to watch...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I take a very dim view of such activities, young man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

How was your Arse, in the end?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I bet he'll give you VSOP, just to piss you off.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

That sounds like the sort of thing he'd do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Like the FIEND I am! Haha!
*laughs maniaclly whilst twirling moustache*
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

MONTY POP QUIZ:
What DOES he drink?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Cognac.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

XO, to be precise.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Must admit, I didn't know that.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Whenever possible:
www.thewhiskyexchange.com/P-1733.aspx

There are better ones out there but this is my staple
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Bloody hell
I remember I promised I'd buy you a bottle for punching you (or suchlike) but I don't love you THAT much.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Yes you do. Think about it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:12, Reply)

...What do I get out of it?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:14, Reply)

schlong

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Monty Schlong?
Urgh.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:18, Reply)

you say that
but you are secreting lubricant at the mere thought
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:19, Reply)

...remember, I don't fancy Monty.
in his words- THANK GOD
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Is that a tall glass of schloer?

(Cave Duck, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I see how you might think that.
whatever helps you choke it down
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I'll have a go on some of that
thanks for the invite, I'll be over by about 8.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:15, Reply)

The dozy bugger.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

He'll get you drunk
and then he'll do bad things to you. Be careful of the crow.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I have the constitution of an ox.
He'd be blubbing into his pondwater before I'd even started warming up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

But he'll be drinking water
and giving you absinte. Don't you know the trick?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

He'd still spin out before me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

LIES!
The cat was sober, it was me that was pissed...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Tell that to the poor traumatised criature
No wonder he was so quiet next day.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Oh Monty Monty Monty.
Sit down, have a cup of tea, and calm down. You'll feel better.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

No I won't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Ok, you won't.
But it was worth a try.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

How about a cup of drugs?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Sticky brown or white?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Drugs, not rice, you imbecile.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

have a cup of tea, and calm down. You'll feel better and shut the fuck up, you old queen. Just because you were bullied by the rugby boys, there is no need to hate all sports.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I was fucking well not.
I was bigger than most of them by the age of 12. The bottom-whipping shower-sharing chutnoids.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

I only just started watching [american] football
My lesbian roomdooms made me watch a game so I asked them a thousand questions in hopes they'd tell me to go on somewhere else but no, they just answered them patiently and then made me pick a team.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

who is your team?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

ATL Falcons

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

not one of the few I know a small amount about
that puts an end to that conversation
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

not necessarily
who do you know about?
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I tended to favour the Patriots
it's been a while though. A mate at uni played, briefly for our national team until he repeatedly dislocated his shoulders, but got me interested in it to some extent.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

It's good to have you back Monty.
Yesterday was just weird.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I like football.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

More or less than breasts?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

It depends on the breasts and the football.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

What would you say to breasts that resembled footballs?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I'd be speechless.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

*taps nose*
Lolo Ferrari.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Careful your septum doesn't fall out.
Lola Ferrari really looked hideous, didn't she?
What did she die of?
(Cave Duck, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Stupidity, I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Drugs and/or suffocation
possibly at the hands of her exceedingly creepy husband.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:11, Reply)

what
white with random black patches? sounds like physical assault to me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

PANDA TITS

( Kroney, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Jabulanis

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:16, Reply)

I like football too
But I prefer 125cc motorbikes, and they don't show them here, in England (as far as I know, and on the free chanels)

I watched the 500cc yesterday and it was very good.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

How about 500cc breasts?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

They'd be massive
I don't think they'd be nice. Too fast, as well, I don't think you'd have time to catch them.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

500cc is awesome

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

But 125 is better
Ok, it's not as fast, but it's so much more exciting!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)