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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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What a fucking magnificent weekend*
What are you having for lunch?

*evidence in replies
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:22, 327 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I'm not sure they're designed for adults but I barely qualify as one so it's OK

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:22, Reply)
Get a haircut you hippy

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:25, Reply)
No way, maaaaan.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:26, Reply)
I'm still stuck with my circa 1991 cut = (
One day I'll grow up
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:29, Reply)
I'm stuck with my '88 cut.
I feel your pain.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:31, Reply)
I'm growing mine.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:31, Reply)
Pubes don't count, Porkles.
How many times do I have to tell you?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:32, Reply)
Shoulder and back hair does though.
Fucking Silverback me!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)
Looking like a robin hood extra did not go down well during my training contract

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:33, Reply)
Did you insist on wearing green tights then?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:34, Reply)
No, a shit M&S suit had to suffice
always 5, so one for each day
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:35, Reply)
Good for you Monty lad.
White trainers? really? you!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:28, Reply)
I collected sneakers for years
I've still got 40-odd pairs. Those are just some work-horse Converse though.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:30, Reply)
I had you down as more of a boot man really.
How long did you have her for then? what else did you do?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:33, Reply)
I stayed over the night before (her mother made herself scarce)
and when I dropped her off I went for a few drinks with my ex and her landlord/friend (my benefactor: he's been instrumental in convincing her that she's been a cunt) - I left them about 4pm, I think.


EDIT sorry, didn't answer your question. I took her to my friends' house where she had lunch and played with their daughter who is five months older than mine, then we went to the park. They got on really well and it was really sweet watching them have a teddy bear's picnic.

Best day ever.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:37, Reply)
Sounds brilliant mate
Have you got the landlord/friend a present yet?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:56, Reply)
Yes, I bought him about 5 pints.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:58, Reply)
Really? A long sleeve gray jumper at this time of the year? really? you?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)
I NO RITE?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:46, Reply)
I see she is trying to escape.
Edit: Get a haircut, hippy.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:30, Reply)
I can't - it's the source of my power.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:31, Reply)
Figures,
Seeing as the girl's mother is Delilah.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:33, Reply)
I think there is an adult version of that toy that I've seen, but it's normally on stage at Torture Garden...
... it's made of PVC and has a couple of extra little bits sticking out of the seats.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)
I'll bet you have, you dirty rotter.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)
heehee, is that you Monty? with all that hair?
looks like you're having a ball!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:11, Reply)
It is indeed.
It was simply brilliant from start to finish.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)
Glad you enjoyed yourself lovely.
I'm really really happy you finally got some quality time with her.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)
It's been a long, difficult journey
but at long last I am starting to feel like a 'proper' father.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)

having sack

to be clear, the word sack gets added to the end
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)
*snorts*

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)
This is possibly the most heartwarming picture I have seen - or am I ever likely to see
on b3ta that does not feature kittens. Glad to hear it was a good weekend!

PS Get a haircut you...*spots reflection* ...erm, never mind...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Oh Monty

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)
That's just fucking weird.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)
I know
You go to all the trouble of hiding your twin, so you can get up to some serious crime/MASSIVE DRUG-related shenanigans/Houdini antics, and get snapped having a bit of a weird regression moment in a park.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)
Yeh', yeh', that's just like the toy I was discribing, with some long haired bloke and bald women.
They're normally wearing leather though.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:46, Reply)
I like this...
...I did click on Monty's original though.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:04, Reply)
Awwwwwww!
What a lovely picture of dad and daughter funtimes.


In other news.....I dreamt about the Supreme Crow last night. Guess what we were doing?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)
You were strengthening his wrists with splints?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)
No.
I took him shopping in Claire's Accessories to find something to keep his hair out of his face.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)
What a gay dream.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)
I think it's all the bumdering stuff he spouts.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)
I am simultaneously amused and disturbed by this revelation
(My hair keeps out of my face perfectly adequately, I can assure you*)

*A few may fall out of place whilst I'm being taken vigorously and/or vengefully from behind, but otherwise it's not a problem
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
Believe me, I'd rather have dreamt of us doing other things than shopping for hair accessories.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
I'll bet you would and all, you saucy minx.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)
So I take it
You are no longer worried about your ex finding out who you are on B3ta!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)
She doesn't know about B3ta.
Ten minutes on here and she's suss me out - and would without doubt read every single post I have ever made.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)
Well you'd best hope it stays that way!
Seriously though - what the fuck is going on with your barnet?

