Beat them at their own game
If you get asked for personal details that have no relevance, and are simply just for pc purposes, take them on at their own game, and lie. That way you get to be an official minority!
www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=297
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 21:56, 1 reply)

Balamory
is far more PC. A real Scottish island would be full of pasty-faced Celts who would burn any outsiders in a giant wicker man to appease their sun god. Instead we have:

Two Afro-Caribbeans
A camp policeman
A camp English eccentric inventor
A Geordie girl in a wheelchair
Her aunt, who seems to have Alzheimer's
A female bus driver
A kindergarten teacher with freaky hair.

"Me Too", from the same stable, is just as bad - everyone is a single parent, including the boss-eyed market trader, the camp teacher and the camp Virgin Trains steward.
(rogerzilla, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 21:51, 7 replies)

Has anyone watched Storymakers?
Its on Cbeebies (i have two kids) by god! nothing else need be said, the most PC program in a stupidly PC world. Top Marks!
(MudButton does not mean to offend but......, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 21:15, 6 replies)

Not so much 'gone mad'
But....

For the last ten years or so, I've made a point of taking my father to football with me. (Championship football these days as well!). Anyway, after about 5 years, I've mangaed to stop him referring to black players as 'coloured' and I honestly thought I was making progress with him. However.... It was during a conversation with some people in the pub pre-match that he managed to alienate himself from people I know - and people he knows though me - that his lack of PC-ness was exposed.

The football club try and put on concerts in the summer break, and in the past, they've hosted Rod Stewart, Meatloaf, Elton John and, indeed, Ronan Keeting.

It was one of those harmless conversation that I didn't see any danger in, with people posing the question 'who would you like to have seen?' and one of the lads suggests, 'I always wanted to see Queen' - 'I'm not a massive fan, but I'll bet they'd have been good live'.

It was at this point, someone correctly pointed out that this would never happen as the lead singer is dead. My old man, sensing an opportunity to contribute to the debate says, 'Oh, that's right, his arse fell off didn't it? He had the gay plague'

Cue people walking away from him in disgust.

The reason? How was he to know that two of the group are memebers of the Gays.

I've not seen either of them in other 2 years now.

The bloke is a liability, but he's also my old man and I love him dearly.

Mullered.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 21:14, 1 reply)

politically incorrect
i work with nonces for my sins, we refer to them as all day breakfasts.... fuck em..

if we didn't have our wonderfully descriptive language how would we be able differentiate between those others whom we hate...
thank god for working class values of say it as it is, it may be brash but fuck me it's effective
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 21:12, 4 replies)

My mom had another great idea as usual...
...and one day her idea was to get the whole family to come down to the mall (relatives and everything) and we would get a family portrait. We were all forced to wear the same color clothing (light blue) and we drove down to the mall together. My mom also decided that it would be a good idea to bring our dog, Lucky. Now, Lucky is a small dog, about 14 pounds, and she is white as snow until she starts rolling around in her own shit. But this day she was white as snow. So we walk in, and my dad is holding Lucky, and my mom + sisters go to talk to the camera-lady, so my dad and I are walking around. An african-american security guard walks up to us and tells us that you're not allowed to bring dogs in, so my dad curses about mom for a few minutes and then the security guard escorts us out. My dad and I look over at the black security officer and realize that his nametag says that his name is "Mr.White" we both chuckle to ourselves for a while until Mr. White asks what the dog's name is. My dad says, without hesitation "The dog's name is Blacky" and we both start cracking up.

Since we were up in Maryland where my mom's parents live, the security guard was so stupid that he didn't get the joke, and neither of us would explain it to him. What a great day.
(Paulrun Had a life until, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 20:55, Reply)

My Mum...
... teaches pottery to special needs students (I've probably already made some kind of faux-pas by describing them as Special Needs as opposed to window lickers or whatever the PC task force have decided to call people of that unfortunate ilk this quarter), but also to a wide age range of able bodied folk.

Anyway, she's very good and even the pieces that she gets the children of mong to produce are great. I've been in a couple of times when she's been teaching them, and she's got a range of abilities from Same Heads (Down Syndrome) right through to those who make the odd prime evil screech and wave their head whilst strapped to a wheel chair (whilst probably figuring out the depths of the universe).

