The mad cat lady
Every road has a mad cat lady. Ours was called Jackie and her cat was called Minnie. This was an unfortunate name seeing as it was the fattest cat I'd ever seen. All the children used to laugh at her as she struggled to haul her little paunch over fences that slimmer cats hopped over with ease. I used to feel soooo sorry for her, but it was bloody funny. Jackie used to feed her smoked salmon and claimed that she wouldn't touch anything else.

Minnie got lost once and Jackie was just beyond distraught. There were notices pinned to every tree for miles around detailing her markings and offering stupendous rewards for her safe return. A few weeks later, she was returned safe and sound. The people who'd been looking after her had been feeding her Whiskas, which she had eaten without complaint. When Jackie tried to get her to eat Whiskas however it was a losing battle. The manipulative little feline sod wouldn't accept anything but the finest smoked salmon from her doting owner.

Minnie got run over at the ripe old age of twelve. Jackie ran out into the street in a skimpy dressing gown screaming, NOOOOOOOOO, MINNIE, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Mental. I never knew who to feel more sorry for - the spoiled, morbidly obese cat, or her fruitcake of an owner.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 13:18, Reply)

Voodoo Tim
Voodoo Tim (so named for his un-natural skills on a pool table) would not directly eat any veg to the extent that when server a big-o-bowl of chilli he would leave a pile of beans and flakes of tomatoe.

Nice chap.. just looked like the living dead.
(timberwolf0122 is turkey volume guessing man! Guessing the volumes in terms of turkeys since, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 13:17, Reply)

UNGAY
I wont eat cock!

despite the fact that gay men flock to me when I go out.

I'm straight.

End of.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 13:12, Reply)

My cats
They are getting on a bit so it's usually whiskas senior biscuits for supper.

"Ooo look" I thought to myself in the supermarket, organic chicken cat biscuits, that'll make a nice change for them.

Put it out for them that night. They came running, looked, sniffed, looked again, looked at me and walked off in disgust. After three days of trying we gave up and went back to the whiskas.
(Yellow Car is now red, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 13:04, Reply)

Siblings
When my brother was little he refused to eat anything but the following:

Walkers ready salted crisps

Mars Bars

Red pepper (but only raw)

Marmite sandwiches

Chips

Waitrose pork & beef sausages

This one time when he was four years old, we were on a long journey somewhere and stopped off at a Little Chef for lunch. Little Bro predictably ordered the sausages and chips. When it arrived, he took a bite out of a sausage, fixed the waitress with the most accusing glare a four-year-old can muster and spat, They're not Waitrose pork and beef!

At nineteen, his tastes have now broadened to include pepperoni pizza, Pringles in a variety of flavours, lasagna (with the vegetables picked out of course), spaghetti bolognese (ditto with the vegetables) and orange peppers.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:56, Reply)

Every day......
my ex would consume:- tomato soup, 4 cheese sandwiches with salad cream and a packet of crisps.

If he was being really daring he would have mushroom soup instead....7 years I lived with it...I still have a problem with tomato soup.

Lovely bloke really, just strange eating habits!
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:53, Reply)

swallowing
cos its far sexier than watching a girl recoil in wide eyed horror as she tries not to gag whilst running to the bogs for a quick retch.
There are alternatives Im also quite fond of, but given that I got dumped at the weekend, I guess Im going to have to resort to watching other people do it for a while again.
How can you get dumped when you're 34? bloody 34! I ask you?
(kaptinkurtz, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:41, Reply)

Um
Swallowing's important, as if you don't, then any food you consume just stays in your mouth, never enters your stomach and you'll die.

Oh.

Wait.

I get it.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:37, Reply)

Milky milky
I knew a girl who measured out the milk for her tea with a teaspoon. Always though that was a bit wierd.
( evil_chutney, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:34, Reply)

What
is the big deal about "swallowing"? Why is it considered important?
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:33, Reply)

Food freak
Girlfriend of a guy I used to work with grassed his weird eating habits out to us, of having to eat his meals from the same big square white plate, with a light directly above the plate, all the food neatly arranged on the plate, but not touching, and a big dollop of mustard and mayonaisse on the side of the plate, even though he would seldom touch the condiments. If any of these rituals were out of place, he would be unable to eat. Freak...
(madoda, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:24, Reply)

Goes forth? Clear as mud...
Coffee's fine ... just avoid the sprinkly brown stuff they put on the top.
(patently Was somewhere else on, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:10, Reply)

Coffee
Bladrick offered me coffee once, but I suggested that George drink it - I know what's in it.

Yours,

Captain Blackadder.

That'll only make sense if you know Blackadder goes forth
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:07, Reply)

Kenya
My friend from Kenya offered me a "different" meal - turns out it was boiled apeloverage.

I declined.

Not sure if they set him free though....

