bootle is pretty shit
so is bromley-by-bow, where i lived as a student.

the inside of an easyjet plane. never ever again, no, not even if i have to pay ten times the cost to fly with someone else.

on the other hand, i want to go to paris and to new york. i can't believe i have never been to either. epic fail.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:24, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

EasyJet's not too bad
It's Ryanair that I refuse to use.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

easyjet was horrendous
by the time i looked up from duty free, every other fecker had killed themselves scrambling on. i got the very last seat, which was sandwiched between the most racist fundamentalist zionist couple i've ever had the misfortune to encounter, who spent the 2 hours to madeira telling me that muslims were out to kill the world. i felt like turning my napkin into a burkha in protest (plus i look better that way).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

So, your problem was that the people you were sitting next to were arses
and that's down to Easyjet how?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

there were other reasons
the plane was uncomfortable and orange etc, but mainly it was full of reeking plebs and it was because there were no allocated seats that i got stuck with the racist arseholes from hell and not with my friends!

well, that and my own obsession with spending £££££££'s in duty free before i've even left the airport.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

No allocated seats isn't a problem if you even vaguely pay attention to boarding, Miss Swipe ;)

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

yeah
'cause i'm going to pay attention to some man with a tannoy when there is chanel and jo malone to be had!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I don't even own a Jo malone.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I don't even know what it is.

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

I don't even own an it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

you should
i love her
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Not necessarily
They charge another fiver for 'priority boarding', which means you are in the first of the unruly mobs to get on the plane. And if you've not checked in early, you're last on board. So it's a fist fight for the best of the remaining seats.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

check in online.
always in the second boarding group then. besides, a seat is a seat and it's not like knowing which seat you are in prevents you getting the arsehole from hell sitting next to you..
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I spend the fiver and then reserve a seat for whoever I am travelling with. I get a lot of dark looks for this but couldn't care less.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I've only ever flown Edinburgh to "London" with EasyJet
and once to Munich. It's not pleasant, and I do now use proper airlines if possible, but at least they don't charge you to breathe like O'Leary's lot.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I still maintain the planes are nicer for short haul than, say, BAs
same legroom, cleaner, and newer. Over 2 hours - no chance - but frankly you won't catch me in economy over 2 hours if I can possibly help it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I don't turn right when I go on flights of more than 4 hours. Upstairs (business) or left (first) for me.
spoilt from when I used to travel for work a lot.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

i've heard ryanair is worse
i'd rather walk than fly with that shower of shite
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Easyjet is pretty good
More space than most companies, as much handluggage as you want, 32kg of hold luggage... it's very good. Ryanair and Monarch give you less space. In my last flight to Tenerife I went with Monarch and decided not to do it again. 4 and a half hours with my knees on my throat. FFS
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

oh god this!
We went with Monarch last week and my knees touched the seat in front and I couldn't cross my legs.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I've never been in an economy class airline seat
where I could cross my legs.

And I hate being crammed in by the selfish bastard in front who insists on reclining his seat fully as soon as the seat belt signs are off. I make a point of being unsettled and banging my knees into his seat back...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Oh you're one of those are you... some of us have back problems and have to move the seat.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I have back problems too
I'm just more considerate!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

We flew with Monarch too
Zero legroom for Lab = grumpy Lab upon landing.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Yep
No more Monarch for me. Well, no, I'm going to Malaga with them, and that's it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I know, it's awful
Imagine Mark, who's a lot taller than me! I'm not going with them anymore. I wouldn't mind for a short flight, but almost 5h!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Haha, I ended up on a Thompson plane last year skiing
I don't actually fit in their seats, and I'm not even vaguely fat.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

BADGER!
Kitty is being mean to me :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

stick some sand on her pole, then.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

*makes note*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

AWWWWW
BADGER THEY HATE YOU TOO. lET'S BAND TOGETEHR AND DESTROY THEM
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I couldn't find a picture of your face anywhere
I started working with a honey badger as I think that's the kind of badger you would be, but then I saw this and went all squeeee.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Yes, that's true too
and with Monarch as well. I hate them, can you tell?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

What on earth have you got against EasyJet planes?
They are perfectly pleasant places to be. Ryanair, yeah, I could see your point. But Easyjet planes are newer, cleaner and more comfortable than most of BA's ageing shorthaul fleet. My only major objection is that they don't fly to London City or LHR.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I've got nothing against EasyJet
If you balance what it costs to fly with them against other carriers, the bad bits don't matter that much. Seeing as it's short-haul I can cope with a lack of leg room for a couple of hours.