EDIT: Apols - that sounds far too agressive. I can't talk, I've not had my hair cut in a year.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:56, Reply)
I am descended from Vikings.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)
You are Andy Fordham's thinner brother
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:02, Reply)
Oh Monty!!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:10, Reply)
He's shitting on a corgi?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)
He's shitting on a corgi

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)
Animal cruelty = ((

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)
Well, you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs,
and similarly you can't start a violent and bloody revolution without...erm...shitting on a dog.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
That is just too funny for this time of day.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)
I'm not gonna be here for a good chunk of the day
And I couldn't let a golden opportunity like a squatting Monty pic go to waste.
I've saved the outline now, whenever I'm bored I'll smash up a pic of Monty shitting on various national treasures.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)
good man

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)
Like on Bowie?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)
My first thought was Bowie
Then for some unknown reason, I thought him shitting on the Queen's corgis would be better. Once I'd found that third pic, I knew I had to do it.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)
Hahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)
Hahah FUCK
Log on to find this.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)
Demented isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)
Busy morning today I see Lab

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)
As I said above
I'm not going to be here much today (if everything goes to plan), so thought I'd cram in some time this morning while waiting for a script to finish.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)
So I see
So I see indeed. Not much else to say on that really.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:18, Reply)
Are you running away later?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
Eh?
I no follow.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)
Because you're stupid

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)
Explain

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)
My weekend was magnificent too!
Some Vipros/TGB levels of smugness due to whole house being clean and all washing being done, some excellent DIY, then Sunday was spent in East London with two excellent people. Cycling back from there was FUN.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)
I heard the people you were with were fucking cunts.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)
WHAT KIND OF MOTORISED TRANSPORT DID THEY HAVE

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)
MOTORMOUTH
Although, I did fall asleep on their sofa for a little while. Then I woke up...massively.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)
did they forget the lube again?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
My weekend was also pretty awesome
good food, good weed, epic surf, played a decent gig, including some awesome funk wah-wah action and a couple of face-melting solo moments, then yesterday I did fuck all. It was splendid.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:18, Reply)
+ 10 Croissant for you
I didn't make any, but I did make cookies and a Shallot, Hazelnut and Raisin bread. I'm getting a nice bit of cheese for it for dinner tonight. They didn't rise as well as I thought though.

Another time.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)
I made pizza last night (fucking lovely)
and some spiced courgette, tomato and apple chutney.

That bread sounds pretty good.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)
Colston Bassett blue - that's my cheese tip of the day.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)
I was thinking Blue.
But I do really fancy something Alpine. Like Compte.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
My weekend was a bit shit
but I seem to have inadvertantly given up smoking so that's nice.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)
You can't afford any fags can you?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)
Pretty much that.
It was fags or electricity. I don't miss it that much but we'll see what happens when I get paid tomorrow.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)
that sounds like a silly thing to do
you can't afford to look any less cool.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)
I would like to do this
at some point. The NHS really, really want me to stop. I get a leaflet through the door about twice a week.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
GP's get bonuses based on the number of people who stop smoking.
They don't actually care about you, they just want the money.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
They don't care?!
*cries*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
Morning all
Have I missed anything exciting?

Glad you had a nice weekend that wasn't filled with ridiculous narcotics Monty.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)
How was Tenerife?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
did you see my parents?
They were in Tenerife
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)
I wasn't in Tenerife.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)
did you actually think that I was asking that of you?
it was clearly an addendum to your question
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)
Addendum my arse.
You replied to the wrong post.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
It seems unlikely that you will believe me
but I actually thought about it, and thought that after your post was the sensible place to ask my silly question.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)
I can never believe anything a man tells me ever again.
Or believe any women that may look slightly boyish.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
I saw your qotw post yesterday
hadn't realised quite the level of cuntiness he had exhibited.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
My entry was stellar

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
it's alright I suppose

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
= (
He boasts about his sexual prowess on QOTW
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
does he?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
And for all I've done over the years (women are objects I presume)
I've never gotten any sti

Top lothario
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
Yes
we had dinner together every night and they asked me to call them Mum and Dad.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)
awww that's nice

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
It's almost like she has real parents.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
I do have real parents
they just don't love me enough to stay in the same country as me.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
It was nice, thanks.
I'm going to sound very Monty when I say this, but it was so full of really common ex-pats that I felt quite embarrassed to be English.

