Time for an evening thread
to distract me from my evening work

q. What invention would you invent if you were an inventor?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 18:50, 115 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

some sort of robot that will work for me while I nap
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:03, Reply)

I like this muchly
it's either this or person replication, but then you'd have to feed it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:04, Reply)

I just want a nap, I don't care how I get it

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:22, Reply)

pre-existing invention? or brand-new fantasy type?
for pre-existing i'd go for internal combustion engine and strap it to a penny-farthing.
for brand-new fantasy type probably a 10yd skip that fills itself. that would save me a whole bunch of time and effort tomorrow.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:04, Reply)

i hadn't really thought it through
I like to imagine the skip has big robot arms to pick stuff up and put it in.

If it has, you are clearly having a steampunk day
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:05, Reply)

two arms with a huge dustpan and brush?
i could just sit in the shade and have a snooze.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:15, Reply)

wait!
now it sounds like a cartoon - there should be lots of slapstick mishaps going on while you nap
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:32, Reply)

Yeah, monkies in boiler suits and flat caps.
Chickens running all over the place, fat policemen chasing dogs that have just stolen strings if sausages etc.
And all while I snooze...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:12, Reply)

A device that automatically filters out people's speech if they talking about DIY.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:05, Reply)

or their kids

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:06, Reply)

Oh Christ yes, that too.
Fortunately there's only one non-management person who has any children.

And you can add the X Factor or bastard wanking Twilight to that list.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:07, Reply)

I have sympathy for people who are probably very excited about
their kids. But, really, sometimes enough is enough. Same goes for people who use their kids as an excuse to get time off work
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:11, Reply)

ps
love your marzipan work

I hope you marziplan to do more
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:36, Reply)

I pimped myself up, applied to every unique job for PHP & MySQL for the last month in london, on gumtree.
I had 3 calls, two offered an interview, and one took back their offer for an interview on the basis of finding someone today. There were quite a few all by the same person, and a few of them were 'interns' / too low of a wage.

And then my mum gave me some money to go clothes shopping for work-related clothes, so I got some really nice new clothes, about 7 shirts, 3 pares of trousers, 6 pairs of pants, 7 pares of socks, 4 ties and a really nice new jacket*.

I'll tell you this for nothing, I am one hot chunka dreamboat.

* To all the honiez who loved my trademarked beige coat, you'll LOVE my new one, very similar but in gray and fits a lot better.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:17, Reply)

*fans self*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:24, Reply)

=D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:06, Reply)

*dribbles*

( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:26, Reply)

=D
.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:06, Reply)

Fuckin' awesome
Upwards and onwards Gonzy. Gotta have a sweet coat for the winter; something I try to always make sure of, however skint I am. Last year's is still pretty awesome but needs an autumn dry-clean and I'll be damned if it doesn't get one.
(Mr Big Stuff, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 22:58, Reply)

I am currently laughing
at a friend who posted on craigslist in the hope of finding some interesting people.

In response to the question: I would love to invent a proper robot and force it to obey the Three Laws
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:22, Reply)

force it? with actual force
or programing force

(also, what about the zeroth law?)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:25, Reply)

I would use programming force
and not include the zeroth law. Far too much potential for harm. Once Daneel etc had that power, but not a human perspective it became very much about humanity being guided from the outside, towards a final conclusion (in the Foundation books) that was horrible

/total and utter geek
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:28, Reply)

does the fact that I nodded along to that going "hmm, yeah" mean I am too?
robots are awesome if humanity has to be destroyed by anything I'd be hard pressed to pick between robots and zombies
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:35, Reply)

I'm afraid it does
but being geeky isn't a bad thing.

I don't want humanity to be destroyed by anything. But especially not by robots because it'd be so efficient. Forget Terminator, if robots took over the world and destroyed it, there'd be no survivors. At least within zombies you'd have a chance
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:43, Reply)

I drunkenly posted on craigslist in the casual encounters and got 30 replys in 6 hours

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:45, Reply)

she posted in friendship
and got about twenty sex offers
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:51, Reply)

I deleted the ad once I was sober, but it was quite funny going through the emails
has she met anyone yet?
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:53, Reply)

What is craiglist?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:55, Reply)

google is your friend.

( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:56, Reply)

I've had a gander.
I'm not conviced I need craiglist in my life. My curiosity has been satisfied.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:02, Reply)

It's dire.

( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:03, Reply)

And it has a shit name.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:07, Reply)

this is true
Which is why I go on sickipedia not craigslist. Shit jokes forever
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:17, Reply)

I didn't think I did either.
Until...
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:20, Reply)

Please no Kristine.
I've looked at the Virginia Craiglist and it's beyond bad.
( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:22, Reply)

Oh it is. Believe me. But I posted and got my replys and guess what. I had the best time of my LIFE.

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:32, Reply)

WHAT

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:57, Reply)

<shrugs> Sorry.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:03, Reply)

She said there were several people
updated: she has about thirty replies. About half want a one night stand, five want a relationship, five are almost illiterate, and the other five sound alright.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:16, Reply)

I had a man reply that is a client of mine at work and is married

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:20, Reply)

Good luck getting round Gödel's incompleteness theorem.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:04, Reply)

I know
I cry at night over that one
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:16, Reply)

I thought Craigslist had taken down its casual encounters section
but that was Gumtree.

There are a lot of men on there.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:07, Reply)

I once convinced a woman to visit me for sex
on gumtree. Seemed totally above board - she was a bit older and gave no hint of scamming. I was well up for it. She gave me her number and a load of explicit pictures. Then I woke up sober and never called her. Still freaks me out a bit - I genuinely think there was a chance she wasn't a pro. I have the emails archived - it's shocking how much personal info she divulged. Fucking weird.

Sometimes I wake up hungover and horny and contemplate getting back in contact with her but... no. too fucking weird.
(Mr Big Stuff, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:03, Reply)

I would invent a machine to invent things so I could piss about all day on B3ta.

( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:25, Reply)

something to do all the work
on my desk so that i don't have to still be here now and looking at finishing the wrong side of 2am... stupid job...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:46, Reply)

I thought you'd have gone for inventing the pink exercise ball in a variety of sizes.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:52, Reply)

nah
right now i would like to insert the head of my (long since sacked) colleague who drafted this bugger's muddle of a clause into the exercise ball and then burst it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:24, Reply)

Sacked for being shit?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:30, Reply)

For stealing her salad

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:40, Reply)

TOO SOON!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:46, Reply)

evening 'swipe

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:48, Reply)

hello sir

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 22:17, Reply)

how are you, o legal eagle?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 22:26, Reply)

work work work work work....
cursing my colleague from 1997 who couldn't draft in straight lines.

how are you??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:15, Reply)

I'm alright thanks.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:17, Reply)

I'd like to invent a filter for Youtube
that removes every and any shitty video that some gobshite has shot at a concert using their mobile and then decided to share with the world.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 20:59, Reply)

I would like to invent an 'Is-this-really-a-good-idea-ometer'...
... with an added 'dont-fucking-say-what-you-are-about-to-say' warning light.
Oh - plus beer and cigarettes that keep you fit, healthy and give you a six-pack stomach.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:08, Reply)

I'd support all of those inventions

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:11, Reply)

God, this just like Dragon's Den!
I'm going to go work on it now and hopefully have it invented by morning.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:17, Reply)

Love the sig Dr.

( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:13, Reply)

The saddest part was I was cut out of the song....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZklwTGZutc
...yet they kept the four brothers with their smooth moves and left out my "...Sagittarius, and my name is Tugnut. I like drunk women in leather with relaxed morality, and a well stocked medicine cabinet...."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:25, Reply)

Haha! You just described me ; )

( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:28, Reply)

Stupid record company arseholes.
I knew I had a market.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:34, Reply)

evening all
I am listening to New Order and slightly perturbed.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:29, Reply)

Perturbed by New Order?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:38, Reply)

yes, yes I am

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:38, Reply)

I'm going to 'regret' asking you why...
..but why?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:40, Reply)

They just ripped off their whole sound from Joy Division wholesale, but nobody ever criticises them for it.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:41, Reply)

They were both on Factory so they probably met...
...or shared equipment.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:43, Reply)

Still, it's pretty shameless really.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:45, Reply)

New Order are fucking ace
Same goes for Joy Division. Same band, different singer, what's your point?
(Mr Big Stuff, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)

Comedy.
I am well aware they are the same band.

