"One lady owner."
...so the clutch is fucked then?

How's everybody's car doing today?
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:22, 95 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hm
Off the top of my head:

Roof gutter's rusting
Rear amp's not working
Front discs warped
Boost leak in one or more of the myriad turbo vac pipes
Paint fading
Windows delaminating

Other than that, it's peachy, how's yours?
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Your windows are delaminating?
As in the glass is actually separating? I've never seen that before.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Well no
I don't know what the actual term is, I was approximating. The lamination on top of the glass is fogging up.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Have you got tinted plastic stuck on the glass?
Which is coming off?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Window glass
has a lamination on top of it, doesn't it?

Whatever the weather, sections of the windows are discolouring. Whether I've got the reasons right or not, I'm led to believe it's a reasonably common problem.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I dunno, but I think windows are usually toughened
it's usually only the windscreen that's laminated.

Unless you drive an S-class merc. Then they are double-glazed, I believe.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

The lamination is usually two sheets of glass bonded with a plastic sheet in between.
It's unusual to have a plastic sheet laminated to the outside, unless it's an aftermarket tint.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Ah right
As you can probably tell, I ain't no glazier.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I don't even own a car.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Me neither. We just book a streetcar (london car club) whenever we occasionally need one.
I don't have to worry about tax, insurance, depreciation, servicing, replacing the tyres etc. Even the congestion charge & 30 miles a day of fuel (which is plenty for most London journeys) is included. I don't think I will buy a car again unless we move outside London.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Nor I.
I just get fucking taxis. Hence my 4k overtdraft.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

if you will the leave the door wide open in plain sight.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)

dying
so buying a new one
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

dieing?
fuck off
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

what are you talking about no spelling mistakes here?
you utter cunt.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Hello there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Hello Monty
*grins*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Is there something wrong with your eye?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Is there something wrong with your face?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Yes - it's having to look at your shit posts.
EDIT: let's be nice to each other actually.


*worries*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

You should worry
And you should be nice to me.

I'm undecided if I am going to be nice to you yet though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)

MIne's just grand thanks
I may need to check the tyre pressures, but that's about it.

Although it is telling me it needs a service in 2200 miles.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

My sump's busted
This is bad, partly as I can't really afford to get it fixed.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

The sump
is it corroded or is the pump knackered?
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Don't know
It's leaking oil, but won't know exactly why until the garage strip off a large amount of parts next week.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

A leak from the sump
would be corrosion or a bust plug, I'd think.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Or a knackered sump gasket
/voice of experience
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Or dented by running over a badger/deer/ child?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

My car is brilliant
I've had it for 4 years now, and it's not given me a minute's trouble.

Only downside is that it's a bloody nightmare on the ice and I nearly wrote the bloody thing off in January when the winter weather was at it's worst.

Not to self: if the weather is shit again next winter, keep it on the drive looking lovely, and take the bloody bus to work.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Rear wheel drive, perchance?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I find RWD much easier on ice and snow, as it goes.
seeing as how you can still steer when you spin the wheels.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Provided you can actually get it moving in the first place!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

aye, weight distribution can be a problem.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I'm considering the purchase of four large paving slabs for this winter!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I had some bricks in the back of my car last winter.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

'tis a good plan.

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I was reliably informed*
many years ago that a Volvo 340 with 8 paving slabs in the boot handles exactly like a late 80's 911.

*information may not be reliable
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Front wheel drive, believe it or not
It's a Mazda 3 Sport. 17" tyres don't seem to help it's grip on the ice though.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Understandable.
It's a relatively light car, and if the tyres are wide it'll be rubbish on the snow and ice as it can't dig in.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

So I should be loading my boot with something heavy?
- the decomposing corpse of my ex-wife, for example?

Wrapped in sturdy tarpaulin obviously - wouldn't want to stain the carpet.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Not the boot, if it's FWD.
Strap her to the bonnet.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Problems with it ticking over.
Back in the garage Wednesday.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

slight dent where the other half drove it into a car park ticket machine
otherwise splendid, but then it's only 18 months old so I should fucking hope so.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Lets ask Vipros
THE MASSIVE SHITHEAD
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

*grins*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I heard he let you down, did you enjoy yourself?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

It was awesome
I was nice to Lab and everything. That's how awesome it was
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Man those white russians were good

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Considerably more so after he failed to turn up, I heard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I was at the underground secret illigal street race world cup olympics the other week, where I was racing my arch rivel, Van Desal.
It was a simple race, I was sure to win it, up to the enfield town high street, once around the one-way system and then back down to southgate tube stop via green dragon lane. We were neck and neck, I could see the tube sign on top of the southgate station, so I pressed the button that let out my nitros, I zoomed ahead and I thought I was going to win, but then I accidently went from forth to first gear and I stalled. He went on to win the championship, but needless to say, I had the last laugh; I fucked his sister.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Van Desal FTW

