arrr
not exactly panic buying, but my mum has *asked* me to buy my brother chewing gum for his birthday... yes, a big WTF is in demand here.
(Balue Free From Tetanus, Fri 30 Dec 2005, 19:55, Reply)

Speaking of last minute
Any chance of changing the question already? I'm starting to think people might panic post to be the last poster for this question.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 30 Dec 2005, 18:38, Reply)

not last minute but
one of my sisters and me are not talking, and last year my mum and another sister gave me grief about this, saying how it was awkward and embaressing when we are all exchanging prezzies, so i should get her something. ok, i thought, but i bet she won't get me anything so its just gonna be crap. in ottakers i saw and bought for her the "book of british roundabouts". i luagheed my head off when i read it and even more when she opened it. funnier still, my dad and brother-in-law started reading it and saying "i've driven round that one, its just off the A36 nr Birmingham..." sad sad sad...
( Avast is still alive!!!!, Fri 30 Dec 2005, 16:24, Reply)

Gift horse...
I'm hopeless at buying presents and always leave it to the last minute on the assumption that something really unique and wonderful will present itself and sayeth to me "Go on. Buy me. I'm a really clever and unique gift for which you will be adored by your family."

Unfortunately this gift never actually materialises, so out of guilt as much as desperation I select a gift that costs me at least five times the amount I had intended to spend.

My wife and daughter both think I'm so thoughtful and generous with gifts, so it all works out okay I guess...
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 30 Dec 2005, 15:37, Reply)

Munchies
I once panic bought all the jelly babies of all brands in my local supermarket.
(sitonit, Fri 30 Dec 2005, 14:10, Reply)

Christmasshopping at the local drugstore
This Christmas I gave my motherinlaw a couple of lace strings (the undergarmentkind) and my fatherinlaw one of those masks with glasses, nose and moustache, and a set of plasters. They liked it alot and thought it was funny. The only one who was completely horrified and disgusted was my boyfriend (their only son).

He got them some gaffertape, a sponge, nailclippers and a tube of woodglue.
(muis, Fri 30 Dec 2005, 13:32, Reply)

Literal last minute
It was my dad's birthday and I hadn't bothered to do anything. My sister had though, which meant I had to do something to remain a proper sibling.
I went upstairs, found a tin, and inserted thusly a paperweight, an emery board, several laser quest score sheets, a short green ribbon and something like a plastic helicopter.
This wasn't even my stuff I was giving him... most of it was his in the first place.
(The_Epitome, Fri 30 Dec 2005, 1:35, Reply)

Beers of The World
Yes, I know it looks like panic buying on her part, but every year from my younger sister I always get the shittest, least thought out present ever. I'm still paying for the green plastic frogs (see below).

Last year I got a (broken) portrait of my four year old niece.

Year before that?

Beers of The World!

Cheap supermarket make do present for the delinquent in your life. Cheap collection of four to five bottled beers of the scuzziest beer that they otherwise couldn't sell.

Year before that?

Beers of The World!

Year before that?

Beers of The World!

Year before that?

Beers of The World!

Reason?

Twice in a row, back when I was fourteen and fifteen respectively, I bought my younger sister shitty presents.

My excuse would be that I did paper rounds to earn money and never had much pocket money. I had to produce five reasonable presents from a £4 per week income (at a time when I was rapidly discovering the joys of nicotine and alcohol).

For some reason my younger sister escaped the whole 'work for money' ethic and got given pocket money. Which she spent on herself. When christmas came around she had our 'presents' bought for her. Hence basically I thought, well, I can buy her shit, right?

Wrong.

It's worth pointing out how shit the presents I bought her were here. They were small plastic frogs on swings. I tried to create the idea that she was 'building a collection' by perpetuating the crime after the first instance, by buying her a similar piece of awful tat the next year (look at it this way, she was made to pretend to like it the first time and I, well, I just pretended to go along with it buy buying her more of the same junk the next year).

So for years I have been trying to atone by buying decent well thought out presents, always receiving utter shit in return.

Mind you, this year, for the first time in ages, I finally bought her the shittest, last minute (closing time at BHS) present ever.

From her, I got a great book which replaced a book I had stolen off me years ago, a present that finally meant something.

