I've just been told
of a shopping mall in Australia that has banned its Santa Claus from saying "Ho ho ho" incase that is offencive to women.

I'd love it if someone could confirm this.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 1:30, 6 replies)

I am something of a temporary classrom assistant,
usually working for a few months in a different classrooms where short term help with a particular special needs student is needed.

One day I was given a new set of work for the students and sent to laminate it in the copy room/staff break room. It was quite exciting stuff, the brand new edition of a very popular system used for special needs children, and I was talking about it with another teacher eating her lunch as I made copies and laminated pages. She asked for some copies and which of the staff had been able to get the new edition. I was temporary and didn't know the woman's name.

"Erm... The blonde lady who always wears polo shirts with the school logo?" Blank look. "You know, she is really pretty but she wears too much eyeliner? And the shiny lipgloss?" Blank look. "She is about six inches taller than me and kind of chubby?"

Another teacher (not from the special needs program - a regular kindergarten teacher) jumped in and told me off for calling someone chubby. In front of about 15 members of staff. I don't know a better word for fat. I'm not thin. Unthin? Non-sufferer-of-eating-disorder?

I just gave her a sugar wouldn't melt face and asked her what I should say instead. But it was really uncomfortable for me and for most of the other people who hadn't actually heard anything I had said, only me getting told off.

The lady who told me off? I had about 15 pounds on her.
( gracielou, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 1:29, Reply)

Sainsburys
I work at sainsburys, stacking shelves (yes, i know i need a better job). my official job title is "replenishment assistant". that's shelf stacker/monkey to anybody normal.

also, they insist on calling shelves "gondolas", and the customer service desk is now the "information point".

like, wtf?
(sbx, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 1:26, 3 replies)

Suppressing studentness? Is that PCGM?
From a news item on my uni's website:

To all students picking up and bringing home street signs after a night out.

Just to remind you removal of signs (trolleys, cones etc) is actually theft and constitutes a criminal offence. The University takes its commitment to the local community seriously.

Therefore the presence of these items on University property is not permitted and will be reported to the police from the 26th November 2007.

If you have acquired any street signs etc there will be an amnesty this week so please bring your trophies to Small Hall, no questions asked.

The police are now working in the area to stop sign theft.

HARRUMPH, thinks I, this is a bit silly and amusing in a crypto-fascist sort of way, I should share this with like-minded fans of silly authority types; so I emailed it to my dad. This is what he wrote back:

And, precisely what sort of liberal institution considers its duty as a copper's nark should override its place 'in loco parentis'?

As you know ,it is the inalienable right of the young student about town to knock off a policeman's helmet and ideally place it on the head of a lofty statue of some fatuous, self satisfied prig ( such as whoever drafted the edict which you quoted) as you have been taught since close to birth by your adoring parents.

Far be it for me to encourage illegality, but the appearance in smallhall of such as the main sign from the local Police Station might strain the mealy mouthed amnesty and give these ghastly people some moments of difficult explanations to the plods.

So tomorrow I'm off to nick a sign from outside the Crown Court. Because my daddy told me to.

Length? Hopefully small enough to fit in a medium sized binbag.

(Incidentally, at school we used to call brainstorms 'sneeze diagrams', because they looked a bit like big stains of dubious provenance.)
(Shinigami, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 1:15, 7 replies)

Thought showers
Imagine my disgust a while back when we were planning out our college course at the beginning of the year.
It started all rather well with us all introducing ourselves, but then it all suddenly went black from then on, as we were discussing how we would actually plan out the course. Naturally i volunteered that a good old Brainstorm would be a good way to start.

But no.

I was slapped in the face with a torrent of PC advice and was told that they had to be called "thought showers". Yes. "thought showers".

Not only am i pissed off with the Political correctness thing, but seriously, they could've thought of a more awesome name than "thought shower". It's like if your thoughts were rain, they'd just be pattering feebly against the windows of a retirement home, whilst being laughed at by old people for being so weak and pathetic, Whereas if it was called something like...oh i don't know, MIND HURRICANE, or PSYCHOLOGICAL SHITSTORM, you get the picture of kids being swept away and impaled on fence posts by the sheer scale and monstrosity of your very ideas.

Well at least i do.
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 1:10, 2 replies)

How about
Setting up a poll so we can measure the ethnic diversity of b3ta?

I fear we may not be meeting all of our quotas...
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:57, 6 replies)

Funniest thing I ever heard come out a Rudeboys mouth:
You bein' racist whiteboy?