But the weather was nice and we saw some pretty sights so it was all good. I think I probably just never noticed how chavvy it was when I was a kid.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
did you get your baps out?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
YES
on the balcony where no one could see
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
still counts
you brazen hussy
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
There was a group of 5 young French women who kept getting them out by the pool
I think Wiggy gave himself neck strain pretending not to look.

One of them was anorexic, I felt kind of sorry for her.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)
but did they have nice breasts?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
Well the girls were already quite brown
so their boobs were bright white in comparison. It wasn't a great look, but in general they were pretty nice boobs. One of them had really big boobs though so they just went straight into her armpits when she laid down.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
that is not a good look.
better to be pale all over than mostly brown with bright white bits.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)
I burnt myself on the last day
having managed to avoid it all week, so I have minor triangle-boob issues.

That was minor issues, not minor boobs before you start Chompy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
that was a bit silly.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
I was doing so well,
I had my factor 30 on every day, but then on the last day we went on a catamaran and it was ridiculously hot without any shade.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
I've had terrible sunburn from sailing. I can sympathise.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
It was totally worth it
we saw whales and dolphins and apparently there was a sea turtle although I thought it was a rock.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
that's cool
I want to see whales and dolphins and turtles.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
We'll make a special trip on the Smug Croissant

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
huzzah!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)
"And I don't mind preserving time at all"
*rocks out 90s style*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)
you've lost me

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Terrorvision - Perseverance
"I was right about the whales and the dolphins
whales and dolphins
yeah!"
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)
That was on Now 32
I feel old.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)
Bah, I had the album, Regular Urban Survivors
AND saw them tour it.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)
loser

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)
Excellent snobbery: good girl.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)
you wouldn't believe how much excitement you have missed

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
I did a vanity search when I got home
it was half and half references to me and references to actual cats.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
anything upsetting
or has Lab deleted all the horrible stuff he said about you?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)
No, mostly it was Chompy trying to convince people that I was actually hiding at home
pretending to be on holiday with my made up boyfriend.

EDIT: oh wait, there was that thing Lab said about me being a gringo or something. He can suck my cojones.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
That was one post.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)
your posts are so important to me that I count every one twice.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)
I hear you're going to be at DG's bash.
We might actually meet.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
I'm well looking forward to it!
I'm going to give you the BIGGEST HUG EVER
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)
If you spill my pint there'll be trouble.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)
I am extremely clumsy
so I can't promise it won't happen.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I will do no such thing

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Hello there

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)
Welcome back Kitty
how was the holiday?

Can't think of any major dramas while you were away.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)
uhoh,
that means people are going to think I'm Bert.

Holiday was good, managed to avoid getting burnt until the very last day, as is my custom.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
Oh you should be ok we had him back for a few minutes but he bailed again
he will be back. Oh yes he will be back.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
when was he back for a bit?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
He 'poped' in for a few minutes.
I called him a nonce.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
was The Pope actually him?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)
I would imagine so.
The whole appearance without introduction thing. It wouldn't suprise me if he's trawling round every library where he lives for internet with a different IP.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

internet with a different IP genealogical records, in the hope of finding some more 15-year-old siblings to nonce up.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)
I don't know
but whenever I see someone popping up that I don't know, I'm calling them out as Bert every time, just to be sure.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
makes sense
and it pays to be vigilant. I've learned my lesson since last time.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
I don't think it is
he was there before berts breakdown.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
You'll be glad to see that snugglesacks is back on qotw

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
BREASTS

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
She broke my heart though,
Can I dare to love again?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)
Each day can only be a new learning experience
PLUS BREASTS
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)
brb, writing poem 4 her in blood

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
kl
BREASTS
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
have read her story
I think you are better off without her.

and she didn't mention her breasts once!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
Needs moar boob.
That story was boring.

