Yet to grow up...
...this weekend I spent with the parents, not something that happens very often, much as I love them.
Having not seen my girlfriend for a while, I was in the bathroom thwapping away to the colour supplement (that's the magazine that comes with the Sunday papers, not a Dulux chart) when I hear my stepfather in the nearby kitchen.
At that point, I realised that I was now in my forties and it was still as if the last nearly 30 years since my love affair with my right hand started hadn't happened. I have obviously - in many other ways as well - yet to grow up.
What things do you do / think that make you feel that despite physical evidence to the contrary, you have yet to grow up ?
( I_Was_Mordred, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 18:51, Reply)

Taking the piss.
After closing time a mate came back to mine for some post pub drinking. After drinking rather quickly a sizeable portion of a Jamesons bottle he was like a man possessed. He suddenly started laying into me then upon realisation of what he had done burst in to tears. He then departed when I was in the toilet to batter his flatmate. Apologising the next day via sms was a bit cheeky. But I feel what really took the piss was asking me to lend him his next months rent as I said I would in the pub.

How have your friends took the piss?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 2:38, Reply)

Best thing you have ever stolen.
I remember me and a few friends were at the house party of another guy we all knew but didn't really like. So come the time we all get bored and decide to leave via bicycle (but that is another story in itself) we decide to have a little competition. The aim being, to steal the most pointless/random/largest object we could find without being too harsh. I grab an old skool stylee cassette-radio thing, one friend takes a bowl of glass sweets from above the fireplace, and the third friend finds a sledge hammer in the garage. Needless to say, he won as his was the largest. So, aside from the usual traffic cones and road signs, what is the best thing you have even stolen?
(therapistfinder, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 12:18, Reply)

Partly inspired by the PC madness this week:
I was once walking down a narrow pavement when I saw a mother pushing a push-chair, coming towards me. The pavement was too narrow for us both, so I stepped aside, onto the road, to let her pass. As I did this, a Max Power stickered boy racer car screeched past within inches of my buttocks.

"Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed, only to be given the filthiest, icy glare from the mother, who tartly informed me she was a Christian and took offense to my blasphemy, helpfully adding that I could look forward to an eternity in the Lake of Fire before marching away.

Have you ever been insulted, penalised or mocked for an act of politeness or generosity?
(Sir Harrington Titsmith disgraced himself on, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 14:25, Reply)

inspired by the previous QOTW
you own recepies, during teh desperate times QOTW a lot of people wrote in with recepies that can be cooked on a shoe string budget so whats you own culinary creation? is it cheap or just cheerful?
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 12:33, Reply)

Celebrity and other famous people bashing.
This has been done in varied ways, but I still think there is room for more of these type bashings, be they real life encounters or things we want to say/do to these people.
(barrycounty, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 17:02, Reply)

Strange places to leave your DNA
Today, I had a wank in the school bathrooms... halfway through the History final exam.

Where's the weirdest place that you've left your DNA/your unborn children?
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 15:39, Reply)

Pathological Liars/ Caught out on a Lie
I recently busted my mate who claimed to have supported the Kaiser Chiefs in 2001 by mentioning that they weren't even called that back then. Have you bumped into any massive liars, or been cuahgt out in a massive lie yourself?
(__, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 15:33, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Wrong signs
I was walking down town yesterday and saw a bus, having a typical rectangular cuboidal bus-like shape, with the word "Circular" on the front above the windscreen in orange fluorescent letters.

This was quite clearly not the case. What signs have you seen that are totally wrong?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Nov 2007, 10:01, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I Seond Kenny
But perhaps "cooking disasters" might be a more appropriate title. For example.

I held a part in Manchester one night and, as there were going to be a lot of stoners there, prepared two big trays of apple crumble that I intended to cook around midnight to stave off the munchies.

So, come midnight, I rocks up to the fridge and opens it to be greeted by two empty trays.

They'd eaten about 6 pounds of apple crumble. Raw. Uncooked. And fucking loved it.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 2:58, Reply)

Just had a thought...
Judging by the way this week's QotW is shaping up, I reckon "recipes" would be a good idea for the next one.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 23:12, Reply)

Mistaken texts
Last night I spent a hefty amount of my phone bill in rather raunchy texts to a wrong number because I thought the perosn promising to make me cum like a fire engine was a girl, not another fella like me only up north and bored. Took about 2 hours before we asked each others names and realised we were both fellas.
Cunt socks.
Whats a wrong number in your phone done to make you feel dirty/ashamed/pissed off?
(Formaly Over say's hello, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 21:56, Reply)

Surprises
So last night, I walked into the bar here in California with my friend for a drink before we went out for dinner.
Found myself looking at my mum, her boyfriend and 2 family friends who had all flown out from England as a Thanksgiving surprise for me!

