If you're an ugly bloke
then you're unlikely to get any, meaning the pressure in your bollocks would eventually cause you to explode (unless you wanked a lot, obviously). So there are very real dangers to being an ugly bloke.

By the same token, ugly lasses would find that the lack of action causes their undercarriages to eventually seal up, meaning that they'd gradually fill up with piss and drown.

This is SCIENCE, people.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:35, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

officelol

( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Luckily Al has his horse porn
or he would have gone off like a spunky firework many years ago.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I just choked on my hummus,

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

hummus al's spunk.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)

It's great to dip carrot sticks in.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Don't you fucking dare ruin Houmous for me.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)

It's actually really nice houmous
Or however you spell it. Tiny little snack pots from sainsbury's. Yum.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Sainsburys do some from Israel in their world food section.
It's got motherfucking pesto in it and is awesome.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Does it oppress the other dips on the shelf?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

What's with the name change?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Everyone else seemed to be swapping names, and I wanted a name you could do stuff to like Gonz

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Fair enough.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I'd do stuff to Gonz
_{don't tell Vipros}
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I'm seriously starting to reconsider this again

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

The lady is a tramp

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

it does
but no one seems to mind
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I bet it whines every time
the other dips point out that it's sitting on the palestinian olive spread.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I like this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Only if you let it settle.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Excellent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Oh my.
Two of my favourite foods in one glorious pot!
I'll have to have a look for that.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Just realised how boring this conversation is.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Pretty standard for you.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I only work with what I'm given.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

haha, oh man
"gone off like a spunky firework" is going to be re-used I feel.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)

yes
i am in a class on how to get published and noone else is finding it funny. THANKS monty.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

My dearest, please forgive me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

it was funny
so you're forgiven
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

see, I think that even if a man is ugly, or fat, he can always get some itchy itchy nah nah

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)

True on both counts.
Its all down to the inner personality.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)

nah, I think females are less picky than males

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

not in my experience
it's quite the opposite
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)

aren't you engaged?!!

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)

I am
but if I had been a fat girl rather than a fat bloke I'd have got engaged sooner.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

hell no you wouldn't have
maybe we should factor in that I live here and you all live there
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I think you might be right
I think American girls put it about more than the ones here. More reason why I should've gone to America when I was 18 as I had planned.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

depends, really.
They don't actually fuck as much, but they can be a lot freer with *ahem* other things.

IME.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I could have lived with that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

we're all massive sluts, really

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

So the Internet tells me
Wish I could have gone to uni there.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

it's true
you should still make a trip, you'd probably be able to nab 2 a night
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I tell you
if we both ever become single at the same time, we're taking a road trip across america
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Totally unlikely, especially for you
But I AM SO FUCKING THERE.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

we should high five to seal the deal
I have just pictured some kind of visa interview thing

"so why do you want to enter the USA?"
"We plan to drive across your country and seduce all of your attractive women"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

*highfives*
"Godspeed, you dashing English gents!"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:31, Reply)

"And what's your reason for visiting the US?"
"Pussy. Lots of Pussy."

"..."


"PU-NAAN-NI!"

"..."

"Look, we're here to get our cocks soggy, we're going home with massive doses of antibiotics, but it WILL be worth it. We plan to high five over every skanky ho between here and New Mexico and then we'll fist bump over every slut until Florida, and then we hit the East Coast, and everyone knows girls on the East coast are easy."


"Okay, have a nice trip"
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I am saving this post
as a reference for if it happens
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I fucking LOVE American girls
I had my heart broken by an American DJ and record company exec who I hosted a club night with for a while. I'd marry her tomorrow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:24, Reply)

ahem
*points to ringless finger*
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

fucking this

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:01, Reply)

You're fucking Amberl's ringless finger?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Move out of the way, Monty
You're blocking the view!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I'll be 'done' in a minute.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I'm considerably older than you
and I wasn't aware of you until I was off the market
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

aren't you about 21 though?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

true
but if we equate possible engagement to being asked out, the point still stands.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:06, Reply)

You're dealing with basically children right now (assuming your preference is male)
we don't grow up until we are in our late twenties. If at all. Bide your time.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

^ this
I always told my little sister this. She ended going out with a 40 year old when she was 19.
( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

yeah...
how the fuck do you do that if you are the bloke? I mean, I can see you can get through the first couple of months simply on the amazement of re-discovering tits that stay exactly where they are when the bra comes off, but sooner or later you're going to have to have a conversation, and what the fuck does a 40 year old talk to a 19 year old about?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Amberl you fucking paedo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I'm also friends with Gary Glitter

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Really? I run his fan club!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I can get you an introduction
if you like. How old are you?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:47, Reply)