Famous people who write "books"
I have a degree in english and in creative writing, and am studying for a master's degree in poetry and novel craftting. I have been trying to get a book published for years.

But Jordan, Kerry Katona and all those other vacuous and uninteresting chavs, have FOUR or so autobiographies out. And kids' books!

How is this fair?

**breathes**
(YayLady is cold, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:38, 9 replies)

...and furthermore,
Bars like Pitcher & Piano which seems to be where all works dos start. Would it hurt them to offer a decent beer from a hand-pulled pump? I don't want 12 different lagers super-cooled over melted glacier ice or tiny bottles of 9% belgian syrup with raspberries. I always end up drinking Guinness as the least worst option but even that has little taste once it's been super-cooled.

E-mail ping-pong. The number of times I've picked up a phone and rang someone to sort out some problem that has been bouncing around the company on e-mails for about a month...why e-mail me to say "The person you want to contact is Henry Dick in Supplier Management in Norwich" but don't bother copying them in!

The environment. Where to start? Governments that think growing plants to turn into fuel to keep their huge vehicles running at a low (monetary) cost but with no regard to the effect on world food prices. Idiots who say things like, "Well, we recycle all of our wine bottles..." when they brought them home on a plane from their gite in France. Shops that super-heat the interior while keeping the doors wide open to heat the street. Getting rid of goods trains so that the motorways are chocker with trucks spewing out diesel fumes. Why are all new homes built not obliged to have solar panels in the roof? This would create a cost effective solar-panel industry and save tons of energy. Et-bloody-cetera.

Working in a team. Why do I have to work in a team when I hate people? Why can't I have my own little office with a lock on the door? Bloody people.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:32, 3 replies)

patronising signs at work
there's one in our shitter that reads exactly like this,

"PLEASE HOLD THE
FLUSH BUTTON DOWN
WHEN YOU HAVE
DONE
NUMBER TWO'S SO
THE TOILET
THEN GETS A FULL
FLUSH"
(powertiger, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:29, 4 replies)

ah maybe because!
I really dont like you, your a fucking dick wad, now piss off!
(conzo21, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:27, 6 replies)

Not a lot bugs me
It used to, but somehow turning 25 has thrown this little magic switch in my head that only one thing bugs me now. Stupidity, which covers a lot of sins. However, a minor annoyance is when people keep on gazzing me to inform me of the fact that they don't like me. Take for example, the latest idiot to hit qotw, namely, conzo21, who sent me this little missive

"i really dont like you"

Now why he felt the need to inform me over the private message system here just makes my mind boggle. Yes, you don't like me. I get that. However, you don't need to inform me of the fact. Why is it that this ignoramus, wobbling in an incandescent rage in his computer chair, feels the need to bother me? Oh yes, that's why. He's fucking stupid.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 2 May 2008, 16:26, 10 replies)

xfactor
whatever come dancing


on ice?


and any other x'y'z phone in and vote show

who gives a flying fcuk about if joe bloggs get through...??

about 30 girls in my office do... more so than the state of the world... i.e. the things that actually matter in their life.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:25, 2 replies)

Nice to see so many peeves on here I agree with...
Do you say 'Can I get' instead of 'Can I have'?

If you do and you're not actually an American person could you stop it please?
Thanks awfully.
(Engine, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:24, 3 replies)

Overly Courteous Drivers Should F#ck Themselves
I ride my bike to work a few days a week and around town a few others. I wear a helmet, stay in the bike lane, keep my eyes and ears on the road and generally try to be nice to other people.

What pisses me off is god damned drivers that insist I go first. I'll stop at an intersection and wave them on. Even if it is all clear, some old hag in a car much to large for her arthritic paws to control will stop dead and insist I go. I'll flail about like a seizing mongo trying to get her to go. Finally, I just have to sit there with my arms crossed until he/she goes. This breaks up my rhythm and generally pisses everyone off.

When a cyclist gives you the right of way, f#cking go. I don't care if you want to stare at their ass as they ride by or are worried I'll be unable to make it across the road without you blocking traffic. If you get the wave or nod, just move your ass already.
(apathymilkshake, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:19, Reply)

DOUBLE NEGATIVES


"I didnt do noffin"

so yuo DID something?
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:19, Reply)

People
who don't say thank you.

They should be shot.

Sounds harsh, but when I've held open a door/let you go before me in a queue/picked up something you've dropped, how bloody hard is it to utter a thanks?
(YayLady is cold, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:18, 4 replies)

ok
- Jimmy Saville

- The Godfather (as family guy said -it insists upon itself)

- Walking onto a wet floor and getting wet socks

- Wet socks in general

- Bad breath

- Gossip Mags

- Girls Gossiping about gossip mags

- Women complaining they cant stay loose
weight whilst eating fatty foods

- disrespect...


and (in the style of Commendant Lisard of police academy) many, many more...
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:17, Reply)

SKY tv
I have honestly never had to deal with such a bunch of fly-by-night shisters as I have done with SKY. From the minute they took my money everything went wrong, from rude installers who turned up late, to equipment that didn't work because it turned out to be "Reconditioned" i.e. already broken, to random amounts of money being taken from my bank account.

