Deadlines
Douglas Adams said: "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Tell us of times you've heroically worked to a deadline, or the time you fucked up spectacularly.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 22:45, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Charity
Ever worked for a charity? Ever punched a chugger until he stopped being horribly cheerful? Felt smug after giving a Big Issue seller twenty quid and told them to keep the change? Tell us of awesome or dreadful charity shop finds. In summary: Charity
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 22:44, Reply)

The B3TA cookery book
We're bored of beans on toast. Pretend you're on Pinterest and share your cooking tips and recipes.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 22:39, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Rude awakenings
From flies on your nose all the way through to the ceiling falling in.
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 1:23, Reply)

what can you fit in your mouth?
either in a discrete or continuous manner and how it has affected your life

photographic evidence preferred
sfw
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:18, 5 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Clubs/gangs/secret societies.
What groups or clubs have you been a part of? Are you part of a secret underground movement with aims to bring down the government, are you part of a yiffing cult or do you get together with friends in an evening for a drunken game of soggy biscuit? Tell us all about your groups weird rituals and any japes that may have ensued.
( Muns, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:23, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Dubious sexual encounters with the famous.

I once slept with the daughter of a famous England goalkeeper. Bit of a Goth, but hey.

Another mate had Catherine Zeta Jones eating out of his hand in the early days until he grabbed her arse and said (genuinely) 'you love it.'

Anybody snogged / shagged / inserted something into the famous?
( waz4444 Escorts, bescorts - Come in if you're saucy., Mon 18 Jun 2012, 3:50, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Massive Letdowns
I spent months hunting down a friend who buggered off to Australia.
She was there for me and helped me hold my head high when life really had become too much for me to deal with.
For nearly three years now i have held onto a charm bracelet she brought me from Africa, I wear it now and again when times are hard just to remind me that someone does care and that not all people are shit. It brings back good, strong memories that help me get by.
Then LUCK! I find her email address today, so I wait nervously for a response to my email, hoping she's going to be proud to hear what has become of me and offer some sagely advice yet again. FUCK! Is she alive? How hard will she scorn me for the time it's taken to fix my head and update? Will she have her own yard now so i can fuck off to Ausland and look after her horses in the sun?
She replies.

"I don't remember you"

My head hit the desk, I know it's not a bad thing but i feel gutted.

Who have you held in high regard that has let you down at the worst possible moment?
(Gazelle Wasn't here on, Sat 16 Jun 2012, 18:31, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

The Zombie Apocalypse. How ready are you for it?
Really?

A couple of months ago I woke up early and found we had no water. Ended up getting thru to the water board and eventually found out they wee fixing a burst main. No biggie really.
Later that day I went out and bought 30L. of water to replace the 10L. I had opened that morning.
We have a store of tins in the bottom of the pantry we (semi) jokingly call the "Judgment Day Stall".

No shotguns or generators. Yet...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 12 Jun 2012, 13:25, Reply)

The One That Got Away
You know what it's like. You find that perfect someone then as quick as they appeared in your life they flash away and try as you want, or not, you never forget them. Depressing I know
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 11 Jun 2012, 13:51, Reply)

social embarrasment
when was the last time you ever shat in your own pants.
where was it? was it unpredicted? was it a result of a heroic night out, illness or just crowning for too long trying to hold in an unprecedented back pressure?.
(Finster Ate a cat biscuit for a bet, Sat 9 Jun 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Social media
I don't think I've had any amusing social media gaffes...but I bet the rest of you have.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 13:01, Reply)

What is your favourite joke about a potato clock?
What is your second favourite joke about a baaa-listic missile?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 23:46, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Our book of Revelation
Ever had an epiphany?

Was it the good kind (you realised there's a God/ there's no God and that's cool/ you are hotter than you thought). Tell us the life affirming tale.

