Multiplex Cinema Blues
I work for a very large, well known chain of cinemas.

My particular cinema is based in Manchester.

At the time of this occurence, I was beginning to get excited about the release of "The Assasination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford". It also happened that I was in charge of the display of promotional materials around the cinema and the local area. So naturally I began my campaign to plaster the faces of Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck in any conceivable space.

The following week I received an e-mail from our regional office stating that all promotional materials for the film must be taken down immediately so not to cause offence to the family of a boy named Jessie James who had been shot and killed in the Moss Side area of Manchester the previous year.

However, I was also told (not quite so publically) that the film wasn't expected to bring in much money at our site and that we could probably gain more revenue and spare any potential bad press by showing an alternative film aimed at our main target demographic of children and young families.

Overt political correctness annoys me as it is, but when it is used as a corporately responsible facade for making more money, then it just needs to stop.

Sorry, I know this isn't funny. It just annoys me.
(fan-dan-go because mutton chops are cool!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:16, 2 replies)

Words of Wisdom i'm afraid, i really am sorry but it has to be done
If you want something funny then look elsewhere, i just want to give my opinion

no matter what anybody says or claims, we will all have our prejudices and stereotypes. Nothing will ever change that. none of these would really be issues if it wasn't for people that aren't even subject to such stereotypes making a big deal out of it all. Political Correctness is a bit of a joke, a certain degree of descresion is fine but making a big deal of things is over the top. Changing nursery rhymes so the children aren't upset about humpty never getting up again is just ridiculous...

and so, people of b3ta, i challenge you all to ignore over the top measures and just be yourselves. if we can get people doing this then we truly can live in harmony
(Ketzer, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:14, 1 reply)

Why is calling some black people "Niggers" even neccessary?
Surely it'd be better to call a black man who was a twat to you, a twat.
(Slyph, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:12, 3 replies)

No Means No
While a student many years ago there was an SU campaign against sexual harrassment with the tagline "No Means No".

In an interview with the SU newspaper about this campaign, I think it was one of the exec (I can't remember her name or which post she held) who voiced an opinion along the line that men who bought flowers for their girlfriends were rapists. As I had recently bought a dozen roses for my bird I was a little upset at this suggestion.

Thanks to a helpful member of the local Constabulary, the headline the following week featured a picture of someone coming out of a florist's store being arrested.

Hardly a good way to get your point across, especially when it opens you up to such lampooning.

Personally I am completely against any non-consensual sexual attention or act, but prefer to voice my opinions in a less contraversial style.
(Jamie and his magic bat You can bump n' grind, it is good for your mind, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:11, 2 replies)

PC Thugs
I hate political correctness so much I have now purposely started using words such as queer, nonce, nig-nog, pikey, chav, spacker, paddy, fag just to piss off white lefty PC f*cktards.

I have no hatred for any race, gender or class other than white liberal-lefty PC twonks.
(MistahG, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:11, 3 replies)

Turbans.
I'm a biker in the UK. I'm required by law to wear a crash-helmet (and quite rightly so).

But if you're a practicing Sikhs are exempt from that requirement, because of their turbans.
(Musuko, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:56, 16 replies)

Black Sabbath
Went to both of the Black Sabbath reunion shows at the NEC in 1999. The resulting partial deafness and headbangers' neck lasted a few days.

Concerned colleagues asked what was wrong as I could barely move my head. I told them I I'd been to see Black Sabbath and had a fantastic time.

Guess what happened...

The idiot complainant was neither black nor Jewish, a point I extracted from the then head of HR.

I nailed the idiot complainant later for inappropriate web usage. Don't fuck with IT guys.
(Jamie and his magic bat You can bump n' grind, it is good for your mind, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:48, 3 replies)

Back in sixth form
Here I was, sitting in the School Library trying to get some coursework done for the following lesson, and a bunch of lower set year eights sit on the computers around me.

Their teacher makes them open google earth and they start examining the maps of africa- they're being noisy but oh well, they're thirteen for christsakes.

Zoomed in on the Central African Republic the young blonde teacher asks them "and what continent are we looking at?"

"Australia!"
"Russia!"
"Europe!"
"Essex!"

came the serious replies. I sink my head into my hands. The teacher comes over to the boy next to me-

"Well where do you think the CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC is then, billy?"

"Asia, miss?"

"the central AFRICAN republic? In Asia?"

"Erm, I dunno...."

Suddenly there came a sound of shock from a few desks away-

"Miss, Miss!" a little creature said, waving her hand about.

