Off Topic Karaoke
So it is Karaoke night down at the Offtopic Arms

You're all there and have to perform a song. No hiding in the toilets allowed.

I'll start by mumbling my way through Lou Reed's Pale Blue Eyes (always go for something by someone who isn't a great singer themselves)

and then I'll hand the microphone to.....
(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 15:58, 86 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Not me. I'll wait until you're all a bit drunker then I am.
But when I get the mic, I'll probably sing Missy Higgins' "They weren't there". Or a Glee song, just to piss Monty off. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Drink up ye zyder
By Adge Cutler and the Wurzels.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Yeah, sod them Massive Attack, Smith & Mighty and Nellee Hooper types, that's the real sound of the West Country.

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Actually I think you'll find it's
"Four ter the floor fer the muthafuckin' 'aaardcore ... Wes' Country maaaasive ... less 'ave yer!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Absolutely.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

My version of Tiffany's "I think we're alone now"
has been known to move people to tears.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:02, Reply)

that's because they want you to stop singing.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:03, Reply)

So that they can compose themselves, yes.
So moved are they.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:07, Reply)

s gas
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Tiffanygas?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:07, Reply)

It was the farting problem that finished her career.

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:09, Reply)

"I think we're alone now" has such hidden depths.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:11, Reply)

*parp*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Have to be Easy
Lionel Richie/Faith No More
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:04, Reply)

With added "Ew!"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Indeed!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Something that suits my limited vocal range
Such as The Who's Boris the Spider.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:06, Reply)

How about a version of the "Fiddle About" song that Keith Moon does in Tommy? (the film obv)

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:08, Reply)

I'd have a crack at Johnny Mathis' Feet by American Music Club
might need a defibrillator afterwards though.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I would keep refusing to sing anything, as no-one needs to hear my caterwauling.
Then, after a few pints, I'll shyly agree to do a bit of Linkin Park as long as someone else does the 'singing' bit. After a few more beers I might be coerced in to murdering a bit of meatloaf. A few more light ales, and I will hold on to the mic for all it's worth, singing every song in the book very badly.

This is why I will not be at Karaoke. I hate it so very much, and yet drunk me seems to like it.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I'd do Shipbuilding by Elvis Costello
Even the long









pauses.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:10, Reply)

Is it worth it?

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:21, Reply)

If it gets me out of buying a new coat and shoes for the wife?
Then yes.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:23, Reply)

What are you getting your boy for his birthday?

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Usually a bicycle, but he's been taken to task this year, so I don't know.
Perhaps a pearl?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Nah , I'd go with socks and handkerchiefs.

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I win.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Pfft, that's just a rumour that was spread around town.

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I'll fill you in.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:11, Reply)

it always amuses me to make other people sing the most inappropriate songs i can think of
watching my boss warble his way through "wuthering heights" was hilarious.

little things...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I've only ever done it twice
Once being my nan's birthday this weekend just gone, where my sister and I were forced to participate. They only had an Abba DVD, and a Ratpack one, so we plumped for Fly Me To The Moon. It was terrible.

The other time I was hammered in Spain and sang The Bloodhound Gang's romantic hit 'The Bad Touch'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:14, Reply)

the worst part is, I can imagine you doing the karaoke and getting either really, really into it,
or standing there awkwardly, half mumbling and hoping no one hears you.

And I feel bad because both those images make me laugh. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I will genuinely punch you in the fucking face.
I can't sing, I don't like hearing myself sing, I don't like hearing you sing and if you don't leave me to get plastered in the corner while you have your fucking "fun" I WILL hurt you.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:14, Reply)

So "Let the bodies hit the floor" then?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Or the classic "I like to stab people" by ICP.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Christian raprock lolz

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I'm still quite amused by that revelation.
What a pack of tards.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Me too
The most epic 'prank' to pull on fat white teenagers in the American South/Mid West!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:26, Reply)

revelation complete attention-seeking bullshit because people were starting to forget about them
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I'll put you down for Delilah, then.

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:25, Reply)

And I will put you down for a stabbing.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Not on a first date.