She however has to fill out report forms in exactly the same way as A-level students to "monitor progress". So in her words, whilst with her A-level students the term objective might be say to make a number of pieces using various disciplines, in Special Peoples' Art Class (OK they don’t call it that), a student's objective might be "to raise their head"... with further drill down of "Did the student achieve their objective? If yes, how did they demonstrate this whilst if not, then why not". I saw my mum having to write these out... and even she was beginning to just put more and more sarccy responses.

Length girth... no don't ask my mum.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 20:39, Reply)

Bikini Ape
As part of a misguided viral campaign for the magazine I used to work for, we sent out this image
with something along the lines of "send this on to any female colleagues who need a shave".


This ended up in outcry after one recipient took it as a racial slur. We had to put out an apology because she thought of herself as a ape?!

This then got worse when having left my keys in the office one night and therefore locking myself out of home, I returned via the pub to our office building. The security guard, who had seen me regularly leaving late, refused to let me in as I didn’t have my pass. He didn't respond well to me calling him a "fucking monkey", again as he was black. I really didn't mean it racially at all, but if I'd called him a clown perhaps he'd have thought I was referring to him as a minstrel or something. Anyway, stern words from the Editor and apology letters to both the building manager and said "security" buffoon all because he had some kind of simian complex.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 20:08, 1 reply)

Ok not so much PC, but Health and Safety-ish?


Notice that went round my Sixth Form from the headmaster/teacher/person. Hey, it made me chuckle!

And I'm not racist - my current lady is half Scottish, half Saudi, and was born in Aberystwyth. Doesn't stop me telling hundreds of racist jokes though (lovingly stolen from Sickipedia), within plain earshot of my ex-Gurkha colleague. And this is in the bakery of a well-known supermarket created by a Mr Morrison.

*creates worldwide campaign to eradicate the totally unnecessary and only sometimes funny length gag*

(I spent 2 months setting it up don't you know)
(refuse_to_follow More metal than your mother's tea-kettle!, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 19:21, 7 replies)

well its true
I used to work in a team of about 10-12 people.
3 of us had the same name. Mike.
The team lead was Mike, I was using the name, and so was an Kenyan guy working with us.
The team lead was dead small, I'm 6'2 and 20 stone, and the Kenyan guy is black.

When someone was sent up to ask us for something they'd usually be told to go as me or the lead... so they'd walk in and say "I need to ask Mike something"
I'd usually shout "The little one, the fat one, or the black one?"

At least you would tell us apart!
(Nazmaonksuc, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 18:30, Reply)

I walked past two little black girls earlier today
as i walked past the church

hey were wearing little brown uniforms with BROWNIE written in massive yellow letters on the front

who made them wear that? it's fuckingpolitical correctness gone MAD i tell you
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 18:04, Reply)

Ethnicity in year 11 Sociology
Ahh.. 'Twas a Balmy day in the summer of 2005 in year 11 Sociology. A room of hormonal teenagers being tought about being politically correct and what not to call people of certain races.
Apparently, and it's bollocks, you can't call somebody black because the actual term is 'Afro-Carribean'. But white people are just called 'white'... Also, none of my black friends find being called 'black' offensive.
So, PC being taken a little too far by a leftie Socio Teacher with a petchant for pies? I think so!

Apologies for Length, yes... but Girth. No chance
(Margaret Thatchers Right Gonad Is up inside ya, finding an entrance where He can!, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 17:42, 6 replies)

Un-PC at Marks and Spencers
Whilst working in the warehouse in marks and spencers this nice looking woman asked me and a workmate if we could reach something for her as it was to high for her.


My workmate quickly runs over to help her out, while I say

"oh flick your eyes you can get us to do anything for you"

To which she replied " Yes I can get any man to do anything for me"

She was laughing at this point....
until I said

"yes that's because your not a ginger"


She replied "I find that deeply offensive,I got to little ginger boys"

I tried to get out of it by saying its only ginger girls I don't like,
I just can't even look her in the eyes anymore and feel real bad.
This is way PC exists to protect people from me
(derlin9753, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 16:37, 3 replies)

What was I supposed to say
I had a job one summer teaching English to foreign kids in Bournemouth. There was one black teacher at the school, but since this was the Dorset coast they were pretty lucky to have found him.