Apologies to any Kenyans who take offence to that one - Apolgies that you've not got a sense of humour that is!
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:04, Reply)

my friend from Nigeria

offered to cook me a traditional Nigerian meal.

But it turned out to be just spam.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 12:00, Reply)

Bleach
I once drank bleach for a really bad bet, then I took another bet and rubbed it all over my body.

Frankly I can't see a problem.

Yours,

Michael Jackson
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:59, Reply)

Right...
eating disorders? i'll tell you what love, no one was fucking anorexic in aushwitchz, or in darfur you stupid bint. i have absolutely NO time for them. now shut your face, put your knickers back on and go make me a sandwich.

might have gone too far...
(Fake Spaniard, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:43, Reply)

vinegar bet.
once, whilst playing a pool match for my local, one of the lads offered me a tenner to down a bottle of vinegar.

I was sober.

But i like tenners.

I ended up being violently ill in teh loo's.
But a tenner up.

I should do some work at some point today.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:37, Reply)

Mustard
I can't eat mustard because when I was small myself and my brother used to go round to our grandparent's bungalow and dare eachother to sniff the condiments.

As with most grandparents they refused to ever throw anything away, even ten-year out of date sauces, and myself and the bro spent many happy hours hiding under the kitchen table daring eachother to sniff the inside of the pots for increasing amounts of time.

It turns out that exactly 17 seconds is just a bit too long to sniff mouldy mustard and my brother projectile vomited over the floor. We quickly mopped it up with a tea towel (which we helpfully left on the side). A little bit of sick also went into the mustard pot and although I know that not all mustard is mouldy and covered in puke, I can't go near the stuff now.
( hanabanana, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:34, Reply)

Comic Relief...
Markygee's post has just reminded me of being at a friend's house for dinner and her refusing to eat summat or other. He dad also came out with the line

"There's children starving in Africa"

To which she replied

"Name one..."

"Abdul"

"Well fucking parcel it up and send it him then."

She was 25 at the time...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:28, Reply)

My Dad
My dad HATES fussy eaters. When we used to invite our friends round for dinner...god help them if they were fussy eaters...he'd make a point of raising the "starving children in Africa" line as often as poss...

The line "back in my day you ate what you were given" went well along side "you're bloody lucky to be given anything to eat at all". Needless to say it was embarassing for us kids.

So am I fussy? Not really. My dad said to me and my sister: "OK you're allowed to hate one food...only one food...choose your food now and choose wisely cause you'll be made to eat everything else that's put in front of you!"

I chose tomatos and my sister chose mushrooms...and to this day I still hate tomatos (altho i love tom sauce) and my sis still hates mushrooms!
(Markygee Surname: "Balls". First name: "Lick-mah", Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:23, Reply)

Picky eaters
I once worked with a bloke who was so obsessed with hygiene that he peeled doughnuts. "You never know where they've been," he told me.

What a blinkin' twit.
(phil lawton, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:23, Reply)

foodsex
i wont eat it, but i will rub chick-peas and garlic all over my naked body.

Im a hummousexual.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:19, Reply)

filthnessage
blancmange.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:14, Reply)

Spam
Everyone hates Spam - why is that - is it the prejudice that you hold over it? Is it the odd connotations that are associated with it? Is it the flavour (How would you know - you wouldn't even taste it!)?

All my friends hate Spam - And I think it's got some bad press. True, it has a unique smell. True it has a funny look to it....

Me, I love it. I'm in an Oil company's office in Aberdeen and their canteen does some pretty manky looking food. Manky if you're not me that is.

My breakfast? A Spam and Black Pudding roll with ketchup.

Spam? I love it :-)

I'll give you something else you'll love - now hold tight.........

Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:10, Reply)

just thought of another
i can't touch food that should be hot but isn't. the sight of cold baked beans makes me retch and i can't scrape cold mash out of the bottom of the pan prior to washing up. it's a gag fest.
my wife thinks this is an unending source of mirth and delights in eating cold beans straight from the tin. while i watch on in horror.
(localhost, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:08, Reply)

flossie knocker-agen....
would insist I take her to the best restaurants, haggle unmercifully with the waiter/s over the bill, service, tip etc, but eat like a 'cunt' horse and then later, dissapear to the bog to throw the lot up.
she was thin as Cap'n pikeys whippet and got that way by teh simple method of blowing it all out in chunks at the end of meals.

she did eat meat tho' & take paste...
which mercifully she didn't feel to enough calories to be bulimic over.
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 11:06, Reply)

BLEERRGGHHH
my Bro' had brown sauce sarniesevery day for about 6 yrs when he got in from school.
Now he lives on quiche!
He is single.
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 10:43, Reply)

Quite the opposite of pickiness....
I used to know someone (possibly a cousin) who would have ketchup on ice cream. fucking freak
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Mar 2007, 10:33, Reply)