Non Fatal Terminal Velocity
Apparently cats are the largest mammal to have a non fatal terminal velocity. A study has been done on the subject using felines which were taken into a vets in NYC after they had jumped from scyscraper balconies.

For those who dont know, certain furry creatures create enough drag that the maximium velocity of free fall they obtain is insufficient to prove fatal... although limbs may well be broken! Guinea Pigs are perfect examples and I would rather like to throw the critters off tall objects to prove this phenomena... All i need is the funding!

What curious/interesting research would you like to do?
(The Duke of Pontefract, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 17:39, Reply)

QOTW
What one thing never fails to make you laugh no matter what mood you're in?

Be it dressing as a Pirate, people being careless or just ugly people in general. Lets all share and laugh together.
(The Duke of Pontefract, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 16:39, Reply)

[X]
why not ?
(Dorkside, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:44, Reply)

Transport Tales
We all loathe the London Underground. The trains are as trashy as ever and cars are for cunts who like to congest everything in sight. Right?

We've all met the strange little beggar who rocks to himself on the bus smelling of urine while humming Merry Christmas at April.

What are your transport tales of humour / horror?
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 2:10, Reply)

Roomates from Hell
Whether at uni, renting out your home, or sharing a condo, everyone has one of those roomates that make you regret not being Jeffery Dahlmer. Share your story.
(FleetlordVT, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 21:51, Reply)

I think
that the QOTW should be; 'why do people still bother with the 'oh so hilarious' annecdotes about girth/length etc. at the end of their posts when it's just grown old, dull, boring and unoriginal?

or is it just me that thinks that?
(Nos coeurs cocaine Montparnasse Le mix de gelée vodka et le beat, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 13:36, Reply)

Hulllooooo...
What's the most amusing encounter you've had with the intellectually handicapped?
Should get a few utterly heartless responses ...
Like a mate of mine who was walking through a park carrying one of those tube things you carry blueprints in. A Downs Syndrome gentleman came up to him and asked him if it was a bazooka. My friend replied in the affirmative and proceeded to chase him around the park for a while.
(mudskipper, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 13:02, Reply)

Im loosing my uh.. memory
What evidence do you have that your going a bit senile?
Or did you get so twatted you had to have the last two days explained to you by gobsmacked onlookers?

Confess!
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 9:50, Reply)

QOTW
animal stories does sound like a good idea
(Black sky No accidents since, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 1:16, Reply)

QOTW
What's the weirdest animal you've ever seen
(HoHum, Wed 20 Jul 2005, 19:25, Reply)

QOTW
What do you wish you'd learnt at school?

In my case, how to cook. And, how to juggle, which would have been way more fun than any PE activity we were taught, and way more useful for impressing friends than pretty much everything else.
(The Moai, Wed 20 Jul 2005, 16:29, Reply)

QOTW
I don't think that this is a suggestion but it was both funny and recent and I want to share it with you good people.
I was travelling from London to York on the 2000 train yesterday in a fairly busy carriage when the dulcet tones of a young Welsh woman called Kerry began to rise above the normal chatter in the carriage. It became apparent that not only was she utterly witless but that she was trying to organise a conference call between her boss (a chap named Michael), who was also clearly witless and several other parties, at least two of whom Michael didn't know (but she reassured him that he was not to worry-bless). Anyway, after about ten minutes of repeatedly reading out the dial in number and password and giving the details of the people who would be joining him she hung up only to be rung back by the witless Michael who couldn't manage to dial the frigging number so the whole process began again.
At about this point I noticed the two faceless suits sitting on the next table were pissing themselves laughing and lo the reason was apparent as they, the underhand dogs, had rung the concall from their mobiles and were awaiting Michael's joining them!
Michael did so and they introduced themselves as the two people that poor Michael didn't know and the concall got underway with the fair Kerry blissfully unaware, due to the miracle that is iPod, that her clueless boss was being taken to task by her co-passengers. Needless to say their mirth overtook them and they fessed up with the expression that they represented Coach C on the London to Newcastle train and would he ring Kerry and tell her to shut the fuck up!
Cue- bring bring "Hello, yes, what!" Kerry leaps top her feet and shouts "who has been on my conference call heh, which one of you heh?" and bursting into tears.
She changed carriages at Peterborough!
(Mediaslut, Wed 20 Jul 2005, 14:04, Reply)

Funerals.

Ho hum
(britishbroccoli, Wed 20 Jul 2005, 7:43, Reply)

Doing the dirty
What's the worst thing you've done and then let a friend/sibling/vicar take the rap for?
( Ethel Le Crisp, Tue 19 Jul 2005, 15:45, Reply)

Quotes
I think that sometimes a persons fav quote can tell the rest of us a bit about them, so come on b3ta world give us an insight into yourselves and tell us your fav quote!!!

Mine...
"Theres going to be some stuff you going to see thats going to make it hard to smile in the future. But thru what ever you see thru all the rain and all the pain you got to keep your sense of humour, you got to be able to smile thru all this bullshit" - Tupac
(Bhougal...hang me upside down from a banana tree and call me BERTTIE BHOUGAL>>>Oh Yeah...!!, Tue 19 Jul 2005, 14:53, Reply)

Strange old people
Old people are strange aren't they?