Seriously true. Years ago I was waiting outside a college for a mate and saw a bunch of then hoody'd up rudeboys hassiling each other, there's was a ring of black kids around 2 white kids who looked like they were shitting themselves. The head rudeboy shouted out "You bein' racist whiteboy?" I saw lots of smirkes on peoples faces at that line.

Also another mate once told me a story of this really race abusive kid in hid class. When my mate confronted the kid about his nasty comments the kid replied "I'm not racist I is black!"

Oh god these poor young fools. They're gonna grow up playing the race card until the money train ends and they end up in Hull
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:57, Reply)

Tedious
I was once pulled in to the gaffers office and reduced to tears over politically correct bollocks.

My offence?

I was standing near to another person who used the word "poofters" when talking about the film Brokeback Mountain. I failed to challenge the said person for using a potentially homophobic term.

The fact was that no one else was in earshot, least of all a gay person who might have been offended. I don't personally find the word offensive (and I am a bit bi-curious) so didn't feel the need to stick my oar in someone elses conversation just to make a politically correct point.

Also, poofter is surely a quasi-offensive term at worst? I can't imagine any gay people being mortally offended by the word poofter? - Apologies if I am wrong. Most gay people have thicker skin than that I would imagine. And if they were offended, I assume they would be perfectly capable about voicing their concerns for themselves? Why is it my duty to voice outrage on behalf of someone else?

But anyway, the point is that I didn't even bloody say it! It wasn't me! It was someone else!

Yet I still got a bollocking for it.
(Just a girl., Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:53, Reply)

Copper corrects me
I was once told off by the local Police Area Commander for saying 'Nitty Gritty'. Its racist, apparently. Fucking filth. I threw him down the stairs.
(Christopher Martin-Jenkins, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:25, 1 reply)

political correctness is more important than making sense anyday
various entrances around the university of sheffield have wheelchair ramps accomanied by signs indicating "accessible access"
fucking genius
(skankgirl, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:21, 2 replies)

I'm highly racist towards people with clipboards.
Cunts, the lotta them.

What? Wasn't meant to be funny. Anyone with a clipboard is a cunt. They are cunting plotting something....
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:19, 3 replies)

A teacher I know
caught three 12 year old girls cheating on a test. She gave them a telling off, failed them on the exam, and phoned their parents and sent them to the principal.


All three girls were black (as is the majority of the population of the area) and the teacher is white and because of this she is treated like a bit of an outsider. One of the girls and her parents made a complaint of racism, pointing out that no white students had been caught cheating in the class that year. It went clear to a hearing with the School District before anyone bothered to listen that not only were there no white students in the class, but my friend's husband (and therefore four children) are black.
( gracielou, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:18, Reply)

I used to work...
In the HR dept of a London Hospital. It was during the time the Iraq war (latest one) was kicking off. Just before lunch I said I was 'Just shooting down to Sainsburys if anyone wanted anything'. I was told that I shouldn't be using words like that in our current climate!!!

So I said ok, 'I'm going to bomb around to tesco's instead!'
(Mr Bojangles Of London Town, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:56, Reply)

Smokers
I'm going to hold my hands up to this and say, yes, I smoke. Not proud of it, but it passes the time at the bus stop. However, it irks me somewhat that something that I am well aware of the risks of and still choose to do is seen as being a justifiable target by every single fucking prodnose in the country to have a go at. Incidentally, should you see a news story about "Non-smoker killed after offering unsolicited advice" it may well have been me.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:52, 2 replies)

A friend of mine.
Not me, but a friend. A social challenger i.e. doesn't like to conform. Lets call him John.

John was telling me that at school, he found a pic of Rory Breaker from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, img216.imageshack.us/img216/8028/imageba7.jpg (not this actually image) and added the caption.

"Is this some white cunt's joke that black cunts don't get?"

And took them up around school. A day or so later he is pulled into the heads office and confronted with the poster.

John said "I am sorry if the word cunt was offensive"
Head "That is not what is wrong, it is the racism within the poster"
John "That's not raced, the black guy said it".

