Oh, no!
I forgot to call my taxi, so I'm going to have to stay here an extra hour (only one train per hour)

When was the last time you got stuck somewhere, and why?

Alt. Q: Anything, really, just keep me entertained.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:04, 124 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I got stuck last time I had sex with an animal

(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Actually, I believe that this actually happens with dogs
once he's shot his bolt they have to stay there until he detumesces.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:08, Reply)

It's foxes isn't it?
They stay stuck together for over an hour I think. It's to make sure that the males sperm is fully passed to the female and to also make sure that no other male has a shot straight after him.

/DavidAttenboroughBlog
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:17, Reply)

DavidAttenboroughBlog beastialist
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:22, Reply)

Not just foxes
I think it's true of all canines.
(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:22, Reply)

Really?
No wonder the females normally don't want to have sex...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:25, Reply)

Just give 'em a Bonio and they are like putty!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:31, Reply)

foxes are vulpines

(PsychoChomp, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:41, Reply)

Still members of the /canidae family

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:52, Reply)

They're also vertebrates.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:24, Reply)

As am I

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:38, Reply)

You're doing it wrong then.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I mentioned your name the other day
My neighbours dogs were yapping, so I said "I hate fucking dogs" to which my mate replied "Well don't do it then".

I said "But i'm Jeff the dog fucker!"

True story
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:10, Reply)

What sort of response did that get?
You claiming to be 'Jeff the dog fucker'?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:12, Reply)

He laughed and said "WHAT?!"
He knows B3ta so it was reasonably easy to explain.

What would have been harder to explain (had he been there) was when I laughed at the food magazine "YUM!" because I read it as "Your Mum!"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:14, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:16, Reply)

I saw it Saturday morning in Waitrose (checking it out pricewise before I shuffled off to Tesco)
I laughed and a middle-aged woman with an eye-patch looked at me confused. I had to fight the urge to say "Yarrrr!"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:19, Reply)

You need to spend some time
not on the internet.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Hey! I was in Waitrose AND Tesco
my life is a veritable feast of non-internet adventures thankyouverymuch
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Your non-internet adventures
appear to consistently reference the internet. Case stands.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:24, Reply)

Probably best if I don't mention the advert for "NOM" yoghurt I saw then
I instantly thought of Kitty and her "Nommy sammiches"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Well it wasn't recent, but...
I once managed, at the tender age of 14 and travelling unaccompanied, to get myself stuck in Edinburgh overnight with the sum total of 27p about my person. That was an interesting phone call to my parents...
(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:08, Reply)

That sounds like a story.
Continue.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:10, Reply)

It's not very exciting now
although it was at the time. And terrifying.
I'd gone up to Aberdeen to visit a friend, was due to change at Edinburgh Haymarket (the little train station) but they changed the platform my connecting train was going from and I didn't hear the announcement until just as it was about to leave...
I was told there probably wasn't another train until the next day but to go up to Waverley (the main station) to check, and lo, there wasn't. They ended up putting a sleeper carriage on the Royal Mail train to get me home, but not before the hard nosed cunt in the ticket office terrified me to tears by threatening me for missing my train and trying to charge me for a sleeper ticket. I had to wait in the passenger lounge for 6 and a half bastard hours with no money, no food and only one book which I'd already read. They did give me some free squash though, probably because they felt bad for making me cry.
(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:16, Reply)

free squash is good!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Well, it was better than nothing
but it really wasn't worth hanging around Edinburgh train station for nearly 7 hours for...
(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Oh, poor you!
That bitch! Only some squash in 6h? That must have been not only scary, but I bet you were starving.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:26, Reply)

By the time I got home
which was about 4am, I was so hungry I felt faint. I hadn't had anything to eat for about 15 hours by that point, and only about 2 hours sleep.
(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:32, Reply)

Wow!
I hope you or your mum complained!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:34, Reply)

No...
they weren't under any obligation to feed me or even to get me home. I would have had to stay there all night - not that I could have done, as the passenger lounge wasn't open 24 hours - if they hadn't put a sleeper carriage on the mail train for me.
(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:37, Reply)

No, of course they didn't have to feed you
They didn't have to make you cry, either
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:44, Reply)

To be honest, whilst one obviously has to feel sorry for the 14-year old berk's plight
That does tick a box for nearly every unpleasant stereotype every attributed to the Scottish.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:01, Reply)

i got a small metal band stuck on my finger
/fat

My cicero class has been moved to 5 instead of 3 so I'm stuck in it until past half 6
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:08, Reply)

So did I
but luckily I got a divorce.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:15, Reply)

If I knew anything about heavy rock music
I'd make a joke about you having a short heavy metal band on your hand.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:15, Reply)

I hate late classes. Thursdays are hellish
Cicero 2-4, Aristophanes 4-6. Gurhghghg.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Aristophanes
is a tedious cunt. Euripides, on the other hand, always put me in mind of a nasty little schoolyard bully. You know, the little rat boy that acts well hard but runs off screaming the minute you turn around to give him a slap.

