Gender
What would you do and enjoy most if you could be a member of the opposite sex for a month?

Aside from the obvious I would enjoy the lack of queues at the loos, not having to bother with make up (which I know I don't *have* to use as a woman, but I choose to) and I'd also enjoy being far, far more assertive.

What would you do?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 20 Jul 2008, 21:38, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My first internet experince
When did you first use the web and why?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 20 Jul 2008, 20:07, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Teh Fear
When was the last time you properly shat yourself with fear, and why?
(Rushy, Sun 20 Jul 2008, 2:45, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Because it's almost inevitable
After the "books that changed your life" and the current "bestest films ever!" I'm going to suggest "best songs ever/songs that changed your life" purely because in a month or so we'll get it anyway, and I want to claim I said it first.

It's at this point I realise that somebody's probably already suggested it. Ho hum.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Sat 19 Jul 2008, 21:26, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Living a movie cliche
When have you

- Found yourself having to have two dinners at once, possibly dressed as a Scottish nanny for one of them

- Been unable to get a word in edgeways apart from "but..." for 30 bloody minutes solid leading to some awful scenario you knew was coming but weren't allowed to avoid.

- Travelled through time and space in a telephone booth collecting notable figures from history. That old plot line... again!

or not.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Sat 19 Jul 2008, 19:21, Reply)

Foot in mouth disease...
Do you have a habit of launching a vitriolic verbal assault on someone only to discover that the person your ranting at is closely related to the one you're ranting about?

Tell us your tales of putting your foot in your mouth, and your efforts to dig yourself out of your self made grave.
( Moey, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 17:02, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things you have built all by yourself
Garden Sheds, Brick BBQ's, match stick canoe, tree houses, fires. let your imagination run like a wilderbeast...
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 13:13, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Hospital Stories
Come on, you all must have a hospital story - gruesome, funny or touching. I want to hear more psychiatric nurse tales too!!
(Northern Lovely, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:57, Reply)

Friends Reunited
Describe school reunions, finding old frinds online, or even chance encounters. Did you pair up with / get off with your secret crush? Did your new-found confidence enable you to say what you wanted to your former bullies? Or did you feel depressed because they did better than you? We want to know.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 21:08, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

QOTW Agony Aunt
Tell us your problems and let the QOTW masses solve them.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 21:04, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Adhesive stories
Has something you stuck together ever come loose at an embarassing moment? Got something stuck that you couldn't get unstuck? Have you ever connected two things together that were never meant to be connected?

Whether it be sellotape, glue, staples, or some other adhesive, share us your stories.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 21:02, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

things that make you go
hmmm
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:23, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

It'll be hard to beat this weeks one...
But i think we should try. Perhaps something like 'my favourite colour' or something equally riveting like 'Why I called my cat Boris and other interesting stories'.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:26, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What is your B3ta persona?
Do you even have one or are you more of a what you see is what you get kind of B3tard.

In real life I am not a sex crazed daft bint who's obsessed with her weight and wrinkles.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:24, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We've had the favourite books question
and I got a lot of good reading out of it. still have a list to work my way through.

how about one for music. maybe a song that has particular meaning? or just the album you think is the best one ever that everyone should own?

or the obscure band that no one but you and your brother have heard of?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:36, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Pointless Arguements
Arguements you have had that were totally pointless that nearly caused WWIII.

Example, my mother and father once argued for about three days about whether or not there was such thing as a shrewmouse.

They eventually drove to the library to find proof.

They divorced.

There is such a thing.
( Peej, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:59, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Out of the Mouths of Babes
Simple really, anything funny or sweet that children have said to you?

Not sure if bindin, and I know it's already in Teh Daily Mail, oh well :D
(ShortPurple is still trying to think of a decent board sig on, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 23:32, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can't do it to save my life
Everyone loves to brag about what they can do, but what about those infuriating little things that you just can't do?
I'm tone deaf and can't hold a tune to save my life (see what i did there?)so my friends have banned me from singing. Ever. Even in the shower. Gits.
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Wed 16 Jul 2008, 19:11, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why did you choose your nickname?
Everyone likes to think that their nickname represents them, or is in some way unique and extols the exact virtues that they have and want to project to the world.