As long as they don't crash, I'm quite happy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

you'll love this
lots of new fitness stuff just arrived today.

my quad massager........ has arrived in GREEN not PINK.

this doesn't match my kit or my ball or anything! do something!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

*there there*
WTF is a quad massager?

Did you order it in pink?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

it is a hand held massager
john lewis said "let us choose the colour for you" and it could have been blue or pink or green. i had a 1/3 shot.

dammit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Not a 'personal' massager
with 4 heads?

Surely not.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

i don't know
i haven't opened the box. i assumed it was for your thighs, as in quadriceps.

christ, what have i bought?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

You might find it useful
regardless of colour.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

BUT IT WON'T MATCH
keep up
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Close your eyes...

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Send it back.
Or order 3 of them, you'll get one of each and then send back the ones you don't want.

I suppose blue would have been okay as it would have matched the ball. But Green? You must be suicidal. I know I would be. Green? What the fuck were they thinking eh?

I think it's some sort of sick joke.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

are you wearing aftershave "properly"?
if so, can i bury my head in that bit where your neck meets your shoulder to console myself?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

How much WKD have you drunk?
Are you likely to be sick?

(Actually, I am wearing aftershave. Lacoste red)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

urgh
too sweet. just give me the vodka, freezing cold, on the rocks. ta.

aftershave sounds nice though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Lacoste Red
will be changed soon. 'Tis a very summery aftershave. I need something more autumnal.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

ralph lauren romance for men
or chanel allure pour homme are both pretty much guaranteed to inspire orgasms at fifty paces
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Whilst bringing someone off from fifty paces sounds brilliant.
I fear I'd see no real benefit in it.

What is is it for me? Other than leaving a trail of wet-women in my wake? Surely the best aftershave would be the one that enabled the wearer to inspire an orgasm from under the sheets, in the car or near a kennel.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:16, Reply)

you sound cynical
but i bet you check them both out in boots nonetheless!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:21, Reply)

boots or trainers. What I have on my feet won't decide the purchase.
Have I missed the point again?

(But yes, I will check them both out).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:23, Reply)

I read that as lactose red
and I was like "what the fuck is red milk"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Well, round these parts
red tops denote the kind of milk that contains no actual milk (i.e. skimmed).
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

That would be a milkshake yes?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I'll take you up the 'Champs Elysee' if you like?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

so long as you don't make me
rue de la paix that sounds good to me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

What about
Gropecunt Lane?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

charming lad though you are
you do lack the final touch of subtlety that monty's seduction skills possess
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Finesse was never my thing.

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

The sooner you realise there's not a man on earth
who can match my wit, charm and all-round decadent elegance, the better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Fortunately
there is a man from the stars who can. Let's hope he falls to Earth sometime soon.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Hopefully he'll fall straight into an active volcano
thus sparing us the horror of permitting the children to 'boogie'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

i'll give you the first two
the third, i think you meant elegant decadence?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Maybe I do.
I fear I am slightly stronger at my decadence than my elegance.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I think the two come hand in hand.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

what, me and monty?
[deleted for vulgarity of content]
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Actually, coming simultaneously while holding hands sounds more romantic than vulgar to me.
And also cheesy as all hell (the kind of people who'd do that would probably be gazing lovingly into each other's eyes at the time), but meh.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:16, Reply)

oh i agree
it wasn't that bit that i deleted.

it was worse than that, think about replacing each of your word "hand" with a different body part. that sort of crudity.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:20, Reply)

The very best kind available.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Have you and Monty ever actually met eye-are-ell?
Actually I think I know the answer to that one, because given the outrageously flirty nature of your posts on each other, the resulting sexplosion would register on the Richter scale.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:30, Reply)

You know that tsunami...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:36, Reply)

normally
what happens online doesn't translate IRL.

but with monty...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:40, Reply)

Well, if it didn't, you'd be letting the side down something rotten.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:26, Reply)