Ironically this year she really loved her cheap, last minute, "shit, I've got to get her something" panic-bought present. Mind you, she pretended to love the frog too...
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 30 Dec 2005, 0:48, Reply)

the thought that counts
well it was xmas eve an i still hadn't got my dad anythin. My dads fussy so i was stuck on what to get him. I couldn't be bothered goin to the shops so i went an robbed his calculator an wrapped it up. On boxing day he realised what i had done. My excuse: mums idea. Next year he can jus hav socks.

Another thing i do but only if its last minute an i can't be bothered goin round all the shops is takin a tenner into poundland an buyin random items. One year my sister ended up with:

1) a dog lead
2) a plastic doll thats hed fell off
3) a photo frame
4) an ornamental dog
5) a torch
6) a bag of cat food
7) shampoo
8) a candle
9) a plastic police set
10)a pair of large knickers
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Thu 29 Dec 2005, 20:28, Reply)

My sister
baught me a huge poster of sidney haurbor - dunno why
( Letum Your Ad here £2.40, Thu 29 Dec 2005, 18:59, Reply)

This belonged in the other Presents QOTW
...But I missed that one. Back when I was probably 8 or 9, my parents did not have a whole lot of money. My siblings and I didn't know this. A few days before Christmas, a HUGE box showed up under the tree. We were impossibly excited about it. Maybe it was a motorbike! Or, in the case of my sister, a unicorn (in retrospect, it wasn't nearly that big). In any case, we were mad to find out what it was and tore it open furiously on Christmas. Turned out it was a new engine for our car, which had recently crapped out. It was the only present under our tree.

To this day, I'll never know why they wrapped the thing.
(I'm Owen McLove, I could have you killed., Thu 29 Dec 2005, 18:35, Reply)

I totally effed up.
For the first time ever, I found myself shopping this Christmas eve. I'd got out rather late, only to find that the shops were shutting early anyway...but that's a different story. Anyways, I called my brother to find out what the two nephews wanted. Well, with ideas in mind, whizzed off and got the last squeeze me cushion in the shop. Result! The youngest would be pleased. Still a little stuck for the elder so got something I'd thought he'd like.

Fast forward to Christmas day. The youngest is rather pleased with his squeeze me cushion. Although the older one wasn't. Everyone he knew now had one but him. And it was him that wanted one in the first place. Oops. Buggered up there.

I'm sorry the story is not funny.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Thu 29 Dec 2005, 15:35, Reply)

For my 18th birthday...
...my sister gave me her sunglasses which had she'd found in the lost property at work a few months earlier.

Cheers Madz.
(Ed Can Do, Thu 29 Dec 2005, 13:38, Reply)

the boss
as I was working over Xmas, the boss said I could stay at hers, with another co worker, which was good of her as my family are 4 hours away. She would cook Xmas dinner if I got the pudding, which was to be ice cream, cheese cake and strawberries. I was also going to get her a present, nothing big, she had moaned about losing her Christmas tunes CD, and it was the least I could do.

I woke up at about four o'clock on Xmas eve ready to go into town to get these items. I decided to stop off in a bar where my mate works for a couple of cheap drinks. I was telling him I had the shopping to do when he told me most shops close about five (the time being five to five). In a panic, I hurried down to the main street and dived into HMV, where the security told me they'd be open about 15 minutes. Great, easily enough time. Until I saw the queue, which stretched over three walls. Fuck this, I'll just get the food.

Went to Sainsbury's. No cheesecake, we ran out. No strawberries, we ran out. No ice cream, we don't do ice cream.

Ended up buying au tart chocolat and giving her [i]xmas wrapping paper[/i] as her present. Go me :|
(Lannes, Thu 29 Dec 2005, 11:18, Reply)

FAO: Rottenfrog
"After the last work Crimbo party.....
a 2 litre bottle of Vodka and a wire coat hanger."

is that a home made abortion kit?

(sorry....)
(blackfacedfightinggibbon, Thu 29 Dec 2005, 4:29, Reply)

Went Christmas shopping...
..on Christmas Eve. Decided to spend some money on me first, so I picked up a few Xbox games, Risk (the boardgame) and some new Space Marines (Warhammer 40k - ubernerd wargame).

Of course, I got fucked off with the whole shopping lark about 2 minutes after this.