I wish she'd use paragraphs.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
Don't you fucking dare question her style.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
sorry
I'm just jealous.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

paragraphs Dignitas
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I was particularly impressed
about how she actually managed to slip in the truth that he dumped her (presumably because she has the personality of a lobotomised weasel) whilst the story all points in the direction of her finding fault with him. top answering, there.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)
yeah, see
that happened with Bou on /talk many times, it just puts off new people a lot of the time as they don't known what they are being abused for.

If it's really a problem for you guys, gaz cr3 to put an IP block on him to stop him re-registering.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I would expect more people to ask why they are being abused for no reason
particularly if they are getting called something specific.

I have a feeling there is now an IP block. Think Becky had a word with cr3. I could be totally making that up though.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)
nope.
they just think that's how we are. that applies on any board here. cliqueLOL.

Plus, think the conversation through:

Newbie: Hello, roffle, kittens, dinner
OT: Fuck off Bert
N:that's a bit rude. who's bert?
OT: you are. now fuck off bert
N:I'm not!
OT: yes you are. fuck off, bert.

repeat ad infinitum. Been there, done that, got the fat mental Saffer Tshirt.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)
you make a good point

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)
I think I saw that before I left
wasn't he bret mong keys eggs or something lame like that?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)
Sadly there were no more incest revelations to be had.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
I took a copy of Pick Me Up with me
so there was plenty of incest in that.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
I had a fantastic weekend
West Brom beat Arsenal at The Emirates (yes, football, I know you're above such plebeian enjoyments) - an event so unlikely we may now be in a parallel timeline.

Then I smashed a turkey breast flat and rolled it around some blue cheese and cranberry sauce and then wrapped that in prosciutto. Sublime.

Then I got drunk and stoned with my bro and his good lady which put the capper on a wonderful day.

Spent sunday recovering and reading Arsenal blogs, which were hilarious.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
Fuck you LIC!
I am just glad there is mid week football to take my mind off it. Almunia must die.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)
or Alumina as one of the blogs persistently misspelled it
presumably referencing "lightweight" rather than "strong" or "useful".
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
I just don't understand Wenger's inability
to buy a good keeper. I am convinced we can still win the league but not without buying a proven goalie in Jan.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)
he won't though
as that would reveal he's lost his player-buying mojo.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Monty in a good mood scares me
I'm handing my notice in today but I'm strangely scared. I think I have THE FEAR
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)
oooh that's exciting!
have you got another job lined up?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
No
hence THE FEAR
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
Why you leaving then?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
Because I hate it here
and I'm moving. And I actually quite enjoy THE FEAR
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
Where are you moving too?
London?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Yeah if you had called Tourettes after me instead of before and making me WAIT
then you would have had all the gossip :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
Haha!
Gaz me!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)
have you not noticed how the job has made her into an evil hell beast?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Yup

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

has made her was as
+which played to her strengths
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)
Good luck you mental!
What if they offer you a box full of money to stay?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
I shall go
WHERE WAS THAT OFFER THREE MONTHS AGO YOU FUCKTARDS
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Valid point
but moar money is moar money!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
I'm going to 'hang out' with you
ALL THE TIME. We're going to have a TORRID AFFAIR.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Must we?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I'm afraid so, yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Oh. Ok then
I'll probably cheat on you with your girlfriend
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Where are you GOING?!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
To live with a crazy chef and a sexpest

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)
I didn't know Lab could cook
BADUM-HNGGGGGGGGGg
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)
I can't :(

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)
you've going to live with gonz and sexface?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
no, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Stan Colleymore
It's a channel 5 reality show.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)
I would totally watch that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Ok I'm actually jealous now.
I wanna live with Gonz :(
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)
god, you like to put yourself about don't you
I'm starting to wonder whether I shouldn't get someone more committed to me to help me crew the Smug Croissant.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)
She only wants you to take her to all those ports
She's like Inara in Firefly, only far, far lower class.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)
it's an outrage

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Yeah
Inara's completely gorgeous, and you get lumbered with THAT.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)
I feel the need to watch Firefly again
it's been a while.

my mrs was watching the Mentalist yesterday, and I found myself admiring this actress
www.google.co.uk/search?q=Amanda%20Righetti&hl=en&meta=
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)
She's rather delightful
I think I have the first season of that, is it any good?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)
it's reasonably entertaining
he's like a crime solving Derren Brown.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)
I enjoy Derren Brown
So I'll try to get around to watching it
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)
it's pretty light viewing really
fairly predictable, but give it a try. It's far from the worst thing on tv.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)
oi!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Welcome home

