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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm having a very long day today
and I'm very tired. I have a sales meeting coming up (which will be bloody) and I have to resolve some problems with John Lewis.

Any ideas of subtle things I can do in this meeting to amuse myself?
(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:11, 124 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Happy candle day.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Thanks!

(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
Happy CANDLE!
You should make up words and acronyms and drop them in to whatever you're talking about to big yourself up. That's how the pros do it.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)
happy candle day
and stare at tits.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Happy Candle Day
Play with yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Fart while you're talking.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)
If he forces it though and does a shart. Game over.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
Shart?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:18, Reply)
Following through
fart + shit = shart.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
accidental follow through
shit + fart = shart
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
Almost identical
pissage.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
impressive

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
Clever girl

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
always gets a chuckle

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
Shartpiss?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
jinx.
so does this mean you two can't post until someone says your name?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
no
it means "you're a nice boy, but you've got no brains so shut your fucking face"
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
Nice finally meeting you on Friday.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Is this some kind of ironic humour I don't understand?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
Yep, just have to wait for him to reply
and I'll do the killer and zingtastic punchline
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Oh, you're VERY WITTY.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
I try but it's hard to work with you lot.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
Nice to see you even if you did avoid the fuck out of me, fucker.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Fuck off it was busy and I spoke to you for a good 5 minutes outside
then you started clenching your fist and I went inside.
No one can blame me for that.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Painwank?

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
It was probably directed at Monty.
He seemed to think that because he white-knighted me, he was immune. Turned out he was right.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
you are just bitter because you want to "meat" me
you fucking pervert.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
Please reply with "I wasn't there on friday" for the sake of the joke.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
I wasn't there on Friday

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Oh ffs I must have bought a tramp a pint!


*jazz hands*
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
well worth it

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
It was the jazz hands that made it.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)
always does

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
That reminds me,
I'm sorry I spilled your "special" pint on the pavement, did you have a spare dose on you?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
It was all in the jacket
*woozes*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
I MISSED YOU

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
I'm not surprised.
you need someone to counteract all those compliments you have been getting.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
I do, I feel fucking dirty.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
You don't know the half of it pal
I could have pimped you out a hundred times over.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)
*takes ticket and waits*

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:54, Reply)
oi!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
sorry.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:40, Reply)
It was lovely to meet you Noel :)

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
as much as it pains me to say it
isn't he one of the nicest people you've ever met?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
No he was horrible
we didn't get along at all and he yawned while speaking to me and was generally cross and disagreeable*

*all lies I'm afraid. He was lovely
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
all i am hearing from anyone
is noelmontynoelmontynoelmontynoelmontynoelmonty and how they are the nicest and best looking men on the planet!

which i am absolutely sure is true.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
SADFUCKINGFACE
Though I did receive some lovely, if surprising compliments myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
No cunt was nice to me.
I blame you.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
You didn't exactly come across as lovely and hot in that trilogy you starred in

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
got his desire for "ring" just right though

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
it's only because I wasn't there


I'm glad I wasn't there. Everyone would have thought I was boring, horrible and ugly
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
That's because you are
you weren't any of those things when I briefly met you :)
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
you're an annoying minger too
thanks :-) the above is also not true. you were charming and lovely. Although it was almost embarrassing saying the same things at the same time. Remember that?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
that was really quite amusing
If a touch alarming that we appear to have identical thought proceesses
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
we know that it's not about everything though, so that's a comfort
trying to think what the word was now. Can remember the context...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:55, Reply)
cant remember the word
Just that it happened and that we had close to identical bemused looks
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
that must have been unsettling for my mrs

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
she was sexually confused
Luckily the beard saved her from the fate of the donkey
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:09, Reply)
huzzah!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)
I want to be the filling in a Monty and Noel sammich.
With a side order of Lusty.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
sounds nommy

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
I thought so too
I'm fairly sure I had a conversation with him at one point but I don't really remember what it was about...but I'd like to have another, more sober, conversation at the next bash.
(berk, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
I had several conversations
that appear to have exited my mind with different people
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Me too
But I remember you thinking berk was TGB.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Oh yes :(
I'm a fool. Her hair was definitely different though!
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
It really wasn't!
It was pretty funny though..
(berk, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
I've lost this thread...
Are you talking about me? We had about four conversations, and if you don't remember one of them I'm going to be very cross indeed!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)
you got me a sammich
A nommy nommy sammich. And I said the same thing 3 times in different ways
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I remember the one where we were sat in the corner
and I apologise profusely, the evening is a bit of a blur.
(berk, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)
Nah, I was just yanking your crank mate.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:26, Reply)
Meanie
I was genuinely worried then. Not least that I had no recollection at all of these supposed conversations, as well as offending you!
(berk, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
eggy pants.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
No
because we're not 5.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
ha ha .

