Oddest thing you've done while drunk?
A friend of mine spent much of the night, and morning, washing the towels of our apartment in a bathtub full of Coke claiming to be cleaning them.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 17 Oct 2005, 3:37, Reply)

QOTW: Poofs
People we know or knew but didn't know they were cock smokers/how we found out/what we thought and/or did when we found out...
( Milo the crab, Sat 15 Oct 2005, 2:20, Reply)

Just wanted to post my support for the limerick idea,
I was going to suggest the same thing.

There was a young lady from Neath,
Who pulled back foreskins with her teeth.
It wasn't for kicks
That she did these tricks,
But the get at the cheese underneath!
(meagle, Fri 14 Oct 2005, 19:10, Reply)

Two modest suggestions ...
Firstly, another round of poo anecdotes. And then another. Yes, I know that's against the rules, but lets face it, poo stories are funny as feck.
Secondly, everyone try their hand at imitating Stusut79's breathtaking style, on any sort of subject. Let us stir the monkeys of mirth from their airless vault, that they may screech and gambol on the sunny uplands.
(mudskipper, Fri 14 Oct 2005, 5:52, Reply)

cunning linguistics
what stupid things have you ended up saying or had said to you due to language barriers?
(teasus likes tea, Thu 13 Oct 2005, 17:12, Reply)

Hows about, boys'n'girls...
dodgy deals you have been offered. This week I was offered a half price ticket for the Two Ronnies.
(Wrecked Tums, Thu 13 Oct 2005, 14:52, Reply)

Amusing situation, non?
How about a question relating to a time when you just didn't have the heart to tell someone something?
(Jimtastic, Thu 13 Oct 2005, 13:41, Reply)

Backstabbed
Ever been backstabbed by a good friend? A lady friend leave you in the dust for some other guy? Tell your own story.
And that loud explosion you hear is my posting cherry bursting after a year of lurking.
(If your not a manc your a wank, Thu 13 Oct 2005, 3:55, Reply)

funniest way to die
dying is a real serious subject, but...... fuck it. i heard of this 1 person whosnapped his neck trying to suck his own dick. i couldnt help but chuckle a bit even though he died. what was the funniest way someone died or you think would die?
(i dont know, Thu 13 Oct 2005, 3:03, Reply)

Limericks
I went to an isle called Nantucket
Shirts told of a man, wife, and bucket
What they meant I know not
But I know there should ought
Be within that wee rhyme an "oh fvck it!"

I'm sure everyone here can do better then this! Post your limericks (naturally the nastier the better).
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Wed 12 Oct 2005, 8:29, Reply)

Crossing over
Probably bindun:

If you were the opposite sexual orientation of what you already are, who would you do?

Sorry bi's, I guess it'd have to "no soup for you!"
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Tue 11 Oct 2005, 16:59, Reply)

How youve changed someones life forever
Converetd someone? Saved/killed anyone? Changed peoples lives in any way?

In my last year of primary school I was sorta top (basically I hardly did anthing as I had done it already) so I used to act as messenger to another teacher I believed my teacher would really get along with so I send down chocolate fingers too (my teacher was an extreem anorexic chocoholic). Soon i was being sent just to say my finnu jokes or anuthing silly with stuff including love notes.

They eventually started an after school at class which I went to and started dating.

Aparrently after i moved away the married and moved to Austria. Good luck MiSs loans, Mr Couch!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 10 Oct 2005, 18:00, Reply)

Oh to heck with it
We all just want to see what new perverse, unremovable mental images Stusut79 can come up with!
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Mon 10 Oct 2005, 1:59, Reply)

Scars with History
We've had it already... but there was a shocking lack of mental scars. Tell us about the time you saw Granny and Grandpa playing "Hide the Sausage"...
(The Machinist, Sun 9 Oct 2005, 13:03, Reply)

Fuckups at Work
It's that simple:

What is the biggest fuckup you have ever made at work?
What were the consequences?
Did you manage to wriggle out of it?
How much money did it cost the company?
(Rusty Petterson, Fri 7 Oct 2005, 23:25, Reply)

how about
"I just wanted the ground to open up underneath me."

sudden, overwhelming, heart-stopping, life-ending embarrassment. it can't fail can it?
(17,000, Fri 7 Oct 2005, 18:35, Reply)

What Herculean acts of self-delusion have you borne witness to?
Here's a prime example, from an online magazine called N*tD*ver (fill in the blanks yerself) in the profile of the founder:


"C***** G***** is a communication designer, new media pioneer, theorist, philosopher and founding partner of an upcoming idea production reLABEL' and has been threading the net more than 10 years.

She is recognized internationally as a new media industry driving force through her work as editor and founder of Netdiver a new media design portal and digital culture magazine broadcasting low noise and high fiber content online and beyond, since '98.

She is an unrelenting industry evangelist, activist and catalyst. Through creative coaching, collaborative projects, speaking engagements, writing articles and whatever ways made possible, she extends awareness of the new media industry.

As a communication designer, creativity is an area of research especially to stimulate creative thinking from theory to practice. She is an experienced designer with a far reaching vision."


One of my freelance mates has met her, and reports that she is "as mad as a spoon". He also relays further priceless quotes:


'What's difficult when you're a visionary, is
that you don't know you're a visionary.'

