Happy birthday to me
OK, so it’s my 40th birthday today, and none of the miserable shower of bastards who I share an office with appear to have remembered.

Should I still go and buy them all cakes at lunchtime anyway or just sit like a huffy bastard all day?

On the plus side, my wonderful girlfriend has spoilt me rotten, buying me a new laptop, case and external hard drive. I’ve also been promised ‘other presents’ when I get home tonight. Oh lordy....
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:54, 99 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Why should they remember your birthday?
You're not their child.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Well I fucking well act like one.
Besides, my boss knows about it, cos she just mentioned it a few weeks ago.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Liar.
If it's your birthday, where's your damned candle?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Doesn't that signify your b3ta birthday, rather than your real one?
If Her Madge is a poster on here, she must be in a frightful pickle, god bless 'er.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Happy Birthday.
Can I have a congo bun or a custard slice?

Thanks in anticipation.

JTDF.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

What's a congo bun?
Sounds like some kind of exotic perversion.

I will play it safe and ram a custard slice down the phone line in your general direction.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

It's a bit like a iced finger
Only bun is less sweet and has currants in it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Bleeurgh!
Currants are evil.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I like 'em.
And raisins.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:30, Reply)

It sounds like you're "raisin" the stakes there Jeff.

(Cave Duck, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:34, Reply)

At this 'currant' time, you'd be right.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Belgian bun, then

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Happy Birthday Rev
Buy the cakes, it will cheer you up when they realise. Plus you will have cakes.

Don't buy cakes and be miserable or buy cakes and have a nicer day at work.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Happy Birthday you old fart!
All the best!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Happy birthday !
Have a video of some BRRR BRRRRR BRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEK BRRR brrrrr rRRRRRR RRRRR RRRRR RRRRRRRR

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TshFWSsrn8&feature=player_embedded
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Cheers
Can't YouTube at work but I'll check it out later.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)

maybe
they have all organised some amazing surprise?

we did that for my boss' 40th, it included cakes, champagne and a giant helium balloon shaped like a vulture sitting on a tombstone engraved "herein lieth your youth". unfortunately it coincided with a massive urgent injunction and it arrived bang in the middle of his client meeting. when he ran into his office to grab his stuff for court, he was NOT AMUSED to find himself waltzing around the desk with his feet caught in the strings of this horrendous looking balloon.

we just went for drinks for his 41st...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

yet ANOTHER social occasion I wasn't invited too.
Sad times, 'swipe, sad times.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)

i'm sorry
but it seemed rude to invite InternetBoys to my boss' private birthday party, even YOU, gonzy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

'sokay, I understand, as long as I can still come 'round for christmas dinner.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

My local pub just sent me a facebook invite for christmas day.
I think I go there too much.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I think 'swipe said I could come to hers, you can be my Plus One if you want on my RSVP.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:22, Reply)

i'm in jamaica
for christmas day, you can come to that if you like?

on the downside, it means entertaining my 4, 3 and 1 year old nephew/nieces. who get pretty excited about the whole christmas thing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:27, Reply)

I've just started to like my nephew,
now he is 18 months old, can say a few words and most importantly kick a football.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:29, Reply)

i absolutely adore mine
often most of all as i am just leaving their house!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:29, Reply)

They are fab for a few minutes but I do like giving him back.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Not really much of a downside for a trip to Jamaica.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:29, Reply)

he'd also have to share a room with me

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

If they wanna stay behind I'll share the room.
I could sell your pants to Chompy for a ridiculous amount.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:43, Reply)

who wears pants on holiday?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

bravo Miss swipe

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:46, Reply)

i suppose accountants might do

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Is that what Chompy does? or is it an elaborate cover.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:49, Reply)

how the hell would i know?
i was just thinking of very dull people who might be the exception to the commando hollywood rule. accountants came immediately to mind. with the obvious exception of the lovely colonel (where is he today anyway???).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:52, Reply)

No idea who the Colonel is so I cannot help you.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)

colonel dracula
everyone knows him surely!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)

What about my see-through sarrong thing and my speedos?
I hate showing my body to people, I have a really nasty scar that makes it look like my stomach its a bum.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Have you told Santa they'll not be at home?
That's VERY important.

(It was to me when my folks took me and my sister away one Christmas and we both pretended to be ill so we could stay at home so Santa wouldn't forget about us).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:32, Reply)

so this sister, older? younger? hair colour?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Older.
By 3 years.

