If money was no object how would you spend Christmas this year?
Alt Q: What shall I buy my dad for christmas?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:00, 78 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

If money was no object
I'd pay everyone in the this country to NOT celebrate it.

I'd also book every televison, radio, internet and newspaper advertising spot for NON festive messages.

I fucking hate Christmas.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:02, Reply)

Get the fuck off my thread you utter shitcunt.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:02, Reply)

Go fuck a sheep.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:04, Reply)

I will
under some mistletoe, with some shepherds watching and a daily STAR reporter.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:05, Reply)

Or 'the average Wednesday night in Newport'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:14, Reply)

+more blood and slappers.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:14, Reply)

i can understand not liking christmas,
but actively wanting other people to be miserable?
that's a bit much so it is
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:06, Reply)

Nor me, I can only assume he got molested by a man dressed as santa/an elf.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:07, Reply)

i can more than just assume it,
i can confirm it.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:09, Reply)

It was you!
You told me I was just going to sit on your knee.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:12, Reply)

He told you he had something in his sac
that guarantee you a 'white Christmas' you'd never forget.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:14, Reply)

Dear Santa
This year, I'd like you to bring me something that'll get your jizz out of my eye and sort out this infection.

You're a terrible shot,

Jeff
Aged 36 and a bit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:17, Reply)

i emptied my sack right down his chimney

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:39, Reply)

I'm with Jeff.
I'd love to run 'Father Christmas was nothing but a Dutch nonce' buses from August to January. Then show graphic depictions of the martyrdom of St Valentine for the whole of February. And market images of his bloody corpse on teddy bears in Clinton's.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:12, Reply)

See everyone.
Monty agrees with me. AND he owns a small person who is probably dead excited about Christmas already.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:13, Reply)

What happened then Scrooge?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:14, Reply)

It's all bollocks.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:17, Reply)

EASTER IS THE CELEBRATION OF ZOMBIES
How many of you know why it's called Easter, eh?

how many of you have read American Gods?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:14, Reply)

Shut up about fucking zombies
unless you want to talk about Haitian or West African voodoo. Otherwise you're a lolcat nommer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:16, Reply)

David Bowie sings about Voodoo

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:16, Reply)

So did Jimi Hendrix

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:18, Reply)

Yeah but he also choked on his own vomit so Bowie wins that round.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:19, Reply)

I can give you
a million and one examples of good things people have done, which that bonk-eyed bender then bandwaggoned on afterwards.

I even saw him described as 'space rock' once. Hawkwind would turn in their graves, if they were dead.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:20, Reply)

Was that Jimi or Bowie?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:22, Reply)

Bowie *washes mouth out*
Hendrix's sci-fi/space obessions are evident to even the shallowest researcher, from 'EXP' on Axis through 'South Saturn Delta' and beyond.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:24, Reply)

You replied to my post you see. I was almost confused as to why you'd be bitchin' up Jimi

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:27, Reply)

I love Jimi Hendrix more than I love my own mother.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:28, Reply)

I love my mother more than I love Jimi.
Though he is enjoyable. My grandmother, bless her dear departed soul, was partial to a bit of him too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:30, Reply)

I love your mother every Sunday afternoon
in a car park in Epping Forest, in front of dozens of wanking off-duty bus drivers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:35, Reply)

Well, you DO remind me of my father...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:39, Reply)

: D

( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:40, Reply)

He genuinely does.
My father is an awesome man. I have several pictures of him in my room- one with him and my mum as young hippies (he's in a fisherman's smock, she's in jeans she embroidered herself) and the other of him pulling faces to amuse me or my sister by pretending to be a walrus with the aid of two bananas.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:43, Reply)

Probably trying to cash in on the popularity of Dr John.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:18, Reply)

Someone famous, possibly one of the presidents of America,
had a cat called Gris-Gris
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:19, Reply)

Probably Dubya, he used to love the MDs.
I can recommend Dr John's autobiography more highly than any music history book I've ever read, bar 'Moon The Loon' by Peter 'Dougal' Butler. It is absolutely spellbinding.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:22, Reply)

Have you read
"All The Rage" - Ian McLaghan's autobiography?