One day he left his car keys in the staff room, so another colleague went around all the classrooms to find the owner. When he came to me, I told him "They aren't mine, but they look like Matty's".

"Who's Matty?" he asked

"You know, the black guy." I replied

Said colleague looked at me in utter disbelief, as though it was racist to point out the one feature that distinguished Matty from every other member of staff, and therefore render him recognisable to someone who didn't know his name. From the look on the guy's face, you'd have thought I'd used the n- word. Like it's hightist to describe someone as "tall" or eyesist to say someone has blue eyes.

Every black person who I've told this story to has laughed like a drain and said "What else were you supposed to say?"
(lolwhites, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 16:35, Reply)

ooh ooh ooh!
I has a quick story :)

I recently went to pick my 8 year old daughter up from an overnight stay at a friend's house.
We were leaving and had made it out the front door and were just making polite chit-chats of the "they had a great time...giggled all night etc" flavour when my daughter mentioned that she had forgotten to bring a toothbrush. No big deal..I lovingly ruffle the little scamp's hair and call her a Happy Little Mong - as you do (if you spend as much time in the gutters of the interwebs as me, anyways).
But suddenly the friendly smiles had turned to iciness...and a certain increduality, I guess :-/ "Whu...whu...what did you just call her??!"

The proverbial penny dropped.
This woman has a profoundly disabled teenage daughter.
Oh bollocks.

So I did the mature thing...mumbled some pathetic excuse - laying the blame on the interwebs. And bolted.

My daughter scolded me mercilessly all the way home, but she is still friends with her little mate and welcome at her house. I guess they just pity her for having such an awful mother :D

On reflection, I guess that wasn't so much 'PC gone mad' as ....well... me having the social graces of a dog on a lawn bowls pitch. And shockingly little tact.
(St Sepulchre's Belle tolled for thee on, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 15:17, 4 replies)

dr mean!
when i broke my arm and the bone was all weird i went for an x ray and the doctor said i was disfigured

surely not PC
( m-a-t-t -- formerly mini hasn't been on here for EVER!, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 15:16, Reply)

I pulled the white average male card last night
was at a club in manchester and after waiting a phenomenal length of time at the bar not being served i complained to the manager (I was reeeally pissed off see)

I mentioned offhand that the barman (barperson?) was only serving the ladies. As soon as I said ladies he stapped to attention and said "be right with you mate"

Got some free drinks out of that :)

length? long enough to get the manager to serve me personally
(alpha doesn't have a witty phrase to write here, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 13:23, Reply)

The Dambusters
ITV dub "Nigger" into "Boy" when they show it. Apparently fewer people now complain about the dubbing than used to complain about the dog's name.

Guy Gibson must be spinning in his grave.
(rogerzilla, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 13:23, 7 replies)

smoking
back in the early 80's when I was at junior school, our teacher used to smoke a pipe in class.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 13:05, 5 replies)

i'm lounging around
eating haagen-dazs for breakfast (what?) and watching family guy before going out. now THERE is the perfect satirising of political correctness and "daily mail" readers (or "daily reactionarytwat" as my colleague andy calls it). sheer genius.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 13:05, 2 replies)

spaz
Once in a supermarket, the young guy on the checkout had what I assume was a form of motor neurone disease. He asked how I was, we made smalltalk, he was steadily keying stuff into the till, and even helped me pack. Although he had trouble opening a couple of carrier bags.

I paid, and he looked at me sheepishly as he took several attempts to fish the correct change from the till. I grinned and said "you take your time mate".

However, the woman behind me was huffing and puffing and getting impatient, and started taking stuff off the belt and put it back in her basket to go to another checkout.

I tutted, and he called over to her in an exaggerated accent "Is it 'cos I'm a spaz?"

