Chav/townie related events
We can tell tales of our funny experiences with the poor, thick, burberry-wearing people of the UK.

Edit: Woah, Mindpiss. Someone else already said this.
(AKismet, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 12:19, Reply)

how about
Is there intelligent life on earth?
There must be plenty of shopped proof/disproof.
Is teh truth really out there?
(soldinio - fairly mingning today, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 12:07, Reply)

how 'bout this (dunno if its already been suggested)
Chav related incidents

I saw a burberry sporting arse try to do a three point turn yesterday as fast as his crappy Nova could, only to slam straight into a lamp post, leaving a nice football sized dent in his 'bitchmobile' hehehehehe
(captain buggernuts, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 9:06, Reply)

dunno if this has been asked
and frankly i don't care. Hospital stays/visits. Your own experience, from being in the hospital or visiting someone etc. I have a story about my visit to the mental hospital that i've been dying to tell. I suck at telling stories and this one isn't particularly incredible, or particularly short.
I just like telling stories :|
( trintrin has jam for blood, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 6:19, Reply)

what about...
...how you accidentally or maybe even "accidntally" killed poor ikkle freddy.. or other pets...

my dad left the gold fish bowl in the window and the sun, and the curvered edge of the bowl and lets say, crispy fish....
(nigger kid, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 0:46, Reply)

Doctor's appointments
The most embarassing thing you had to see your doctor about....I swear doc ive no idea how the remote control got up there....
(Quiet, you!, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 0:13, Reply)

Strangest/Funniest real signs that you've seen.
I once saw a newsagent that was run by "M.A., N Malik." At first sight i thought it said "man milk".
( Laughing Boy, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 18:56, Reply)

been done?
How did your parent(s)/guardians/friends explain sex to you when you were ikkle?

For years I believed as a kid the willy has a mind of its own and kind of...sniffled like a mole...or a worm...
(Rhan, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 17:53, Reply)

Is
Infinity odd... or even
(Nearly, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 16:42, Reply)

Oh how about...
Your mother, sort of the same lines as the crap Dad jokes but not funny whatsoever, well to you.

(Thank god for anonymity,) How about your Mum going round to you ex girlfriends house just after she dumped you to tell he she was never good enough for you and your better of without her anyway.

Feeling the massive black pit that you want to jump into never appear as she tells all her friends, your Mum fights all you battles for you......despite you being 21.

Never happened to me...no siree bob!
(Feeb is a smooth operator, operating correctly, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 15:43, Reply)

What is the most spectacular way you've been dumped
Or embarassing/entertaining.
(oseany, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 15:10, Reply)

Worst Job
I second the worst job ever request, i've got a doozy and it involves many bodily waste products!
(mudflaps, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 14:15, Reply)

Uni and Crap Jobs
What ever happened to the Uni stories like flatmates from hell and the one about the worst jobs ever that went on for fucking ages. I loved reading those while at work thinking well it could be alot worse.
(Feeb is a smooth operator, operating correctly, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 13:24, Reply)

Quite Simply:
Fights.
(kunti lala if we can't be free can we at least be cheap., Tue 15 Jun 2004, 12:31, Reply)

Room 101
Same theme as the BBC 2 programme presented by funnyman Paul Merton. Effectively 5 things you hate and want to be locked into 'Room 101', never to be seen again. Mine would be:-

- Cyclists- a nuisence plain and simple- and YOU get blamed if you run them over!
- Tennis / Wimbledon / Pimms / Strawberry's & Cream. Represents all that is wrong with Britain. See also Cliff Richard, Sue Barker, tennis courts packed with idiots for a month
- DJ's who pretend to like footy to increase their popularity, despite previously announcing their hatred for it
- Formula 1- VVVVVRRRROOOOOMMMMMM! Shite
- A Question of Sport- awful. Basic, out-of-date humour given a platform by idiots who fear change, and acted out by pre-scripted sportsmen who manage to unintentionally show why they are sportsmen and not comedians. See also Sue Barker.

Missed the catagory on being rude to famous people. Playing Sunday League Footy last year in Didsbury, when confronted by a new team-mate who (sniggering) announced I looked like a 'fat Harry Kewell'.