"This Country is WELL racist!"

she says, pointing to Niger.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:41, 2 replies)

I have a question and my question is this ...
... Is homo sapiens still allowed?
(hinderdesk, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:39, 4 replies)

working in tv
i generally find myself working almost exclusivly with white, middle class males.

mind you, half of them are gay.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:38, Reply)

council job
I've applied for a job with the local council. I've sent two identical application forms. The only difference is the name and what box I ticked on "What race are you? (This won't play any part in the vetting process, honestly)"

The alias on the second form sounds somewhat foreign. It stems from the early 90's when I registered with British Gas over the phone, and their call-centre operative got my name completely wrong, even though I spelt it out. Three times.

An interesting experiment, no?

I have a moderately sized penis.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:37, 3 replies)

Work in a big supermarket
And at the induction, they give us the mandatory list of things you can't call people, like mongo, midget and whatnot.

They are even kind enough to offer up a list of alternatives.

So there I am going down the list, and I get to 'blind person.' And it's on the 'Don't' list.

Instead, you are apparantly supposed to call them 'a person who is blind.'

Now I ask you, what is the point in that?

Oh yeah, I'm sure Stevie Wonder at checkout number 2 feels so much better being referred to as a person who is blind and not a blind person.

Way to strive for human rights, idiots.
(shinobiboabi, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:36, 4 replies)

Baa!
At school, my little sister had to sing:

"Baa baa pink sheep, have you any spots? Yes sir, yes sir, lots and lots."

Surely offensive to acne-laced welsh lesbians?
(Musuko, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:33, 3 replies)

the art of public relations, chaper two "heres your change you bent paki" and other things not to say to customers
many moons ago I worked in a super market who's corporate colours were the same as those used on crime scene tapes. One day a group of us worker drones were called over for diversity training.

A nervous looking woman addressed us group of 17-25 year old till monkeys all suffering from dont-give-a-shit-itus that we would have to learn to be sensitive to the needs of the disabled and ethnic minorities. we looked at each other thinking the same thing : "this looks like a long afternoon"

the lady then gave us an example of how not to treat a customer "if they are taking their time you cant call them retards or spastics"

us: "what??"

her:" you need to know what you cant call people here is a list of offensive terms"

other guy "so you cant say do you want some help packing you fucking mong?"

her(blushing, obviously wanted to be here as much as us)"er no. lets go over some other examples"

for the next half hour we brainstormed every conceivable insult that involved racism sexism or joey-deacon-ism

finally she signed us all off
as "we were clearly aware of what counts as offensive, as long as you don't say anything that you went over today you'll be fine"

and you know what? we were
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:24, 2 replies)

PC is a fucking computer not a brainwashing programme!
Having just spent nearly nine years working in a politically correct environment I have one of several real life and true examples to share here.

Shortly after a private conversation with a colleague in which I mentioned writing someone's name in my little black book, I was summoned into a director's office and accused of using offensive language.

I pressed this director for the language used and he said "little black book". I took my small black notebook from my pocket and slammed it down on the desk in front of him.

"You mean this? In which I write the names of people who have pissed me off through stupid behaviour and will make formal complaints about?"

I then opened it and wrote his name in it.

"So you find it acceptable that staff listen in on private conversations? And you also seem to care little for the requirement for a witness to be present if a complaint is made to a colleague. Make an appointment with the head of HR and I'll see you there."

Oddly enough I heard nothing further.

Another occasion I was asked to go to a department where there was a problem with the phones. Just as I was on my way I was stopped by one of the departmental managers who asked where I was going and why.

"I'm doing my job, fixing something which one of your staff has probably screwed up. I had 20 minutes left on the call before it gets escalated *looks at watch* I now have 17 minutes left."
"I don't want you going in there."
"Excuse me?"
"We've got a film crew in there and I don't want you in there."
"Is there something wrong with my appearance? I read that e-mail from "Jockstrap"* too. That's why I'm wearing this suit."
"You're white."
*looks at hands"
"No kidding! Someone install a new brain for you this morning?"
"This video will go out to our customers and we've put a lot of time and effort into getting the right staff to appear in it."
"And this means a white-free zone?"
"Er..."
"You're preventing me from doing my job because I'm white. I hope you've got fireproof underwear."

The filming was curtailed and the results scrapped. The braindead manager was hastily reassigned and left the organisation shortly after.

*Jockstrap was so called because he was full of bollocks.