OR have you ever had the more sinister kind of realisation? The kind of thing where you get yourself into a sitaution, something clicks in your head and al you can think is 'shitshitshitshittingshiiiiit!'
(Bambola, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 20:31, Reply)

Summer trak for 2012 I vote 110% by Jessie Ware
In most of our minds there's that one trak that makes you think of summer in a year.

1985 was Nu shooz "I can't wait" I lost my virginity whilst that trak was playing

1989 was Soul II Soul "keep on moving"

1993 Ice Cube "today was a good day"

What trak reminds you of summer and what song,film or thing reminds you of how you lost your virginty and what happened?!!!!!
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 1 Jun 2012, 20:09, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Royalty
Have you met royalty? Did you have to do something for a royal visit? Or did you commit treason
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 31 May 2012, 19:08, Reply)

WAR!
Huuurrgh! What is it good for? Etc...

How about your stories of conflict? From the pettiest row that got out of hand, to full blown battles involving mass brawls and destruction.

You could even post real war / army stories (if you have any).
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 31 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)

computer misadventure
The news this week is full of stories about tweets getting people banged up and Asian-Americans spying on roommates with webcams.. my own pc based misadventure centres around the fact I just realised that ctrl+shit+left arrow turns my work colleagues screen to wonk... what's favourite computer based shortcut, jape or prank?
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:14, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Shit Books

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:29, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

"Well, I didn't expect that"
Compliments and insults, random acts of nature and sudden loss of bowel control, we've all been taken by surprise by something.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 16 May 2012, 17:26, Reply)

Room 101 -
What would you put in?
(The TV show with Nick Hancock/Paul Merton, not the Orwellian torture chamber)
( Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Tue 15 May 2012, 22:23, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Gifts
Shittest/best. Either given or received.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 10 May 2012, 12:12, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

The best / worst day of my life...

We’ve all had a day when nothing went wrong for a change. What happened with you?

Alternatively, what about your worst day ever?, when fate threw up on on your duvet before administering a cheeky wedgie?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 10 May 2012, 9:00, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Extreme drug experiences
My first week at college me and my mates got hold of a bunch of mushies, I had a baggy of 200 meself. We arranged to eat them then meet up later.

So I was sitting there, a mushy virgin, thinkin... 'how many should I take???' Hmm.. 20 sounds good! 15 mins later nuthin happening. Take another 20. 15 mins later, nuthin! So to cut a long story short, my logic being: "hey you can just pick em in a field, how strong can the be" I necked the lot. In hindsight this was rather a lot.

One vivid memory among many is being unable to both walk and carry a bag. It was all just too much to handle. My mates said "we're heading to Mark's place, you carry this" and I nearly burst into tears with the sheer daunting impossibility of both walking and carrying something and just stood there in the street frozen with bewilderment.

What crazy student (or mature abuser) druggy stories do you have
( simbosan Hello you cunt, Thu 10 May 2012, 4:55, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Sex Toys
make for a vibrant and stimulating QOTW!
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Wed 9 May 2012, 22:32, Reply)

Medical tales
Bones breaking, skin diseases, unfortunate enemas, clumsy proctologists, speeding paramedics, amazing rescues using some gaffer tape and a bic. Plenty of scope for good, bad and downright scary stories.

(Last medical type QOTW March 2010 so should be some long forgotten efforts and new material)
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 9 May 2012, 17:02, Reply)

The Strangest thing you ever Consumed.

(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Wed 9 May 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Sporting woe.
How bad was it for you?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 8 May 2012, 23:59, Reply)

Overseen and Overheard
We've had a few threads about being caught doing embarrassing things... but what about the other end of the stick? What have you overseen or overheard as you went about your daily business?

(Example: On my walk through the local park I saw a woman decked in tweed and pearls shouting at her henpecked-looking husband. His crime? He was calling for their dog, "Harry! Harry!"
"Noooo," she screeched, "His name is Harold Whippet the Third! Why must you always call him Harry?" No sign of the fucking dog in all this.)
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Tue 8 May 2012, 11:59, Reply)