My Gran was not impressed with her gift.
(ben0207, Thu 29 Dec 2005, 3:28, Reply)

My
mum is, hilariously, in the early stages of dementia. Last christmas, at about three pm on Christmas Eve, my dad was out dropping off presents and cards around various friends and relatives, when mum came into the living room in a bit of a fluster. She'd not bought anything for dad for Christmas, and was absolutely paralysed with fear and shame. My sisters were there to keep an eye on her, so I jumped into the car and tore into town with instructions to get him the complete Fawlty Towers on DVD. I must have spent an hour ducking into every single shop in Belfast that sold DVDs, only to see a yawning gap under "F". Finally I found one, single disc of series II for 25 quid in a major chain, queued for twenty minutes to pay for it, and legged it home, mission accomplished.

When we opened the presents on Christmas, it turned out that dad and mum had agreed not to buy each other anything that year.
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Thu 29 Dec 2005, 1:31, Reply)

She didn't see it coming
I got my wife a divorce.

Bitch :-)

No apologies for lack of length or girth - it don't get used that much at the moment!
(simax, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 23:32, Reply)

Is it really panic buying if...
... your a man?

I always do all my Christmas shopping at the last minute and in a panic, but then I'm a man so shopping (be it Christmas or otherwise) means:

1) only starts 5pm the day before the occasion.
2) only takes 30 minutes.
3) only involves going in each shop once.
4) always results in cards and wrapping paper being picked up in WH Smiths during the final dash for the train.
(Flumped, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 15:33, Reply)

well, this year...
after a long and complicated crisis, i was forced to go out and hunt for a present for my brother's girlfriend at the last minute. my brother had said 'just get some brushed cotton pyjamas', which turned out to be a bit like asking 'just get some pink badgers made of crystallized soap powder formed by monkey fingers, only gold plated'.
every pair i found were 'designer' and cost £80+, which I wasn't paying.
i was ill, tired, freezing cold, claustraphobic, annoyed, frustrated, angry, fed up, bitter and poor.
SIX HOURS LATER i found a pair for twenty quid.
I think I more than slightly scared the till assistant by crying.

edit: that wasn't really a panic buy though. have this...
someone i know annually gets repeatedly panic-bought a bottle of port. he is a recovered alcoholic and been on the wagon for 16 years. every year he gives it back to them, and every year they do it again. twunts.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 14:52, Reply)

After the last work Crimbo party.....
a 2 litre bottle of Vodka and a wire coat hanger.
(Mr Bad Aids Yeah, thats it, kiss my poody hole *mwah*, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 14:19, Reply)

I'm lucky
Among my friends it is the custom to give bizarre birthday gifts, such as tins of soup and tiny toy motorbikes.
I myself have in the past presented friends with street chalk and a piggy bank shaped like a huge yellow chick.

Not to mention the humongous "golden box" presented to my best friend, which was filled with: a tin of peas, a ragdoll,
a disco crocodile figurine, a toothpick, a signed photograph of myself,
some cat toys, a customized Flash Space Invaders (with my head as one of the enemy ships),
a yodeling record, a huge origami swan,
a toothbrush, a pair of shiny golden trousers (which look great on her by the way),
some charcoal (the drawing kind),
a pair of cardboard rabbit ears to make it look as if a rabbit lived on her windowsill,
a litre of yoghurt, some mints, and coupons for free leadership of the moon, eternal glory, and my terrible haircut.
no apologies for length - you love it
(Caustic Armadillo consists at least 30% out of custard, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 13:35, Reply)

Reminds me
When I was working behind a bar in town a few years ago - 5pm Xmas Eve a bloke comes in, and clearly he's already had a few pints. He has another couple then a mate of his comes in.

They exchange pleasantries, and one asks the other how his Xmas shopping has gone. He says 'it was going alright, stopped off for a pint and got sidetracked though'.

By this time it's 6pm and all the shops are shut, and all that this bloke has managed to buy for his wife? One of those plastic slinky things that you throw down the stairs.

He started crying so I had to ask him to leave :(
(FiftyFour, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 12:16, Reply)

Socks
I heard about a woman who was going to visit her son-in-law in hospital on Christmas day, along with the rest of the family. She left it a bit late for his present, so just bought him a pair of socks, which she gave him as he lay in his hospital bed.