I've also had two apologies from the Head of HR because of the company's pathetic PC obsession. They were glad to see me leave.
(Jamie and his magic bat You can bump n' grind, it is good for your mind, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:22, 3 replies)

hmm
Is it a fair assumption to say that the majority of the rules about what constitutes as offensive are dreamt up by white civil servants and middle-management, who have absolutely no business dictating what constitutes as offensive to certain groups that they don't belong to?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:19, 1 reply)

Robinson´s Jam
Many moons ago when I was still bright-eyed and saw the world through rose coloured spectacles,a certain make of jam/marmalade had a wonderful promotional offer where you sent off a couple of labels from their products and they sent you a badge of their mascot.

After wolfing down three fucking pots of Blackcurrant jam,annoying the tits off my mother to send the bloody labels,waiting with nigh-on hysterics for two weeks,snatching the parcel off the postman,screaming triumphantly that I was the first in my class to get his,proudly putting the badge on my jumper and beaming all the way to school.......I was told by a teacher that I couldn´t wear it.

It was a Golliwog.I was 5 years old.and they said I was racist.


I had no idea of the history of the golliwog and the tyrannical oppression it apparently represents-which made it all the more difficult for mummy to explain why I couldn´t wear my badge,yet they could show adverts featuring the fucking thing on national television and on billboards all over England.


Thanks to the PC brigade,I got shat on at the age of 5 and all I had to show for it was a filling in my tooth from eating what is essentially 3 pots of refined,foul tasting sugar.


Cunts.I hope you´re satisfied.

Length????.........About 3 seconds after I got through the school gates................
(shirleytemplesarse, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:17, 1 reply)

Compensation and tribunals are not a substitute for common sense...
Why is it that we have to tiptoe around people that think that they have to be offended simply because somebody makes a reference to their colour or handicap?

Just for the record:

I don't care what fucking colour you are. Really, I don't. I hate some white people just as much as I hate some blacks.

I'm not religious. My mum is, and that's fine. I choose not to believe in a God and have therefore already accepted that I won't be going to heaven (or Hull for that matter).

Wheelchair users are a nuisance. It's not their fault, but then again nor is it mine. When I block a supermarket aisle (whilst slapping the kids legs or debating the beans vs spaghetti for tea for example) or a shop door then I expect people to get frustrated - it's normal . The UK is not very big, most of the buildings are many years old (from WAY before the invention of the wheelchair) and are therefore simply not designed for the Chorltons of the population. We're working on it, but bear with us as it's gonna take a while.

Indians.. why, oh why, is it that when I offer to work for you and offer my price for my effort, time and materials, is it that you have to alter the price for me? If I wanted to haggle, I would start at a price far higher than all of my competitors and then hope you're interested in playing a nice game of 'beat the quote' rather than going to them. I haven't the time for it, and don't want to risk losing business. Accept my quote, get a few others and then make a choice... not let me start work and then try to change the price!

Jews - I have never had a problem with Jews. You know exactly where you are with them.

Now I hate the term Nigger as much as the next man, but it has its place. I wouldn't call every black man a nigger no matter how dark he was - I feel it's all about the attitude of the individual. There is a difference between a white man and a Chav or Pikey for example. There are grades of men depending on their attitude to others, and as such I believe there should be various words to describe them. Maybe the next QOTW should be to suggest new ones if people are too scared to use t he old ones. As a point of interest, I sometimes call my (white) brother "nigger" when he borrows money and doesn't give it back.

Women - some of you are shit at driving and you are a pain in the arse for one week of every month. Now, I love my wife completely, but I have never sent her out to get tampons, chocolate and beer whilst I sit indoors choosing the nights telly viewing, you know? I know that I'm untidy and can't find the washing basket. I also know that the bath mat gives you verucas and must be avoided at all costs. The empty crisp packets are still on the sofa because I was drunk again last night and needed the food to replenish my energy after masturbating into the dishcloth whilst watching the ten minute freeview with the sound off...I could go on, but we all have things we hate about eachother - we should learn to accept them...

Children need beating. Not to within an inch of their lives, but more to break their spirit early as you would with, say, a puppy. Make them manageable and to let them know who's in charge. My children don't swear, answer back, steal from shops, have to be called to the headmasters office, throw things, insult people, abuse others, break things or anything else that Daily Mail readers are regularly up in arms about. There is a healthy respect in the family and it isn't because they got a therapy session and a cuddle when they fucked something up.