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Oh dear, comedic misunderstanding.
I'm afraid I didn't mean in a sexual manner, more of a cutting-you-open-and-then-strangling-you-with-your-own-intestines sort of thing. Obviously I'd then fuck your corpse, but I doubt that you'd be in a position to mind.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:54, Reply)

If you wanted to do performance art karaoke, then you should have said.
How about Laurie Anderson's "Oh Superman"
(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:57, Reply)

*murders*

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Yeah, but nobody expects it to be pitch perfect.
At least you tried.
(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:03, Reply)

I hate you.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:23, Reply)

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:29, Reply)

Court Of King Caractacus by Rolf Harris
Simply because I'm yet to meet anyone else who can do the fast bit at the end.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I've met someone who can do that.
Rolf himself, when he used to do Rolf's Cartoon Time from the HTV studios in Bristol.

Not that he performed it when I met him.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Someone I heard in the pub recently was slagging him off
It was quite odd to hear so many people tell him to shut the fuck up.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:21, Reply)

We did that on the last day of school.
it was fun.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:31, Reply)

You went to the pub to slag off Rolf Harris on your last day?
Fun? Weird more like.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:32, Reply)

What, slag off Rolf Harris?
I would have thought he was practically Royalty in the colonies!

Sorry I missed your London bash, by the way, I was a bit taken over with moving house...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:33, Reply)

+a vi house ng
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:37, Reply)

That's really, really fucking awful.
No wonder Ross Noble called you a dickhead...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Nah, that was due to him mishearing me
But I do agree, it was fucking awful.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Nah - it's okay mate, you're forgiven - I'll drop by in January if you like when I'm back there.
And I meant that we were doing Court of King Caractacus.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:00, Reply)

When my girlfriend's younger brother was about to be born...
She (aged 4) was taken to be looked after by neighbours with the express instruction that she was to be allowed to stay up to watch Rolf Harris, as she was much more intersted in him than any new sibling.
(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:47, Reply)

hit me baby one more time

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:17, Reply)

*slap*
What?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:18, Reply)

oh baybuh baybuh, how was I suppose to know
that somepthin wasn't riiiiiiiiiight heeere
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Fuck Karaoke
/gets coat and leaves in a rage
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:18, Reply)

coat and leaves in a ge ped
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

I'd rather be raped by Big Vern than put up with Karaoke

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Hello gorgeous

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Tru Story - I met him at Glastonbury
He's a cunt. The end.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:44, Reply)

It's a good story, but to be honest I did guess the ending.

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I'll find a way to shoehorn it in for a celeb qotw
It's bound to win.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Monty would have to go last
Otherwise, we'd have to all sit there and listen as he sings the entire works of David Bowie.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:21, Reply)

It would take him a while to get into costume and made up.
We could all just be leaving as he leaps on to the stage.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Goldie Lookin' Chain
Guns don't kill people.

Because it doesn't really require anything other than a bad Welsh pseudogangsta accent. Fo shizzle, there's lovelizzle.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:25, Reply)

"Fo shizzle, there's lovelizzle."
Sorry, no professionals.
(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I prefer YMGAP
It's so rousing.
"That's roit!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I've seen someone do this properly, it was superb

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Cutting crew, dying in your arms tonight. Karaoke of choice.
Just got back from uni shall I watch, day of the dead, dawn of the dead, evil dead, or appaloosa
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:26, Reply)

All Zombie films one after another

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:29, Reply)

obviously, but where to start!!!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Shaun of the Dead

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I really love the bit
where they go through the record collection deciding what to throw at the nombies - it's so 'knowing' and 'cool', they refer to Prince and the Stone Roses.

Well I say 'love', perhaps 'really loathe with a virulent belming passion' is closer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I go to a karaoke night nearly every week
It's fucking genius. There are 3 levels - 1) those who are decent singers,
2) those who aren't great, but give it a good go.
3) Those who are fucking awful.

Take a guess which of these amuses me most. There's one number 3 who gives it a go every week, often singing 'Rock Lobster' by the B-52s. The first time he sang it, I thought I was going to die laughing, fucking genius.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Sadly a song that is often overlooked by people who like Karaoke, because they think they are too 'cool' and 'hip' for it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I would have sent you a lying gaz
about how I would love to come but unfortunately I promised my nan I'd watch a documentary on the Paint Drying Channel with her so i can't make it down the Offtopic Arms tonight but do say hi to everyone for me and explain how I'm really sorry I can't make it.

Then I'd camo up, load my guns and get a taxi to Rothbury.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I read that as "I bagsy doing The Laughing Gnome"

(Cave Duck, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Just for Monty
Immigrant Song.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I think that is perhaps my favourite guitar riff of all time.
Plus, viking subject matter = ticks in all the boxes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 17:27, Reply)