Maybe thats why my nickname is that of an old tractor that I saw when I was young. Why did you choose your nickname and does it define you?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:30, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pointless experiments
During a boring day spent indoors (due to lack of money), I kept my eyes closed for 20 mins and tried to find my way around the kitchen, to see what it was like being blind. As a follow up, I watched TV with the sound off to experience life as a deaf person.

I concluded I would much rather be deaf - I managed to smack my knee off 2 seperate kitchen cupboards while blind, whereas TV with no sound is a great time-waster. You can come up with your own plots (and, if your watching daytime TV, you're guaranteed to come up with something more interesting)

What pointless experiments have other B3tans carried out? What was the outcome?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 14:52, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Seeing as it's been a while since "My Worst Vomit"...
I'd say it's time for the subject of porcelain bus drivin' to come back up!
Stories as well as expressions welcome.
I'll start with a favourite expression of mine: Chunderstruck. As in, being vommed on.
This QOTW suggestion is brought to you by Ralph and Huey O'Rourke's Buick dealership.
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 8:10, Reply)

Dorks that I beat up in high school
Woodside Industries inspired me: what has become of the dorks you used to beat up in high school?

If this guy, Woodside Industries, wasn’t beaten on consistently in high school (or whatever you call it) he sure as hell deserved it.

What dorks did you beat up and what kind of minging arseholes are they today?
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 21:59, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

School trips from hell
when training to be a teacher i got lumbered with taking 30 odd Bristol kids on a trip 5 miles away to some utterly crap rural life museum. anyway, "dont forget the buckets of sawdust" said the deputy head. I thought it was a myth. No. Dear god i wish it was.

I get the 10 year olds onto the coach - the kind you see families living in with washing hanging outside.

me "ok, before we start, is anyone travel sick" - 20 of the 30 bastards put up their hands. bollocks.

driver starts the engine. 10 of the 20 throw up instantly.

It was a crap museum anyway. we never made it.

anyone got a school trip that will haunt you for ever?
(sarcasminasuit, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:27, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Public toilet capers
you cant beat bog stories for popularity.

I could never have a wee or a plop in a public toilet - dont know why - i would just dry up.

for some odd reason a few years ago i found great therapy in goint to the loo in a posh department store in Bath.

Lock yourself in the cubicle.

make as much noise as humanly possible - often endidn it with "thank christ for that" - dropping something heavy down there for added effect.

obviously it is only funny if there is someone in the cubicle next door.
(sarcasminasuit, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:21, Reply)

Stupid arguements
Last night, me and the missus had a blazing row over which way up a collander should be stood on the drainer after it has been washed.

What's the stupidest thing you've argued about?
(ScousersPet, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:44, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Innocent pleasures
There's a lot of QotW cynicism; what made the books question a few weeks ago so great was the simple enthusiasm of most of the posts. We need more of that.

SO: I went fruit-picking yesterday - it's one of my favourite activities, and makes me ridiculously happy. A summer isn't a summer unless it involves at least two trips to a strawberry farm.

What - even if only for a little while - makes you think that the world is a pretty good place after all?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:54, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I live near a twuntbucket
I would have used "Neighbours from Hell" as the subject, but that's been used by a tabloid TV programme. Nevertheless, that's the jist of it. What hilarious encounters have you had with the wankers next door?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:44, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tenuous claims to fame
In what way are you kind-of-sort-of-maybe-almost-famous?
(JoeyJoeJoeSnrShabadoo - happy now?, Sun 13 Jul 2008, 11:47, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What is the definition of absolute scum ?
For example i live in the world infamous area of Dewsbury.
Today whilst walking down the street i saw a 13 year old henri Lloyd clad scab walking hand in hand with his equally chavtastic whore of a girlfriend walking down a street swigging cider.
The lad then decided he was going to be sick into somebody's garden whilst doing so he managed to cover his top in the lovely fresh vomit.
He then managed to get over his set back have another swig of white lightening and have a gut-wrenching kissing session with his girlfriend
anything scummier than that ?
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 18:16, Reply)