Aeschylus tops Aristophanes, though. For God's sake, just don't.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I like Aristophanes.
My username is a reference to him.

The play we're studying is, by a weird coincidence, a massive bitchfight between Aeschylus and Euripides. EXCELLENT WORK
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:30, Reply)

And what about Ray Wilkins getting sacked from Chelsea, eh?

(Cave Duck, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:31, Reply)

Aeschylus would have Euripides
If only Aeschylus wasn't so ponderous.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:33, Reply)

SPOILERSPOILERSPOILERaeschyluswinsSPOILERSPOILERSPOILER

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:35, Reply)

Which play is it?
I actually quite like some of Euripides. Electra's a good one.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:37, Reply)

The Frogs
Dionysus decided to go down to the underworld to get a great tragedian back to make Athens great again. Lots about the Eleusian mysteries.

I'm more of a fan of Sophocles if I'm honest. I like his Electra. Fucking dark at the end, as it ends with a "happy ending".
Aeschylus can suck my cock.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:46, Reply)

Aristophanes
bores me. It's all about Cleon. Cleon, Cleon, Cleon.

I reckon he was a bit gay for Cleon.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:48, Reply)

Everyone was a bit gay for everyone.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:16, Reply)

They were all a bit gay end of really

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 19:05, Reply)

I went to a gig with a mate of mine
He went crowd surfing, someone thought it would be funny to jump, grab his head, and pull him towards the floor by it. He hit his head fucking hard on the floor, and due to previous head injuries, he needed to be checked out by a paramedic. They spent ages checking him over, making sure he was OK, but we ended up missing the last train, leaving us stuck in Manchester. The only person we knew in Manchester at the time wasn't answering his phone, so we ended up getting a stupidly expensive taxi home.

Alt: Alright Aber?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:13, Reply)

he went crowd surfing
with a history of head injuries? Is he a total twat?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Yep
The injuries were medical, not caused by damaging it in any way. He decided years back this wouldn't stop him doing anything he didn't want to.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Doing well, thanks
and I'll be home in a couple of hours, and straight to bed.

How are you? Have you started looking for a house or you're going to stay with your parents a bit longer?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:31, Reply)

I got stuck in a Greyhound bus stop
for 9 hours with only a Mexican born again Christian for company.

That got tedious within the first, oh, half hour or so.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:16, Reply)

I got stuck into a Greyhound once.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:32, Reply)

I got stuck in LAX for 10 hours a while back
trying to get a flight to San Fransico. LAX is a shit airport.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Couldn't you have hired a car
and driven to San Francisco from LA in 10 hours?
(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Yep
Except I wasn't carrying my driving licence.

Long story, I'd missed a flight to San Fran and I was due to present at a conference the next day. Virgin only had one flight a day to SF so they put me on the next flight to LAX for nowt (which was nice of them) but, understandably, told me I was on my own after that.

There is, on average, one flight every 10 mins from LAX to SFO. However, there is no way of checking all the airlines simultaneously (this was 1998) so I guessed at United and it was 10 hours before they could get me on a plane.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:20, Reply)

But did you manage to present at the conference?

(berk, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Yeah, but I'd been up for about 40 hours.
It probably wasn't my finest hour. Then again, the audience were probably asleep too.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:25, Reply)

When I was a boy
I got stuck in London after missing the last train after gigs loads of times, when I had to be in school the next morning. You'd have to get the milk train at about 3:30. What joy.

I also got stuck in London aged about 14, when I'd gone up to get some chelsea boots and some gig bootleg tapes with my brother, from Kensington Market. I got separated from him but made it to Waterloo at which point I couldn't find my ticket. The British Rail cunts wouldn't believe my age (due to my height and general groovy clothing) but in the end they let me get the train if my mother paid at the other end. After this happened I found the ticket in my stupid waistcoat pocket, sorry mama.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:25, Reply)

I love you Monty.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:32, Reply)

You really do?
Or is that sarcasm? Because I'm first, you know? I'm already a MASSIVE RACIST and therefore, I'm first.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:36, Reply)

I hope it isn't sarcasm.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:45, Reply)

It's not sarcasm. I want his babies.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:47, Reply)

You cannot have this one:


Rather worrying 'hand on groin' action here...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:49, Reply)

I was going to make a rather off-colour comment
but all I shall say is "she looks very proud".
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:51, Reply)

Hahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:54, Reply)

He cuts down trees
He skips and jumps,
He like to press wild flowers...
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:53, Reply)

It's a 'western' shirt, not a lumberjack one.
Actually that doesn't make things any better for me does it?

/brokeback lolz
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:55, Reply)

What ever you say, I'll be calling you a gay, so no. It doesn't help.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:57, Reply)

you contrive to look something like Huey from the Fun Loving Criminals in that photo

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:57, Reply)

Recycles a post from a few weeks back... Picture Huey and Monty together...
'Stick it up Monts, I'm a bum lovin' criminal'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:58, Reply)

Do I fucking well shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:59, Reply)

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :3

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:07, Reply)

Aww
she actually looks very similar to my little sister. I have a question to ask Monty
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)

He's old enough for you to have been one of his babies!