Wake up at the back!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:12, Reply)

hello again

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:14, Reply)

I refer my hot and learned friend to the nested reply above.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:15, Reply)

this is a much better answer
than the one above, i'll stick with this one, thanks.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:20, Reply)

So m'lady...
Does your argument centre around learnedness or does it in fact revolve around hotness? The crown's position on the matter is quite clear in this respect.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)

the only sensible answer
to any choice posed by a man is BOTH.

the only sensible answer to any choice posed by a girl is SECRET ANSWER NUMBER THREE THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN COMING BUT DIDN'T.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:24, Reply)

I give up then
*suavely retreats*
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:25, Reply)

oh
do you always give up so easily??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)

of course not
But your mixture of legalese and those knee high socks intimidates me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)

haha
i'm not actually wearing the knee high socks today though. so you're quite safe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)

In that case I would rather be in mortal danger

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:30, Reply)

sorry to disappoint, just got the crotchless pants and cut-out bra on today
mind you, if i had worn the knee-highs to work this morning, my boss might at least have sent me straight back home, and i could have spent the day on the sofa!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:36, Reply)

No problem, I am underdressed as it is, I'm wearing Emporio.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:47, Reply)

shocking!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 0:13, Reply)

I would have seen it coming
if I hadn't been staring at your breasts.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:26, Reply)

hello stranger
look up for 2 seconds and gimme a smile...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:27, Reply)

Are you going to kick me in the balls if I do that?
Because if I'm going to get kicked in the balls i'd rather be staring at breasts while it happens.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)

al, how could you?
i'd never kick you in the balls. shave them lovingly, maybe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:30, Reply)

I already shave them
There's nothing nicer than a smooth undercarriage.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:31, Reply)

i do hope
it's a full back, sack and crack job. nothing worse than smooth turning to chewbacca with no warning.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:34, Reply)

I'm not like chewbacca
but I'm a bit fuzzy all over.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:39, Reply)

well, all over is grand
it's smooth and rough patches, like an old balding teddy bear, that is a bit freaky.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:42, Reply)

Oh Boy!
The Breakfast Club is one BBC 1! FUCK YEAH!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:43, Reply)

huh?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:44, Reply)

What happened to Molly Ringwald?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:45, Reply)

something else in pink!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 0:15, Reply)

Recently.
/stroke, the last 20 years.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 0:18, Reply)

i thought you meant
she'd had a stroke then!

anyway, bedtime for me, i think........ sleep well you. and no, before you ask. nothing in my bedroom is PINK!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 0:22, Reply)

you too?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)

A neverending spliff
and a toaster that writes a different story every time on your toast.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:00, Reply)

Are you sure you want a never ending spliff?
Surely there's no-one alive who doesn't get the fear at some point?
(Mr Big Stuff, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:09, Reply)

If it never ends though I can just pass it round for a day or two
a caveat I may add is that the weed in the spliff changes types when willed to. It would be a magic spliff.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)

Didn't you throw a whitey on Saturday because of the weed?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)

friday
and yeah. Stop spoiling my dream.

you'll be telling me arsenal will lose tomorrow next. I actually think we will.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:15, Reply)

Shhh.
Monty will get the hump if you talk about footba(best not finish that).

Lightweight.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:33, Reply)

just say the words
daughter, alone, time in any particular order and he will go all gooey again.

FOOTBALL IS BRILLIANT.

I am definitely not a lightweight! Just a poor choice of drink and drugs.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:35, Reply)

See.
Despite my somewhat slight frame on a six-foot-tall bloke, I can drink with the best of them.

Expose me to drugs, massive or otherwise. And I crumble.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:37, Reply)

apple or rhubarb?
custard or ice cream?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:44, Reply)

In the words of PJ and Duncan.
Lets get ready (ready)
Lets get ready (ready)
Lets get ready to crumble.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:46, Reply)

Ah that's cool
there's never any problem getting rid of weed, just getting hold of it. Your neverending joint could be a money spinner. And yes, I'd love a white widow joint first thing in the morning, then some low-grade dutch, then Manali Cream as the sun goes down, then maybe a hit of the purple sticky stuff I got a few years ago that make everything go confused and beautiful. Last spliff of the night - squidgy black. If I'm going out for a few beers I'd add some Spanish chocolate into the mix to get the heart racing. Oh man..
(Mr Big Stuff, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:14, Reply)

get your own pretend spliff! this is mine.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:16, Reply)

Ah, I've got more than enough for this evening
and my neighbour has just started dealing very good stuff. And I've been promised some Manali soon (oh man.. Manali) by someone else with an Indian mate. It's all so easy right now... For a temporary period, while the cash holds out, I have that neverending spliff. Happy times.
(Mr Big Stuff, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)

Iron Man suit. No question about it.
"What's that? You want (some trivial petty detail of everyday life, probably financial)? Maybe you'll change your mind when I PUNCH THE ENTIRE BUILDING TO WALES!"
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)