i love it when it first snows at night
my street is victorian and it looks really beautiful with the lamplight shining on it, esp if i am sitting in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine.

in the morning when i am skating around on it in high heels and tights only to make it to the tube station on my arse to find that there are no trains at all and west london might as well be in siberia because it is so cut off by two inches of snow which has gone all brown and icy and slushy and that i can't move my car for a week because a rear wheel drive automatic sports car is about as poor as it gets for cold weather... yeah, i fucking hate it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:43, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is it full auto or flappy-paddle?
if it's a Merc full auto it's almost certainly got a snow mode.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

i have absolutely no idea
it has tiptronic (is that the right word)?

it also has S and C, but i thought that was "sport" and "city" mode for speed of gear changes?

/has never ever opened the manual
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

My manual lies unloved and unread as well
I finally managed to pair the phone, but haven't managed to figure out how to change the clock yet :(
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I don't know how you live with yourself.
Honestly everytime I saw that clock being wrong it would make me think I'm a technofailure. I'd read the manual within a week.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I can't look in the mirror most days
There's two separate hefty manuals, one entirely devoted to comand, I'm afraid my eyes glaze over. I still haven't imported my contacts onto my 2 week old iphone, I don't know whose calling me, as a result I answer the phone to some right wankers. Techno /fail blog
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Same here.
But I always wear a watch.
( girlinthehole, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Does it change gear by itself
or do you need to do it by pulling paddles by the steering wheel?

S is probably sport, I guess C is comfort. put it into C for driving in snow. But they used to have a * symbol for snow mode on BMW/Merc autos a bit back.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Actually, scratch that
if it's a tiptronic you should be able to self-shift. Put the gear lever in D. knock the lever to the left. You should now be able to move it up and down (+ and -) to select gears. Try putting it into 2nd or 3rd while stationary and see if it lets you pull away from stationary in 2nd or if it automatically downshifts to 1st. If you can pull away in 2nd, problem solved. Puts down less torque so less likely to spin. You always drive in high gears on snow and ice.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I've got the convenient thing with a diesel engine
where once you get going a little bit you can take feet off the controls and it'll slowly pull itself along. Excellent for driving in snow.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:58, Reply)

yeah, I've got a diesel but with a 6-speed DSG box.
So I can do that. but 1st gear is such a low ratio on the DSG that it's impossible to pull off even with no throttle, it's simply set to dump all the engine's torque on the road from almost stationary. Awful design flaw, and manual override doesn't allow anything other than 1st while stationary.

It also overrides upshifts just before the rev limiter, which makes it awful in proper sports cars too, because you frequently shift manually just as the override kicks in, and go up 2 gears at once.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Yeah! blah blah blah
But what colour is your car?
( girlinthehole, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Erm, sort of grey?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Now that's interesting!

( girlinthehole, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)

My last one was blue. With beige leather.
and then before that it was red with grey leather, then silver with red leather, then black with black leather, and then green with orange leather.

Is that better?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Infinitely.
But green with orange leather : /
( girlinthehole, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:24, Reply)

it's not really "orange"
It was an alfa romeo ex-demonstrater.

This colour
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:39, Reply)

that sounds like a pain in the arse
I don't want my gearbox interferring. What sort of car is it?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)

skoda octavia.
but it's any VAG car now.

Or Volkswagen Audi Group for Monty. Who I know cares deeply, really, but is just afraid to show it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)

how irritating
God bless my shitty old Seat Toledo and its old VAG innards and all who sail in her.

That said, its being MOT'd today. If it fails I'm going to kick it to pieces.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I'm sorry but am I the only person
that is amused by 'old VAG innards'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:13, Reply)

That would explain why you're going out with her
*runs*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I was amused by it too
which is why I wrote it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I was beginning to think everyone but me had suddenly grown up.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:29, Reply)

That's probably where I've been going wrong.
I've been driving in 2nd and 3rd.
( girlinthehole, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:00, Reply)

NOW TELL US ABOUT WATERPROOF TROUSERS.
IN DETAIL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Why?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)

It's 'internet code' for 'I find this conversation a little bit boring'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I'm terribly sorry
I'll immediately desist trying to help rswipe move her car during snowy periods for fear of offending sensibilities.

Waterproof trousers can be quite interesting, anyway. probably.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Al and Vippers certainly think so.
Maybe you could form a 'waterproof trousers' gang. You could have a secret handshake and build a clubhouse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)

clubhouse den of sexual urgency
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I'll bet there's waterproof trouser porn out there.
Lab?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)

If there isn'tI I shall set up one.
This is IMPORTANT. How's you this freezing morning?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Hung the fuck over
after drinking with a French Canadian in a pirate pub in Wapping.

You?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Celine Dion was in Wapping?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Talk did turn to Rush, Celine Dion and Bryan Adams.
When I say it turned, I turned it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Feel like shit.
Hungover, cold, got a cold, and it's my sodding birthday.
One year nearer to the crem.
And what's a pirate pub?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Happy birthday you old cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Thanks for the sentiment.
You long haired twat.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:34, Reply)

rule 34, Monty, rule 34.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:13, Reply)

*looks up from report writing*
I've seen spandex porn, kagool porn, waders porn, plus the usual rubber and PVC. Does that count?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Dinosaur porn is quite odd

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Waders is near enough. Thanks old chap.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

If memory serves, all of the above porn I found in one case
Along with a video of a guy wrapping clingfilm around his arse, forming a makeshift nappy, which he then proceeded to shit into.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

He sounds like quite a character.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Put me right off my walnut whip

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

HOT.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I bet his mother is so proud.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

But have you ever seen an elephant fly?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I wouldn't say I find them interesting
more 'useful when you have to spend 8 hours walking along the side of a river in rain that caused severe flooding.'
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Just as a social experiment
Why not try wearing a long black coat and listening to My Chemical Romance the next time you have to spend hours walking along a river.
And then write a poem on here.
(Cave Duck, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I fear that would damage my professional reputation

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Plus we have enough emos, what with AA, Darth and Kitty

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I'm not bastard emo!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

No one is suggesting that you're a bastard.

(Cave Duck, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I am

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Oh.
Sorry.
(Cave Duck, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Actually I am, too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Well, perhaps one or two may be suggesting it.
But I'm sure it's not everyone.
(Cave Duck, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)

you are very helpful
and yes it does have that nudge the gearstick to control the automatic thing, as i found out when i inadvertently knocked it on the motorway... cringe.

however, no matter how helpful you are, there is nothing in the world that can legislate for other people being shit in the snow and possibly skidding into my beautiful car, is there??

ALSO i can't change any of my clocks, the ones in the flat are all wrong, and the car is only just correct again after 6 months of being an hour out. and i STILL haven't worked out how to re-set the petrol, but after a year it's just done 10,000 miles so it's gone back to zero by itself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Do you mean adult nappies?
Very specialised.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)

The woods in the park near my parents was positively idylic in the snow.
I was expecting a unicorn to appear any second.
( girlinthehole, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I thought I saw a unicorn once
turned out to be a horse with the horn
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)

:(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 24 Nov 2010, 11:12, Reply)