Married with 3 kids. Blonde.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

boooooooooo
A ginger Jeff with tits, Phwooar!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

You'd fucking love that.
You Internet weirdo.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Where's the Kleenex?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:40, Reply)

You disgust me.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:44, Reply)

smooches

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Come on Spurs.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Spurs

Jeff's face
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:48, Reply)

You STILL disgust me.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I win this round

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)

You are the evil genius.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Congratulations !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Do you care about her "very deeply"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:41, Reply)

No.
Do you think I'm Bert?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I'm just gonna point out here that was what I was implying when I said Congrats.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Thanks very much.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:46, Reply)

You're wasted here.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Yeh', that sounds good, I'd be up for that.
Are you flying out from London City? Is there smoking allowed in your Leier?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:33, Reply)

flying out of manchester
in the nice upstairs bit on the virgin planes. no smoking on the plane but i'd have thought there would be some pretty good smoking available once you get there!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Oh wow ! Yeh', I'd be well up for that.
Give it another 10 years and I reckon you'll be going with Galactic rather than Atlantic, two hour round trip.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

That would be totally sweet
I'm really looking forward to all that stuff taking off (fnar fnar).
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

There is something they've not mentioned, which I think they've missed a trick here, is selling them ala private jets.
If someone has no quarms with spending £20m on a jet, I don't think they would have that much spending, say, £50 on a space one.

I don't know about the regulations involved on them though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Happy Birthday.
Life begins at 40 and all that.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Does anyone really believe that?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Jackie Chan does.
That lying bastard probably claims to have been overdue by 40 years.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Don't diss the Chan.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Well it was going well for a while for me and then it sort of went downhill a bit but I'm back on track.
Huzzah!
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Having ditched my harridan of a wife and then hooked up with an altogether far lovelier lady in the last year or so
I'd say that life seems to start around about 39, but I suppose the scientist in me would say that it's within acceptable tolerance levels.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:31, Reply)

That's a relief

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Happy Birthday.
Buy cakes and poison the thoughtless fuckers.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Happy birthday.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Sit like a huffy bastard
Who's fucking idea was it to make the person whose birthday it is buy cakes for the rest of the bloody office? What sort of ridiculous reversa-logic is that, anyway?

Cunts.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:23, Reply)

We do that at our place too.
Doesn't make sense.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Like bringing sweets in for the class
in primary school
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)

not allowed to do that anymore or bring in cakes or anything without informing the parents in writing
first and getting permission.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:33, Reply)

You're joking?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Have you seen how fat kids are now?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

It must make picking your victims easier?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

It's much harder for them to run away.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:44, Reply)

plus by the time he catches up to them they will be sweaty and out of breath
which is how he likes them.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:48, Reply)

last three schools I have been placed in had the same policy.
It's very gay but liability is liability.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

What liability?
If kids aren't supposed to eat cake/sweets then they shouldn't.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Quite.
Surely lactose intolerance/nut allergies/gluten intolerance are just god's way of telling these kids that they can never enjoy their birthdays?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:40, Reply)

allergies etc. You would be surprised how much health and safety type of crap there is to learn.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Either way.
When I was a kid, if I got told not to do something, i'd not do it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

See I would do it straight away no hesitation
I pushed my luck as a kid. I am the only person I know to have been sent home from playgroup.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:47, Reply)

You are going to hate the mini-yous
when you start teaching
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I am remarkably patient with kids. I know I was a terror but my early childhood was a bit special
so I was never gonna be a normo. I get more annoyed at children who just don't try stuff than the naughty kids as the naughty kids at that age are developing very quickly and you can work with that.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:24, Reply)

There are a number of things that wind me up about my job
but the idea that I should buy a bunch of semi-literate chimps presents for MY fucking birthday is right up there.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Happy birthday
Buy the cakes. They'll be happy, you'll be happy and they might stand you a few pints at some point.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Aww, it's nice to see you young uns enjoying your birthdays.
Here's a shiny sixpence for you, Reverend. Now run along 'cause your mates are starting a game of block and as it's your birthday, you get to do dib, dib to decide who's "it".
(Cave Duck, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Aaw, nice to see he still gets out at that age
Her's your favourite chair, just settle down by the fire Gramps. Now, we've got your slippers. And here's some nice socks! Antiques Roadshow is on soon too, you get to have a little nap till then.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

OK thanks for all the advice
I'll get the cakes in and they can all feel a bit shit for having forgotten.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Get cakes that nobody likes
like French Fancies and Jam Tarts.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I like French Fancies.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

mmmm jam tarts.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I like French Tarts.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)

God me too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I just like tarts, of all varieties.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Happy Birthday you old bastard
I shall be joining the over 40's club in less than 7 years, but you're only as young as the women you have locked up in your sex dungeon (or so the saying goes).

On a side note, my internet connection at work is fucked. I'm re-discovering what it's like to be a productive member of this company again. It's actually quite a nice feeling.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:28, Reply)