John had to take down the posters. He wouldn't have minded if they had asked him to take them down due to the cunt word. PCism!!!
(StyX is staring at you, yes YOU!!!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:49, Reply)

I could break some sort of record here....
The police have to record the relationship between ‘injured party’ and ‘offender’* for any crime. The choices are;

Partner – living separately
Partner – living together
Brother or sister
Step-brother or sister
Son or daughter
Parent or guardian
Work colleague
Friend
Acquaintance
School Colleague
Strangers
Neighbours
Former partner of intimate relationship
Family – Other
Same sex relationship
Forced Marriage

The only use of the word ‘marriage’ is in the context of it being ‘forced’. It annoys me that every level of bureaucracy in this country is embarrassed to mention that some people, through not fault of their own, despite all the advice and counseling given to them through school, college and via the media insist on such an anachronism as “marriage”. I know it’s such a 20th century idea, but honestly, there are some social scientists who reckon it might not be a bad thing…

I recently had to fill in some HMRC form (which the fuckers have probably scanned to CD and posted to scammers in Nigeria) and it took me most of an hour to strike through every single instance on the form that referred to my ‘partner’ and replace it with ‘wife’.

Why is the moral majority treated as the minority? Lest we offend the minority for their outré choices? Does that make and fucking sense whatsoever?


* Another example of PC gone mad, IMO. People aren’t “victims” of crime anymore – they are simply the “injured party” or “IP”. WTF?!? If they’ve been subjected to an horrific beating at the hands of some pissed up nutter, they are a victim of crime – surely we all understand that? And why aren’t people called ‘convicts’ or ‘criminals’ anymore? When did we agree to call them ‘offenders’, like they’ve committed some technical infraction, rather than smashing up some old ladies house for £15 of tat for their next fix. Cunts.

/ Did somebody say this was supposed to be funny? /
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:36, 9 replies)

Political INcorrectness has gone mad
There's a website devoted to "uncovering" stories of PC gone mad. It's a hateful site. One of the "mad" stories is of what the site calls "most PC job title" and it concerns some big-ish company that employed a "disability access officer". Which basically means someone who has the job of making sure the probably fairly large office is actually accessible by wheelchairs.

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT MAD? What do they want? All disabled people to work from home? Can an organisation actually do anything remotely helpful without being labelled "politically correct"?

I mean, yeah, there are occasions where PC does go a bit overboard but it's not really a massive issue, there's a balance to be made and some people misjudge it, it happens. It's not a conspiracy. There is no "PC Brigade". B3ta is sounding like the Daily Mail.

Plus 90% of these "Christmas Banned" stories are completley made up by the Daily Mail and its partner in crime, the Dail Express. Birmingham did have an event in 1998 called "Winterval" but it didn't replace Christmas and they haven't repeated it since. All "Christmas Banned" stories seem to be about "Winterval".
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:32, 2 replies)

Its only politically correct if you don't notice
Apologies in advance if I offend anyone here, but I'm from Yorkshire, and not too tolerant of changes :)

A few weeks back I was accosted by a "coloured" guy at University who told me that he'd heard I had called him black. Now, I'm 6ft 4, so even if I was mincing down the corridors people wouldn't stand up to me, so this guy either thinks a lot of himself or he's hard, and by the look of his attire (chavvy) I'm thinking he's proficient in neither department. So I thought I'd press him on it.

Me: "You sure it's me?"
Him: "Yeah, I heard you, in the union earlier."
Me: "So you tracked me down to tell me that did you?"
Him: "Yeah, aren't you gonna apologise?"

I thought it best at this point to give in, but not without a parting shot:

Me: "Well mate, I'm sorry if I offended you, would you mind if I called you 'ethnically challenged' instead?"

Luckily, he didn't get it at the time, and I still don't think he has now.
(guyie failed to be witty on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:25, 2 replies)

Scope
Mrswoodbine came home from work the other day and we were having our usual banter when she turned around and called me a 'scope'.

I asked her what she meant and she told me that her boss had called her the same thing at work after doing something particularly daft. When she had asked what a scope was her boss replied,

"Well you can't call them spastics any more"

How we laughed and now we call each other a scope all the time. Political correctness, pah!