If you haven't, do so. Best demolition of Mick Jagger I've ever read.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:35, Reply)

I have indeed, I loved it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:38, Reply)

*loves Zombies*

( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:16, Reply)

Oh BGB.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:17, Reply)

Zombies are awesome Monty just accept this fact.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:17, Reply)

We've already covered this Blousie.
You know my view on Zombies.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:18, Reply)

I just don't get why you are so dissapointed in my interest in them.
It's not like I'm a fan of JLS.
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:20, Reply)

I like the Wii advert with JLS in where they all have to make violent wanking motions
in order to win the game. It's accidently hilarious.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:27, Reply)

the Wii advert with
+so much
in where they all I start to
+at the very mention of their name
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:45, Reply)

A+ for effort alone.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:46, Reply)

You mean you've gone off JLS already?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:28, Reply)

In fairness, their parties are rubbish.
You'd be best off going to the pub instead, because at a JLS party you'll only get one shot.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:44, Reply)

The only good things about Easter are
a) Jesus is dead: good, the poof. And
b) 'Easter Everywhere' by the 13th Floor Elevators
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:26, Reply)

HE'LL BE BACK THOUGH

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:27, Reply)

Zombie Jesus love you

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:28, Reply)

I love YOU

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:29, Reply)

at the ashes

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:05, Reply)

You've just redeemed yourself there
Because I'd be there too had it not been for an unfortunate short term relationship.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:13, Reply)

Unfortunate short term relationship?
You are Shane Warne

And you owe me a fiver.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:19, Reply)

I thought it was going to be a long term relationship
So I put my redundancy money into the house.

Should have gone to Australia.

I'll see your fiver on a draw.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:26, Reply)

...of a BURNT DOWN CHURCH FULL OF KIDS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:16, Reply)

hahaha
(But GOBLIN is right, I'd love to be at the Ashes).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:18, Reply)

Cricket is for boring cunts and cunts in general

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:20, Reply)

Are there ANY sports you'd pay to watch?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:23, Reply)

Loads, ahem
Football
Golf
Boxing
MMA
Rally Driving
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:23, Reply)

Football is a given - that doesn't count.
But you hate rugby too don't you?

EDIT: Seeing as you've answered that now.

What is MMA
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:24, Reply)

fancy word for fighting
mixed martial arts*

*anything goes bar kicks to the bollocks and biting.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:26, Reply)

So you'd part with cash to watch men in
Elastic underpants roll about on the floor with each other.

As you were.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:29, Reply)

It's not wrestling Jeff
it's brilliant.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:30, Reply)

It is still men in pants
Bitch-slapping each other.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:31, Reply)

I saw a bare knuckle fight in Kilburn once.
It was fucking excellent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:32, Reply)

Pub brawl of an organised 'all-in'?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:34, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPYx5YkPp3E
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:39, Reply)

That's still a little 'Hulk Hogan' to me, Bob.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:40, Reply)

They are fairly old clips. It's a bit less camp these days.
I just like watching people punch each other.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:43, Reply)

Organised gyppo job at a lock-in.
Scary but a mental experience.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:39, Reply)

You'd pay to watch GOLF?
Boxing I understand, but rally driving? Fuck that, my boss went to France to see some all-night race bollocks and he said you just stand there in the dark and every now and then a car goes past.

Better off on the hard shoulder of the fucking M1. At least you can see better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:31, Reply)

Boxing is always a fun night out
As all the local would-be-gangsters and spivs come out in cheap suits and sunglasses and try and look dangerous.

Title fights are the best for that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:33, Reply)

It's always a nice day out though.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:39, Reply)

Cricket is for those who love it
Those who don't aren't of any significance.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 22:28, Reply)

The same way I already do
Spending Boxing Day with my family, beef dinner, presents, and steadily getting more and more tipsy.

Fuck Christmas songs, tv specials, and all that, I fucking love seeing my family.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 23:09, Reply)

I have no idea
Alt Q: buy him a subscription to Private Eye
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 23:19, Reply)

Or if he likes football, When Saturday Comes
The half-decent football magazine.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 0:05, Reply)