I laughed so hard, my knees buckled and I had to put my shopping down.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 12:54, Reply)

a number of years ago...
i had 3 student buddies all called peter, all on the same course with me, we hung out together in and out of class.

for the first 10 minutes or so the name thing caused a little confusion (i'd shout "hey peter!" and they'd all turn round) but soon we hit upon a cunning scheme...

one of the peters was called peter greene, so he became green peter.

one of the peters was the palest, most wan looking fucker you ever saw (i'm sure he was actually a bit translucent), so he became white peter.

can you see where this is going?

the third peter was from ghana and was one of the blackest black men i have ever met, so he became, that's right, yes indeed, black peter.
(ironically he told us he was rather paler than his brothers so used to get picked on at school in ghana!!)

so one day we were trotting up the stairs to the 6th floor, the 3 peters side by side a few steps ahead, when i shouted after them "oy! peter!" and green peter looked round but it was black peter i wanted so i called "oy! BLACK peter!" and indeed black peter stopped. just at the same moment a voice behind me said "that's fucking outrageous that!" commenting on my perceived racism. to which black peter replied "what should he call me? WHITE peter?"

and a second one involving the same guy...

we were all sitting in the college refectory having lunch when some (white) arsehole bumped into the back of black peters chair causing him to spill his coffee. the arsehole says "sorry brother!" to which peter replies, after seeing the colour of the guy "i am not your brother. your cousin maybe. but not your brother!"
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 25 Nov 2007, 12:39, Reply)

Confusion
Here in Dull, (oops typo), there's a Women's Refuge place called "Purple House" (because it's a house painted bright purple.)

But also, there's a strip-club called Purple Door.

Try not to confuse them when speaking to social services.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 12:37, 1 reply)

Biscuits
Once in a queue in Skeltons bakery (for those not familiar, it's one of those shops that sell cakes, bread, sausage rolls and overpriced sandwiches).

The girl in front of me asked for a gingerbread person. The dinnerlady lookalike behind the counter physically winced, before turning round and calling out:

"Maureen? How much are the gingerbread men?"

I made that snorty noise that you do when you fail to suppress laughter.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 12:34, Reply)

Are jew mental?
There's a guy in my work who used to be a taxi driver - and as we all know, taxi driver's are a model of political correctness. Anyway, this guy is a bit of a socialist - he's always quoting Lenin and he fully supports George Galloway and Tommy Sheridan. Oh, and he fucking hates the jews. In one of my first conversations with him he made reference to a 'secret Zionist cabal that pulls the strings of all world governments.' He's a fucking nutter.

During our conversation, I asked him if he considered himself to be anti-semitic. He became quite annoyed about this. He pointed out that 'semitic' refers to a specific part of the middle east, containing Israel, so therefore the Palaestines are also 'semitic,' and he fully supports Palaestine. He prefers to be labelled 'anti-Zionist.'

So there you go - the politically correct term for an anti-semite is an 'anti-Zionist.' You learn something new everyday...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 12:01, 2 replies)

could it be..
To reiterate what I posted t'other day and others have posted similar) about the majority of these policies are implemented by white civil servants who have no business deciding what is offensive to groups and demographics that they aren't part of.

There also seems to be a similar trend with people finding something offensive that doesn't concern them.

IMO, I reckon that is because these self-righteous must tell themselves "if I find that offensive, it must mean I'm a good person".

Surely something is offensive only if someone is offended. Something cannot be deemed offensive if that person is not offended or they can't find someone who has been offended.

Being a white, able-bodied heterosexual male, I am part of a demographic that seems to be the last group on the planet that can still be blamed for stuff.



Length? For only as long as my soapbox will hold my fat arse.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 11:51, Reply)

blacks and Blacks
At the University of Michigan in the late 1980s when I went to university, the black student association (I've forgotten the exact name) demanded that the school newspaper capitalize the word "black" when referring to black people. They insisted that the word "white" could not be capitalized in the same way since "whites were a bunch of mongrels".

Slaves to the (then) new PC movement, the newspaper start capitalizing the word 'black'. In victory, black students went around wearing shirts that read "It's a Black thing, you wouldn't understand."
(countertroll, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 11:20, 1 reply)

Political correctness in two words.
"Robin Hood"

(The new BBC version)
(Big D, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 10:48, 4 replies)

cripple
My teenage son fractured his ankle recently and had a cast on his leg and was given crutches for 4 weeks.

Walking around Asda, I said "Hurry up cripple".

Some unsightly harridan complained at me saying she found it offensive. I told her that:-

a. What I call my son is no business of hers
b. That my son was far more agile on his crutches than she was
c. To stop interfering or I'll report her for harrassment.

She wandered off looking rather deflated whilst my son had a bloody good laugh.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 10:36, 1 reply)