what sort of cigarette was it?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:16, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A cheap one
I assume it was cheap, anyway. I can't believe that homeless tramps can afford decent quality ones
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

you bummed a fag off a tramp?
damn, you must have had a really shit weekend for it to be that desperate
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

No, I was lying
Sadly it was a Royal. Red. So pretty cheap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

what was so shitty about it?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Just one of those times when everything comes together. In the bad, non-orgy way
Boiler issues. Housemate moving out, another moving in, appropriate chaos ensuing. Ms Foxtrot still incredibly stressed about work. Shit weather. Insufficient sleep. Fucked up my knuckles in an incredibly embarrassing fashion. Rain. Continued popularity of R'n'B

Thank you for asking though mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

It's our important duty to mock you until you forget your woes.
To start that process we need to know what they are.

that is shitty though. My mrs is very stressed with work too so I can empathise.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

If anything it's worse than being stressed about work myself
I can't stand feeling powerless to help her. Plus every time I see one of those Aviva adverts with Paul Whitehouse it makes me want to burn things
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I know exactly what you mean
there is nothing you can do except be supportive. Doesn't always help much though.

Most adverts make me want to burn things.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Fair point
but I had previously found those adverts quite amusing. Now Aviva have ruined Whitehouse for me with their consistent bastardry towards the missus. And living in Norwich, there's very little escaping the immoral cunts.

Anyway. I know you're right, and I appreciate the empathy mate. It's like you say, there's only so much one can do and it's rarely sufficient. Sucks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

what cunts.
you're welcome old son. It's a shit position to be in.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Hopefully things will improve, she's moving areas next week
How was your weekend anyway? Any sign of that giant ball of burning gas our planet allegedly revolves around down your way?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

fingers crossed
my weekend fucking splendid thanks. Spent the evening with mates getting caned and played mariokart on friday.

Surf was pumping on saturday and the sun was blazing, so I'm actually looking a bit tanned for once. Played a gig in a local pub in the evening which was cracking. First outing for 4 brand new songs (only played them 2 or 3 times each before).

Did fuck all yesterday except make nice food and spend time with the mrs. Sun was beating down yesterday as well. Given my tiredness and hangover I almost passed out while cutting the grass it was so hot.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

If you'd attempted to write an essay entitled "what kind of weekend would most throw into stark relief the arsey two days endured by Darth Foxtrot?"
I think it'd go something like that

In all seriousness, I'm very glad you had a good time, that's what weekends are supposed to be about. How are the wedding plans going? Let me know if you'd like lessons for your first dance
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I can help with the first dance as well
it might be horribly inappropriate though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I'll teach Vippers a romantic Waltz
You work your magic with Mrs V, and the results should at least be interesting
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I actually may take you up on that
neither me or the mrs can dance for shit.

We're in a lull with the plans at the moment. We've booked the venue, planned the food etc. Mrs has bought a dress. The venue are taking car of a lot of stuff, so we don't have to.

I'm currently in a quandry over what we can afford honeymoonwise. At the moment it is looking like we could just about afford to spend two weeks shut in our own house with basic rations.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Make it a week shut in your house with FUCK-OFF MASSIVE CHOCOLATE
Every woman's dream. So you have a date then?

If I lived locally to you I would very happily teach you whatever dance you wanted, but it's really not something you can do remotely. I could probably recommend a decent dance school in your area though, my teacher knows fucking everyone
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

10th of September
I may take you up on that. We need to decide on a song first though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Cannibal Corpse - Entrails ripped from a virgin's cunt
Done.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I fancy Dragonforce - Heart of a Dragon
finding a band who could cover it would be tricky though.

My current forerunner is Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray Vaughn.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I only know In The Fire and the Flames
So I'm imagining they all sound the same, ludicrous fret-wanking.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

pretty much
some of them have some a capella bits in them.

I know they are cheesy and wanky, but I can't help but smile when listening to them.

