So, my fucking car battery died today
I had to drag the stepson out to come get me (I was at the pub) and then drive me to the nearest battery-selling place, then I stood there like a mong in the fucking freezing cold while he fitted it for me.

Is there somewhere they teach boys how to do that? I'm sure they must have done it at school when we were being told how to have periods properly.

Alt q: what can't you do that you really really should be able to do?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:53, 65 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

If anything ever went wrong with a car
while I was growing up, my dad would make me watch him fix it so I could do it myself in future. Recipe for disaster really.

Alt Q: reference essays properly
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 17:58, Reply)

I used to have the Harvard referencing guide saved on my computer
Since I forgot how to do it properly every single time.

edits: I also submitted an essay with 0 references once and managed to get 80% for it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:00, Reply)

I just never reference my essays
my tutors don't bother mentioning it anymore. I think they know I'm not going to do a Masters or ever have anything worth publishing
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:01, Reply)

I never did the referencing in group essays
'Cause it's really dull. I'd rather actually write the essay, and then go for a drink.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:05, Reply)

I just make sure I do it as I go along
but I'm a swot
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:07, Reply)

I can fix the easier things that go wrong with cars
The leaking oil needs the garage to fix it though.

I should be able to pay attention better, but I generally get distracted too easily.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:00, Reply)

That is easy enough to fix.
You most likely need a new washer on the bleeder nipple
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:03, Reply)

Sexy

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:04, Reply)

yep.
I nearly got slapped when I tried to explain about crankshafts and big-ends to someone once.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:07, Reply)

Alt: drive, and manage my finances

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:04, Reply)

You, sir, are a freak
a non-driving freak. Do you think you live in some kind of weird country with a functional public transport system?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:22, Reply)

Hi
Unfortunately at my school they didn't include car maintainace in sex ed. My knowledge of cars come from my dad buying a variety of british leyland made models. Until I was about 10 I just assumed having to take the car apart for a full service and rebuild every weekend was par for the course of car ownership.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:06, Reply)

Alt: masturbate without the nagging feeling that someone's watching me
(And judging me; whether on morality or technique is harder to tell)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:07, Reply)

Top tip:
Stop doing it in Sainsbury's, then.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:08, Reply)

then at least you
know people are watching and criticising
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:09, Reply)

Well, It's their own fault for calling those things
"Self-service" checkouts.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:10, Reply)

Our nickname for you is 'lefty'

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:09, Reply)

Hey, come on, I only cracked one out once
over that picture of Barack Obama.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:11, Reply)

I think we both know the real reason behind the term lefty..

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:15, Reply)

I am actually left-handed, as it happens...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:16, Reply)

50:50 chance amirite?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:17, Reply)

True. And even if I were right-handed, I suppose I could have been spambidextrous.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:18, Reply)

click for spambidextrous
a viz term no?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:21, Reply)

'tis indeed. Straight out of the profanisaurus.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:22, Reply)

Do you have the latest Viz yet?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:24, Reply)

Look, I promise I won't watch anymore if it makes you feel weird, alright?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:11, Reply)

It's just a little off-putting
when you're peering over my shoulder saying "faster...don't grip quite so hard...steady, it's not like you're trying break it off!"

_{It reminds me too much of my old PE teacher.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:13, Reply)

Your?
Tscha.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:15, Reply)

Argh!
Whoops, thanks for that. Have things really got so bad that I can't spell any more?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:17, Reply)

Looks like it.
Maybe you were distracted by your clearly mediocre wanking style.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:18, Reply)

he is only using one hand to type

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:21, Reply)

well obviously, when you can't even wank properly either. and that face you pull? *giggles*

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:18, Reply)

YOU'RE ALIVE

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:15, Reply)

LESLIE NIELSEN ISN'T

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:17, Reply)

YES I'M ALIVE
*snogs*
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:18, Reply)

The look on Wookiee's face made my whole life

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:19, Reply)

what, when I snogged you? I don't remember, what did it look like?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:22, Reply)

We turned around and he looked judging and a little surprised. It made me lol.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:24, Reply)

I also missed this!
When did it happen?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:26, Reply)

It wasn't a full on snog
lingering peck on the lips if I recall.

Poppet did bury her head in my tits a lot though.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:27, Reply)

well they were VERY comfortable tits.
and I was quite drunk. I get more touchy feely when I'm drunk. I"m sorry if I upset you. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:30, Reply)

First bash
that I managed to get by without snogging anyone
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:38, Reply)

I would have snogged you if you wanted me to.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:46, Reply)

but someone IS watching you
His name is Jesus, and when you masturbate it makes him cry.

This is because you're doing it wrong.

This makes him so mad he kills a kitten.

You, my friend, are killing a good forty kittens a week.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:17, Reply)

And the rest...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:20, Reply)

are watching you attempt to masturbate.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:30, Reply)

Kittens go to heaven no-questions asked
where they play with the ghosts of children.

therefore Jesus loves a wanker
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:22, Reply)

cook, keep the house in a better-than-minging state
shop without a feeling of the futility of life

I don't know about cars either, check your local college for courses
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:08, Reply)

I'm with you on the first two
but I can get in the shops at nine when they open and still be happily shopping at six when they close.

I wish I could shop for a living.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:15, Reply)

even grocery shopping?
I always end up with completely unrelated items which don't seem to form meals when I get home
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:20, Reply)

oh, yeah
I even love the supermarket. Except Tesco, which is full of chavs and pikeys. And muggers.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:38, Reply)

Righto
I'm off for a shower, then meeting a friend for a burger at apparantly the best place in Oxford
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:11, Reply)

Yay for you!

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:12, Reply)

London?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:16, Reply)

Move each of my limbs truly independently
I'm a shit drummer.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:14, Reply)

I once compared drumming to driving when talking to someone
They didn't quite grasp where I was coming from.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:20, Reply)

I am just the shittest driver ever.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:24, Reply)

I love Driving.
it's so much fun.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:31, Reply)

Draw.
I spent most of my formative years drawing and doodling as well as 4 years in further education studying art. Can I muster the urge to draw or paint......Can I fuck.
( girlinthehole, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:37, Reply)

Manage my money
It's not even the first of the month and I've already spunked half of my disposable income AND I've not even bought half of my cocking christmas presents yet. Plus I have - unusually for a dullard like me - a decent number of nights out planned this month. *weeps* beans and porridge for the next three weeks it is, then. I suppose at least it means I'll fit in to my party dress :(
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:51, Reply)

You're not a dullard at all.
I think you're lovely. :) What does your dress look like?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 18:55, Reply)

Hehe, cheers
I mean dullard in the sense that I rarely go out and/or do stuff. My dress looks like this, more or less. How's Brighton?
(berk, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 19:01, Reply)

You go girl!!!
That is definitely a pulling dress.
( girlinthehole, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 19:16, Reply)

I agree - it's gorgeous.
And Brighton is lovely, if not cold.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 19:24, Reply)

Sewing on buttons.
I know what I'm supposed to do, and I'm ace at the fiddly bit (threading the needle), but every time I try to do all the looping I wind up with a bit of thread that's either 8" long and hopelessly tangled or 1/16" long and incredibly tight.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 29 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)