No question this week please

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 16 Jan 2014, 17:23, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

A question.
As opposed to no question.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 16 Jan 2014, 14:01, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Enough rope to hang yourself
I was recently at a party where someone started telling me how his son likes drawing and it is a waste of time, this went on for a while with him slagging off arty types. I quietly nodded and continued to drink.
When enough time had passed I quietly got out my phone, showed him a load of my published work and said I'm a freelance illustrator. Watching him squirm was worth the 20 minutes of crap.

When have you let someone dig a hole and enjoyed pushing them in?
(bluehamster, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 21:55, Reply)

Shit Doctor Who stories.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 12:37, 5 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Let's just have a couple of weeks off eh?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 11:35, Reply)

Why don't you just shut the fuck up?
Are you one of those tedious bellends, who bangs on incessantly about some nonsense that interests nobody?
Why not write a long, pointless story about it for us all to ignore?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 10:47, Reply)

Sheds part two.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 10:39, Reply)

How stupid am I?
How stupid am I? Until today I didn't know that spring onions, which I love and eat daily, are the same as 'regular' onions, only younger, before the bulb has expanded. Seems obvious now, especially given the name. How stupid have you been?

EDITED TO ADD: Just seen m'learned colleague Dr Preference's post below. Yes, this is similar! Great minds think alike.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 14 Jan 2014, 20:58, Reply)

Why do you even bother?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 Jan 2014, 17:15, Reply)

Staring you in the face.
Ever fail to notice something that was incredibly obvious?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 14 Jan 2014, 11:20, Reply)

Ever done anything?
Shut up about it. It was shit and nobody cares. Prick.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 12 Jan 2014, 16:00, Reply)

Farts are funny. It's official.
i once left the worlds stinkiest guff in a lift before sending it down to a group of Germans ,all bustling to be first in the doors upon it's arrival. What's your most memorable fart story?
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sun 12 Jan 2014, 0:58, Reply)

YM.
Is she as good as everyone says?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 11 Jan 2014, 2:10, Reply)

Any topic that'll get over 1000 stories,
Instead of any topic that'll get under 100 stories.

(Now, if you pick a good one, it counts as my idea)
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 10 Jan 2014, 20:02, Reply)

Deluded People
I recently made the mistake of letting a new starter at work know I live round the corner from him. My walks to work now have a soundtrack of him telling me all the important work he's doing and how he's oh so so very valuable to the business. However, it's widely considered at work that he's a seriously incompetent pedant and unlikely to still have a job in a few months.
(danishbacon is haram yes?, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 19:09, Reply)

b3ta's funniest animals
tell us an amusing non-sexual anecdote about an animal.

My boss once punched a horse.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 16:31, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

What?
Really?
( Zuowan, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)

Question of the Week suggestions
Have you ever suggested a topic for Question of the Week?
What was it?
Did it get put forward for the secret ballot over on a disinterested /board, or do you feel that your suggestion was unfairly overlooked?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 11:16, Reply)

Best Crimbo username?
BraynChristmas was well lol. Points also to 5 golden drimbles.

Alt: Shitecunts who jump on fads late and ruin the joke.
(showman, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

Well that escalated quickly
Tales of when it all kicked off. A combination of Xmas, old family woes and a metric fuckton of alcohol lit the fuse for my family recently. What caused shit to 'go down' for you and what was the damage?
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Thu 9 Jan 2014, 8:59, Reply)

Clip Show
Every dying comedy institution needs one.

In light of all the "QFTW sucks now" sentiments, tell us about when it didn't / favourite QFTW answers/replies/shitfights/goats.
(showman, Wed 8 Jan 2014, 6:53, Reply)

Fun
at funerals. Ever fallen into the freshly dug grave? Started a fight at a wake? Sniggered during the service, and thought the deceased should have popped off years ago?
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 7 Jan 2014, 20:36, Reply)

Celebrity coprophiles.
Masturbating in fancy dress.
IV
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 7 Jan 2014, 20:33, Reply)

Fun with Firearms
Have you got a big weapon? Do you discharge it in a safe place? Other associated double-entendres are accepted.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 7 Jan 2014, 20:21, Reply)

What's
that coming over the hill?
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 7 Jan 2014, 19:55, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

I was a punk before you were a punk.
Tales of your days as a punk, goth, mod, emo, new romantic, etc.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 7 Jan 2014, 19:41, Reply)

Norway.
Lutefisk, Quisling, Fjords. Tell us all about your exploits of all things Norwegian.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 7 Jan 2014, 19:38, Reply)

Ever posted a long, laborious,
and, quite frankly, irrelevant answer to QOTW? Wondered why you were lambasted for it?
Don't tell us about it.
Thanks.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 7 Jan 2014, 19:29, Reply)

Did
you ever wish that someones family were dead on the internet? tell us about how hard you are, and all the threats that you make, because in reality you spend as much time popping zits as you do on the internet.
Hugs and kisses. x
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 5 Jan 2014, 11:46, 1 reply, 11 years ago)