Profoundly deaf people - please, if you go to the toilet for a dump and there are hearing people nearby, bear in mind that just because you can't hear the straining noises that you are making, it does not mean you are not making them. I wouldn't wave my hands over the cubicle door at you if I went for one.

Blue badge holders - Okay, so you're disabled and need assistance - that's absolutely fine. Is it really acceptable, though, to park on the corner of junctions, in bus stops, on blind bends or on the pavement? Does common sense not prevail amongst you all? For our foreign friends (if I have any left after this) the blue badge scheme gives certain disabled people the right to park in areas otherwise deemed illegal or unsuitable. This is fine if, say, the car is parked in a no-parking area, but on a pedestrian crossing? Some people use the badges when there is no-one in the car that is disabled, simply to get a better parking space. Why? It's people like you that are giving disabled people a bad name.

Gays are ace. There isn't a single section of the community that has given birth to so many nicknames, insults or identities and that should be recognised! So, well done to all you queers, bumboys, shirt lifters, turd burglars, friends of dorothy, those good with colours, faggots, homos, dykes, carpet munchers, cock suckers, puffs, pouffs, poofs, oscar wildes, mincers, fairies and poo-pushers. We love you all.

Is anybody still reading this, or has a copy of this been sent to some Government department and I'm about to get my back doors kicked in...?

Alright I've stopped.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:11, 13 replies)

Technically
there isn't such a thing as 'race'. It was a term invented by eugenics fanatics and purists in the mid 19th century, and was used to separate the human race into four distinct groups: whites, blacks, browns and yellows. Which of course is really how the world is set out, isn't it? Just four types of people.
It makes me laugh, then, when people who are supposedly combatting racism, refer to the 'black' or the 'white' race. there just simply isn't one. there is evidently a difference in skin colour, but this is broken down into infinite numbers of ethnic make-ups, most of which are only identifiable by detailed genetic analysis.
Labelling people by 'race' is crude, and, as a matter of fact, just as derogatory as the racists themselves, i.e. those who despise people simple because of their skin colour or nationality.
Slightly off-topic, but I find it adds some solace to those of us who feel hemmed in by 'ethnic awareness' training at work, and political correctness obsessions that plague our country.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:10, 1 reply)

Sweeties.
You cant call them "Midget Gums" anymore,

now they're "Lovely people who are smaller than the average person but deserve the same respect and admiration...gums".

You dont wanna know what happened to Blackjacks
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:09, 3 replies)

Innocent girl in baby slaughter accusation
My friend and workmate had just had her first baby and was very nervous about taking care of the child while her husband was away. I used to stay over with her, help her take care of her first born, keep her company - much as I had done throughout her pregnancy.

Around the same time I was diagnosed with manic depression. It was a pretty difficult period but I had started taking medication and seeing the shrink frequently, and people were being very understanding given that severe mental illness is still highly stigmatised and taboo in this country. At least, most people were...

"Are you still okay to babysit for me tonight?" asked my friend sweetly.

"Yeah, no problem, what time?" I asked.

"No," she said. "I mean are you...okay...? You're not going to harm my baby, are you? You wouldn't... kill my baby would you?"

My antipsychotic drugs were not strong enough to suppress the hurt and betrayal that someone (whose father is a neuroscientist) felt the need to ask that question.

Political Correctness might have been welcome. Actually, no, some semblance of awareness might have been better - people with mental illness are more likely to be the victims of violence than to cause it.

The on-topic PC bit: I don't care so much about whether it's called manic depression, bipolar, mental distress, or variations on those themes. I do prefer that people are a bit PC and don't label me "nuts", "bonkers", "mad" or "psycho". I use "mental" myself sometime so feel free to label me with that. And please don't confuse mental illness with learning difficulties. I get to mock learning difficulties. Cos I'm mental.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 18:09, 8 replies)

Radical PC-ism boils my piss.
*Sigh*

I hate political correctness. I'm in no way racist, sexist, homophobic, religiously intolerant (in fact I ain't even religious) or anything else. I believe I have a sensible approach to most things in life. I take people and situations as they come. One of my best friends suffers from cerebral palsy and she is vitually confined to a wheelchair. I have another friend who is Jewish, and who ribs her religion and thriftiness mercilessly (she's the only Jew I've come across who eats bacon and believes in an afterlife).