'If I had patented coloured
stripes 10 years ago, I would be a millionaire! Maybe I'll patent
coloured circles instead.'


Good grief.
( the_other_jeff_lebowski Croutons on my tits, Fri 7 Oct 2005, 15:00, Reply)

Tim Westwood
Having watched Pimp my Ride UK style I have a question - who else thing Tim Westwood is a complete and utter cunt and what would be a suitable painful death for him to suffer!
(SimonCorrigan, Fri 7 Oct 2005, 11:36, Reply)

ok nicknames
my nickname in my new-ish job is either wolfman or wolverine due to my adversion to shaving and gel-enhanced hair. What nicknames have you had that you are secretly chuffed with / actually like?
( wierdo was bored @, Fri 7 Oct 2005, 10:54, Reply)

Practical jokes gone awry
A work associate once told me about a practical joke involving a gym bag, a trainer and flatulence. As sheer alimentary misfortune would have it, the joke was derailed when the miscreant flumped into the victims trainer.

He put the trainer back exactly where he'd found it in embarrased shock.

(Cue ten or so now hysterical team-mates retching and streaming from the room).

Have any of your practical jokes or gaffes gone awry in a similar fashion?
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 23:38, Reply)

Party Tricks
There's a bloke i met who can do the condom-through-the-nostril-and-out-the-mouth thing, in both nostrils, at the same time.

What can you do to gross people out/make them laugh at parties?
(FiftyFour, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 22:40, Reply)

Places I've had a wee.
I woke up in the small hours kneeling on the window ledge with my cock in one hand and the other supporting me by the lintel[sp?]. Judging by the puddle of wee around my knees I had been pissing out the window.

The street lights were on so it wasn't that late. I wonder who had seen me as they walked by and I wonder what they thought.
(Cane: I love Sushi, Sobriety & Shotokan, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 21:09, Reply)

I collect X-rays of my own skull.
I have four of them and a very mis-aligned jaw which shows up quite clearly. They're going to make a great lampshade one day.

One of my mates collects animal bones,which he displays around his house(he says it's because he's a biologist) and another one is slowly filling a wall with random scraps of fabric she finds.

What odd things do you collect and what do you do with them,if anything?
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 20:06, Reply)

You’re a FU$&*NG liar!
About a week ago I told some of my work buddies a wee (made up) story about winning swimming Gala. what the f*#k? I tell the truth about my 9-month not-even-a-sniff-of any one else touch my bare skin, let alone letting me put my pee-pee in a girl, but chose to lie about winning a school swimming Gala? The worse thing was they asked an old pal of mine, and found out it isn’t true. Why did I lie about that?

What lie’s have you told in the spur of the moment, for no good reason at all, only to be found out and publicly ridiculed for lieing about something so sad and unimpressive?
(Jeeves, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 17:44, Reply)

What;'s happened to QOTW?
Is it just on a brief hiatus, or is it gone for good? I sincerely hope with every fibre of my addicted being that this is all some sort of mistake and question of the week will be promptly restored to me and other people like me. For that eventuality, my question suggestion is a nice open ended one: what's the most trouble you've ever been in and why?

I'll save my own story in case this does become question of the week (though even if it doesn't, please in the name of everything you count as holy ask something), but as an example I'll tell you the story of a sadly non-b3tan friend. He once sent a joke death threat, written on tracing paper, to a girl in the juiniour school picked fairly at random, and signed it from the deeply unpopular head of the juniour school. It went something like:
Dear Alice,
I know where you live. Grr, Grr, Grr.
All my love, Mrs Griffith.

Obviously this was not meant to be taken seriously, but he probably realised that the excrement had hit the air-circulating device when he was called to the senior masters office only to be confronted with said master looking enraged and holding a somewhat bedraggled piece of tracing paper. Apparantely it had caused the girl a great deal of mental trauma.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 17:35, Reply)

Inappropriate horniness
Gents, ever got a trouser tent on at the funeral of a beloved relative? Ladies, ever found yourself dripping during that important sales presentation?

Stories of when you really, really didn't want to want it, but did... (and any consequences thereof)
(testmeuk, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 17:30, Reply)

Strange or funny turns of phrase
Have you ever heard a saying or turn of phrase that made you laugh?

things like: He was as dry as a cat's arse

As popular as a ginger haired stepson.

A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. A c*nt like a ravaged windsock. Etc etc
(frightfullybored, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 17:23, Reply)

Small Children
Everyone has some excellent story of an encounter with children that's resulted in disaster or hilarity. Example: in the three years I've babysat for the family next door, I've only had to call their parents once. That was when their youngest was being toilet trained and he and his brother insisted it was all right for him to poop on the lawn. I could hear their cousin laughing hysterically in the background as I spoke to their mother. Plenty more stories about those two.
(DeadCats, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 16:28, Reply)

emadex..
For me it's a bit of Gloria Hunniford up the gary with Thora Hird licking my balls whilst finishing off Caron Keating's remains for a bit of mum and daughter action.

sorry, no QOTW. Bored.
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Thu 6 Oct 2005, 16:15, Reply)

Who would be...
...your fantasy shag?
I'd go for Kylie Minogue up the hershey with a tea bagging courtesy of Anna Kournikova, whilst Margaret Thatcher gave me a rim job.

Nah, just kidding about Kylie and Anna....
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 16:09, Reply)