She'd forgotten that he was in hospital because he'd just had his legs amputated.
( Pachey, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 11:46, Reply)

I'm a victim of panic-buying...
...but not, as they didn't go near a shop for this one. One of my pressies this year was one of those clocks made from a CD. Only this one wasn't made from a CD but a blank CD-R, printed with a rough-as-fuck pirate-esque copy of the DVD disc print for Star Wars Episode III. I'd previously seen these 'make our own wanky clock from a CD' kits at a computer fair, so obviously it was a rushed home-made effort.

I wouldn't mind if I hadn't spent half the year telling anyone who would listen how utterly shite Episode III was - I only watched it at all for the sake of closure, and wish I hadn't even then. Don't get me wrong here, home-made is cool, and it is the thought that counts, but only when you're thinking of the person in question when choosing the gift rather than some nameless, witless fucktard who wouldn't know decent interior design or a half-decent movie if they bit them on the arse.

For an independent review of Ep III that I couldn't have put better myself, see www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=episode3
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 11:17, Reply)

panic theif-ing...?
...last day of the holiday, panic gift finding ensues, i thiefed all the mini parasols / swords / coctail stirrers from every empty glass at the airport bar = instant amusing holiday gift for my best friend

winner :)
(Euphrosne, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 11:00, Reply)

I wasn't there, but wished I was...
...at our office's xmas 'do last year, when it was decided that Secret Santa action would be quite fun. And for most, it was. I always make sure I have other plans for functions such as that - I spend 40 hours a week with that lot, so the rest of my time is set aside for people I actually care about, thanks very much.

There's one girl in our office who munches on garlic daily as part of some keep-fit kick - she takes that stuff really seriously - I wouldn't mind, but in the three years I've worked for the company she's come down with some fucking scary bugs including mumps, dysentery and for-real 'flu. She spends hours per day at the gym and everything. Just goes to show ;)

Anyway, one of the lads who likes a joke (most often at other peoples' expense) drew this girl for his Secret Santa. The garlic wasn't difficult to detect for anyone in the office, so when this girl opened her pressise she found a jumbo tub of odour-free garlic pearles.

It would have been funnier if the girl had seen the funny side herself, rather than going through the roof and demanding to know who had got them so she could have them disciplined. Bosses told her, as politely as they could, to get the fuck over it. Not surprised at that, seeing as this girl sits very near them in the office.

The same girl once flashed her tits at a colleague during another xmas 'do before my time and pestered him for a shag all night. You'd think that all that keep-fit action would make the girl at least marginally attractive - think again. If I wasn't already gay, I'd convert in a second if she was the only candidate I had. Suffice to say, my colleague declined her offer(s).
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 10:19, Reply)

for christmas this year//
My sister got me "22 golden trumpet hits" on tape.

Classic!

She owned up and admitted she found it on the floor of her car the day before christmas.
(uptonogood, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 10:09, Reply)

guess the value
this year i recieved an registered mail envelope from my mum with my presents in - bit of a work up as i had to go down to the post office to sign for it. on the way home i got thinking - registered mail? whatever's in there must be worth a bit, certainly more than the dodgy soap/shampoo combo i'd picked up for her. thinking turned to panicking and panicking turned to buying as i ran around picking up a couple of unsuitable/unwatchable/unwanted dvds and cds - i live abroad so that day was my last chance to get something posted back to england. clocked up about 60 - 70 euro worth of purchases and then another 25 to send my parcel registered mail.
come christmas day i'd saved all my presents to unwrap in the company of my girlfriend and her family so i didn't look like some unloved outcast. upon unwrapping my mums present i worked my way through layers of bubblewrap to reach a small packet of chocolate nuts. not even a gift box but a plastic packet of cheap chocolate nuts worth so much less than the packing and envelope it was in, let alone the registered mail it was sent by... tasted grotty as well.
(e p f, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 10:00, Reply)

secret santaaaarse
fortunately this year i managed to remember to do all my shopping well in advance, but we somehow ended up having to go out and do stuff on Christmas Eve. and in 37 degree heat, that ain't too much fun.

however half an hour before heading round to a barbecue on Christmas Day my housemate decided to tell me it was Secret Santa. so i grabbed the first thing i could find which was under $15 in cost, which was the gift i received in the previous week's Secret Santa and didn't really want.

karma obviously kicked in as i chose a present and opened it up to find a pink singlet and a clearly dodgy copy of Snatch. fortunately managed to swap them with a chick for a jar of cookies.
(squirrelysquirrel, Wed 28 Dec 2005, 0:30, Reply)