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:55, Reply)

I met up with HimJim the other day
I could have sired the girl he was with when I was 17. She did say I didn't look older than 30, which I took to be a clear invitation to a threesome.

This proved not to be so.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:58, Reply)

Flattering, but when they're that age they tend to believe that even their own Dad is "really old, he must be at least seven"

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:04, Reply)

Oh, so the same age as me, then. Or a little younger.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:08, Reply)

A Waistcoat AND harlequin boots?
Oh my...
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:35, Reply)

It was the mid 80s* alright?
Better to look like a member of The Cult than the other options of the day, I reckon.

Well, '87 perhaps...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:43, Reply)

At 14 I had a pair of Hi-Tec "Silver Shadows"
I think it's safe to assume I was ridiculed more.

Edit - Just Googled, they still make them! This from an Amazon review; "Only downside is I forgot how gay they looked when new"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:38, Reply)

I bought some for an ex's dad
as an in-joke a few years ago. Hi-Tecs were sneakers for lepers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:43, Reply)

"Sneakers for lepers" Sounds about right
although I dislike the american terminology there
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:46, Reply)

Adidas Kick were a less pikey school trainer in my youth.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:59, Reply)

Adidas Gazelles were very popular.
The Samba, less so. Bit too 'football'...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:03, Reply)

Puma Dallas.
Win!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:10, Reply)

Adidas Torsion
The yellow bar thing was "bullet proof"
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:14, Reply)

There were quite a few years later.
I think I was sporting Mk II Jordans then!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:18, Reply)

I seem to remember that Dunlop Green Flash were considered to be just as shit as the Silver Shadows
Poor "Tramp Balls" Dracula
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:26, Reply)

Green Flash
Were more shit than Silver Shadows, they were on a par with 'Gola' and 'Speed Kings'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:29, Reply)

I don't remember speed kings
All the cool kids got those shit British Knights trainers. lol kkk in the sole
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:32, Reply)

I remember British Knights
Mostly they were black and white if memory serves.

Loads of people had either them, or Travel Fox trainers.

By this time, I was either on Converse or Airwalk.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:34, Reply)

I think they were (rightly) considered shit by that stage

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:48, Reply)

You heathens.
Green Flash is a classic sneaker.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)

i got stuck in this dimension
after galaxy quake broke my spaceship :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:39, Reply)

Have you not got recovery cover with the AA?

(Cave Duck, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:42, Reply)

yeah, but they only cover 5 dimensions and above

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:42, Reply)

There's always a bloody loophole!

(Cave Duck, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:44, Reply)

yeah, but not one I can fit my spacecraft through

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:44, Reply)

stuck away from home tonight
in a B&B again this week. Was planning to get something healthy and sensible to eat from Tesco, but it was all shit, so I need to decide where to go and eat tonight....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:41, Reply)

I think it feels like pasta, doesn't it?
But then it always feels like pasta or pizza for me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:43, Reply)

I'll gaz you from TAYYABS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:44, Reply)

cuntbeak

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:47, Reply)

Fuck, Tayyabs is good.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 22 Nov 2010, 19:07, Reply)

curry

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:44, Reply)

^this

( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:45, Reply)

and get some for me while you're there

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:46, Reply)

I ate curry last wednesday, thursday and on saturday.
I need variety
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:47, Reply)

Have a vegetarian
curry
( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:49, Reply)

the one on wednesday was one of those

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:50, Reply)

Lamb, then

( Kroney, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:51, Reply)

or human

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:52, Reply)

Preferably 'dead tramp' seeing as it's game season.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:56, Reply)

Do you need to hang them for very long,
or just baste them in a combination of Skol and their own foetid urine?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:58, Reply)

I hang them
in a burnt out derelict house near some woodland, for around two weeks. It's the way my mother taught me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:01, Reply)

game season?! Shit!
they'll be after larpers next. There's a lot of eating on some of us
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:58, Reply)

Haven't you got a spell or potion that'll ward the hunters off?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:59, Reply)

they don't work in real life, silly

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:01, Reply)

my honeymoon started with
a 20hr wait in Gatwick, punctuated with whining at the staff who were largely rude and obnoxious.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 17:55, Reply)

I know I'm way late to the party
But the taxi driver dinged his car on someone on the motorway just north of London yesterday. I was stuck on the hard shoulder for 90 minutes and missed my flight.
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:25, Reply)

Bad times.
At least the cab company have to take responsibility for getting you to your destination.

No injury I hope?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:31, Reply)

The driver of the car in front opted for the full neck brace
and stretcher. To be honest though I've literally had worse collisions on the bumper cars. The kid in his car was fine anyway (thank FSM).
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:56, Reply)

I'm regretting shaving my beard off to be honest but give it a week

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:28, Reply)

Why did you shave it off then?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 18:30, Reply)

*does a silly dance for Aber*

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 19:12, Reply)