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Me too, I feel your pain
I've been so busy today that this is my first post! Worth waiting for, wasn't it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)
No.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
Harsh
but fair.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Cappy Handle

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:19, Reply)
yank through

(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
ouch.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
ouch isn't even close!

(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Enough about you
I've found out I am definitely going on secondment to a client. From 15th of November I will be living 70 miles from home for 3 days a week, until March, or possibly June.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:20, Reply)
:(
Do you get extra dolla for it?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
ouch. How do you feel about this?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
when I first got forced into applying
I was furiously angry and a bit upset.

I have since come to terms with it. The work itself will be good, with good people. I just don't like being away from home particularly. Particularly not when it is somewhere shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Fuck it. It will be over at some point. You will have pull with the management and will
be seen as a thoroughly good, reliable egg. Hence happy future Vipros.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
I had feedback on my interview for it earlier
and I did really very well indeed.

Also I'll be doing some teaching and stuff while I'm there which will be good. I know the guys I will be working with and they are my favourite clients, so should be all good. Would just be better if it was much closer to home.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
It sounds like a brilliant career move though. And with the wedding etc coming up
you could be setting yourself up for some very good times. Plus who knows what you will discover in the new place.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
indeed
any extra cash will help and as I said below, I could do with a change for a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
I'm assuming it is extra money?
In which case- all good for the wedding
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
in answer to this and to Lampito
it's not officially any extra. Fuel and accomodation is covered and daily subs for food. I should be able to wangle it so I can score an extra £200 a month or so though. Will be a bit underhand, but frankly I don't care. It needs to be worth my while.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
That's more than fair I agree
given all the extra trouble.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
indeed!
I've been stagnating here a bit too, and a change is as good as a rest.

With a bit of luck it should be less stressful than it has been here recently.

Plus it is guaranteed workload in an uncertain time for our industry.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
It could turn out
to be a good thing even apart from the money. Although being alone in the evenings might be a bit weird
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
I'm intending to get a room in a house share
so might meet some good people. it's a shame that no b3tans live very close (as far as I know)

being alone would drive me nuts. I'm a very social person.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Where is the place you're working?
Mini-bash ftw. Hope you meet some decent eggs.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Blandford Forum
bland by name and nature unfortunately.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Ah I've been to Blandford.
For two weeks. For Greek Camp.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
that just sums it up

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Greek Camp was awesome, thank you.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:47, Reply)
Heh. I read the original as geek camp
and assumed that was what Vipros was replying to.
(Cave Duck, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
"This one time, at Greek Camp"
"I stuck a Corinthian column in my arse".
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
I have used the first phrase.
I personally prefer Dorics for bumming purposes.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
I was going to say something similar to Lab
but couldn't decide which particular book to suggest, so I left it out
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
sorry i left my pyjama top behind!

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
No problem, I'll send it over when you tell me what whiskey you want.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
this one time....

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
I have a similar thing now and then
but I get put up in a 5 star hotel (Sopwell House) with expenses!

I love it.
(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
because it is long term
and a few days a week I'll be after a room to rent. because of the client (and location) hotels are limited to no more than 3 star.

I want to be able to cook and stuff too.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
We did some work with the owners of Sopwell for one of their other places. Bunch of arrogant morons.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
nice hotel though
if you get a nice room overlooking the gardens.

expensive though.
(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Happy Candleday
play Buzzword Bingo
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)
good suggestion...
i was leaning towards seeing how many Kylie song titles I can shoehorn into the conversation.
(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
You should be so lucky.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
I would have to do it in a cowboy style.

(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)

If you do that then they Can't Get You Out Of Their Head, but if you tell them to Put Their Hand On Your Heart they may do so Especially For You but then you may end up Spinning Around.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
You know too much
You are every gay bloke ever and you owe me a five.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)

five shag
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I have had so many wanks to Kylie's videos over the years that the (admittedly bloody awful) songs are ingrained in my memory.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
Happy Candlebum!!
put a notepad on your head and see how well you can draw a penis
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Just for a laugh...
try telling the truth. Sales are down due to the product being a bit shit and overpriced, the marketing is piss poor and Dave in despatch is a colossal cunting cock-a-knob with low personal hygene standards, or whatever applies in your particular case.
(Cave Duck, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Look.
Dave* had a lot on his plate at the moment, what with that noncing court case and everything.

Leave him alone.

(For Dave, read 'Bob')
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
you know us so well
but that would get me murdered as i have responsibility for much of the sales.
(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)

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