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)
It's the food.
I fucking love food so much.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)
yeah I can't cook for shit...
;-)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)
I will get so fat when we finally hook up.
It'll be beautiful.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)
You're moving in with Gonz?
fucking hell, god help you.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)
yeah that is pretty scary
are you looking for a complete new career?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
You could say she's
thinking outside the box
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
I am going to destroy you

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
Oh. Must you?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
I'm afraid so.
I feel duty-bound to assist him, too.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
Oh dear. Well, this isn't a very good start to my week, is it? Being destroyed barely halfway through Monday morning...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
Indeed.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
I liked it.
Screw these humourless fucks.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)
That's JUST WHAT THEY WANT, Chompy.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
*sings 'King Contrary Man'*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
It's ok, at least you can recycle these
jokes.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
Destruction seems a little harsh.
Perhaps you could just box his ears?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
You're next.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)
I feel blessed.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)
I feel Blessed.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
Why has no-one picked up on this?!
It turns out that as well as massive drugs, Monty also has a weakness for big-voiced Shakespearean actors with sufficient beardage for David Bellamy to relaunch his career in
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
I was going to make some sort of joke involving overenthusiastic vocalisations
but then I realised I was imagining Blessed at the moment of climax and I had to run off to the bogs for a crafty tug.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Damn you and your strikethorugh-proof confessions

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

the bogs a primary school
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Well played
Now I look stoopid
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)
My weekend was so shite that on my way into work I had a CIGARETTE
Amazing how much can conspire to get one down in little over 48 hours. On the upside, I have to go talk to people at my bank this lunchtime, I'm sure that will help matters no end
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
what sort of cigarette was it?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
A cheap one
I assume it was cheap, anyway. I can't believe that homeless tramps can afford decent quality ones
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)
you bummed a fag off a tramp?
damn, you must have had a really shit weekend for it to be that desperate
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
No, I was lying
Sadly it was a Royal. Red. So pretty cheap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
what was so shitty about it?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Just one of those times when everything comes together. In the bad, non-orgy way
Boiler issues. Housemate moving out, another moving in, appropriate chaos ensuing. Ms Foxtrot still incredibly stressed about work. Shit weather. Insufficient sleep. Fucked up my knuckles in an incredibly embarrassing fashion. Rain. Continued popularity of R'n'B

Thank you for asking though mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
It's our important duty to mock you until you forget your woes.
To start that process we need to know what they are.

that is shitty though. My mrs is very stressed with work too so I can empathise.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)
If anything it's worse than being stressed about work myself
I can't stand feeling powerless to help her. Plus every time I see one of those Aviva adverts with Paul Whitehouse it makes me want to burn things
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)
I know exactly what you mean
there is nothing you can do except be supportive. Doesn't always help much though.

Most adverts make me want to burn things.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Fair point
but I had previously found those adverts quite amusing. Now Aviva have ruined Whitehouse for me with their consistent bastardry towards the missus. And living in Norwich, there's very little escaping the immoral cunts.

Anyway. I know you're right, and I appreciate the empathy mate. It's like you say, there's only so much one can do and it's rarely sufficient. Sucks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)
what cunts.
you're welcome old son. It's a shit position to be in.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)
Hopefully things will improve, she's moving areas next week
How was your weekend anyway? Any sign of that giant ball of burning gas our planet allegedly revolves around down your way?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)
fingers crossed
my weekend fucking splendid thanks. Spent the evening with mates getting caned and played mariokart on friday.

Surf was pumping on saturday and the sun was blazing, so I'm actually looking a bit tanned for once. Played a gig in a local pub in the evening which was cracking. First outing for 4 brand new songs (only played them 2 or 3 times each before).

Did fuck all yesterday except make nice food and spend time with the mrs. Sun was beating down yesterday as well. Given my tiredness and hangover I almost passed out while cutting the grass it was so hot.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)
If you'd attempted to write an essay entitled "what kind of weekend would most throw into stark relief the arsey two days endured by Darth Foxtrot?"
I think it'd go something like that

In all seriousness, I'm very glad you had a good time, that's what weekends are supposed to be about. How are the wedding plans going? Let me know if you'd like lessons for your first dance
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)
I can help with the first dance as well
it might be horribly inappropriate though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)
I'll teach Vippers a romantic Waltz
You work your magic with Mrs V, and the results should at least be interesting
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I actually may take you up on that
neither me or the mrs can dance for shit.