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

sexism alert!
my sexiest feature is lovely thank you after being treated to a thorough valet scrubbing inside and out at the weekend.

and it is an automatic. so the clutch is fine. so there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Actually, the clutch is non-existent
(unless it's one of those new double clutch automated manual jobbies like some VWs have)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

oh
this is the problem when your understanding of your car is restricted to (i) colour (ii) speed.

i STILL haven't been able to work out how to re-set the trip after i fill it with petrol, and it's a whole year since i bought it... i think mercedes made it wrong... meanwhile the car thinks it has done 7,000 miles on one tank of petrol!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I've still not bothered with the Comand booklet, I just can't be fucked
As a result I still haven't paired my phone or anything.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

nor me
the salesman paired my original phone with it, never used it, never paired new phone, just break the law every time i get a call or text... i know how stupid it is but it MIGHT BE IMPORTANT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

You can download music and hook up ipods and stuff, but again I can't be fucked
The best bit is the reversing camera, I've managed to figure that one out. Oh well, one day I might be bothered.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)

STILL?

( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Have you tried:
Pressing and holding the reset button;
Twisting the reset button;
Asking someone at Mercedes; or
Reading the manual?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

there is no re-set button!
it needs a service, mercedes can do it then.

manual? are you mad? i have no idea where that is!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

It'll be in the Comand thing then
You have to access the on board computer somehow.

I don't know enough about Mercedeses to help any further.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

OH
you think it's an electronic setting, not a manual setting??? like the clock??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:26, Reply)

It'll be electronic
it'll be in the computer system. Can you scroll through trip/average mpg/average speed anywhere?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:44, Reply)

i have no idea
erm....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Mine's got that.
Fucking pointless. 6 speed dual clutch auto on a 1.9 diesel. All the fucking thing does is change gear.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I prefer a pedal and a proper gearshift myself
Less likely to go wrong, and less expensive to fix if it does.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I know, I only have it as a favour to my dad.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Still hypothetical.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Cars are nearly as interesting as football.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

stop it.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

oh noooo
come on monty, a beautiful sleek shiny car is an objet d'lust!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

how do you know?
you've got an SLK, haven't you?

*runs for the fucking hills*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

no way
can you outrun my SLK. you might as well lie your pathetic feeble beautiful sexy car insulting arse down on the ground and let me dirty my tyres running over it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I don't need to outrun it.
I'll just point and giggle....
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I like the look of some old cars, I suppose.
But they do nothing for me really - other than take me to places.


EDIT I think my main objection is to 'car culture' which is fucking pathetic. Anyone who uses the phrase 'petrolhead' to decribe themselves is a pitiful cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)

unless they actually have a head made of refined crude oil products.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Panzer VIII Maus
might be more your bag.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

i love old cars
i absolutely adored my 1970's beetle, it was so cool. problem is they cost a fortune to maintain, unless you have a man around the house to look after it.

and then the man costs a fortune to maintain.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

My employer has an Aston Martin DB4 that's quite nice.
It sounds like a biplane.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

My dad has an Aston Martin DB something or other.
It's lovely but he's getting rid of it.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

This subthread
proves my 'cars are dull' theory to be intrinsically sound.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I concurr.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:22, Reply)

There you are incorrect.
Wildly, wildly incorrect. In fact, I'm pretty sure that there's a study somewhere that found that a dislike of cars in men and homosexuality are directly related.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

You know I still can't drive. Stop taunting me.
(Welcome back, by the way)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I only learnt six years ago because I had to.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I thought I'd be better off trying to learn before I went to university
As I had more time to kill, and it would be slightly cheaper.

Four (possibly five) failed tests and couting/losing count and now I'm not so sure...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Bloody hell!
I passed first time : )
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Greater London may not be the best place to learn to drive
My local test centre had one of the lowest pass rates in the country. (Saying that, Mr Gibbon passed his second time at the same test centre, so perhaps I'm just a retard.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

My car was fine until some stupid teenager with a brain of the size normally reserved for a gerbil
decided to reverse into it. The complete bellend saw me pull up behind to drop my wife and youngest off at school and yet he still decided to whack his tatty little van into reverse without first thinking to check his mirror. Actually the car is still fine, but his van isn't.
( Ping_Pang_Piddley_Dee couldn't give a big shiny fuck., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

You should have hurt him.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

The look on his face was karma enough for me, especially as he had
a young attractive female colleague with him.
( Ping_Pang_Piddley_Dee couldn't give a big shiny fuck., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Slit his throat with your short sword...
...and throw the young lady over the bonnet of the white van.
It's in the highway code, you know; under 'spoils of war'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Too small.
Fucking tin can noddy Ka.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Ka is a ridiculous name for a car. Sounds like a scouser.
Also Taoureg and that one that starts QA....
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)