They have also closed down their Scottish call centres. They were quite good, they would do their best to help you and would give you their full name and ID number, so that when it all went tits up again you could phone back and say "When I spoke to so-and-so". Try phoning a SKY call centre now, you will be on hold for half an hour waiting to be put through to Bangalore. When you do get through you will be asked for your details again and again and again...assuming you can understand each other in the first place. At the end of the call ask for the persons name for your records and try not to laugh when you are told "Dave" or "Rachael".

SKY have truely made my hate list, it goes beyond "pet peeve" because I do actually hate them. It took countless phone calls and two letters of complaint to cancel my account and get a refund of the money they stole from me. Avoid them if you can.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:17, 3 replies)

"Electricals".
It's not a real word. It's wrong.

I also have an all consuming hatred of the word "normalcy" and would often pour scourn on anyone who dared to use it.

Turns out "normalcy" has been in use since since the mid 1800's.

I'm an idiot.

"Electricals" is still wrong though...
(Turdboy, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:13, 1 reply)

Forgot his name...
That lanky foppish nonce with the oversized head in the BT ads - he used to be on the dreadful 'My Family' and appeared in the equally despicable Love Actually.
Looks like a mongols ugly brother.
God does he make me fucking angry too.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:12, 3 replies)

Random
In the same vein as a few other replies: not so much in fashion now but overuse of the word 'random' used to make me see red. Guilty parties likely to describe themselves as crazy/mad/nuts or, you guessed it, '(totally) random'.

Example:

"Oh hey! How random seeing you just randomly in this random pub! My life is so random at the moment! I'm just going to randomly wander over to this random bar and order some random drink from some random person because I'm JUST SO RANDOM. Whoah! Look at all this random money I randomly found in my pocket! I guess I'll just randomly pay for my drink and randomly walk back over to... Hey, don't leave!"

Kindly learn a new word, fuck off, or both.
(Ozz, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:11, 2 replies)

Ha ha ha
The state of TV comedy these days. Jesus H titting Christ.

According to a couple of my mates Gavin and Stacey is hilarious but the episodes I've seen are shite.

Little Britain- Only sketch that amused me was the Mr T lookalike sketch, the rest are annoying as hell

Catherine Tate- Lets just say after watching her show I hope she gets raped to death by mutant badgers at the end of this series of Dr Who.

Dirty Sanchez is shite, ooh look he's sandpapered that blokes scrotum while someones nailing his ears to a washing machine (Hilarious.

Two Pints of lager...i dont know if its still on as every time i see one of their unfunny episodes on my TV I change the channel quickly while saying "Hate hate hate" (its quite theraputic).

Balls of Steel can be a bit hit and miss but I class that as watchable.

To really rub salt into the wound one of the spoddy UKTV channels has decided to create a TV show called when were we the funniest- basically a show saying "look we were once funny".
(mon bison powered by magnets, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:11, 1 reply)

I
have a growing suspicion as I get older that I may have OCD. I HATE people spelling things wrong with a passion, even if it's only an email. If I get printed lecture notes that only I am going to read and something is spelt wrong or doesn't make sense I have to correct it. Once I found a birthday card that said "Now your 18!". I nearly cried. It had got all the way to production without anyone noticing that glaring error?!

All cupboard doors have to be shut in the kitchen, the throws on the sofa have to be straighted, as well as the cushions. I live in a student house, this is rather a fun task. I hate people leaving anything in the middle of the floor (this is slightly more sensible, I do have a habit of falling over a lot of things), but tucked away neatly by a wall is ok. My books are either in height order, alphabetical or colour order depending what they are and what shelf they are on. If a friend has a parting with some of their hair going the wrong way, I have to tell them about it and get them to put it right. People not organising things until the last minute get me really stressed out, and again, being a student, this happens an awful lot. I also hate people being late and am never late myself.

I hate people who say the words "blates" "deffo" "lols" and "uber" in conversation. I hate girls who flirt too much or too obviously, and who wear silly short skirts in winter or heels that they can't walk in. My housemates not doing the washing up enough or not sticking to the housework rota drives me mad. People who try and tell me how to revise are likely to get throttled.

These are just a few of the things in life that annoy me. Seriously, is there something wrong with me?!

EDIT: I spelt suspicion wrong. Obviously I am also a huge hypocrite!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:11, 1 reply)

People who say the whole 'Chav' thing is class hate
Bollocks. Chav is as chav does. I went to a private school, and at least half of my well-heeled classmates wore tracksuits, listened to Jungle/Gangsta Rap, drove modified Vauxhall Novas and generally behaved like monumental tossbags. On the other hand, many of the working class people I know are polite, civilised, and wouldn't wear Burberry even at gunpoint.

There's no reason to feel guilty about hating chavs. Being a chav isn't about where you come from or how educated you are, it's about your attitude to yourself and other people. There's simply no excuse for being one.
(Axeman Jim, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:08, 2 replies)

Not so much of a rant, more of a musing
Here’s a thing. I currently find myself at work, counting down the hours until I can go home. The sun has come out again following a torrential downpour, the blue sky is filled with little fluffy clouds, and my mind is turning to thoughts of a pint.