Also it is amusing to use it as sex music.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

you should both attend a bash
and teach him there and then while we watch and make humorous comments.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

my mrs is quite shy and so this is very unlikely to happen
I'm not sure if I'll manage to get her along to a bash at all even.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

That's a shame : (

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

it is
it's strange, because once you know her even a little bit she's quite gregarious, but I think she gets a bit freaked out by new people en masse.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I used to be like that too.
Maybe she'll grow out of it.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

perhaps
I'm not sure I'd want her to meet you lot anyway. Several people have already said they are going to try and steal her.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Mine too
I think that introducing her to you lot would be well outside of her comfort zone. Also, she gets annoyed when people call me gay - feels it reflects badly on her, bizarrely - so I doubt it would end well
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

yeah, that doesn't sound like a recipe for success

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

this is good news for me.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

That's what you get for shuffling the knuckles.
You'll get arthritis, mark my words.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I actually wish that's how I did it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

He's using code.
He 'HAD' a 'FAG' this morning.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Brilliant
It's good to see that being in a good mood hasn't dulled your genial, inventive and forever original sense of humour

I am glad that you had such an enjoyable time with your daughter, seriously. And right before your birthday, too. Maybe you'll be in a good mood ALL WEEK
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

It is actually possible, albeit highly unlikely.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

How old is your little'un, if you don't mind me asking?
That is a thoroughly charming photo of you both. Makes me somewhat sad that I'm not having any kids myself
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

JAFFA!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Possibly
No idea. Never been tested. Never going to have chance to prove it either way, unless I do get tested, which would be an exercise in futility. Would be depressing to know either that I can't have kids, or that I could but won't get to.

God I'm a moody twat today. Give me back my infuriating chirpiness, Boyce
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

That's what happens when you're gay

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

*tired sigh*
Yes, Rory, that's what it's all about
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

He isn't a very good troll is he.
I remember him being Berts sidekick and now Bert has gone he is trying to play nice.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Everyone has to start somewhere
Being Bert's understudy must be a very difficult way to commence one's internet career. Probably a bit like becoming an intern in the Naboo diplomatic relations bureau and finding out that you'll be working as a liaison to the Gungans under Jar Jar Binks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Me a donta think so!
God George Lucas fucked the new ones up didn't he.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I will actually defend Revenge of the Sith vigorously
It's just a shame that in order to set up a fairly belting conclusion to the triolgy, the first two films had to be so lightweight. Proof that you can't bottle lightnigh twice. Or, more logically, proof that Lucas' decision to bring in an outside screenwriter and director when making The Empire Strikes Back was a particularly sound one
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

The force unleashed computer game has a better script than Revenge of the Sith
all three are pap!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Nah mate I disagree
Not about the Force Unleashed, that was epic. Very intrigued to see what they do with the sequel
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

already on preorder.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:31, Reply)

If I remember I was his hero, not sidekick you prick
I can see you being found out quite quickly once you start noncing up the kids, thank god
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I don't think "Bert Monkeysex's Hero"
is something I'd want on my tombstone
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Meh, he was entertaining, albeit crossing the line somewhat
He's the Ding/Bou of QOTW, as opposed to dull background noiser. I'll take it as a compliment.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I'd prefer to be his hero than his sister.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

She fucking loved it

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

quick quick call him a paedo as he want's to teach
*slow clap* for a slow bastard.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Free and easy access to underage kids, that's what draws the likes of you in
You even look like a rapist, oh Bobby
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

How can someone look like a rapist?
I have long hair and a beard, pretty sure I'm not the only one in that bracket on here. Get an interesting insult or do one. At least Bert was intelligent.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)

It's the creepy sexual intent in your eyes Bobby
You can pass every crb in the world, but you still shouldn't be allowed anywhere near kids
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

As irritating as Bert was he at least made an effort.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I have long hair and a beard
no one calls me a paedophile.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

*high fives*

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

anal beards don't count

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I dunno he looks like a mountain child rapist
Only emerging from the woods to satisfy his sexual needs
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I prefer you pissed off.
You're much less irritating.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Irksome that even when I'm in a vile mood
we're still on opposite wavelengths. Who'll share my bile-fuelled rants if not you?

*suddenly remembers where he is*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

She was 2 on July 15th.
I can honestly say that despite all of the problems I've had with access etc I'd do it all over again a million times over. Being a father to that gorgeous little girl is the most rewarding thing I've ever done* by a country mile.


*and I once did 8 acid tabs in two hours.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Congratulations, sir
If you were here I'd shake your hand and buy you a pint, as long as you promised not to mention acid to me ever again. Horrific stuff
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Best buzz of all I've been told.
Edit - fatherhood, not acid.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Eight acid tabs in two hours?
Yeah Monty all numbers under ten should be spelled out. I went there and I'm "Grammar Fail"ing you
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I'm starting to have serious doubts about our TORRID AFFAIR now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Mehehehe
That makes him a GAYLORD.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)