We're in a lull with the plans at the moment. We've booked the venue, planned the food etc. Mrs has bought a dress. The venue are taking car of a lot of stuff, so we don't have to.

I'm currently in a quandry over what we can afford honeymoonwise. At the moment it is looking like we could just about afford to spend two weeks shut in our own house with basic rations.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Make it a week shut in your house with FUCK-OFF MASSIVE CHOCOLATE
Every woman's dream. So you have a date then?

If I lived locally to you I would very happily teach you whatever dance you wanted, but it's really not something you can do remotely. I could probably recommend a decent dance school in your area though, my teacher knows fucking everyone
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)
10th of September
I may take you up on that. We need to decide on a song first though.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)
Cannibal Corpse - Entrails ripped from a virgin's cunt
Done.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)
I fancy Dragonforce - Heart of a Dragon
finding a band who could cover it would be tricky though.

My current forerunner is Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray Vaughn.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)
I only know In The Fire and the Flames
So I'm imagining they all sound the same, ludicrous fret-wanking.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)
pretty much
some of them have some a capella bits in them.

I know they are cheesy and wanky, but I can't help but smile when listening to them.

Also it is amusing to use it as sex music.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)
you should both attend a bash
and teach him there and then while we watch and make humorous comments.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)
my mrs is quite shy and so this is very unlikely to happen
I'm not sure if I'll manage to get her along to a bash at all even.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)
That's a shame : (

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)
it is
it's strange, because once you know her even a little bit she's quite gregarious, but I think she gets a bit freaked out by new people en masse.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)
I used to be like that too.
Maybe she'll grow out of it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)
perhaps
I'm not sure I'd want her to meet you lot anyway. Several people have already said they are going to try and steal her.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:23, Reply)
Mine too
I think that introducing her to you lot would be well outside of her comfort zone. Also, she gets annoyed when people call me gay - feels it reflects badly on her, bizarrely - so I doubt it would end well
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)
yeah, that doesn't sound like a recipe for success

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)
this is good news for me.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)
That's what you get for shuffling the knuckles.
You'll get arthritis, mark my words.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I actually wish that's how I did it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)
He's using code.
He 'HAD' a 'FAG' this morning.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)
Brilliant
It's good to see that being in a good mood hasn't dulled your genial, inventive and forever original sense of humour

I am glad that you had such an enjoyable time with your daughter, seriously. And right before your birthday, too. Maybe you'll be in a good mood ALL WEEK
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
It is actually possible, albeit highly unlikely.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)
How old is your little'un, if you don't mind me asking?
That is a thoroughly charming photo of you both. Makes me somewhat sad that I'm not having any kids myself
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)
JAFFA!

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Possibly
No idea. Never been tested. Never going to have chance to prove it either way, unless I do get tested, which would be an exercise in futility. Would be depressing to know either that I can't have kids, or that I could but won't get to.

God I'm a moody twat today. Give me back my infuriating chirpiness, Boyce
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)
That's what happens when you're gay

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)
*tired sigh*
Yes, Rory, that's what it's all about
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)
He isn't a very good troll is he.
I remember him being Berts sidekick and now Bert has gone he is trying to play nice.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)
Everyone has to start somewhere
Being Bert's understudy must be a very difficult way to commence one's internet career. Probably a bit like becoming an intern in the Naboo diplomatic relations bureau and finding out that you'll be working as a liaison to the Gungans under Jar Jar Binks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)
Me a donta think so!
God George Lucas fucked the new ones up didn't he.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)
I will actually defend Revenge of the Sith vigorously
It's just a shame that in order to set up a fairly belting conclusion to the triolgy, the first two films had to be so lightweight. Proof that you can't bottle lightnigh twice. Or, more logically, proof that Lucas' decision to bring in an outside screenwriter and director when making The Empire Strikes Back was a particularly sound one
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)
The force unleashed computer game has a better script than Revenge of the Sith
all three are pap!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Nah mate I disagree
Not about the Force Unleashed, that was epic. Very intrigued to see what they do with the sequel
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)
already on preorder.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:31, Reply)
If I remember I was his hero, not sidekick you prick
I can see you being found out quite quickly once you start noncing up the kids, thank god
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)
I don't think "Bert Monkeysex's Hero"
is something I'd want on my tombstone
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)
Meh, he was entertaining, albeit crossing the line somewhat
He's the Ding/Bou of QOTW, as opposed to dull background noiser. I'll take it as a compliment.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)
I'd prefer to be his hero than his sister.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)
She fucking loved it

