I just hugged *the* Pudsey bear
Aren't I cool?
( Captain V, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 12:56, 120 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is that a euphemism for having a wank?

( girlinthehole, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Yes it went in Pudsey's eye, hence the bandage.

(Cave Duck, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Bet he's now pregnant

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Did you punch him in his good eye?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Nope
I even forgot to grope his arse :(
( Captain V, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Did you actually give any money to Children in Need
or did you just hug a man in a bear suit? YIFF YIFF!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:01, Reply)

He better not have given money to Children in Need.
He has a child in need already. Charity begins at home.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I hugged a bear once
He was like "Grawl!" and I puched him in the face because he was dealing massive drugs, then I drove off in my honda accord
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Thinking about it
It may have just been paddington bear offering me a marmalade sandwich
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:03, Reply)

I hope you had the sense to 'just say no'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)

apparently he eats Marmite sandwiches now
he's a fucking sell out.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I am shocked and outraged by this :(

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:39, Reply)

No.
Did you wake up with tits and no cock on Saturday, by the way?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Should I have?

( Captain V, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)

It was discussed
There's a tranny clinic round the corner from that pub. The idea was circulated of getting you blind pissed and taking you round there for an 'op'. Kind of like an early wedding present.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Ah yes I remember that now
Well, not the bit about getting me blind drunk ... I wasn't privy to that.
( Captain V, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

SURPRIIIISSSEEE!!!!!
'What? Don't you like it?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Monty, I'll chip in if he's guaranteed sperm-free by December.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)

*nods* I'll gaz you

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Ah. Another Transformation customer...

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)

You'd be surprised who is, you know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:11, Reply)

That does explain, at the bash
[name redacted for safety reasons]'s unusually deep voice and stubbble.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:39, Reply)

He wasn't drinking a drink that is stereotypically drunk by women was he?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:10, Reply)

A rohypnolled white wine?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:11, Reply)

The spunky spritzer?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

The date rape Daiquiri

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:14, Reply)

The 'savage attack in a local park with a Screwdriver'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:15, Reply)

The Screwdriver
to your eyes if you tell anyone about this, you hear?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Stop copying me. It's embarrassing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:17, Reply)

It wasn't there before

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Tell it to the judge, schmucko.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:21, Reply)

The Whippet Inn cider?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Reminds me of the famous pub address...
The Cock
Welwyn
Herts
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:22, Reply)

is it not
The Cock
Welwyn
Tillit
Herts
?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:24, Reply)

There used to be a pub near my friend's house called the Cockwell Inn
They then scratched off all the 'well's and left it as the Cockwell Inn
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:28, Reply)

There used to be one called The Black Boy
in Bloxham. The name has been changed now. Political correctness gone mad.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:29, Reply)

The Black Boy in Winchester is very much still there.
It's the only black boy in the whole town, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Formerly known as "The Lil' Nigger"
PC gone mad, I tell thee...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:35, Reply)

The Pygmy Woggo has sadly closed its doors
and is now just a generic WhereThere'sCoons.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:36, Reply)

We just have Black Boy hill now.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:37, Reply)

there's a blackboy road just up from my house in Exeter
there used to be a shop called Blackboy Bargains.

Also, Exeter Fruits.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Nice wordplay there.
Best paki-tin before this becomes a lolracistpun thread.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:38, Reply)

This place seems to be descending into Stormfront territory

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:39, Reply)

We still have one calledThe Black Boy
Politicl correctness gone mad hasn't reached Hull yet.
Also, in a nearby village, there's a pub called The Nancy.
(Cave Duck, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Actually it is...
The Enormous Cock
Inmontysarse
Nevertouchesthesidesnevermind
Herts
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:29, Reply)

They also serve a similarly good scrumpy at the Faucet...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:29, Reply)

No
No you're not. Not now. Not ever
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)

But all the cool kids are getting ladies up the duff and marrying them.
It's the new fad, like Pokemon cards.
( girlinthehole, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:16, Reply)

All the cool kids are sterile
:(
( Captain V, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Somebody has to populate the planet with clever, charming and handsome children.
It's up to you and CHCB now.
( girlinthehole, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Fuck that shit
I wan't a vasectomy and I wan't it *now*.
( Captain V, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:21, Reply)

*Sharpens Stanley Knife*
*smiles*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:24, Reply)

after seeing you put those apostrophes in there
you fucking deserve one
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Poor mini crackface only has a 50% chance of any of those

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:22, Reply)

and STDs.
Gotta catch 'em all.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:19, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:20, Reply)

I hugged Spot the Dog outside Waterstones last year
Spot seemed a little wary of me, as did the passersby.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:19, Reply)

How is Bob Carolgees these days?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:21, Reply)

That's Spit the dog.

( girlinthehole, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I hate that duck!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)

You just don't get comedy like that nowadays.

