is anyone still around at all?
good evening if so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:33, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alright? Where did you have dinner.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:34, Reply)

local pub
which is now owned by a spanish couple so does awesome tapas.

did you go out?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:38, Reply)

Only to the offy.
I got some wine.

Good food I take it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:40, Reply)

yup although we ordered far too much
it is distressing that we consumed 99% of it. less distressing for me, as there were about 10 meat/fish dishes that i didn't touch.

i am terrified about the dentist tomorrow morning...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:42, Reply)

But you might get a sticker if you are good?
That MUST be something to look forward to, surely?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:47, Reply)

what if he says i need a filling?
i don't have any fillings. nor do i have any toothache. but i do have black marks on the back teeth from too much diet coke. and it's a new dentist, so he might tell me they ALL need filling. argh argh argh.

/phobic
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:49, Reply)

You'll be fine Swipe.
If the dentist asks you 'are your teeth cold' don't answer 'no'

And it'll give him/her the chance to says 'That'll explain why they are wearing yellow coats'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:57, Reply)

they are not yellow!
now i am thinking about them, so of course they are all hurting.

shit shit shit shit shit i am never going to sleep tonight.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:00, Reply)

Well stay on here and let me take your mind off it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:02, Reply)

but... but.... NEEDLES

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:05, Reply)

but...but... JEFF

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:08, Reply)

Hello
You are a girl.

I am DG.

I dare say* with this introduction you are probably frothing at the burger this instant.

*previously sat
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:39, Reply)

you dare sat where?
this could seriously affect my answer.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:41, Reply)

edited because of beer all up in my fingers.
ANSWER NOW.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:43, Reply)

so the question is, am i frothing at the gash from getting to talk to you?
hang on, i'll just check...




...... no, you'll have to try a bit harder than that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:44, Reply)

fackin' 'ell, you must be a right blindo. ok, I'll try my special moves
*sellotapes a pug to his chest*

DO YA FANCY DOIN' SOME PRESS UPS WITH ME?!?!?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:46, Reply)

that's not how it works
i will just lie back and wonder if your christmas bonus will stretch to redecorating the ceiling. you can do the press-ups.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:48, Reply)

Maybe he wants to artex YOU?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:49, Reply)

meh, if he has a penis and a pulse
it's understandable
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:50, Reply)

Misguided would be my guess.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:51, Reply)

what a lezza;
Even a pug sellotaped to my body does fuck all.

I give up. Your orgasm will be half hearted from here on out, like an OAP blowing dust off a sideboard.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:51, Reply)

now look here
there's no need to get personal, just because you have no idea how to pleasure a girl! i mean, pugs be ugly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:53, Reply)

Now this is just scadalous.
The fact that even having a pug in the room isn't enough he push out some muff cream, but also saying that just looking at me isn't as well!???!?!?!!??

I don't understand you.

I bet you're one of those girls that likes candles and in and out stimulation, you SCHLAG!

what a weirdo...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:56, Reply)

well i don't know what you look like, do i?
you could be hotter than the lit candle or you could look like the pug licking piss off a thistle.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:58, Reply)

well imagine a hot guy licking a pug off a thistle and that's basically it

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:07, Reply)

wow oh wow
that is some specialised niche fetish porn right there.

damn this leather chair, i keep sliding off it now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:10, Reply)

ahhh there we go
*pulls Jeff Goldblum face*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:17, Reply)

it has, however
taken you 40 minutes to warm me up to this stage.

is that because you really believe in prolonged foreplay, or is it more a case of striking blindly around for hours until you hit the right button in the dark?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:20, Reply)

Shall I do more press ups?
I'm DG, I usually just look at woman and they fly off like a burger fountain.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:28, Reply)

can you do them one-handed?
and use the other for something more useful?

i'm not your typical woman, i am RSWIPE. hear me roar.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:32, Reply)

I can do 1 handered press ups and use the other hand to stroke various animals, like beavers and fannybeasts

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:38, Reply)

well it's only taken 50 mins to get to this stage
i think you're improving a lot, but maybe you should put "the joy of sex" on your christmas list, to be on the safe side?

you do get a bonus point for "fannybeast" though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:44, Reply)

Nah thanks,
but seriously, everyone knows that you're playing hardball, and I'm playing too, and that you should be busting your elastic to just talk to me, and I'm all like...."...yo...I'm DG...." and I'm cool as I am.

I bet you need to wash your duvet after this thread.

Imainge me....yeah...dressed as a cowboy

Ask Lamptio. She give you the visualisation low down...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:56, Reply)

if we are doing this properly
it will be you playing with the hardballs.

i am not wearing any elastic. just a bit of satin. i can bust that if you like?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 2:02, Reply)

He's a lanky Adonis.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 2:03, Reply)

Hello :)

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:39, Reply)

*waves*
loads of us still up it seems
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:41, Reply)

hoorah!
and hello maxi
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:42, Reply)

You've just broken Light's heart.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:48, Reply)

firstly
i very much doubt he gives a flying fuck.

secondly, i said "hoorah" at seeing him. what more does a man want?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:49, Reply)

Lots of things.
Tell me Swipe. Do you bake?

berk can bake cakes.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:50, Reply)

do. i. bake. ????????????????????
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

no.

but i can afford to buy many cakes with my city lawyer salary, will that do instead? 'cos it's sort of all i've got going for me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:51, Reply)

Would the City salary run to carrot cake?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:52, Reply)

24 carat cake if you like

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:54, Reply)

24 carat cake orgasms a night if you like
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:55, Reply)

blimey
i never thought you of all people had hidden shallows, jeff. oh sad day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:56, Reply)

I can't win

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 0:59, Reply)

the sooner you accept that, the smoother your life on here will be

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:00, Reply)

My life on here is a lot smoother than real life anyway.
I'll continue as I am, thanks very much!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:01, Reply)

well... ok.......
i mean, if you're SURE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:02, Reply)

What do I know?
Life is easier if you tell me what to do.

I'm all yours Swipe. What should I do?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:06, Reply)

stop wearing ladies underwear
the fifteenth time is neither funny nor sexy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:09, Reply)

saddest of sad faces
but I forgive her because she's gorgeous.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:10, Reply)

saddest of sad faces
but I forgive her because she's gorgeous + legally savvy and will take me to the cleaners if I say owt else.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:11, Reply)

what, ME???
hang on whilst i print this page for framing...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:12, Reply)

You have a nice personality
AND you're an attractive lady. Don't you be all emo.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:14, Reply)

oh i see
downgraded from "gorgeous" to "attractive" in the space of about 3 minutes. what's next, "she tries so hard" ???

:(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:16, Reply)

Could be worse.
He could have called you 'Cute' or 'Sweet'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:20, Reply)

god no
he doesn't hate me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:23, Reply)

:)

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:29, Reply)

Be warned Lighty.
She is a tricky customer. Don't play poker with her. (Unless she asks REALLY nicely).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:30, Reply)

or unless it's strip poker
although i will admit it's cold this evening
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:31, Reply)

And you'd turn up commando , wearing a once-piece
Just as a gesture of confidence.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:34, Reply)

i'm shit at poker
i'd come as an eskimo
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:43, Reply)

treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:29, Reply)

you won't be able to keep it up
erm, that up, i mean.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:33, Reply)