Or to be specific, a pint with Legless in the Sun Inn, as I haven’t seen him in ages. And this peeves me a bit.

Because he’s in Oz…

Bugger.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 May 2008, 16:08, 6 replies)

people writing "of" instead of "have"
"i couldn't of stopped him," for example. and everyone seems to be doing it. my girlfriend used to do it, and i just kept writing "have" in capitals to get the point across. now she's a good girl and spells properly. in her defense, she's french.

worryingly, she knows english people who write "is well" in stead of "as well". fools.
(notjustahatrack peeling a sausage..., Fri 2 May 2008, 16:06, Reply)

Top Gear
The fact that Jeremy Clarkson exists, never mind the fact that he is on television and gets paid a lot of money.
He is an agonisingly smug fuckwad and I hope he dies in a collision with a Reliant Robin.
Cunt.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:06, 1 reply)

It's COULDN'T!
People who say "I could care less" when they mean "I couldn't care less".

Don't they understand the meaning of the words coming out of their mouths? Don't they know that "I couldn't care less" means that they care so little, that it's impossible to care any less than they do now, while "I could care less" is just nonsense?

I notice that it's mainly Americans that are guilty of this.
(Musuko, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:03, 3 replies)

Random statements.
Has anyone noticed that the word 'random' seems to be getting over used?
'That was a bit random, wasnt it?'
Here - have a 'random' punch in the fucking mouth you bastard.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:02, 3 replies)

Old People.
Post offices are not meeting places, and get your money out before you get to the counter you piss stinking old twats.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:59, Reply)

Crabs
I once got crabs when I was 18. I told my friend and she advised 'lyclear derm' oh god what a mistake. At first they all died and that was it. Vamoose. or so I thought. Approximately 3 weeks after I felt the dreaded itch again, "oh no" I said "it couldn’t be" I haven’t shagged anyone since. In fact that has made me vow to celibacy for life. The crabs came back. This time with a vengeance. They were everywhere. Plus that night I took acid so I thought my body was literally going to get up and start crawling involuntarily out of bed. I lay quivering until the chemist opened and went back for some more "ly-fucking-clear". I thought to myself I mustn’t have done the whole cleaning process properly. So I redone it again multiplied by 10 I actually flame throwed my bed with a can of aerosol. So that was it job done, again or so I thought. 3 weeks later not so much to my surprise this time they came back. I WAS DESPERATE, none of my friends knew what to do, so I went and bought the lyclear shit again just to control these uber-crabs. This time the fucking cunts wouldn’t die. They were immune to the lyclear. I was panicking; god knows who id passed them onto. Oh shit. So I went to the doctor in a fit of pure nerves scratching and twitching. i explained what had happened to the doctor and about the uber-crabs. he explained that I had been using the wrong stuff and the stuff he was prescribing me would surely do the job. he gave me “der-bak derm”. It worked a treat, but I must say it has given me an itch complex, anytime I feel an itch I start to sweat and wonder. I have since caught scabies of the brats I worked with, went to the doctor and guess what he gave me? LYCLEAR!! fuckin wank bag crabs, Take heed
(conzo21, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:54, 6 replies)

Booger-eaters
MmMMMMM, lovely. Lovely, lovely boogers. Yum, yum, yummity-yummity-yum. Take it from your nose, roll it round your tongue, feel it trickle down your throat like an oyster basted with love. Smack your lips, grin your grin. AhhhHhHHHh…

Except, no. It’s fucking foul. Consider this: would you eat an entire plate - nay, a bowl! - of boogers? Would you chow down into a piggie trough of nose-grit? Would you feast yourself, Mr Creosote-style, on a banquet table, groaning under the combined weight of the nation’s entire snot supply?

No. No you fucking wouldn’t.

So are boogers like caviar? Are they like saffron? Does a little go a long, long way? After nibbling down one, do you wave away further servings with a giggly ‘Ooooh, no. I couldn’t possibly. I’m stuffed to the gills!”? In which case, didn’t you consume enough when you were a baby; and shouldn’t you have grown out of it by now?

Or are you, in an eternally infantile manner, still masturbating yourselves publicly before shitting all over the carpet on a regular basis?

Ah. Fair enough. Eat away…
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:51, 3 replies)

Women at xmas shopping
or just in a busy shopping centre in general.

to say they shop all the time , one would gather they would have a sense of shopping etiquete.

like knowing where a shops natural walking routes are and not stopping in them.

it happens all the time, as your walking tightly packed in a shop single file as there isnt enough room and a women 3 people ahead of you stops... just stops to gather her thoughts... meaning evryone behind her scrunches up and umps into everything..

read the scene!!
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:51, 3 replies)

Striking Firemen
Hospital doctors work longer hours than you
Paramedics save more lives than you
Policemen take more crap from the public than you
Building site labourers have a more dangerous job than you
Care workers have worse shift patterns than you
Soldiers have a more physically demanding job than you

So why in the name of all that is holy should you get paid more than them?
(Axeman Jim, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:50, 4 replies)