( girlinthehole, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Well they all have to sign that sex-offenders register, this limits their time to perform.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Hardly surprising when you've seen the queues for that office...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:36, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Haaaccckkk-thhhwoooo.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Are you a scouser too?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Hardly- I don't even know where the 'Bow Bells' are.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:35, Reply)

www.myspace.com/bobcarolgees
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Okay. Which one of you is Carolgees. Own up.
5 Bob Carolgees has several techniques for seducing a lady. They include rubbing marmite into her flange, talking mucky, dressing up like Lovejoy and date rape.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Chompy by the sound of it

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I'm not 62 tyvm

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I dunno
You have quite a plastic looking face
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I love your user name.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I'd ask why TGB hates you.
But I get the impression she hates everyone.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I have a recollection that she let me fondle her breasts the other night.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:49, Reply)

You must have fondled them badly if she hates you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Haha :D

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I have met the guy who drew Spot the Dog
I have also met the guy who drew Count Duckula
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:52, Reply)

met shagged
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:57, Reply)

no
the guy who drew duckula was a ginger. I have some standards.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:59, Reply)

No-one drew Duckula.
He was REAL!

wasn't he?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I'm surprised to discover
that all the responses aren't strikethroughs on 'cool'.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:37, Reply)

strikethroughs on 'cool'. about lunch.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:43, Reply)

lunch the erotic adventures of Captain V and Pudsey the "Bear".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Only if you finished the hug
casually stepped back, unzipped your fly and beat him to death with your penis.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:56, Reply)

On my last day in recruitment. I went round to everyones desk who had photoes of their family
and covered up all the ugly childrens faces with cutout batman masks.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Previous thread
is not this thread.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I really am quite monumentally stupid.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Did you use the safety scissors?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:59, Reply)

And pritt stick, with a little glitter.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:01, Reply)

All from your Glee pencil case.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Actually it has skulls on it.
Some of which have been decorated to have Bowie face paint.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Your Bowie face-painting obsession is getting out of hand.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)

It only took over two days. It was saturday and sunday only.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)

And your pencil case decoration? How long did that take?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)

15 minutes whilst waiting for a game to install.
I'm not completely sad.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Matter. Of. Opinion.
:)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I'm ace me!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Glee pencil case grooming kit.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:03, Reply)

The rohypnol rubber ended pencils really are a must for any nonce.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)

That's a bit
Manhuntery.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 13:59, Reply)

having done this as a saturday job
(although as the pink panther, not as pudsey), this makes me shudder.

those suits are hot, they smell, children run screaming from you, and teenage boys flick lit matches at you. urgh!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Can I ask what industry required a life-sized Pink Panther?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Diamond dealers

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:09, Reply)

no
because you made everyone think i am some kind of bridget jones one-egged sperm-hunter on the previous thread!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:09, Reply)

No I didn't.
And besides, my question was the first sensible one you've had in reply to your pink-panther confession. Surely that merits a response?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:10, Reply)

fine - have a pearoast
my best friend and i were conned into giving up our precious saturdays to advertise a children's designer clothes shop in cheadle. 6 hours for £20 cash in hand.

the idea was, one of us would dress up in a fluffy animal suit and give balloons to the children. the other would then take a photograph, which would be displayed in the shop. the fond mothers could then come into the shop and claim the free photograph, and the hope was that they would be seduced into buying baby gap g-strings and versace rompers.

unfortunately, the owner was a big, fat, sleazy robbie coltrane double who was tighter than a nun's chuff. he bought four of the ropiest cartoon suits you've ever seen, with holes in them, threadbare fur and less than a passing resemblance to the actual cartoon character - mine was the lesser known "pinkish grey balding panther with a hole where the tail should be and staring weird yellow eyes". cue the horrid boss pressing the tail against my 14 year old breasts and butt, murmuring "we could pin it here. or here. or heeeere." what kind of scaryass panther has a tail coming out of its tits?? anyway.

we had to dance around cheadle in these suits. it was cold. it was windy. it was raining. people threw things at us and my friend vicky's "rotting snoopy carcass" head kept falling down so she couldn't see and walked into things. every single child within a 5 mile radius burst into tears when they saw the freaky suits. this was the only thing that made it bearable (no pun intended).

eventually we were sacked when not one single solitary mother had been in to retrieve a photo in 6 weeks and the shop was flooded with them. well, who would want a picture of their darling son/daughter and heir, dripping wet and crying hysterically as their worst nightmare capered around in front of them?

moral of the story children - never mock people in those suits. it's worse on the inside.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Thank you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)

you're welcome
hardest £20 i've ever earned.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:21, Reply)

That does sound like a hard days work.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)

And what about when you're wearing the suit?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:06, Reply)

ooh my

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I do have claws :P

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Oh, much better played than mine.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:08, Reply)

i disagree
suits are clearly referred to the start of the sentence, thus rendering maxi's attempt useless.

0/10 must try harder.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:10, Reply)

<3

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:11, Reply)

que?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:12, Reply)

bollocks

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)

oh
but it wasn't bollocks, his attempted burn didn't make sense, goddammit!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Sounds like the standard responses
A few people on here get whilst dressed normally.....
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 14:08, Reply)