My mates grandmother is a bit senile now and a few year ago his mother was getting a new bathroom suite installed. While the plumbers removed the old suite the new one was being stored in my mates mothers room to which his grandmother decided she needed to use even though they told her only the downstairs toilet works. Fast forward to his mother going in to her room and seeing her mother squatting on a unplumbed toilet in the middle of her bedroom.

Still makes me smile when walking through B&Q.
(Jock McTavish, Tue 19 Jul 2005, 11:14, Reply)

.
what in life do you feel most guilty about?

be it something you've done, forgot to do, or possibly even had done to you but never told anyone
(starfish, Mon 18 Jul 2005, 20:28, Reply)

Getting caught screwing
What was your worst moment getting caught with the drawers at your ankles?
(Bazoo, Mon 18 Jul 2005, 17:30, Reply)

catchphrases...
how about catchphrases you and your friends use and how they came about?

a couple of years ago, we were all at the pub celebrating a friends birthday. one of our friends, keith, turned up and announced "hello, it's me, keith!"

everyone fell about laughing. obviously he thought we'd forgotten all about him and felt the need to remind us who he is.

to this day, whenever we meet up, the first thing we always say is "hello, it's me, (insert name here)!"
(wayneofthedead Dale Winton was my dad, Mon 18 Jul 2005, 14:15, Reply)

Our Personal "little" rituals
What little rituals do you have, what odd things do you feel compelled to do under certain circumstances (even though you can hear a little voice at the back of your head shouting "obsessive compulsive disorder!").

I have many, including

I refuse to have a direct link to B3ta. I always navigate via the links on Weebl's page which I DO have bookmarked. Don't ask me why .. its just "one of my things"

I cannot eat eggs in any shape or form unless I have, with my own eyes, seen the eggs cracked into the bowl/pan/etc.

When opening a new packet of cigarettes I ALWAYS have to take one out, turn it upside down and replace it in the pack, saving it to smoke last. Why .. god knows ... madness I tell thee !!!!
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Sun 17 Jul 2005, 19:55, Reply)

Monkey Tennis
How about asking about our imaginary friends we all had when we were little.

or games you made up to play.
(justjuice, Sun 17 Jul 2005, 18:16, Reply)

Most embarassing pub moment...
Have you...
-Fallen off of the bar while dancing on it?
-spilled drinks on complete strangers?
-grabbed the mic and sung along with the band, only to find out about it byseeing the video the next day?

you get the idea.
(wolfe, Sat 16 Jul 2005, 3:51, Reply)

pranks that have gone wrong
I have far too many of these!
(Fran, Fri 15 Jul 2005, 14:25, Reply)

I am so ashamed
What have you done in your life that you are most ashamed of?

I once made friends with a stray dog, led it to a block of flats, made a fuss of it in the lift while a mate went and found a friendly cat. Stepped out of the lift leaving the dog in there, just as the doors were closing threw the cat in after it.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Fri 15 Jul 2005, 13:49, Reply)

EROTIC FAILURES
I was in a band once and we were playing at a seaside venue way back in the '80's. I had pulled that night and so had the rest of the band. We decided to walk along the seafront and decided to go under the pier for a shaggathon. My bird stripped off and I quicky jumped on top of her. At this point she let out the bestest fart I have ever heard. That was it. No chance. I went flat, the rest of the band were aching with laughter, and she pulled up her skidders, got dressed and fucked off never to be seen again.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 15 Jul 2005, 12:06, Reply)

Fat people
Excuses they come up with.

How they don't think there fat.

"I've got a bit of a problem with my knees"

"I would have problems with my knees if I had to carry 10 stone of lard around in a rucksack"

I feel a rant coming on again, time to lie down.
(Yellow Car is now red, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 15:30, Reply)

Yay
battle of the sexes!

Which gender is better, let the debate begin!

(this could take the form of people quoting several examples of seeing the other gender doing stupid things, eg not driving properly, or asking stupid questions?)
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Thu 14 Jul 2005, 13:12, Reply)

Boys are better the girls because........
once when I was going on some strange double date set up by my mate's girlfriend we did this--

We were meant to be going to the cinema to see some film, we couldn't get seats together so the girls sat at the front and me and my mate sat at the back. My mate had already seen the film, so I suggested we could nip out for a quick pint he could tell me the plot for the film and we could go back in towards the end, and the birds would never no the difference.

We went to the pub, 3 hours later he got a call from his girl asking where the hell we were. She kicked off and cried, but we just laughed 'cause we were right pissed and that's why boys are better than girls.

Who is better than who, and why ?
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 11:25, Reply)

Who's the Best?
Sticking with last weeks racially tense theme I would invite you to nominate the best nation on earth giving an example.....whilst I hail from London I have to give it to the aussies as they are by far an away the worlds loudest population.It always warms the cockles of my heart to hear "GOODAY!!!!!" ear bleeingly loud.
(myohmy, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 10:46, Reply)

What have you found in your food/drink that shouldn't have been there?
When I was younger my mum poured me some cornflakes which I was about to tuck into before realising there was a rather large, dead fly sitting atop my breakfast.

Something like Phoebe in Friends' 'thumb in a can of coke' would be interesting to hear about. Even better if you partially ate the foreign body before realising it shouldn't actually be there.
( The Helpful Bear, Wed 13 Jul 2005, 18:17, Reply)