How have you been surprised? And did you squeal like a girl?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 20:55, Reply)

World's worst Christmas Prezzie
This year for my Birthday my kids got me a big fat nothing. But I have to say this was an improvement on last Christmas! The new Mrs Sticky asked my kids if they wanted to get me anything, but they all said no thanks as the former Mrs Sticky had it all taken care of. Christmas dawns, the kids come over and proudly present their present. So what did they get me? Three Red Dwarf books which I had lent to my son the month before. Nice.
So what was the worst prezzie you ever got?
(The Hooded Bean is in my pants Can't resist a Fanny/Tranny Joke, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 13:38, Reply)

Cunts at gigs
Along the lines of this thread:
www.drownedinsound.com/articles/2602257

I was quite captivated by some of the stories which made me think that as a QOTW, this really could get quite interesting.

Everyone loves a vigilante!
( ma0sm, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 12:25, Reply)

Has anyone ever told you something you just didn't want to know?
When I was a teenager my mum told me the beautiful story of how her sister-in-law (my Auntie) was experiencing pain during sexual intercourse with my uncle so she went to the doctor after a few days and he proceeded to give her an internal examination. After being down their a few minutes he extracted a bloody, smelly tampon that my Auntie had forgotten to take out when her period finished. It had been there three weeks.
It certainly scared me into never making the same mistake, although I've always wondered:
a. How thick must you be to leave a tampon inside you for three weeks
b. Why did my Auntie tell anyone? She only speaks to my Mum once a year so it can't have exactly just come up in conversation!
Gross and weird, and I didn't need to know.
( neonpinkish, Sat 17 Nov 2007, 17:12, Reply)

Sexual dreams
I had a dream which was a pron, in which the man was on hands and knees with his willy pointing backwards towards a woman's face. He was weeing in her face and this was acceptable because in the sex, he had won.

Have you had a more remarkably bizarre dream of a sexual nature?
(Snake (on a) Crane FKA thwack, Sat 17 Nov 2007, 0:38, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

I just wanted the ground to swallow me up
Words from my honeymoon that will stay with me forever:

"Sir, if you're going to keep being sick you'll have to move to the back of the boat, you're spraying the other passengers"

When were you last really embarrassed?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 9:20, Reply)

Kind of in the vein of the 'Insults' QOTW, but...
Let's just imagine...pretend if you will...that somebody or something has wronged you or your comrades in some way. Perhaps...say a twatty threat of legal action.

What would you like to do to them? Rants? Revenge fantasies? Peaceful protest?

What names would you call them?

(Of course this is not pointed at any purple peckerwads in particular....)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:10, Reply)

Who's The Biggest Cunt You've Come Across
Apart from Prince.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 8:57, Reply)

Very superstitious, writing's on the wall

Despite the legions of b3tans being super-intelligent, uber attractive planetary elite, do any of you have any illogical, preposterous superstitions that you just can't help but adhere to?

Has anything happened because you haven't done some pointless ritual before doing something?

Is your superstition a lovable quirk? Or do you dive head-first into full-on OCD?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 14 Nov 2007, 15:07, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Things that have freaked you out
I found myself in Edinburgh once, for a conference (see Abusing Freebies).

Wandering around I was asked to subject myself to a Scientology personality test. I filled out the test as though I was my bigoted racist Brother-in-Law who I hate to this day.

The results came back and they described my faults and worries.

What has freaked you out?
(poonss ...howlingspoons, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 0:35, Reply)

Unexpected excitement
Along the lines of "Guilty Pleasures", or "Little things that turn you on", what things have unexpectedly excited you?

What made your tummy tumble, sent shivers of excitement down your spine, made you tingle or made you giggle like a teenager, but when you really wouldn't have expected it?
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 14:31, Reply)

Have you ever started a rumour?
How outrageous was it?
Did it have any unforeseen consequences?

I have been spreading a rumour every Christmas that the chipolata in bacon is actually a representation of a pig's penis, which it originally was (not).
( finnbar has officially retired, Sat 10 Nov 2007, 10:50, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

OH what about inventions?
My prototypes for square scotch eggs (to stop them rolling around) and choc-stoc (chocolate sauce stock cubes) are well under way (and copyrighted if you're getting any ideas)

So, what genius ideas for inventions have you ever thought of?
(ladyflash Formally known as "oshi_", Thu 8 Nov 2007, 15:45, 4 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Dressing-up time!
Have you ever had an experience with the dreaded themed costume parties? Ever turned up wearing the wrong thing or mistaken someone for someone else? What are your costume nightmares?

either way, tales of general fuckwittery would be appreciated.
(ladyflash Formally known as "oshi_", Thu 8 Nov 2007, 15:35, Reply)

Kids can be cruel...
When our secondary school attempted the integration of "Additional Needs Students" they asked for full morale support from all years- by the end of that assembly "Gay Gary" & "Bendy Wendy" were their tags.

What examples of pure child evil and commitments to bullying can you recall?
( the dalai farmer always likes tea, but especially on, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 0:24, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Celebs
They are so fkin amazing arn't they ? They are always in Hello magazine looking perfect and wonderful and it must be great being one.

Still, I've heard that occasionally celebs have been known to make complete and utter wankers of themselves in front of the public.

Anyone have any examples ?
(bluetuba has a special friend in Blue Label Smirnoff, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 1:43, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Great Escapes
We've all been there, you're backed into a sticky corner and it looks like there's no way out.

Then, either through sheer genius or luck, you see a way out, and you take it. Tell us what happened.
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Tue 6 Nov 2007, 23:53, Reply)