My view on the PC brigade is that they often end up offending the very people who'se sensibilities they are trying to protect. The non-hanging of Christmas decorations for fear of offending the handful of ethnic minorities in the workplace - sheesh. Most people of ethnic origin I know are deeply offended by this. Blackboard. Whiteboard. Brain storming (it's apparently now a 'thought shower'). All of this winds me up summat rotten.

There is a huge difference between being deeply offensive and merely stating things as they are. If someone's a twat, then they're a twat - regardless of skin colour, sexual orientation, ability, or whatever. I also object to tokenism. There was a big push a few years ago to get more ethnic minorities into the police force - what no-one considered was whether people from ethnic backgrounds actually wanted to do this type of work.

I realise that this doesn't really have a punchline, so in honour of my Jewish friend, here's her favourite Jewish joke:

ADVICE FROM A RABBI

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay," he says to the husband, "try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice They go home and hire the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel !"
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:51, 3 replies)

Gay awards?
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/7075666.stm

I dont get why gay people strive for equality and to be recognised as the same as anyone else yadda yaddaa ... but "hey, you're gay, have an award".
(steh30, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:45, 5 replies)

the PC nazis have done it again
black holes are now 'Super High Gravity Locations'

http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1018.html
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:41, 7 replies)

Whats the problem
rant.....

I cant see the problem with women being offended by comments such as "Oi Jugs, show us yer hairy muff".
If I was walking down the street and a bunch of woman were to shout something like "Oi flat chest, show us yer hairy wang" I would take that as a complement and maybe even oblige.

In fact I have been waiting my whole life for this and sometimes hang about bingo halls wearing revealing clothes just to egg them on a little.

PFFFT woman,

rant over
(L.T. Smash Humungous fail since, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:38, 7 replies)

I'm suddenly Asian?...
A few years back the company i worked for were producing a catalogue for a large electrical component manufacturer. For the front cover of said catalogue they decided to use a nice big group shot of some of their staff smiling and waving.

This would all be well and good... except for the fact that we were then asked to photoshop out a number of the genuine staff and replace them with a more 'ethnically diverse' mix of people using stock photography...

All this leads to some poor guy, all excited about having been asked to be on the cover of the new company catalogue that's being sent around the world... only to receive a copy find he's now a small Asian woman wearing a white lab coat!
( daveydje is hedging his hogs on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:34, 1 reply)

Is it really that difficult
to try to consider how the way you speak and act might impact others. Because that is all that political correctness is.

All this other stuff (95% of which is rubbish - you can say blackboard, and ask for white coffee and celebrate christmas all you like without getting into any trouble anywhere) is just people being idiots - and them being idiots has been turned into propaganda against what is a pretty good idea:

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.

More on topic, I once got punched in the face for calling a friend of mine who had one leg hopalong. Yay for radical student politics!
(faragher dub, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:34, 2 replies)

Blackboards.
They are NOT called CHALKBOARDS, they are called blackboards. They are boards which are black.

I hate this political correctness bollocks when it comes to renaming objects that would never cause offence.
(THIRTY-TWO - Sputnik -, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:32, 2 replies)

Working at a nursery once upon a time.
I encountered some odd rules. The strangest, and possibly most dangerous, was this one.

The sproglets are outside playing in the nursery garden, scampering about, having fun, under the watchful eye of myself and the trained carer. Myself, not being trained, was limited in what I could do. I couldn't change nappies, for instance, or ever be left alone with any of the children without a trained carer in the room. Sensible precautions, really, and not the strange rule this story is about.

The trained carer asked me to fetch something from inside, then stopped herself.

"No wait, I'll have to do it," she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because the Muslim girl's inside on her own and you're a man. You can't be alone with her."

I gave my WTF face. "Huh? That doesn't make any sense. I'm gay!"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Sorry."

She then went to fetch whatever it was, leaving me, the untrained young man alone with a garden full of toddlers.

I killed and ate six of them before she returned.
(Musuko, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:27, 3 replies)

It was me!
When I worked for the aforementioned American blue chip corporation, I visited one of the manufacturing sites in the Forest of Dean, around 1995. Talk about culture clash.

I was 6 foot 4 smartly dressed, all metropolitan and fresh out of minority awareness training. They were all short stocky black haired “foresters” with the same moustache.

My first day on the shop floor, a women office worker walked passed, and one of the fellas screams at the top of his voice “I CAN SMELL YOUR SCRAT”.

My later suggestion, during a team meeting, that scrat smelling be avoided in the work place, instantly labeled me as some sort of PC weirdo who had no business working with real men.

Hooray for Gloucestershire!
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:21, Reply)