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)
quick quick call him a paedo as he want's to teach
*slow clap* for a slow bastard.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)
Free and easy access to underage kids, that's what draws the likes of you in
You even look like a rapist, oh Bobby
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)
How can someone look like a rapist?
I have long hair and a beard, pretty sure I'm not the only one in that bracket on here. Get an interesting insult or do one. At least Bert was intelligent.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)
It's the creepy sexual intent in your eyes Bobby
You can pass every crb in the world, but you still shouldn't be allowed anywhere near kids
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)
As irritating as Bert was he at least made an effort.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)
I have long hair and a beard
no one calls me a paedophile.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)
*high fives*

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)
anal beards don't count

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)
I dunno he looks like a mountain child rapist
Only emerging from the woods to satisfy his sexual needs
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:23, Reply)
I prefer you pissed off.
You're much less irritating.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Irksome that even when I'm in a vile mood
we're still on opposite wavelengths. Who'll share my bile-fuelled rants if not you?

*suddenly remembers where he is*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)
She was 2 on July 15th.
I can honestly say that despite all of the problems I've had with access etc I'd do it all over again a million times over. Being a father to that gorgeous little girl is the most rewarding thing I've ever done* by a country mile.


*and I once did 8 acid tabs in two hours.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)
Congratulations, sir
If you were here I'd shake your hand and buy you a pint, as long as you promised not to mention acid to me ever again. Horrific stuff
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Best buzz of all I've been told.
Edit - fatherhood, not acid.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Eight acid tabs in two hours?
Yeah Monty all numbers under ten should be spelled out. I went there and I'm "Grammar Fail"ing you
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)
I'm starting to have serious doubts about our TORRID AFFAIR now.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)
Mehehehe
That makes him a GAYLORD.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Nothing makes me want to kill more than talking to banks/estate agents.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)
Given your recent issues with your domicile I can understand this
but I'm still going to see your "banks etc" and raise you "Michael McIntyre"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)
Michael McIntyre is just a shit comedian and his broadcast mug can be turned off.
Estate agents will harass you and bully you in a manner which they think sounds neutral or even friendly, at any time of day they please, because any concept or understanding they might once have of basic human emotion has been replaced by this curious maxim that "as long as it's within the company's protocol, it's alright."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)
I've never met a competant one.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)
my mate was one
but he lost his job on friday because apparently giving a company the best results they've had in 17 years for 6 months in a row isn't enough to warrant keeping someone on.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Results mean nothing
they want YES MEN and brown nosers
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)
I think that is probably the case.
when are you moving?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Good weekend cheers
Got drunk for free on Friday, saw friends.
Saturday night, made myself look half decent, then went out with mates. Ended up drinking Double jack daniels and Crabbies. They go together faaaar too well.
Yesterday, I just recovered, and had a KFC.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)
This is excellent news
I am having my flatmate for lunch.

PS: MY HOUSE IS WARM AND I'VE NOT DIED OF CO POISONING...yet
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)
"I am having my flatmate for lunch."
Do I make jokes about you sexxxing your housemate, or cannibalism jokes?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)
Look who you're asking

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)
After Monty commented on my demurity
I found out I tried to snog both of them. I have the feeling himjim will say "Well played" to one and the whole cosmos will shake their heads in disapproval at the other.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)
*trigger finger*

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Thanks very much,
Friendly almost-neighbourhood Landlord.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I'm liking this news a lot, congrats Monty
Since you ask so nicely, I'm having a fried egg and bacon roll for lunch.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)
Thank you Beccles.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)
This is brilliant news Monty
but i'd be careful at that play park, some vagrant seems to have wandered in.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)
Thank you, you cheeky cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

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