Did I mention Mrswoodbine works for a firm of solicitors? No? Ah...
( Lazlo Woodbine Panowie!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:22, 1 reply)

you can't say spaz any more..
you can't say spaz any more but why would you want to after the spastic society changed name to Scope? Be sure to evolve your language too, and next time somebody does something a bit clumsy, makes a foolish error, accidentally says the wrong word etc., be sure to call them a "scopey".
(lotf, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 23:15, 5 replies)

EastEnders
In the Mid 80s my first job was working behind a Post Office counter in Bow East London which at the time was inhabited by many arty types and the right on donkey jacket clad lefty brigade. Most of my day would be spent stamping and paying out the endless stream of Giro cheques presented to me. One cropped hair aggressive looking lady with the unassuming Gaelic surname of 'McManus' would regularly prod her Giro under the counter at me demanding payment. I would ask for the usual ID and the money would be dished out pronto. Then came the day the Giro was thrust at me and the name on top had changed to 'McWomanus Sunflower.' I declined to ask for ID.
( spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:59, Reply)

Who is b3ta site mod 'unknown' for christs sake?
Is political correctness such a controversial topic none of you lot had the bottle to set the QOTW, under your own b3ta identity?
( Jahled Three shades of black, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:57, Reply)

beer adverts
Beer adverts are very PC - once you notice this, it's hard to not laugh at beer adverts.

Blokes drinking in pubs - in adverts, there is always 3 of them. Two white guys, and one black.

Two blokes - hmmm, nothing wrong with being gay, but we've got a target audience here...won't do.

Four blokes in a pub - whoa, bit intimidating, almost a gang...four blokes on the piss.

Right, 3 blokes then.

Hang on, three white blokes, in a a pub...shades of BNP there, we don't want to be seen as racists..

Fuck's sake. Right then. THREE blokes in a pub, one of them is black.

What about asians?

Fuck 'em, they're all muslims and don't drink beer anyway.


I'm CERTAIN this conversation has taken place in some marketing meeting somewhere - any marketing bods on here want to confirm my long held theory?
(inflateable, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:54, 3 replies)

Maybe the americans can sort this one out for me
How come Dog the Bounty hunter got sacked for this
but Jamie Foxx was able to base an entire comedy routine on how much he hated 'talibans' (his name for muslims) And what about those kids in Jena? Personally I would rather be called any name under the sun than wrongly imprisoned.

Also, but slightly off topic:
Was staying at a youth hostel in London a good few years ago and was chatting to one guy there. Happened to mention that I was maybe not the 'average' black person as I like rock music, have travelled extensively around Europe and am a bit scruffy. Cue the stupidest thing I ever heard say from this (white) New Zealand girl walking past: "What do you know about the average black person ht? I spent three years in Kenya."

For years I used to think I was marvelously photo/telegenic as have been in two promotional videos for companies I've worked for as well as being called to the front of any work picture.

Must say though, have lived in France, Sweden, Norway and Ipswich and this is the most racially tolerant country I've set foot in.
(housetits is channelling Natalie Cassidy - then, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:53, 4 replies)

"I'm not a racist"
But I do love racist jokes

For example - What do you call a black abortion clinic?

Crimestoppers.

And fuck political correctness - I'm Scottish. It hasn't really penetrated this far north. We still order a chinky, or head down the paki shop for smokes.

We're a tolerant nation...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:42, 5 replies)

A walk what?
About 10 years ago I worked in Social Services. I'm fine with politically correct language and agree with the principal of not offending someone or putting people down with the language I use. However one of the people I worked with was PC gone mad. On one occasion she was talking about a walk person - I couldn't work out what she was talking about. "A walk person," I said "what do you mean by a walk person?" She said "You know, a personal stereo".
( C-Bean on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:41, Reply)

"I'm not a racist"
The best test to see if someone is a racist is if someone starts a sentence with "I'm not racist, but..."
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:13, 4 replies)

PC means always being afraid to say anything
The other day I was at a patient's house. Her son was filling me in and I turned to her other son (I thought he was but I never assume) and said with a smile, "I'm sorry, you're her son, neighbor, greatnephew, husband,...?" He smiled back and said, "Son-in-law".
I thought, "Oh, how nice everyone is cool with this." and went on asking questions about her history. They gave me a cup of delicious coffee and when I got up to examine her, they asked, "How was the coffee?"

Without thinking, I gushed in a pretend fey voice, "Fabulous!" and immediately cringed internally, afraid they would think I was mocking them for being gay. I tried to backpedal lamely, stuttering, "Uh uh, I mean it's great, the coffee is, er, I say fabulous all the time, I didn't mean ,er, I , My little boy says fabulous too, well not that he's ga-oh, but..." The whole time their grins are slowly widening and I can see my license flying out the window. I finally dwindled to a halt and whimpered "I'll just shut up now."

They mercifully brought my torture to a halt by laughing and saying it was ok, my flipflopping was quite entertaining. We are now friends and I just love this patient-she's a doll and I'll miss her when she dies.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:12, Reply)