I responded that he looked like 'a fucking low-budget ex-England fast bowler Peter Martin', forgetting he had previously introduced himself as 'Pete'.

Not sure if he didn't pass to me for that reason, or simply because I'm shite

Apologies for length, but it is my debut post!
(dogger collymore, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 11:07, Reply)

Ex Girlfriends/Boyfriends from Hell
you say:

"it's not you, it's me, I need to spend some time on my own"

they hear:

"please boil my pet rabbit and set up camp on my front lawn"

the folly of miscommunication in the modern relationship breakdown....oh how we laughed!

.... god bless 'em
(willtheyorwon'tthey, Tue 15 Jun 2004, 10:47, Reply)

I have thought about this and come up with...
Who was your funniest teacher at school and why?
(Corrupt, Mon 14 Jun 2004, 18:37, Reply)

Geeky Question
How about "New uses for an old 486"
or just computer hardware in general?
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Mon 14 Jun 2004, 14:23, Reply)

How's about...
... What's the most embarassing or inappropriate present you've ever been given? Or have given to someone else?
(EllyBaby, Mon 14 Jun 2004, 11:32, Reply)

questions...
most embarrasing driving related incidents, like the time I ended upside down in a field....memo to self when upside down and releasing the seat belt, brace yourself for impact!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 13 Jun 2004, 21:41, Reply)

call centres
anyone else work in a call centre and have some gems from customers or other advisors ??
Best one i ever heard was:
customer: whats the problem with the internet ?
advisor: well what about child porn and snuff movies for a start ??
(tufty the chav slayer, Sat 12 Jun 2004, 13:05, Reply)

I dunno if anyone else has many...
But I have some pretty funny stories to tell about Crazy exchange students!

:D! they dont come to learn they come to entertain...
(lazy bones murphy, Sat 12 Jun 2004, 8:05, Reply)

strangest places youve ever slept... and why
I fell asleep in a haystack one time after me and the lads couldnt break into a shed we found, dont worry it wasnt dark in there cos we took one of those old oil powered road works lanterns with us (ya know the kind with a real flame!), we were as you may well imagine very very drunk at the time.

(totally true story, luckily we didnt knock it over during the night so didnt get burnt to a crisp)
(5700 is doing the CRX rally - Sponsor Me, Fri 11 Jun 2004, 20:39, Reply)

Digging up Grandpa
remember how we thought it would be a good idea to dig up the rancid old fart to satisfy our curiosity about the nature of decomposition...no?

maybe a bit too personal an anecdote this one then....

stick that one in the reject box
(willtheyorwon'tthey, Fri 11 Jun 2004, 15:31, Reply)

Pencil Sharpening Disasters
..there I was putting a nice point on my 2B when disaster struck ... the newly formed lead had snapped!

cue endless anecdotes of graphite related japery....

..ok... maybe not

how about a crayon related stories?
(willtheyorwon'tthey, Fri 11 Jun 2004, 15:27, Reply)

Worst Friends Reunited Stories
bumping into ex school mate in his late 20s working behind the counter in Mc Donalds (true) , don't think he mentioned this on his Friends Reunited personal info box......etc

and stuff of this related nature styleeeee
(willtheyorwon'tthey, Fri 11 Jun 2004, 10:39, Reply)

Famous people who really aren't that fanciable, but you do anyway.
Or famous people fancied as a young child.
I have a number I could name from either question.
( CaroWallis, Fri 11 Jun 2004, 10:33, Reply)

Cover-ups or Excuses
What are the worst cover-ups and/or excuses that you've used to get out of bad situations?
(Pooky, Fri 11 Jun 2004, 6:57, Reply)

New Names for Stuff you do.
For instance, when I go Bell-Ringing, I say I am going out "On the Pull"
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Thu 10 Jun 2004, 23:53, Reply)

Human teachers
When teachers did something human - like took you down the pub.

Or got strangely obsessed with the girl who played Georgina on Grange Hill in the 80's and carried a photo in their wallets of her. (Samantha Lewis if you must know. Still in the wank bank after all these years).
(monkeyatemyhomework, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 18:53, Reply)